So, last night I finally decided to nut up and post an update that Mrs. Raptor Jesus and I are getting a divorce.

I'm not sure why I've been avoiding the posting of that because this has been in the process for quite some time - but I had been avoiding it for whatever reason. Now that I've posted it and there was a great outpouring of support from the board - yea even great fucking outpouring of support - I guess I can ramble about the last few days.

It's odd how the divorce process comes with such waves of conflicting emotions. Sometimes happiness and freedom surges in like a tsunami of candy and butterfly kisses only to be replaced with a tidal wave of rotting corpses holding picket signs with discouraging phrases like, "You're such a fucking retard."

This morning at work was an overwhelming feeling of the latter, and I was tired of staring at my work computer in a depressed and slumped manner with my teeth hanging out like a dumb donkey, so I told my supervisor that, "[he] can suck my titties because I felt like processed, congealed pig diarrhea and was going home."

One of my two therapists (because I'm THAT fancy - to have TWO therapists right now) said that Mrs. Raptor and I needed to do "self soothing" activities right now during this difficult time. When the therapist said this this she specifically told MRJ that for MRJ that meant doing lots of yoga and being with friends. The therapist then looked at me with a blank stare as to the specifics of my "self soothing activities." But my brain filled in that blank stare with getting drunk, eating a box of E.L. Fudge stripe cookies for dinner, and playing Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic for the 80th time.

Yesterday was a good day. I felt great in the morning and even had a check up appointment with Dr. Barbie. I was half paying attention to her as she talked about my new medication while the other half of my brain was thinking of all the amazing things I'd do to her hot body that she'd totally thank me for afterwards. And I even made an appointment for my second tattoo for two weeks from now.

But last night started to get a little tricky when a surge of corpses came in to grab my ankles and drag me down into the undertow. So, I drank enough to fall asleep and have dreams that I was a Jedi (thanks KOTOR) pushing people over with the Force and then shocking them with force lightning as they tried to stand up.

You know, good dreams instead of the nightmares where I'm stuck in church with my Mother-in-Law and I can't find anything sharp enough to stab myself with because the fucking church is too cheap to stock the church kitchens now.

But this morning, the soul crushing weight of dickface, insensitive-to-the-mentally-challenged corpses continued until I was sick of pretending to work and told my supervisor that I felt like canned "nacho cheese" and came home to get drunk at 11:00 in the morning, post on RfM, and then continue to try to get a Kathar Jedi to fall in love again with my female protagonist that I named "Dumb Whore."

I stayed home today too, with hopes of finding ways to make my marraige work.

I already went through 1 divorce which was tough, and one seperation which was absolute hell.

I'm going to email you tonight...

I'm sorry you are going through this. It hurts like hell...

I got lucky today. While I was sitting on the pot, my wife texted me this:

I love you and do not want our marriage to end. We need to work together and find ways to work on letting go of the past and improving our present and future. I feel so sad and sick to my stomach right now. "

I'm going to give this marraige my all.

Lord Raptor,
I'm sorry you are going through this. Think of better days ahead.

As a side note, i was totally thinking about you the other day--I was picking something up at a store pretty close to the strip when I saw it...THE ZOMBIE APOCOLYPSE STORE. I couldn't believe it. And lo, on top of said store standing proud and Moroniesqe was a Raptor. Yea, I felt compelled to kneel and confess that Raptor is lord. I should have taken a picture and posted it somewhere but alas I was late so maybe another time.

Let me know when you are in my town again and we shall visit said store and cleanse your soul with spirits.

Wish I could help. I gave out hugs in another thread. Take one as needed....

Well, the trauma is doing wonders for the imagery in your writing anyway. This could be good for the rest of us.

Sorry this is happening to you. Maybe a trip to the village inn for more belgian waffles? I hear it's good for whatever. If it can get the temple ceremony nasties out of your head, then maybe it can work other wonders.

You will never know how hard I laughed at the Belgian Waffle line. It just said it all, about all our TBM families.

All the best.

I'm really sorry you have to go through this. Divorce is one painful and vicious experience, even if both sides are being reasonable. You spend so much time with a person that once he or she leaves, it's a horrible black void you don't feel ready for.

I have no advice, but it does get better....eventually. And like some other posters said, some people do thrive and blossom after the messy stuff is over. Do what you need to do to get through the worst of it.
I've been through it myself, more or less, (unfortunately, I'm still legally married to my ex-husband, long story).

You know my email if you need an ear. (hug)

BTW Raptor Lord, I noticed your use of a titty inspired witticism and thought you might like one of my favorites. You know, to help you brighten your day. Stolen straight from the Great Monty Python folks:

"Tough titties, fish face."

Please consider including it in your titty based repertoire.

RJ, I am hurting for you.
Your book was the first one I bought for my kindle and I have laughed and cried with you.
Please stay strong and take good care of yourself.
My email is prettyinpain5@gmail.com if you need anyone to rant and ramble too.

Also, if you feel you need to get out of town and feel like Colorado Springs may be a good place to go, send me a Msg and we'll set up some fermented therapy sessions for you.

That's all I got. (((Hugs)))



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/28/2012 06:11PM by Susan I/S.

Awwww RJ, my heart still goes out to you. I am so sorry. My own parents divorced after 32 years together. the last two were the worst. As the only signle daughter, I had to put my life on hold and take care of my mom for two years. It sucked, but I got over it, then met my TBM DH who appreciates me, and I have two wonderful step parents. So it can work out in the end. Just hang in there.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, Raptor Jesus.
It totally sucks.

While I am out of the country, I will be on the lookout for something Raptoresque that will make you smile. Keep those talons up and lean on those who care about you.

I don't know why but for me, walking someplace that is just trees and grass and rocks is really soothing. Even with snow on the ground (like right now) it still makes me feel calm and relaxed.

My other relaxation techique is a hot tub -- the YMCA graciously keeps one warm for me, although they make me share with total strangers (the bastards!). Maybe next time I'll mention that I know you personally and I'll get the preferential treatment I deserve.

Sorry you're going through this right now. I know it's tough. You and Mrs. R both have my best wishes.

This came out of the blue for me! I'm sorry you two have to go through it to get where you want to be. Unfortunately for us humans, of which you are not quite one, we are notoriously bad at choosing what will make us happy. So, we zig zag through life on the grazing principle and actually find contentment in it.

IMO, divorce is painful, expensive, and a very good invention.

This too shall pass. (But it does suck while it's passing.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/28/2012 04:47PM by Adult of god.

You crack me up Raptor. Stay in there...you write the funniest things. I am home sick with a nasty cold/flu. Stress has weakened me. I sometimes wish we all lived in the same town and then we could be each others support systems. There are so many cool people on here. I am sorry to hear about your divorce as well. You will find another MRs. Raptor Jesus and I just hope that the current one and you will remain friends and remember the good times. Dr. Barbie...haha. You are funny. You dare to be different and that is hard to find out there.

I went through the bid D a couple of years ago. I was the one who left, so maybe its different for me, but it was tough for the first 6 months. My kids are all grown, my youngest was 18 at the time, but it was still tough on them. My daughter has decided that she needs to be on her mom's side and talks to me maybe once a year, but my boys are all there for me. Its sad because I tried like hell not to bring the kids into this and make them choose sides, but my ex had no such morals and tried to turn all the kids against me. Of course it only worked with my daughter and my ex had effectively driven a wedge between us since the day my daughter was born anyway so I kind of expected that.

Anyway, two years later and I am VERY happily married to an amazing lady who loves me more than I thought it possible for anyone to love me. We are nomo and enjoy life to its fullest. I wish you the best buddy and hope you can get past this without more pain.

Raptor Jesus Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
The therapist then
> looked at me with a blank stare as to the
> specifics of my "self soothing activities." But
> my brain filled in that blank stare with getting
> drunk, eating a box of E.L. Fudge stripe cookies
> for dinner, and playing Star Wars: Knights of the
> Old Republic for the 80th time.
>

Self-soothing . . . . Well, at least you didn't start masturbating right then and there. I think you've mentioned marital arts practice, right?

Divorce is hard. You describe it well. I never want to do it again.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/28/2012 08:14PM by robertb.

That sucks you're going through this. You're so damn funny though. Your great sense of humor will hopefully help you through these tough times. Stay strong.

I know it sucks rope. Even though I really needed to divorce my ex, it was the toughest time of my life, except maybe for the mission. But in the end, the divorce was the best thing for me. It truly does get better, hard as that is to believe now.

Hang-in-there-are-better-days-ahead-ly yrs,

S

you can do it Raptor! beat my record of being happily divorced for 37years!
love your book, and as you are an articulate male with a job and good education, do not have to exist on welfare and government surplus cheese, it should turn out fine.
librarian

I'm sorry to hear that you are getting divorced, RJ. I know the pain it can cause. Is there any way you can work things out with the Mrs? Family counselors are alot cheaper than divorce lawyers, I always say.

May I point out the long-noted correlation between personal pain/turmoil and great writing?

Might as well make some money while suffering...

How about a Passion of Raptor Jesus screenplay? Along the lines of "Proof"-- the Gwyneth Paltrow movie in which she plays a crazy mathematician's daughter who struggles to find reality.

That movie was made from the play. Think about it...

Canned nacho cheese? That's awwwwful.

XOXO

Anagrammy

Particularly with milk. Mmmmm.

I'm sorry for your pain, RJ. It will get better eventually. It has to.

I'm new here. You wrote a book, RJ? Where can I buy it? I want to read it. You are always making me laugh!

I'm also throwing in my reassurances that things will get better. I don't know why it is the most painful experiences end up becoming a friend of sorts.

Wishing you the best!

If you don't have a Kindle you can download the Kindle PC ap for free.

Well, that was helpful. Is there a title? Perhaps an author name to search by, or did the OP publish under the moniker Raptor Jesus? Do you all know the Raptor Jesus's IRL name and the rest of us are supposed to mind-read?

If you thought it inappropriate to post RJ's personal info because it's not your book to sell, then what was the purpose of posting your helpful little hint there?

I started reading it last night... perfect blend of humor, information, and astute observation. My kids are going to really enjoy it as well.

It has "Raptor Jesus" right in the title. And I'm being discrete because I'm not sure how the board feels about advertising for someone. But I wasn't trying to tease you with just a little bit of information and I apologize for not giving you a better idea. If you still can't find it, email me (I think my email is connected with my name) and I'll fill you in.

And it's worth a little hassle to get. :)

I hereby prescribe you a trip to the Great White North where you will hit up whatever metal show happens to be occurring near ajharts residence, then you will drink many a Canadian beer and release all your inner depression through heavy metal yoga (aka head banging.) I would also recommend a large dose of additional tattoos, a Louis CK marathon, and perhaps some dread locks to change up the look. Okay, scratch the dreads. Just keep the long hair!!

But seriously, I'm way sorry to hear that man...you are awesome and it sucks you have to deal with this. I don't know what I can say to make you feel better, but know that I am telepathically sending you all the good vibes and thoughts I can!

BIG HUGS:)
Aj

Raptor Jesus, please consider self-medicating with booze only 50% of the time. You will feel better. Also please consider extended bouts of heavy exercise in between, as it has two benefits: 1) your mood with be elevated as you work out bad toxins, both from booze and from trying to deal with MRJ's disconnected pseudo-therapist; 2) if you exercise hard enough, you will eventually become The One True Uber-Hhott Raptor Jesus and your new single female devotees to the Church of Raptor Jesus will flock mightily around you.

Not to mention that you shall receive health in your navel and marrow to your bones and shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint in a pool of your own puke from too much self-medication.

About booze--it exacerbates both PTSD and depression. So, cutting back is a great idea.

Oh, god, Raptor:

Splitting up/divorcing is a horrible process. I cannot tell you how much I sympathize with the agony you are in. I just wish I could do something to help.

And keep it on ice, seasoning it just the way Utahraptor ostrommaysorum likes it (in case you didn't know, you're the northern subspecies, possibly the largest of its genus).

Hang in there...

BTW, how do you like your new RFM temple name?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/29/2012 04:56PM by SL Cabbie.