I've had a couple of different women go out of their way to call me and say "I've missed seeing you at church," or just "I haven't seen you in forever!" They'll say it over and over - and I know they're digging for information, but I refuse to "answer" them until they actually ask, "Why haven't I seen you at church lately?" When they're direct with me, I'll be direct with them.

It just annoys me that they won't come right out and ask, and instead they p*ssy foot around it, afraid to be confrontational. Seriously, the world would be so much less complicated if people would just ask when they want to know something.

I know what you mean. They used to hassle my wife why we quit the church until she decided to be forthright and told them that Bishops and Stake Presidents cut the throats of little kids at Mountain Meadows. After about the third or fourth person heard that they all stopped calling.

Most of the time they are all up in your face with them.

Do you think it is because they don't really want to know?

Or is it that they are afraid to know that the truth is so simple?

And watch them stumble all over their explanation.

Normally, if someone is used to seeing you somewhere, there would be no problem saying so and asking about it up front. But there's an understood judgment involved with asking about church attendance. Mormons assuming missing meetings means you're easily offended and are committing sin.

Normal friends in the garden club or book club assume you've been ill, busy, or out of town if you miss a meeting.

Yeah, when I miss a dance class, the studio owner or sometimes the instructor will text me to ask if I'm okay. I usually go 4-5 times a week, so if I miss a class or two, they want to make sure I'm not injured or sick. 'Cause they are actually my FRIENDS. (They already have my membership money, so it's not like they're trying to shake me down for an upsell.) And they'll come right out and say, "Hey! I miss your FACE! Are you okay?"

Yep, they're fishing for info (while simultaneously feeling super Christlike for reaching out to you), and I enjoy giving answers that don't give them ANY info. That thoroughly annoys them.

I don't think the majority of them realize that there's anything to be scared of - the Church is perfect.

I think more of it is that in their head, they're figuring something is amiss in my life or that someone pissed me off - the former would be "embarrassing" for me to talk about, the latter would get me riled up to talk about - so they try to get you to offer up info by being indirect.

Both of the women also ask "How are you?" The answer to which is always "pretty freaking fantastic". I make sure to tell them we're doing really well and what I've been busy with, lest they think my husband is stepping out on me and I sit around eating Cheetos and crying to soap operas.