What things could you never accept, even as a full TBM? How did you handle them?

I never could accept -
-that wives should be stay at home moms. It seems kids are small for so short of a time and I always wanted my wife to live a fulfilling life, so I never believed that.
-that "the Spirit" was well understood. It seemed that every member had their own interpretation of what the spirit was or should be that very few actually felt it all the time.
-member missionary work. I'm not a forceful personality, and it seemed that if you really wanted to isolate yourself from your friends that you should try and preach the gospel to them every chance you got.

...all my beliefs were just provisional. "Okay, if you say that's how it is."

Once I was in that mindset, everything was more or less equally acceptable.

But as I got older, there started to be some friction between what I wanted and what the church said I should want. And the church claimed certain things would make me happy, but they didn't.

The whole marriage and kids thing, for example. I had no desire for children and knew parenthood would be a mistake for me and bad for any kids I would have. If eternal parenthood is the big goal, and being a parent would just create a mess for everyone involved, what sort of heaven would that be?

Eventually I started asking myself whether I really believed things. Would I believe them if I hadn't been raised a Mormon? Mmmmmm, probably not. Following that line of questioning led to the big one: Do I really believe there's a God? Mmmmmm, no, I don't.

The list is so long. Lets see, a magic rock, the kinderhook plates, stolen ideas from the freemasons, JS printed his own money, JS ran for US Presidency, it all makes sense now.

Polygamy. Even when I was a believer, the one thing I could never accept and wrap my head around was the law of plural marriage.

1. Polygamy
2. The gold plates were given back to the angel, and are thus not available for everyone to see. "We just have to have faith."
3. Some of the stories in the BofM just sounded too ridiculous to be true. How does it stay light for a day and a night and a day? A really big supernova?

I never could accept that there was anything there that came from God. And if there was, I didn't belong there because I couldn't feel "the spirit" and I thought I was taking an evil spirit in with me because I felt nothing but evil there.

After about 5 times of trying to go through an endowment and get a different feeling, I gave up. I was tired of being so creeped out by it. I kept my recommend for a long time but just used it for weddings when I only had to go to the sealings. But I never went to one of those that I thought was nice, it was just easier than doing the whole thing.

The one thing I never bought into was that you had to be a temple worthy member to go to the CK. 99% of my friends,my whole life,have been never mo's. I never for a minute thought I was any better than any of them. As a matter of fact,I was in awe of many of them. I wanted to be like them. And when my then 17 year old dd had a baby (not married) I never worried that my grandson would not be with her in the CK. I didn't have the "we as mormons are better than you" attitude. I knew God was just and didn't care what church you went to. So why did it take me 57 years to leave the morg?? Brainwashing and fear.

That men could lord it over women, that blacks were second class, polygamy, garments or that God cared about fashion, hair length and facial hair

Polygamy

The second class nature of women, both on earth AND, it seemed, in heaven

The arrogance of having the "ONE TRUE AND LIVING CHURCH"

Joseph Smith in all his many manifestations

The utter reliance upon quoting some authority or another for every single doctrine without comprehending that each authority was once a man capable of error

There were a few, but certainly, in the degree of unacceptance:
1. blacks not having the priesthood
2. polygamy
3. testimony of the bom - burning feeling in the bossom

I strugled with the last one as I never, ever, in my 35 years of church going, ever felt that feeling. It seemed like everyone else around me felt it, but no matter how hard I tried and studied, I never did. In fact, I thought the bom was such a dull story, and without value.

I realize now that maybe all the other people, were just saying they felt something, when in fact they did not. Kind of like the Emperor's new clothes. I am sure some did feel something, but how many of you just said you did?

Oh, I felt something alright. The first time that I went to see the movie "The Testament's", I felt an incredible warmth and love for the next week. Nothing in my life has ever compared to that feeling - and I only felt that one that one time. (It's invalid as proof for the Church because I've heard of people describing the same thing for stuff that is contradictory to the church.)

1. The Book of Mormon. During my teen years I was an avid reader, and as such I read the BoM several times. There were portions that felt inspired, but the bulk of it seemed poorly written and contrived. I often wondered if it was possible for the church to be true even if the BoM was not authentic.
2. No death before the Fall & dinosaur fossils from other planets. This just seemed silly to me.
3. Priesthood blessings. Not for a moment did I think a person could be healed by the laying on of hands. When I received the Melchizedek priesthood and began giving blessings I would always say something akin to "The blessings of heaven are contingent upon your own actions. Be sure to rest, take in fluids, be mindful of what you eat, don't overexert yourself, listen to your doctor's counsel, blah, blah, blah."
4. Tithing. I grew up in a fairly poor ward, and even the devoted tithe-payers had trouble paying their bills. Additionally, when members would tell their tales of miraculous blessings of unexpected money it always seemed like coincidence, such as a tax return check arriving earlier than they anticipated or they were able to work overtime for extra pay.

1. Polygamy
2. Second class status of women in life, and in heaven
3. Tithing-even when people are struggling, they're expected to chose tithing over buying food for the family.
4. The idea that people shouldn't postpone having children even when they couldn't afford the expenses.
5. Garments-I'm glad I got out before I wore regulation underwear.

adoylelb Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 1. Polygamy
> 2. Second class status of women in life, and in
> heaven
> 3. Tithing-even when people are struggling,
> they're expected to chose tithing over buying food
> for the family.
> 4. The idea that people shouldn't postpone having
> children even when they couldn't afford the
> expenses.
> 5. Garments-I'm glad I got out before I wore
> regulation underwear.

These were my exact same concerns. I was also always bothered about the church's stance on homosexuality.

My husband being the boss of me. What the hell was that all about?

...if we couldn't accept something, it was our fault. Lack of faith, lack of humility, lack of worthiness... It was NEVER about their lack of credibility, lack of proof, lack of reason...

Polygamy was number #1. No way its natural for men to have multiple women and be able to maintain any real intimacy with any of them. Nor is it natural for a woman to be part of a harem.

Number #2 was the doctrine that families must be sealed as some else mentioned. That love and attachment could depend on a ceremony in a specific building just goes against all that is natural.

Third but less important was that I really love bearded men. When I was 19-21 nothing was sexier than an unshaved man for me. But I was at BYU at the time, and it was prohibited that a man show up on campus if he had not first shaved. The church, consistent with its pattern of trying to redirect all that is natural, insisting on taming characteristics of maleness made me, as a woman, feel that it imposed its preferences in ways that crushed what felt most natural to me.

That all callings were inspired by the spirit !

That when the profit spoke the debate ended !! (Barf)

They gave me the creeps. I was an obedient child but never wanted to wear that ugly underwear. I also had an aversion to Relief Society. I lever being a child in primary and Sunday School.

...would create, operate, and manage "wildlife farms", where well-heeled members could purchase special licenses to enjoy sport hunting. Is killing an animal for sport something that would please Jesus Christ?

Well, that's what they used to say. But that kind of thing isn't going to fly with today's gun happy, he-man Mormon.


http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=4882d0640b96b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

"Now, I also would like to add some of my feelings concerning the unnecessary shedding of blood and destruction of life. I think that every soul should be impressed by the sentiments that have been expressed here by the prophets.

And not less with reference to the killing of innocent birds is the wildlife of our country that live upon the vermin that are indeed enemies to the farmer and to mankind. It is not only wicked to destroy them, it is a shame, in my opinion. I think that this principle should extend not only to the bird life but to the life of all animals."

“I do not believe any man should kill animals or birds unless he needs them for food, and then he should not kill innocent little birds that are not intended for food for man. I think it is wicked for men to thirst in their souls to kill almost everything which possesses animal life. It is wrong, and I have been surprised at prominent men whom I have seen whose very souls seemed to be athirst for the shedding of animal blood.” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed., Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1939, pp. 265–66.)

the one thing that always bothered me was middle aged men asking me a teenager in a closed room if I masturbate. I especially hated the 20 second awkward silence when I (lied) told them no and they tried to make me feel like the spirit was telling them that I was lying. When I realized I could lie to the lord's annointed and they couldn't discern I realized it was all BS

That I had to marry a member, That I had to have a guy that didnt really like me, that after all I had to do to work to be indipendant I never could be, That somehow being desabled meant I was more valiant and all thats I sufferd meant a nicer place in heaven. yet thinking GA's get good spots and if you dont find a guy in this life you get assighned one in the next it kind of felt to cold and not a nice cold.

And the biggy why are we tested in the first place? if god knows how its going to turn out seeing as he's all knowing then he knows he's sent some down to fail. He dumped people on a test thay wernt ready for knowing how badly they would do and end up in outer darkness. How could a loveing god put one of his children into a test they wuld fail and watch them suffer before they left and then after.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/26/2010 08:10PM by blindmag.

I've agonized over all that crap for over 50 years, and never have I gotten a decent answer, from earth or from above!

The people seemed unnaturally happy. I still don't get that.
No one had any questions
They thought sugar served with more sugar tasted good
They couldnt tell the difference between strawberries dipped in cheap chocolate or rich chocolate
The girls all couldn't wait to grow up and marry a dorky kid in thick glasses just returned from their missions so they could all have huge families of children to watch run around and feed cheerios every Sunday.
The fact that a non feeling entity (TSCC) meant more to them than their own children and families.

I could swallow all kinds of things when I was Mormon, but that God was really a Man of Flesh and Bone was just too much. And the black thing, that was too much, too.

Polygamy, on the other hand, I was looking forward to. Women are beautiful, and if I could have more than one in heaven then all the better. Pity those days weren't still on Earth, I thought. I love women for women are beautiful. --Now in my middle years I've become wise to the fact that one woman is more than enough.

Human

2 women in 1 household is one too many. Woman don't share well. It's a fact.

Things I would not accept:
1. that I had to accept everything my bishop said as if God were saying it himself (this was his counsel to me!)

2. same bishop said that God just wanted me to endure my shitty (my word here) marriage

How did I handle it?
I walked out of the church, and took my kids out too.
(easier said than done though)