I was reading on some other topics about this calling and asking if they can come over for a visit-maybe bring another person or two, is this suppose to be normal behavior?

I can not imagine my calling someone except maybe a family member and doing something like that.

As for dropping in unannounced-who does that sort of thing?

Who dies that sort of thing?

People who have no manners: Mormons. Outside of Utah, people who aren't well acquainted meet at a restaurant or at the golf course, or somewhere neutral. Only a personal invitation grants you access to people's homes. Strangers were never allowed into our house--that was a firm rule. Mormons who constantly tried to gain access were sometimes invited into the hall, but never into the living spaces. Even if we know the people, I don't invite drop-ins to sit down and chat, as we are always in the middle of something, and our life is important--cooking dinner, getting the kids bathed and ready for bed, doing homework, watching a TV show, just relaxing together in the privacy of our home. We would never drop in, or ask for an invitation, so we keep others within those boundaries, too.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2012 06:24AM by freeman.

Sure, Mormons are annoying, but this is a common practice among friendly people. To bash the idea of an amiable drop-in is pretty silly, and shines a light on how impersonal we've all become.

Maybe it's impersonal, but I consider the free time I spend in my own home to be personal. Sometimes I am sitting in my underwear. Sometimes I haven't had a shower. Sometimes I'm in the shower, or having a nap, or eating my dinner. Sometimes, I just don't feel up to entertaining, prefering to watch TV or surf the net, relaxing!

Simply, my presence at home doesn't imply I am available. It would be an assult on my personal freedom to have to be continually prepared to receive guests at any time of the day, every day, on the chance they will call by unannounced or uninvited.

It doesn't take much effort to make a phone call.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2012 09:02AM by freeman.

I agree. Also I find it problematic that I have to put up ridiculously detailed signs to exclude certain people without excluding others. For instance what if I bear no hostility to some churches but don't want Mormons or Jehova's Witnesses to visit? A friend once informed me that they will come by and ignore, "no soliciting" claiming they are not soliciting by selling religion. If the sign says, "no prosthelytizing", then I am excluding everyone of all religions. If it says "no tresapassing", then the girl scouts won't come by to sell cookies and the neighbors think I am hostile. Signs get ridiculously detailed: http://www.stromtrooper.com/off-topic-member-therapy/42192-ultimate-no-soliciting-sign.html

Usually I refuse to answer the door but then at the last minute I am wondering it is the postman or the sheriff or a neighbor. Usually it's the Jehovas Witnesses or some salesman.

I think it depends on the neighborhood and the community. In many places it's unacceptable, and it would be unwise to assume otherwise.

I think that the Mormon practice of constantly sending church visitors (VT/HT, members of the bishopric, etc.) to one's home is appalling.

Yes, mormons are annoying.
Yes, it may be common among friendly people to drop in.

Those are two different concepts that do not intersect. Stray Mutt (below) covered these points nicely.

Strangers at the door have a right to get personal??

No, they don't!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2012 10:21AM by Cheryl.

Sounds like Utah Mo culture brainwashing to me.

Mos on assignment aren't being amiable. They are coming to spy on your family, and return and report.

The sole purpose is to keep you paying the cash to TSCC.

This ain't amiable. Only in Utah is this acceptable, because of the huge presence the church has, and has had for 150 years, in the community and everyone's lives.

Utah people may have gotten used to it, but outside Utah, not so much.

to be a nuisance--especially since I was a single mother for a long time. It was ALWAYS a mormon.

I must also add that I have worked at home for 22 years and mormons don't understand that I have work to get done. They think nothing of interrupting my work.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/27/2012 09:00PM by cl2.

For the life of me I'll never understand how mormons who set out to ambush think it's their victims who are rude objecting to intrusiveness.

It isn't rude to curse, flip off, or hose proven and repeated trespassers. It's never appropriate to blame the victim for a perpetrator's bad behavior.

People in their homes have a 100% right to determine who may enter. No one has a right to say they're rude or unbalanced for not sitting around wiating to entertain fanatical religious nuts who show up knowing they're unwelcome.

If people you liked called to ask if they could come over, you'd be happy. If they stopped by unannounced, it would be a pleasant surprise (unless you were in the middle of something, or if you hadn't bathed or whatnot). But there are no circumstances when you'd welcome people you don't want to see in the first place.

My close friends and I would never, ever think of dropping in unannounced on one another. We respect boundaries!

As to calling and inviting oneself over… no, I can't think when that ever happens either, with my friends. Invitations should be for the OTHER party to come visit the caller!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2012 10:22AM by WiserWomanNow.

I suspect it depends a lot on personality types.

Some people have an "open door" policy with their home, while others can't stand visitors at the best of times, even when they like the person. For this latter group, having visitors round when they are invited and expected is a compromise.

Right. Everyone's different. I don't welcome fellowshippers over at any time, and I don't even welcome friends over at any time - I just don't think it's fair to say that it's crazy or rude for people to stop by unannounced.

Depends on who they are and what their motive is. Mormons are crazy. Their motives aren't welcome.

Friendliness is for friends or for those who have a friendly associations. It's pleasant to be friendly with people we like or who have congenial give and take with us. That would be people we pass on a hiking trail, people we've seen in the neighborhood, anyone who sells us milk, eggs, or peanut butter or fills prescriptions or brings our mail.

What about total strangers who are out to manipulate or scam us? There are seedy used car salesmen, telephone solicitors with valuable free trips, private investigators hired by people out to get into our wallets, and religious fanatics who pretend to be our best friends in order to entice us to invite them in for deceitful discussions and because they're too shortsighted to bring water or go to the bathroom before they pound on our doors.

Friendliness is admirable in the the first set of examples and probably useless or detrimental in the last ones.

The book, The Gift of Fear, lays it all out in detail. Don't let your good nature lead you into dangerous or uncomfortable situations. Learn to say no if that's what you're feeling is in your best interest. There's nothing wrong with having preferences and in clearly expressing them and not backing down.

If inviting unannounced mormons into your home helps your recovery and feels right to you, do it.

If you seriously want them to leave you alone, tell them so as nicely or with as much bluntness as you see fit.

Awesome book!

I have a rule. Anyone is allowed to drop by unannounced, under the condition that they are hot, beautiful, and an available female who is not an ex.

"As for dropping in unannounced-who does that sort of thing?"

I'll tell you who!

FRIENDS WHO LIKE YOU AND WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU FOR A MOMENT!

I get so tired of this stateside obsession with call first or I'll be personally offended if you drop by unannounced!!!


Not everyone who drops by unannounced is out to steal your time or cares about the living room stacked with newspapers!

I have a different perspective on this;

In Alaska in the 60s and 70s and before, people dropped by.

They would visit a little bit, maybe 15 minutes then leave. If the neighbor or friend wanted to visit more they would invite you to stay and visit, if not, they would reschedule a time for their friends and them to get together.

I have learned coming stateside lots of people get all huffy if you drop by. So I don't.

Also in Alaska people lived in their living rooms, they didn't have a parlor to receive guests! So their books, hobbies and etc. were usually in the main room of the house, even Mother's sewing project she's working on today, or Dad's wood carving. No one cared what you had in your house or didn't. They valued the friendships!

Sometimes you don't know their phone number, but you know where they live.

Also, if someone comes by and I don't want to visit, I tell them! Nicely. Doesn't anybody know how to get an obnoxious visitor out of their house when they want them to go? An example would be it is 9:15 and you need to be in bed by 10:00, are you going to let them stay until 11:00? Yes? Well, then you're a walk over. Don't sing the blues to me! (My FIL did this a lot; let people stay too long and then complained.)

As far as letting people in, you don't have to let them in your house. I don't because I'm a hoarder and do not want anyone in my home. I have lawn furniture and we can sit outside. Besides, the only people who drop by are my HTs. I like them, they like me, and the TSCC would assign someone difficult if I asked for no more HTs.

(Ironic, isn't it? I used to cry because I was so isolated bring up the children all by myself for years with my husband out of town all week. I begged for HTs so I could feel connected to the ward and a part of it. I wasn't being allowed to participate actively, as in giving talks or holding callings, but I could never have HTs! The Elder's Quorum President said "Well, I couldn't get anyone else to come see you, so I got stuck with it." So now that I'm out of the church I have the best HTs ever!)

with the one true preference on the subject.

Nope.

People are individuals. Some like one thing and others like something else. This concept is nonexistent in the morg. They don't ask or care about preferences. It's assumed that since their agenda includes dropin visits, everyone who likes dropin visits is better and more decent than those who don't.

Mormons need to ask what people prefer and believe and abide by the answer.

Thank you for putting it so concisely.

I've debated this theme with quite a lot of people and many of them let me understand that they somehow are _better_ thinking that it's ok to disturb just anybody. "You can always decline", they say.

Yeah but I don't like that part of the situation either. I don't want to have people unannounced at my door and having to tell them anything at all. The whole situation is disturbing. They don't seem to get that.

If you are a casual, drop-by person and your friends are the same, then drop in without calling all day long if you want. But keep it amongst yourselves and your like-minded friends. Because as someone else mentioned, there are all different types of people and some people like that breezy element in relationships.

But Mormons make two big mistakes. One is assuming most people are comfortable with that level of casualnesss when the truth is, most people are NOT comfortable with it. The other mistake is assuming they are friends, when they are not. It's one thing if your friends drop by, knowing you well enough to know when and if it's OK. Total strangers or mere acquaintances dropping by unannounced is rude. Period. To ascribe rudeness to someone who is unwilling to tolerate your rudeness is worse.

Mormons, call first before you drop in. If your calls aren't returned, take a HINT. Your presence is unwelcome and unwanted. Don't drop by. You are just making yourself look even more boorish and classless and by ready transfer, you are making the church you represent look bad too.

kids but not always.

In our empty nest years, we no longer have to be ready to accept whoever knocks. It has become exceedingly rare to have anyone come unannounced except salespeople and missionaries.

Mormons are kind of stuck in that 1950s mode where families are the rule and the rest of the world was the exception.

It's been my experience that the only people who drop by unannounced are people trying to sell something and religious people (living in Utah, that means mostly mormons). My friends or family have never just shown up at my home, nor have I ever done that to them. If I want to visit a friend, I call first to make sure they are not in the middle of something, they have done the same for me. It's rude to show up at someones house with out prior warning. What if they are having sex, people do it all the time! Or nursing a baby, or trying to get a kid to sleep, or walking around naked, having dinner, watching a movie, or already have company! IMO it's just plain rude! And people shouldn't be made to feel bad for feeling this way! If you like unexpected company, well then good for you, but most people don't like their evenings interrupted by someone trying to sell $60 apple scented cleaning stuff anymore than they like being interrupted with an offer for a BOM or a fake friendship, or whatever!

Reminds me of a former neighbor who would be angry at me for taking an afternoon nap and for locking my door when she felt she should be allowed to walk right in. She'd send her kids over to play unannounced and be furious if I ever sent them home without phoning first to explain why they needed to leave.

That friendship became strained and we drifted apart, thankfully. It was a relief when the family moved.

Unannounced drop ins are never welcome at my house. The one exception would be the neighbors at christmas making the rounds, and they were kind enough to warn us in advance the first year we were here. We don't even get trick or treaters. Ha!

Now, my husband has friends who he will call up out of the blue and ask to drop by their house, and they love it!
I thought it was rude the first few times I watched him do this. I would never, personally.

The most forward I get is to call up a friend and exclaim over how long it's been, and we should really get together soon! This has resulted in an immediate invite many times, but leaving it up to the host is most important to me.

I want to keep my house in such a way that I can call my dear friends and have them right over when I get to missing them. I'm not very good at keeping up with chores.though, so my plans are usually at a weeks notice or so.

The friend hubs is most notorious for calling up and dropping in on, his wife keeps a lovely house. She is always ready to entertain, and I don't know how she does it!



It will always be about the host's comfort, no matter what anyone else says. Some people like drop ins, but NO ONE should expect it of anyone else.

Not many southerners commenting on this one. In the south it is rude beyond belief to not welcome someone in If they drop by. And we will feed you too.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/27/2012 08:30PM by icanseethelight.

Had an annoying person constantly hint for an invite to my house (to stay over for a weekend – lake house) Lesson here users…

Never invite yourself, hint or ask! Ever! Get some lessons in manners by someone who has a bit of class, please.

It is so annoying and rude, not to mention a little bit creepy to hint or suggest staying at someone’s house is doing THEM a favor. (or tagging along with them somewhere) Really? Don’t do it! Don’t try to invite yourself and act like the person asked you or even suggested! If so, when did the official invite come. (Oh, it didn’t!) You’re not saving them from being alone. What a laugh. Everybody knows you just want a free ride! If you do, you have just pushed that person away. Especially if you invite yourself to someone else’s house.

Get this-they don’t want you at their house 24/7. No, they really don’t. As unbelievable to you as it may be. Homes are private places, with private things, private beds, private bathrooms, private spaces. Get it – Private. They don’t want the work or expense of you there. They don’t want you there now (EVER) that you tried to manipulate them to get the invitation! Unless you get a specific (date & exit time) invite, don’t push yourself on others. If you act this way, people will want to get away from you quickly. No invites ever from them. Ever-Never! (LOL)

Living 10 miles from the city is a big advantage in not having random visitors show up unannounced. So far one Mormon has shown up (dealt with when I resigned) and two JW's in the 31 years we've lived here. Perfect.

RB