Posted by:
robertb
(
)
Date: February 21, 2012 01:26PM
No wonder it was a shock given what you had experienced! I think you are right to have the kind of relationship that makes you happy and to be with someone who is compatible with you. What is getting stirred up with me about the thread about your boyfriend (not you personally) is being Mormons left us at a huge disadvantage for talking about and dealing with issues of sexuality. They are so often frightening and difficult to talk about and we close off. Again, that isn't to say you should do anything that bottom-line isn't right for you; at the same time, given our backgrounds (I'm including myself) it can be hard to avoid apportioning blame and assigning defects because sex is something we struggle with. Mormonism gave a very distorted view and scale for this--adultery is "a sin next to murder" for example. (I for one would prefer my wife had an affair than murder me, although I might be unhappy about the former!)
It is too bad you and your boyfriend didn't have this talk under some other kind of circumstances--sounds like bad luck--and if he wasn't being truthful with you, it would worth talking about that, too. Ronas may well be right about it not being so long since he viewed the sites as he says. People often minimize that way. I would also point out that people habitually lie about their sex practices, even to researchers who have no personal stake in the answers. So, while I think it warrants caution, I also think it warrants understanding and discussion.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2012 01:27PM by robertb.