I left a few years ago after coming to terms that Mormonism and religion itself didn't make any sense for me.

I am now a mixture of an agnostic and an atheist, living life how I see fit.

I still haven't drank, smoked, or done drugs.

Promiscuity, on the other hand, is something that I've embraced. I guess that's a consequence of being sexually repressed for so many years. I don't know if I'll ever be willing to settle down with one person. But only time will tell.

My depression, panic and anxiety attacks that I once experienced on a frequent basis as a Mormon are now gone.

As far as relationships go, it's been a mixed bag. Some still remain loyal to me regardless of my status with the church, and others have shown their true colors in distancing away from me. Concerning the latter, very few things bring me more satisfaction than weeding out flakes.

Learning and evolving in ways that I never imagined.

How about you?

I enjoy good beer, good scotch and the odd bottle of wine...I quit smoking 30 years ago...warm Sundays spring to fall are reserved for trap shooting.....or camping...or both...I have the advantage of living on a farm where I can worship the sunrises, sunsets and the fresh air...

I've been out 11 years. It was hard going through the transition, especially living in Provo, Utah during the first part of it. It was a little hard at first dealing with reactions from my family, but they are of so little consequence to me now that if they said that none of them ever wanted to talk to me or see me again, it would be about as non-traumatic as some person I don't really care about de-friending me on Facebook.

But life now is just the new normal, and the operative word here is NORMAL. I work, have fun with my grandkids, do normal social things that often include some wine or cocktails or an occasional beer, but I'm not a big drinker and rarely buy alcohol myself if I'm not in a social setting. Dating occasionally turns sexual. Sometimes I'm glad it did, other times I wonder what I was thinking. But I'm responsible in my relationships. I have no desire to ever marry again or live with another person. I relish my own space and my alone time and don't have enough of it. I live in a place where I can go years without running into a mormon.

Do I still deal with the aftermath of having been Mormon? Sure. And I will for my entire life. When my kids are having a hard time I get so angry that I felt pushed into getting married WAY too young and pop out kids before I had any clue what I was doing. I divorced my temple-married husband years ago and struggled for such a long time that I just didn't have the resources I needed to really help my kids. I get mad at myself that I tried so hard and so long to believe it when I never really did. I kept my kids in the culture long past when I had any belief in the doctrine. I thought they needed some kind of anchor and I tied them to the one that took them down to the abyss. I will really never forgive myself for what I did to my kids, although I do think that I gave them a good example of strength, because they're tough and have worked hard to make a better life for their own families than what I gave them.

I think it takes a good decade to really feel comfortable in your skin and feel like your current life has somehow always been that way. Life goes on and it is so so so much better post-cult. You're on the right track. Give it more time.

Well, I don't have to listen to three hours of pap each week, I can booze it up, and I got a 10% raise. How's THAT for aftermath?

One of the biggest mistakes of my life. I did not finish college when I was young, and dropped out because after a two year break, I just couldn't pick up where I had left off. Had I gone straight to college, and stayed there, I believe I would have graduated with a degree when I was in my early twenties.

That said, I learned a lot of lessons from my mission, but I don't think most of them were the ones the church wanted me to learn.

I am surprised by how people are responding. Most have said, Your still the same icanseethelight aren't you?

I say absolutely and we move on.

Id say Im more free. No more meetings (2 hours before church), no more HT, no more Temple trips. Time is one thing you can't get back.

I enjoy coffee. DW supports it and does not seem to mind, even though she's the 1st counselor in the stake RS presidency. She does shoo me out of the way when LDS visitors come, though, always afraid I'll attack their beliefs.

Without my meetings, I have a lot more time for things like jamming in bluegrass circles. We drink a lot of beer in those, mostly Kokanee. Sometimes I bring Mexican beer, generally Modelo Especial. But we don't do this at my place because DW gets highly offended when I drink a beer.

I have most of my problems with uber-TBM sister who speaks against me in private for my disbelief.

But look at the money I'm saving.

is my TBM daughter. I haven't been to an lds (or any other) church meeting in around 16 to 18 years except for GC with my daughter 3 or 4 years ago so she didn't have to go alone.

I am with the nonmo guy I wished I had married. I live with him in Colorado about 1/2 to 3/4 of the time--and the rest of the time I live with my ex in "our" house in Utah. I do drink now and then. I don't mind buying anyone alcohol. I feel liberated going to the liquor stores. I don't drink coffee because I don't like the taste. I assume I'd like the fancier coffees, but all I need is those extra calories. I have never smoked.

BUT I am an adulteress (separated for 16 years, but need insurance), agnostic, apostate. I live right in the midst of mormondom and I do just fine. Now and then the leaders try to bother me and my daughter has certainly tried, but, for the most part, I am left alone.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2012 09:44AM by cl2.

It basically led me to make over and improve my whole life.

I'm the same person, with the same values such as kindness, hard work, honesty. But I'm not so hard on myself now. I'm a stronger person, and I can't be pushed around as easily.

I'm not so judgemental of other people as I used to be. I realize that people get to choose their own path, and as long as they aren't hurting others, it's fine.

I've ditched religious faith.

I've redefined my purpose and goals.

I've learned a lot about healthy vs. sick relationships. I've let some relationships fade.

I look at life completely different now. It's not a test. It's a chance to do something. And I get to pick what that will be.