..... of coffee. Even though I haven't been to church for two years, I have still been afraid to do anything at work that would make people think I was inactive. Or, even worse, an apostate. This included drinking coffee. But, I have been working on this and other issues with a therapist (yes, the abusive indoctrination of the mormon cult can be seen in my need to pay a professional to help me feel comfortable drinking coffee at work).

It has been a blast to watch different TBM's at work not know how to react. Being in the moridor, I work with a current bishop, a former bishop, a few closet jack mormons, and everything in between. One morning, I was carrying around a thermos when one of the TBMs was talking to me in the hallway. He kept eyeing my thermos as we were talking. After he looked at it the 10th time I couldn't resist. I asked him if he wanted a sip. By his reaction, you would think I was offering the guy a joint.

Today, another TBM was in my office when someone was brewing a fresh pot of coffee. She looked at me with an almost disgusted look and asked where that strong coffee smell was coming from. She was two feet away from my mug, so I pointed at it and said "probably from right there." That shut her up.

My therapist gave me some great advice, maybe it will help others like me. He asked me what I was afraid of. I told him I was afraid of being confronted and judged. He said, "in other words, you are afraid of being persecuted." He then asked me if I was ever scared of going on a mission. I told him I was, at times, but I wasn't afraid because I thought I was serving he Lord. Not sure why I never made this connection, but here was his point. "Here's the great thing. Being raised in the church taught you to be ok with being persecuted. You got good at it. The only difference now is your beliefs have changed. You now feel it is OK to drink coffee at work. Will you be persecuted? Maybe, but who cares."

love this post.

What an excellent way to find a bright side to the Mormon persecution complex. :)

Thanks!

Sounds like a great therapist. TBMs act like coffee is so bad but I know quite a few TBMs that pop prescription painkillers like candy.

Tell me about it. Two of the TBMs at work are always going on and on about their addiction to Diet Coke. They haven't confronted me yet, but here are some responses I am prepared with:

"I like my diet coke warm and with a dash of cream"

"How about this, you ignore 'eat meat sparingly' and I will ignore 'strong drinks'."

Carefull with that kind of challenge, it sounds like one I would have taken when I was a TBM.

Thank you for sharing that information. I haven't had to deal with this, but doesn't mean I never will.
I'm sure it's going to help someone standup for themselves against persecution from mormons. No matter what they have decided to judge someone about. they them give themselves permission to peck you to death. For some reason they think they have the right to be your judge and jury. I never felt this way when I was mormon, so I really don't get it.

It's been very helpful to talk to this therapist. I told him I am not one who is normally afraid of confrontation. When I was in the church, I was always pushing back against people that blindly believed some element of the doctrine that I thought was false. It has been so incredibly strange for me that since I have left the church, I have been hiding. I don't answer my door, I pretend to be something I am not at work, I was logging into the church website once a week to see if they had updated my records to reflect my new address. For two years, I have been hiding. It was starting to make me question my decision to leave the church. I started to think that maybe I wasn't doing it for the right reasons.

I have come to the conclusion that my decision to leave is solid. And the right decision for me. The reason I am hiding is mormons are assholes and I expected the worse. But, in all honesty, it has gone relatively well. I have had frank and open conversations with my TBM parents, they have told me how proud they are of the courage it takes to make the decisions I have made. I have talked to the non-TBM people at work about the difficulties and laughed with them at how weird the church is. As for the TBMs? I have no desire to talk to them about my decision to leave. I would rather let them feel every bit of tension that they create. It is fun to watch them feel awkward, because I certainly don't.

Hey, now you have a great excuse to keep fresh coffee always brewing at work!
:) it serves the double purpose of annoying the morgbots & makes the coffee drinkers happy! Brownie points for you!!!

Seems you have made a lot of progress. The key is LET them feel weird around you. They create the tension. YOU just go about your daily activities and they will soon see how calm and easy going our life really is now.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2009/09/30/coffee-good/

I am soooo looking forward to trying coffee after this baby gets here. I have had the cold blended ones from Mc Donald's but I don't think there is very much coffee in them. They have a lot of sugar and cream.

I refused to drink it when I decided to take a break from the church two years ago. I didn't want to do anything or pick up any habits that would make it difficult to return. When I decided to start drinking coffee, I tried really hard. Not sure why, but I wanted to like it. We lived close to a Starbucks, and I probably bought one of everything on the menu over a three month period but threw most of it away after a few sips. I couldn't get used to it.

Flavored lattes were the key. I started with the sweet ones, then no sweetener, then moved to just coffee with a bit of cream. Progress.

Sort have done the same thing here. Started with lattes, but decided to save some money and go straight to coffee. But sometimes my stomach isn't a fan so I go between coffee and the Tazo Awake black tea, which I LOVE. It's nice and strong, but smooth.

Baskin Robbins has what are essentially coffe milkshakes that are delectable. I allow myself one or two a year but no more than that. I think they have a year's supply of calories in each sip. :)

I got a kick out of your post. Yesterday, while the YW President was bringing me cookies, I had just taken a nice big gulp of tasty coffee and I know she could smell it and see it out! To her credit she didn't say a thing!

I love a good high quality cup of black coffee with a little bite of something sweet on the side. especially in the winter.

My mum switched my coffee for decaf, but she knocks back cold caffiene energy drinks in pathological quantities.

My morning cup of joe will send me to outer darkness. But her six pack of red bull gives her wings.

My idea of a treat is a mocha frappachino or a coffee milkshake from Baskin Robbins since it would annoy TBM's. At Disneyland, I make sure to get some coffee from one of the places that sells it as it's the TBM vacation hotspot.

TBM's cant function in the real world. I live in the east and little kids drink coffee. I'm almost wishing to see a TBM's reaction to that!!. Don't let those TBM's bother you. your cofee is way more better for you than koolaid

And coffee or green tea is healthier than most energy drinks...oh wait, thats not what the WoW says...hmm I see a problem.

I loved that quote with a finger point. :) Such a great post-so relevant about the way many of us feel. I like what your therapist said about the matter. It is funny how that persecution can sometimes still keep us from living like "normal" people even when we are out.

Tell your coworkers that old joke-

How can you tell a mormon from a non-mormon?

...Take the temperature of their caffiene.

I live in a small town. After I was exed, I was afraid to show my face in town. It took a good three months before I was able to shine when I shopped. After I finally came to grips with being exed and other factors working out, I was able to hold my head up, and life moved on. It is difficult not to succumb to the persecution that we were fed as MOs. It worked to their advantage and was one method of keeping us in line. Life gets better over time. Hugs!

Burnt cookies.
Mormons don't know the delight of burnt cookies with coffee!

And I used to throw out burnt cookies... I only discovered this awesome combo recently when a coworker insisted I try it. Even though I've been drinking coffee for, oh... 17 years or so.
Now I don't mind so much when I burn cookies. It's not a waste until they're charcoal! :)

What a great perspective.

We are judged and persecuted (in a righteous way of course) inside the church. While inside the church we cower and repent for this internal righteous persecution. Then we shout persecution at the rooftop if any perceived persecution comes from outside. No right to cower and even taught to fight persecution from the outside in, but cower to persecution on the inside.

"We were taught to be persecuted". I will not foget this nugget of wisdom.

Seriously, this is huge in understanding ourselves and in getting over being afraid of things that no longer have meaning when outside and free.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/15/2012 04:28PM by AmIDarkNow?.

I love living in the UK where there is one Mormon per square mile. No Mormons at work. No problem drinking coffee. In fact, I bought the coffee machine :)

Thank you so much for sharing this. It really helped me.