Yet another Mormon childhood friend has contacted me to talk about the church. She wanted to know if I was still a member. She heard some gossip that I wasn't and she didn't want to offend me, but hoped to talk to me about it if that was true. She is struggling with her testimony and is in need of support from someone who understands!!!

This one was really a surprise. She married early, had a gaggle of kids in a short amount of time and comes from a super-Mormon family-- I mean more Mormon than mine (if that is even possible) and every bit as obedient as I was. They never struck me as a particularly intellectual bunch, and I had wrongly assumed she was more-or-less stuck in the life and too busy being super-Mormon-mom to be too bothered by "church issues". I am very pleased to announce that I was WRONG-O!!!

She recently went back to school and has been thinking about things and realized that she just doesn't believe the way she used to and she's worried about what Mormonism is doing to her kids. She wanted to know about my thinking process, but also how it has worked out for me, how it changed relationships, and how my family took it.

I have learned a very important lesson-- I looked at her and remembered us as teenagers, and thought she was an incurably vapid Molly Mo. I really did. I judged her harshly and I was wrong. I shouldn't have made that assumption-- I might have saved her a few years of anguish. I confess that I avoided going home when I knew she was visiting her folks because I just didn't want to deal with the Molly-Mormonness of her. If I had just gone and not been awkward, yeah we might have had some awkward conversations, but I also could have been a friend to her in a time of need. I underestimated her. I shouldn't have assumed she would just reject me. She probably would have just been relieved to have a friend she could just be herself around.

There's my lesson-learned for the day. From now on, I will not avoid childhood friends who seem to be total believers-- appearances can be deceiving.

My view is that you should avoid childhood friends, believers or not, only if they are obnoxious or you have nothing in common any more.

Right on! I wish anyone from my past would make their way out.

Thing is I was so standoffish then because I so desperately didn't want to participate, but I was not allowed to say no... I doubt any of them would care to reconnect with me. :(
They were nice enough girls, well a few of them were.

Scratch that, there were two nice ones, and another I met at girl's camp whose name I can't remember, those are the three I'd wish could escape. I know one of them is a total molly.

Judging without giving a person an opportunity to respond is never good.

Old friends deserve a chance. That being said, when I found out my good friend from the past was still died-in-the-wool, I passed on re-establishing a connection.

Why would I plant a seed of doubt on the one thing she has left now that her husband left her and all her children are gone and she's just a nice old lady who slowly and carefully goes through the requirements of meetings, Relief Society, temple, and the people giving her rides are her only social contacts.

She lives in the wayback country in Idaho.

Am I wrong?

Anagrammy

When someone's belief brings them comfort or support then I say let them be. It's the moral thing to do. :)

She has suffered enough. Do her kids visit her?

She has been reading through the material I recommended and has been sending me questions over email. She is asking the kinds of questions that are total testimony-killers. I think it's just a matter of time.

I'm sorry that her family is having a hard time with it though. She is divorced, so she doesn't have to worry about a marriage falling apart. Her siblings and parents are really freaking-- which is understandable. But, she is a super-mom and her kids are going to be fine with it.

She is approaching this with a fearlessness that still surprises me. We have been friends since we were eight and I know how sincere her belief has been. I'm so proud of her!!

To have a friend on the other side already. She's got a leg up on reconstructing a social life based on real friendship rather than church busy work. :)

Super news Angsty.

You just never know how much can change over a few years. It's nice that you are there for her and can answer any questions or concerns. Experience can certainly breed empathy and understanding after leaving the cult. :)

I often want to scream out to friends who still believe that it's all bull&*#$ but i also think that just living your life and showing them that you are happy and fullfilled outside of the church is the best message.

If my Molly friend came back to me after dumping me for leaving I would welcome her with open arms. She is the one friend I care that was sacrificed.

I actually just recently found out that a guy and his wife, who I knew from church have turned atheist and are out except for officially resigning.

Funny thing since both of us had been going thru the process of realizing it's all bull at the same time :) So nice to see someone else has seen the light too, so to speak.

Back in church whenever there's talk of inactives or ex-mos all you hear and say is "oh man they must be so unhappy" etc....hah hah hah :D When you're in there you just absolutely can't live with the idea that anyone could be less miserable than you :P