Three to hold a presidency meeting and pray about who to call to "bulb changer", one to organize the activity where the bulb will be changed, one to make a casserole for the activity, and one to change the bulb.
Well, I heard that someone in the bishopric knew someone that used to be in the stake presidency that has it on very good authority from a family member that a former member of the quorum of the twelve personally was visited by Jesus, or maybe it was John the Baptist, who interpreted some reformed Egyptian for them explaining that eventually all incandescent bulbs would fall away and be replaced at some point in the future by low-energy consumption bulbs as part of a conspiracy by the anti-Christ. In this way we would know who he was. And the heavenly visitor also mentioned that he could cleverly be attired as a black President of the United States in order to more easily fool the people, because there is no longer any latent racism in the church or in America.
1. A junior staffer from the COB to notice that the light bulb needs to be changed.
2. A prophet, seer, and revelator to ponder the matter, seek the counsel of the Brethren, engage in fervent prayer, receive a spiritual confirmation, and then officially announce, while choking up just a little, that the light bulb does indeed need to be changed.
3. A highly paid public relations consultant to draft a strategy for incorporating information about the procedure for changing the light bulb into the church's manuals, publications, and press releases.
4. A missionary to travel door to door informing people that there is only One True Light Bulb On the Face of the Earth that may be chosen for the change.
5. A mission president to get nervous about his Elders' interest in the repetitive hand motions that are necessary to change a light bulb.
6. A church historian to unearth a prophecy by Joseph Smith in which he foresaw the need to "restore" the light bulb.
7. An online apologist to question whether it is really a light bulb that needs to be changed as opposed to, say, maybe a tulip bulb.
8. A postmodern apologist to suggest that the text "change a light bulb" could mean just about anything, so we can't really know.
9. A conservative bishop to wonder whether a new light bulb might make it easier to look at pornography.
10. A liberal bishop to point out that changing a light bulb is not a matter that is vital to one's personal salvation, and that maybe people just shouldn't worry about it so much.
11. A fanatical bishop to worry that any man who wants to screw anything into something called an "outlet" might have, you know, tendencies or something.
12. An ordinary member to serve as volunteer janitor and change the light bulb.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/02/2012 08:31PM by oddcouplet.
"I don't know that we change light bulbs. I don't know that we emphasize it. I haven't heard it discussed for a long time in public discourse. I don't know. I don't know all the circumstances under which that light bulb was changed. I understand the mechanical motions behind it, but I don't know a lot about it, and I don't think others know a lot about it."