My daughter, who is in elementary school, came to me during the board hiatus and said "Mom, I'm very worried about Barbara (her best friend's mom)." I asked what was wrong and she said "I think Barbara is a victim of Mormon pruning." I asked her what that was and she said "You know... how some of the moms in the ward look like they are just drying up inside like prunes because they have lots of kids, lots to do at church and because the dads are never home since they have callings too."

I thought this was quite an observation on her part. Barbara does have 5 kids, a husband in the bishopric and is in the Primary presidency. She has looked more and more tired lately and is becoming more and more forgetful. I've tried chatting with her but she seems pretty determined to keep up her image as the perfect bishopric member's wife and family. Maybe it's time to take her out to lunch and see if she's OK. Chances are though, she'll not think anything is wrong because she doesn't realize anything is wrong. A lot of our mutual LDS friends are like this - looking like the spirit is being sucked right out of their souls ... just like Mormon prunes.

How nice of you to try and give Barbara some support too. It's clear where your daughter gets her caring spirit from. :)

Your daughter said it so well. And it is so true. And it is so sad.

I'm afraid this will be my daughter's fate.

She turns 22 next week.

Graduated Magna Cum Laude from BYU with a Biology B.S. in the spring of 2009. I was hoping she would pursue medicine or a PhD.

She's now at home with my grandson all day while her new husband struggles with remedial courses at the Y and teaches at the MTC.

I'll be visiting her next week to celebrate her birthday.

I hope she doesn't tell me she's pregnant again. :-(

That's so sad...

stormy

Her mother is a physician and a TBM, IIRC. Too bad your daughter didn't follow her footsteps, eh?

You should be proud.

i know several LDS hubbies who are going to school fulltime while their college-grad wives work. some of them are going to quit to stay home, many are going to go to part-time when he gets a job and have the kids then. It seems to work well, most of the time the guys are done in 3-5 years by then the couple are usually mid to late 20s and then they have their kids. they have some college loans but at least the bills have been paid by the working partner.


how short-sighted of your daughter & her hubby, she could have started working and her hubby could go full-time and focus on his schooling which would get him out quicker and the college debt might be lower too!
dumb.

Oh, I thought the pruning was going to have something to do with the BoM, with all the branches being pruned and what-have-you in that book. I like this meaning better. LOL

I thought this thread would be about Mormons who have finally discovered bikini wax.

But I do know exactly what you are talking about CA girl. I saw it happen in my own family and it scared the hell out of me. I always thought of it like a spider got them and sucked the juice/life right out of them leaving a husk of the person they used to be before they got married.

Well, minus the kids, that is exactly what happened to me. I finally decided that if I wanted my life to change, then I would have to be the one to make it change. As I look back on what I have done in 2 years since escaping from the Mormons, I am like wow! I couldnt believe that I actually got away from them! I have a new life now,in another state far away, and I am starting over. I am starting a new job on the 27th, and I am so grateful for that, I dont need antidepressants or Bi Polar meds anymore either. Seems like being in Utah with the cult was my main problem, and when I got outta there, my whole world changed for the better. I consider myself lucky. There are still a lot of folks that are stuck.

I am proud and delighted by your daughter, and I don't even know her. :)

I wish I would have met you CA Girl while I was still living in southern California.

Thanks Queen - I'm pretty proud of her too. And CA is still here if you decide to come back - but not for long according to my TBM mom. End of the world like the prophets foretold, dontcha know?
I always want to ask mom "if CA is really going to drop in the ocean, why do you get all the food storage?" But that would be the beginning of a very long story from her so I don't. Oh well, it's a big state and at least she lives a day's drive away - maybe the end of the world won't hit here. ;)

I grew up in Idaho, so I despised Californians purely on principle. Then, I married one and moved here, and after a few years, I was surprised to discover that I had become a Californian. :)

I'm still in California. I just moved to the Bay Area. I like it here, but I miss the weather and my friends and the beach and the whole soCal beach attitude. Where else can you go grocery shopping in a bikini? Seriously. Too cool.

It's just a disappointment to me that I didn't start posting on RfM regularly until I moved. Otherwise, I would have met you and a handful of seriously thoughtful and intelligent exmos in the area.

C'est la vie.

Queen of Denial Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
Where else can you go grocery shopping
> in a bikini? Seriously. Too cool.
>
>

Austin chicka! did just that yesterday but i advise avoiding the freezer section until your swimsuit dries out, cold! i've never been to Cali except for the San Jose Airport which sucked. would love to go back someday..

I lived in the Bay Area for awhile. I like CA..but for things to see, you can't beat Utah, Colorado etc. I love that part of the West but I can't live there. Ever, well, not in Utah. I get upset if I drive in the darn state.

stormy

I have it on good authority that everything EAST of the San Andres fault is going to fall into the ocean. CA will (mostly) be fine. :D

Huh...east of the fault? That's a new, bet the geologist don't know that. VBG

stormy

What do geologists know anyway? lol!

The church totally sucks the life out of you!

It's a common observation from Christian evangelists who work to convert Mormons that the LDS church "burns out" Mormons spiritually. This is seen as the main reason why so many exmos go atheist. The problem of a works based doctrine.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2011 03:06AM by derrida.

Precisely!

I just had this convo with a friend about how I am feeling spiritually bled!

Well I am out for sure. Works based doctrine is really a killer of the Spirit. I believe it is Paul who says condemnation kills [meaning the law and its impossible "cannot be satisfied" works standard.

Well the LDS church is the poster child.

But then you have those who love it, because of the recognition of achievement.

It is a double bind to be sure!

It would be much more fun to win first place in the Canning veggies at the County Fair...an achievement and you could have it for dinner. My sister in law is a big example of the burn out syndrome. The church almost killed her. I just pray she doesn't go back.

stormy

derrida Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It's a common observation from Christian
> evangelists who work to convert Mormons that the
> LDS church "burns out" Mormons spiritually. This
> is seen as the main reason why so many exmos go
> atheist. The problem of a works based doctrine.

Just for the record, many of us go atheist not because of "spiritual burnout" but because we have applied the same critical thinking to all religion, not just to mormonism.

That reminds me so much of my bishop's wife who got up to give her testiphony and out of the blue said, "I wish I was more intellectual." (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2011 08:32AM by imalive.

That's one of the first things I noticed about Mormonism as a non - it's exhuasting.

What an amazing daughter you have CA girl! Very observant, and truly wise beyond her years. I know that look. I saw it a lot on the face of the current bishop's wife. After being out for a while, I saw her at the grocery store not too long ago. The "pruning" was still evident, and even more noticable. I seldom see her smiling; her mouth is usually downturned and there's a quiet tenseness emanating from her, like she's uncomfortable in her own skin. Makes me wonder how long and how loudly she (and so many others) have been screaming inside.

Sounds exactly like a Barbara I know in Oregon. But since you are a CA girl I guess there are 2 of them living the dream.

Not only does it effect women but men too. My DH still believes but is totally inactive because "the church is exhausting" and "I don't need another job, I work enough as it is".

And this week I ran into an acquaintance from high school (her daughter is in the same dance class as my DD). I just felt so bad for her. She looked run down, overweight, and totally overwhelmed with her 4 kids. She married her HS sweetheart and she was telling me she is "single-mommin" it right now because her hubby is working and going to school full time.

I just shake my head. So grateful to have escaped that miserable existence.

So today my moms club had a play group and at the location I ran into 3 TBMs I used to cheer with in high school.

One was preggers with her 5th, another with her 4th, and the 3rd just had her 4th. They weren't even watching their kids first of all. But they just looked exhausted. Wrinkled (white women born and raised in AZ do not age well. Too much sun exposure and the stress of the Mormon lifestyle).

They act the same as they did in high school, it was weird. Like they hadn't matured past 16 and it annoyed me.

Anyway, I left feeling grateful to have left the cult with my mind and body intact, not having run it into the ground punching out babies for the corporation.

I love your story! Ha-ha! Your daughter has described most of the young Mormon mothers I knew when I was TBM.

Overweight and underweight both are a sign of self-neglect. I know two wives of GA's, and they starve themselves to be thin enough for their little pastel suits. One of them looks like a lollipop, with the big head. When she turns around, her fact is a prune. She looks like she's 80, but she is THIN.

The prune look is definitely in with TBM's. Often the men put pressure on their wife to be thin, to project a good image. The wealthier wives go to to fat farms, day spas, have liposuction, face-lifts, skin-removal surgery, etc.

Yeah, I'll bet they all wish they could have spent more time reading, taking classes, and being "intellectual", instead of being cut and sliced like meat. Oh the pain!

The cult also sucked the music right out of me! I taught piano and organ, and wanted to be a concert pianist, but after the heavy demands put upon me as an organist, pianist, and accompanist, and being forced to play bad music, I have not touched the piano since I left TSCC. It has been such an enormous relief!

Leaving the cult my soul, too, and got rid of my Sunday depression--and I haven't had to leave Utah. (I still have to deal with the shunning, though, here.)

San Diego, and the SF Bay Area, have the nicest people on the planet. They say that everyone in California is from somewhere else. I was actually born there.