Posted by:
lulu
(
)
Date: February 17, 2012 12:50PM
derrida Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> What's made me think I could go back has been A)
> some people here recommending it as a way to stay
> close to my wife
Could be a good idea
> and B) the NOMs who actually
> believe, idealistically, that one can make of the
> LDS church experience what one wants.
a possibility, but in a "cult" that's really tough, you have a giant billion dollar institution that it quite sure that your experience will be what it wants it to be.
>
> My greatest wish is that my family will see
> through the LDS church's manipulative hamster
> wheel program for life and tell me they get it and
> that they don't want to go back.
I don't know everything, but I don't think that your going to Sacrament Meeting will move you closer to this goal
> But until that
> time I have weird disaffections to contend with in
> my home, with my TBM wife and kids. The wife has
> been pretty cool about my strong dislike and
> disgust at the LDS church.
>
> MJ: The point of going back wouldn't be to show
> church members anything. I might get some
> pleasure out of being the derrida who can say
> "No," but I'd be going back to infiltrate my
Well, it would certainly be a good place to practice saying "no" and practice make perfect.
> family members' assumptions about evil, lost, "in
> a dark place," Dad. Right now we can't have any
> conversations about the LDS church. The theory is
> that if I went back once in a while there might be
> some communication channels opened now and then
> that before were shut down or non-existent.
I'm not seeing it. I don't know your family but typical Mormon response to a former believer is "evil."
Typical Mormon response to a former believer who attends church won't be "Ok, let's listen to what he has to say "bad" about the church.
It's
> been two years since I stopped going to church and
> I'd like to find some way to jiggle the
> relationship with my family members. Maybe if
> they see me making some sort of effort to be with
> them, they'll be more likely at some point to
> understand my point of view or see what I see when
> I'm there.
I don't think so.
There's a psychological phenomenon (I think it's called distancing? Maybe some of the professionals could help out here) where you leave something that is bad for you but was once familiar, you feel the impluse to go back occasionally, but the time between each occassion becomes longer.
Could that be what you are feeling? That's pretty much what happened with me. Even though I wanted nothing to do with the church, I wanted the familiarity and/or I was curious if I could handle it, if things had changed.
I found myself returning for a visit after a year, then 2 years after that, then, say 3 years after that, until when finally, if I got the urge, I'd say to mayself, that last 3 experiences have been horrible, it will always be horrible, you've proven it to yourself, and then I lost the urge to go back.
Is it like the abused still wanting to return to the abuser? In your case, I don't know, but I'd be cautious.
>
> Now, I guess because my experience of the LDS
> church was so much based in fear and anxiety--fear
> of leaders, anxious to be a good soldier and do
> what I was told--that there would be, as
> templenameaaron said, there's an element of "free
> therapy" in going back, facing the bullies, the
> vicitimizers, the righteously self-secure TBMs who
> bat not an eye at judging me,
Could be, and it might be a good experience for you. See above. But that's not the same as doing it to open a new line of communication with your family.
I think it is important to be very, very clear on what is going on with you.
in spite of the fact
> that they are brainwashed and indoctrinated to the
> gills in a fraudulent groupthink.
>
> And as holistic said, there's an element of
> bravery in going back, in being able to go back,
> in even being willing to consider going back.
> Leaving the church put me through the wringer (as
> it does many others)--I was in fear of losing my
> family, of being judged a failure in everything
> that matters, in being some sort of substandard
> human being. I began to get hives, experience
> panic attacks and anxiety and allergies in a way I
> never had in my entire life. The LDS church is a
> bad place for me. To be able to face it, to walk
> in there, to not be intimidated by the
> sanctimonious behaviors and judgments--to
> experience my real freedom...maybe being willing
> to go back in there is a way to do that. Free
> therapy. And yes, a silent but by my very
> presence there, a sort of f*ck you to them and
> their putative authority over me and my family.
Yes, could well be. But not the same as using it to open communication with your family. See above.
> These Mormons would leave my family destroyed and
> not think too much about it b/c their loyalty
> isn't to families, as they profess, but to the
> "good name of the church." Individuals be damned;
> families be damned. The LDS church comes first.
>
>
> Well not anymore.
Whatever you decide, best of luck.