I've been out 10 years, but my sister is currently exploring the process. Her ten year temple marriage ended due to an unfaithful husband. She recently remarried a nonmember but told me that the church will not give her a temple divorce because her new marriage was not in a temple.
Question:
What are her options?
If she resigns does that annull her temple marriage?

She realizes that it only means something if she and her new husband let it....but it grates on her nerves. Any input would be helpful.

Do a search on the name Wings and start reading I think it been 30 yr's and they still will not gave her a temple divorce and she was ex'd in the 70's

She and her ex have petitioned 3 or 4 mormon presidents over the years for a sealing cancellation with no success.

Stupid cult.

TG

Rules about this come and go and morph. However, if she remains a member she cannot get a temple sealing cancellation unless she's engaged to a TBM and shortly to be married.

In the mid 70's, I married a gal who was already sealed. We had to:

1. Petition SLC.
2. Have an interview with a GA.
3. Show our temple recommends and get a letter from our Bishops.
4. Petition her ex for a statement.

Not sure if they do all that anymore.

If she's leaving the church, then she shouldn't give a rat's *** what's on the records or not.

Just my $.02,

Ronnie

It is pretty much the standard that unless you want to be sealed to another TBM in the temple, then chances are that you won't get a temple divorce.

Apparently all of this jumping through hoops only applies to women, since my sister was recently sealed to her husband, who remains sealed to his ex-wife.
I wonder, if the church renounced polygamy, then why doesn't her husband need a temple divorce, but women do? Why can a man be sealed to one or twenty women, but a woman can only be sealed for time & all eternity to one man? (Why shouldn't SHE also have eternal options??)

I recently sent in a resignation letter telling them that they could either cancel my sealing to my ex-husband or remove my name from their records. Of course, they processed my resignation. Apparently resigning suspends temple sealings, because if the individual ever chose to go back, those "blessings" would be restored and she would be back to being sealed to her ex. At least resignation prevents them from considering any future children as being born in the covenant to her and her ex. (If the sealing is still intact, her children born to her new husband are considered to be sealed to her ex.) Yes, it's all BS and doesn't matter, but their arrogance in saying my kids would belong to my ex bothered me enough that I sent a resignation letter telling them that they have no authority over me.

Thanks for the info...she has taken the first step of claiming her life as hers and who knows where this will lead. It has been a typical painful experience and at least she can now know her options. I considered this board 'therapy' during my exit years and grateful it is still here to help.
Thanks again!

This might be the issue that makes her consider resignation instead of just going inactive...it was for me. I'd advise her to talk to her bishop and ask him directly what would happen if she had kids, whether they would be sealed to her ex-husband. If the bishop doesn't know, have him look it up in the Church Handbook of Instructions. My bishop actually advised me to resign my membership, surprisingly! It's also very convenient if any TBMs ask why I resigned - I can tell them that I was just following the directions of my bishop. :D

Answer from sexismyreligion is correct. Resignation only suspends the sealing. If you were to resign and later come back to the church with the intent of getting sealed to your husband, you would first have to get your sealing blessings restored to be worthy to enter the temple - then you're back in the same spot you are now as far as trying to get a sealing cancellation.

Regarding kids, if you have children with your husband they will be sealed to you and your ex because they are born in the covenant. My wife and I have two sons together, and they are both sealed to her ex for this reason.

Sorry - yes, I meant children are born in the covenant if you don't resign, but they are not if you are excommunicated or if you resign.

Interestingly, this doesn't apply to men. My wife and I are both members, and we discussed this before the birth of our second son. If I were to resign, the baby would be born in the covenant. If she were to resign, the baby would not be born in the covenant. She considered this but decided since it's all bullshit anyway it doesn't really matter.

That's interesting - so if, hypothetically, a man was sealed to his wife, got divorced, and married a second wife, his kids with her wouldn't be born in the covenant under the sealing to his first wife? What a crazy system. Good for you and your wife for not letting it bother you. To me, it was worth writing the resignation letter just to be able to tell my TBM family (even though I haven't actually told them yet) that I resigned on the bishop's advice because I don't want my kids sealed to my ex. Might make them think a little.

Just to add more confusion, and to show that the church applies rule when where and how they may
.
I was sealed to 1st husband. divorced him 2 years later. No kids

about 6 years later I was excommunicated.

Married 2nd husband who is nevermo. we had 2 kids

I divorced him 10 years later.

I was rebaptized.
Elder Bateman (GA) made it very clear to me that my children were considered to be born under the covenant, and were sealed to my first husband. Who by the way had no idea these kids even existed.

So basically, you and your husband were both nonmembers at the time the children were born, yet they were born in the covenant? What if you had stayed married to your second husband, and if he converted and wanted to be sealed in the temple to his own kids? I bet Elder Bateman would have changed his tune if he saw the potential tithing $ in that case.

Oh yeah, especially since my ex was a CEO of a major company. They would have bent over backwards to stick us together forever.

Except everything about the temple is meant to control and manipulate the sheeple. Just an elaborate scam. Wake up and smell the snake-oil.

She got not one, but TWO temple divorces without much hassle.

I imagine if she gets married a third time in the temple, she'll get another temple divorce just as easy. And no, my family was never very high up in TSCC.

I don't think it's a big deal if the woman is getting remarried in the temple. It's only the women who remarry out of the temple who aren't allowed to get a temple divorce. And men can't get a temple divorce at all, because they can just get sealed to another woman with the first sealing still intact.

See, my mom didn't remarry until about 10 or 11 years ater she and my dad divorced. She told the SP and whoever else handles those matters she did not want to be sealed to my dad at all.

When she remarried in '99 (it's really a bizarre situation. I think she did it because she heard my dad was engaged and wanted to remarry before him), she divorced him several months later and again petitioned and was granted another temple divorce.

lol, but just remember, my mom thinks nothing is wrong with her.

And to think Mormons have a hard time understanding why the rest of the world thinks they're weird. Go figure.

I married in the temple and divorced 3.5 years later. I petitioned to have a temple divorce, to no avail. No, I wasn't engaged to anyone else at the time, but it was no less infuriating. It was of the final things that pushed me away from my childhood religion. How could a God who loved me insist I remain sealed to a person such as my ex? Why must I grovel before men who know nothing of my situation to obtain 'eternal release' from a failed marriage?

I struggled with these feelings for years.

In the meantime, I fell in love with my current husband. We married (happily and purposefully) outside the temple. I no longer bemoan my inability to obtain a temple divorce. Instead, I see it for what it is: subjugation of women, manipulation, and unnecessary psychological trauma.

My ex has since remarried, in the temple. And, ba-da-bing, according to Mormon doctrine: I have a sister-wife! That notion just makes me laugh! Such silliness.

Everyone's journey in and around temple divorce is nuanced and different of themselves. But, to borrow a phrase: it gets better (with time), everything does. We can heal and 'get over it.' Find your peace, you deserve it.

A temple divorce is not necessary from what I can tell. The marriage ceremony is just a ritual that is performed in the temple that has no authority, other than the paper - contract, signed by the two parties. The contract makes it legal. Not any ritual performed in any church.
It's a "never mind" issue.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2012 02:42PM by SusieQ#1.

What adds insult to injury in all this is when you read some of the statements made by Joseph F Smith and others along the lines of "The second husband got married with full understanding that his wife belongs to her first husband in the eternities and that any children they have together will also belong to the first husband."

That's not a family-friendly church, in my view.

“Children born in the covenant cannot be sealed to anyone, but belong to their natural parents. This rule is not altered by adoption, consent of the natural parents, request of the child after becoming of age or death of the natural parents.”

The above quote is taken from the church website;)

This is a result of that pesky, "birthright blessing".



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2012 12:26PM by wings.

I still don't understand why people allow the mormons so much control of their lives. The guilt,,, shame and control they dish out is beyond a joke,,. I have seen couples go through this temple marriage thing for years. No one is happy and the power they try to exert is shameful. Some "religion".

You're not bothered by what mormons do. Yet, you are bothered because some exmos don't feel the same way you feel.

That's life. People have differing attitudes. They don't always have reasons you'll understand. Nothing wrong with that.

This issue, the inability to get a temple divorce, was the last straw that chased this camel out of the ld$ church. lds hubby had been sealed before...left me, and now I'm eternally married to him and his ex-wife, really? This lunacy was patronizingly explained as being a blessing to me. All the temple blessings were supposedly in place for me because of this marriage. I had stuffed down so much crap, but his was really it...I refuse to participate in this crazy game any more. peace y'all.