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Posted by: Raptor Jesus ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 08:08PM

That I am a sexual god.

Not sure why anyone needs to know this. But there it is.

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Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 08:08PM


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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 08:09PM

Well, how does this help us, since I believe you're married. Or are you proposing swinging? Anyway, congratulations on your godhood!

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Posted by: Raptor Jesus ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 08:13PM


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Posted by: Rebeckah ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 08:12PM

You're a god at everything -- except being a douche. Brigham Young has you beat on that front. ;)

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Posted by: matt ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 08:14PM

Ha ha ha... oh. Sorry. My bad. ;oD

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Posted by: Anubis ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 05:37PM

Is that where sperm whales come from?

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Posted by: ginger ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 08:16PM

Haha, random!

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Posted by: imalive ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 08:48PM

Hey, nice to hear from you Raptor! :-D You are my hero. :-D

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Posted by: drjekyll ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 08:52PM

Being as most here are atheists, I can pretty confidently say that your claim holds as much water as my first vision story of having been visited by God the Father and Jesus Christ who gave me instructions saying that all of the sexual gods currently on Earth are false, and that Moroni would soon visit me with directions on how to obtain the golden DVDs containing the record of your exploits, and that I have been called to restore the true order of sex in these latter-days, etc, etc. LOL

Now, if you had said that you were a sexual pro, maniac, or genius, well, then we could debate it, since anyone could accept money, stop taking their meds, or read every grocery store magazine story on the topic.

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Posted by: ambivalentsince1850s ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 09:01AM

drjekyll Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Being as most here are atheists...

There's a log of these stats somewhere? Links or it never happened.

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Posted by: drjekyll ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 09:23PM

I don't need to post a link, I can just bear my testimony that God told me in the vision that this was the case... so there! LOL

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Posted by: The StalkerDog™ ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 08:56PM

I wanna be you when I grow up.

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Posted by: nickerickson ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 09:01PM

And I had my paperwork in to be the sexual god of the universe - damn!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by: robertb ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 09:16PM

Hi Raptor! It's nice to know you are not without body, parts, or passions. That you are not everywhere and nowhere, nor so large that you fill the whole universe yet so small you dwell in the heart.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/07/2012 09:54PM by robertb.

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Posted by: forbiddencokedrinker ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 11:42PM

It's good to know I am not alone.

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 11:46PM

No matter how shitty I'm feeling, you always make me laugh.
I don't know if that's your intention, but that's how it is.

On the flip side, I hope you work through the difficult times and come out on the other side in a good place.

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Posted by: Calypso ( )
Date: March 07, 2012 11:52PM

Dude...do you have any little brothers??

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Posted by: forbiddencokedrinker ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 12:08AM

Wait, I thought I was your internet crush. I am crushed.

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Posted by: Calypso ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 12:24AM

Hahahahaha oh come on now, I'm young, I am allowed to have multiple internet crushes!!

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Posted by: Raptor Jesus ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 02:21AM

Screw that guy.

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Posted by: Calypso ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 05:05AM

Hahahahahha oh god. My life will not be complete until we go for a beer.

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Posted by: Raptor Jesus ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 09:09AM


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Posted by: forbiddencokedrinker ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 01:46PM

Note, if there are any lurkers who are just waiting until they can think up a good screen name before joining, Luciferitops would be perfect.

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Posted by: Doxi ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 02:00PM

Well, there's always Terrestrialdactyl!

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Posted by: Rebeckah ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 02:30PM

Is there maybe a Jehovahnadon or an Elohimdycus?

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Posted by: Queen of Denial ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 12:00AM


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Posted by: wwfsmd ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 12:07AM

OK, LORD Raptor, but like your distant relatives the lowly budgies [aka parakeet], wouldn't you only have a cloaca "i.e vent" to stow your private parts, gastrointestinal orifices and urinary orifices in etc, or is this too private a question?

And dost thou just leave thy droppings wherever you happen to wander, as your relations do?

And if someone holds up a mirror too close, does a God-Raptor start to pleasure themselves immediately like so many little budgies do (seeing their ideal mate in the mirror)?

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Posted by: Suckafoo ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 04:31AM

Not sure I believe it. Those little hands and sharp pointy fingers.

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Posted by: Itzpapalotl ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 08:22AM


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Posted by: Raptor Jesus ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 09:08AM

This board accepts that as proof, right???

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Posted by: Rebeckah ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 02:31PM


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Posted by: helamonster ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 01:47PM


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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 01:49PM

Quick! Here's a green apron hide yourself!

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Posted by: NormaRae ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 02:05PM

But I do believe you're a God. I recently downloaded "The Passion of Raptor Jesus" on my kindle and whenever I get a chance to read some of it, I'm always laughing out loud. You sure did capture the culture and nailed it.

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Posted by: Anonymous User ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 02:27PM

Are you planning on copulating with my wife too? How about JS and BY, are they looking for action with my wife?

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Posted by: atheist&happy:-) ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 02:31PM


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Posted by: SL Cabbie ( )
Date: March 08, 2012 09:28PM


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Posted by: voweaver ( )
Date: March 09, 2012 01:29AM

OOOOOH! Does this mean a new book?

Um. Will it be porn?


~VOW

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