Posted by:
coffeebean
(
)
Date: February 21, 2012 11:29AM
In response to some more of the posts that I have read, I wanted to clarify a few things.
I agree with Robert that my ex-boyfriend did not out and out lie about his sexuality. What happened was this: I was staying at his house one weekend, watching his dog, while he was out of town. He said I could use his computer. I logged on and went to craigslist to look at apartments because I was moving at the time (I wasn't searching for anything at this point) but when I got to the Craigslist page, I saw that the only section that had been clicked on was Men Seeking Men. I clicked on it, all the while my stomach in a huge knot, and saw by the postings that were high lighted that he had clicked on quite a few, especially ones that said things like, "Meet me tonight" or "I'm horny, come to my hotel room." I thought I was going to pass out. But, I waited until he came home from his trip and calmly asked him, without being confrontational or angry, just really confused, about what he was doing on men seeking men. This is when he wasn't completely truthful and told me that he and his friends liked to joke around and find funny CL posts and that there were quite a few funny ones in that section. I accepted his story without a second thought and we promptly went upstairs and had sex. A few months later though, he let me borrow an old laptop of his, and again, I wasn't searching old history but started to type in the name of a website when the name of a webiste that sounded pretty risque came up. I laughed to myself thinking that it was probably a porn website. I was curious and I went to it and saw that it was a gay porn site with a link to a gay/bi dating website. I clicked on that website and saw that a username and password came up. I started shaking and my immediate reaction was to leave, but I wanted to speak with him. I needed to know what that was about. This is the part when he told me it was something he had looked at quite awhile ago, before we started dating, and that he had been horny and curious. Again, I wanted to believe him, and perhaps I wasn't wrong for believing him, maybe he was just curious, but over time, I started to feel unsettled and suspicious. He would get phone calls from #'s that were unavailable and he wouldn't pick them up when I was around and said things like, "it's probably a telephone solicitor." And again, he could have been perfectly honest with all of this, but I realized I was starting to feel like a wreck. I have a past relationship where I was involved with someone who was bisexual- he told me exactly 5 days before our temple marriage- and I am still carrying a lot of fear that some of the things that went on in our marriage could go on again. I just don't know how much I am projecting from my ex-husband to my ex-boyfriend. I am in my early 30's and my ex-boyfriend is in his late 30's. I miss him terribly. I love him. I just don't know if I can trust what he's saying that there are no hidden skeletons because to me, the worst thing in a committed relationship is that: hidden skeletons, double lives. So, I ended it but am feeling so sad and wondering if I didn't end it too hastily without asking the right questions. Not really even sure what the right questions are. I even agree with the bingoe4 that if he does have some attraction to men, it is something I might be able to deal with, but I can't deal with him hiding it, and I don't ever want to feel like I'm part of his cover up for his friends and family. I just don't know how much I can trust what he's told me. And, I also agree with you again, Robert, that snooping is not the way to build a healthy relationship and is not fair. The things I found happened to be right in front of my nose. I posted this on here because I wanted to make sure I was getting a balanced perspective and being fair to my ex-boyfriend and not making hasty judgments. I am still a little confused. I love him so much. I love his company. I loved our sex life (but apparently even if your partner is gay you can still have really good straight sex? I was pretty naive to that...)...