Dear RfM community members,

I do not consider myself Mormon--and I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be by their LDS standards, as I was never baptized into the church. However, for the last three months, I have been receiving regular love-bombings at the apartment my fiance (an agnostic with zero ties to the church) and I live in, including three different home/visiting teachers with baked goods, regular mailings, invitations to attend "my ward", personal requests to attend the singles ward, and various other activities I have zero interest in as an agnostic/skeptical scientist/Pastafarian. At first, it was quite unnerving to have strange people who knew my name visit my home unannounced. I have stated to them that I am not Mormon, and have no interest in the church. In these short few months, it has become increasingly irritating to the point where I now hide and ignore the doorbell and knocks until they leave. It sounds ridiculous, but I feel like I am being stalked. Whenever the doorbell rings I have anxiety attacks, even when I later find out it was just the UPS delivery.

As for some background, I did attend the LDS church when I was a young child with my family. My mom is a Mormon who converted with her family as a teenager, and my dad is an atheist. My family stopped attending the church before my sibling and I reached baptizing age. Though I was never baptized, hearing about it in church always gave me an inexplicable feeling of dread. I am an adult in my mid-20s, and my parents have been separated for several years now. When my parents separated, my mom went back to the church, and is now very much into it, but has not pressured me to go back in any way. I live several states away from my mother, and speculate that the Mormons likely found my address through her, either knowingly or unknowingly. I have not spoken to her about these encounters as I do not wish to cause her distress, particularly since I am getting married in a secular ceremony to a pretty secular guy in several months.

What is the best course of action to get the Mormon batallion to stop barraging me? Is there a way to check and make sure that I am not on their membership rolls without divulging any additional personal information to them? Advice would be appreciated.

Sincerely,
Rocksy

when they call, tell them you wish not to be bothered. if that doesn't work, be a bit more pushy about it.

Answer the door naked

Post a picture off the internet of Mormons in full, freaky temple regalia on your front door. Underneath it write GO AWAY.

Use SusieQ's line "No one in the house is under any obligation to avoid light mindedness, loud laughter or evil speaking of the Lord's annointed - or any other unholy or impure practice." That's a line from the temple ceremony and they will FREAK if you use it and go away. Or, you can just leave a sign to that effect on your front door.

Use Cheryl's technique of turning the hose on them.

Tell them you have joined an exMormon group (this board) and have tons of information about why their church is all based on lies and Joseph Smith was a slut and pedophile. Tell them you are looking forward to sharing this information with anyone who drops by in the future.

Contact the bishop and tell him you are not interested in the church and your lawyer says that if it keeps up, you can take legal action such as a restraining order. But you hesitate to do that because your (imaginary) best friend is a journalist and he's just dying to do a story on it and you personally don't want all that media exposure. However, you'll do it if you have to.

Ooo - I think I just realized why people leave anonymous cookies on my door instead of talking to me directly. Or leave them with my kids. LOL.

"I have stated to them that I am not Mormon, and have no interest in the church. ... It sounds ridiculous, but I feel like I am being stalked."

Tell them that their visits are intrusive and unwanted, and they need to stop visiting NOW. If they still come back, call the police, and tell them exactly what you told us above--you're not mormon, don't want to be mormon, and you feel like they're stalking you. If they leave cookies, even better! Tell the police you're concerned they're trying to kill you with poisoned cookies. I'm serious! Maybe then the dumb @$$ mormons will start learning to not do this crap!!!

> It sounds ridiculous, but I feel like I am being stalked.
> Whenever the doorbell rings I have anxiety attacks, even
> when I later find out it was just the UPS delivery.

They are stalking you. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon. Not being baptized is just an incentive, because they want you to join the organization.

I would follow xombie's advice.

Good luck.

In your situation, I'd contact the bishop and threaten to call the poice if it happens one more time. They are trespassing on your property and stalking you. That's illegal.

It's up to you if you want to confront your mother, but I think she likely requested them to "fellowship" you.

Document. Document. Document.

You can call the police all you want, but until you actually document your attempts to tell them to stop bothering you, they have no legal grounds upon which to act. I would be looking at getting a restraining order, but you have to take pix of the love bombs and send trackable emails to church leaders and you know, create a paper trail.

Also, tell the church you are doing this. I'd write them a letter and leave it on the front steps of the church, along with a plate of brownies, of course. LOL. "Dear stalker church: I am not a mormon. I was never a mormon. I am not interested in becoming a mormon. Stop leaving love bombs. My next step will be to contact my attorney and get a restraining order against this entire ward and anyone who attends it. Please cease and desist. Enjoy these brownies.

Send a letter to him at the ward building. Keep a copy. Tell him that you have no interest in the church whatsoever, and that you would resign to stop the unwanted calls except for the fact that you were never baptised and are not a member. Tell him that if the visits continue you will seek a restraining order against the church and will report the offensive stalking behavior of the LDS church in a letter to the editor of your local newspaper.

Then put Susie's door sign on your front door (see CA Girl's post above.)

I agree with Dogzilla about documenting every contact attempt. Write down the date and time of visits, phone calls and messages. Photograph everything left at your door. Keep anything that is sent to you in a file.

I hope that helps. Report back to us and let us know how it goes.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/20/2012 09:00AM by summer.

Most LD$ buildings do not get mail delivery. So if you want to send a letter to the bish, you will need to send it to his house.

Yep, it is your mom...did she go back due to her separation/divorce? She is being told to get you back in the fold.Tell them you know WHY they keep coming around and it is your MOM. Tell them she has no right to have them pester you and you have no plans to be a member -ever. Have your soon to be spouse also speak up.Call the nearest Mormon Church and tell the Bishop all these visits must stop or you will hire a lawyer.Be very firm.

...the large chunk of the 14 million people the church considers its members. You are a "child of record" because your mother was a member. The only sure way to get them to leave you alone is through the formal resignation process.

Thank you for all the great (and in some cases hilariously awesome) ideas everyone! I had no idea how persistent Mormons could be about unwanted contact until it happened to me and I started to read some of your message board. It is great that you have created such an active forum for people whose only 'fault' was trying to leave a church that doesn't want to leave them alone. I cannot imagine my future mother-in-law's laid-back partying, beer-drinking, Lutheran congregation doing this to anyone, and they seem to be devoted to Jesus and God at least as much as the Mormons.

It felt difficult to be rude to the first older couple who came with cookies (oh how naive I was), but it seems that being rude and blunt is the only way to get results. The incident last Friday night where the two young gentlemen left me a note inviting me to the "singles ward" was probably what finally pushed me to learn more and take action. My fiance was working an evening shift and I was home alone, and I don't answer the door to strange men, certainly not at night, and definitely not for invitations to go out on single-adult-Mormon-supervised-playdate time when I'm about to make a lifelong commitment to someone I love very much.

Sigh...if only I had a hose, it would certainly make homebrewing beer much easier (maybe invite them to join in a homebrew session if they stop by again??), as well as a lawn, which I could tell them to get the hell off of. Darn apartment living. Nice idea nonetheless. There will be some signage posted on my door from now on, lease be damned.

My mother did return to the church because of the separation. They were great at preying on her vulnerable emotional/psychological state.

I have kept all the paper items they have sent/left at my door, one of which has the names of the bishopric (wow, "bishop"+"prick"--that word makes so much more sense now!). If more shenanigans happen, which I feel sure they will, sending a letter threatening legal action does sound like a good idea.

Is it possible to be a "child of record" even though I'm over 18 and not baptized? Is it possible to request removal from records even though I'm not a member? At least that was my understanding of the process after reading the LDS membership record-keeping forums. I've never seen so much discussion on keeping records from a church.

Don't feel bad about being rude to older people if they're intrusive and rude to you. I'm old and it doesn't seem to stop anyone from being rude to me. LOL

Remember that older people don't necessarily turn nice or give up their abusive or sometimes felonious ways over time.

Violent criminals might stop starting gang fights, but pushy and abrasive mormons usually double up on their bad behavior the older they get. I speak from long experience and careful observation.

Good luck. Hope you'll keep us posted.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2012 07:54AM by Cheryl.

You have a choice: Either continue letting them do what they're doing & accept the idea that you're not willing to make it stop, or forcefully stand up for yourself and make each contact so unpleasant & obviously futile for them that they stop what they're doing.

These people will continue to take advantage of anybody who allows them to do so.
If you're nice & don't shut the door forcefully, either literally or figuratively, they keep coming back.
And by "forcefully" I don't mean slamming the door or yelling.

You are the only one who can make them knock it off, but if you can't build up enough gumption to do it, then you leave them in charge and you'd better get used to the idea of living with Doorbell Anxiety.

Whether they're nice or not, if they're reducing you to cringing & hiding in your own home each time somebody knocks on the door, YOU HAVE NO OBLIGATION WHATEVER TO BE NICE IN RETURN!

Reject cookies, tell them "I am NOT interested in your church, go away and DO NOT COME BACK!" when they come to the door.
And then SHUT THE DOOR.
Don't bother to argue, to justify your position, or discuss anything.

Give the same message if any of them call on the phone.

Nobody here can do that for you.
You either assume control of your own life, or resign yourself to the fact that you've relinquished it to salespeople endlessly trying to sell you something you don't want to buy.
If the latter, you have only yourself to blame.

Smeagol: Go away!
Gollum: "Go away?"
[Gollum laughs as Smeagol begins crying]
Smeagol: I hate you, I hate you.
Gollum (i.e. "love bomber"): Where would you be without me, gollum, gollum? I saved us! It was me! We survived because of me!
Smeagol: [stops crying] Not anymore.
Gollum: What did you say?
Smeagol: Master looks after us now. We don't need you anymore.
Gollum: What?
Smeagol: Leave now, and never come back!
Gollum: No!
Smeagol: Leave now, and never come back!
[Gollum screams in frustration]
Smeagol: LEAVE! NOW! AND NEVER COME BACK!
[Gollum is silent]
Smeagol: [looks around] We told him to go away... and away he goes, Precious! Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is free!

Usually they are satisfied to go after your money, but some want your soul. We are not very good at bringing up our children to deal with this obnoxious reality.

You are now presented with a golden opportunity to practice your assertiveness skills. If you are this cowed for your whole life about saying NO to people, you can expect to be fleeced every time you make a major purchase, every time a skilled salesperson targets you.

It isn't adequate to tell people NO while smiling quietly and awaiting their next verbal onslaught. Saying NO well means using body language, facial expression, and action to back it up. You need to practice in front of a mirror with a script.

In dog obedience class, I had an instructor who made us do physical stop of an oncoming dog that involves yelling NO as loud as possible while putting out your forward facing palm with gusto. With practice, I can now stop a train (ok, I haven't tried that yet). I'd love to try that one on a missionary :)

It's very empowering to learn to take control of people who are trying to exploit you. With Mormons, you'll get several more attempts unless you are really good at first. It's a lesson you will remember all your life if you take advantage of it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/20/2012 06:07PM by Heresy.

You might have been dedicated as a baby or something. Maybe send your name and address to Salt Lake and ask to be removed from church records. You won't get bugged after that.

Offer them a beer whilst standing naked at the door...

A few years ago I moved into a small Utah town and lived there for 2+ years.

I was BIC but left early on, so I knew about the church and had been involved with Mormons from birth.

When I moved there with my then-GF, we were approached constantly by sister teachers, neighbors etc. all trying to outdo each other on working with the latest golden opportunity.

I loved it. I purposely refrained from discussing religion. I let them know that often my wife worked until late at nite (often midnight) so I didn't always get supper unless I picked up a burger or something. They very kindly went out of their way to make sure I had supper on those occasions, told me about good deals on things I was looking for and overally were just great with me.

I realized then and now that they saw me mostly as a potential convert but I just continually did end runs around their plans.

I enjoyed it immensely, had some great meals, a lot of good times and they never really got a chance to bombard me with religion. Often times they simply told me that I was on their route and they had to have their report done for the Bishop. I told them that if they ever needed to get it in and couldn't get with me that they could call me or just plan to see me the next weekend and we would call it good. Got some funny looks on that but I think they actually did it.

They can only bother you if you let them.

Sadly, I have a reputation as a hazardous-to-your-testimony apostate now so the local missionaries are never allowed near me. Too bad.

They probably consider you to be a Mormon anyway, because you're a child of record. You're just a Mormon whose parents neglected to make sure that you got that all-important baptismal ordinance done.