Has this ever been addressed here? I was appalled when my sisters got married, that my step mom threw them "Open House" showers. I guess this is/was a popular thing to do in Utah? It went down like this: Come see the bride between 12-2 pm, have some costco cake, drop your present and be gone!

No favors, no games, no opening presents, no good food, no fun party dresses, no lingerie to be held up and giggled over, no bonding between friends and mothers and family or future in-laws.

I was snubbed by my sister and step mom when I balked at the idea, and I subsequently dubbed it the "drive thru bridal shower". They thought I was so rude. Their only defense was that "saturdays are si busy for everyone, we figures we would make it easier on them than making them stay for three hours".

Insert giant eyeroll.

Anyone else see this happening?

It isn't done in my circles which includes a lot of Mormons. That doesn't mean it isn't done though

This is the norm in my neck of the woods, the East Valley. I was mortified when I went to my first LDS Baby shower. The invitation called it a "Come and Go". And come and go they did.

I purchased a gift from the registry, wrapped it, added a card, took a bath, did my hair, and wore nice casual clothes. Like most anyone would do for a shower.....or so I thought.

For the next hour, women popped in, many with kids in tow, dressed like they had just come in from working in the yard. Some just came to the door and never did come in! There weren't any games, or even girl talk. Not being a mormon, no one (except the pregnant gal, a co-worker) knew me and I was basically in the way...or so I felt. I finally left after about an hour.

There was a punch like drink with some gelatinous goo floating in it and a cake, that's all I remember.

Now I just get a gift card at the Safeway and tell them "Sorry, I can't make it".

I've been to some really great showers. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I don't understand the point of a drive-through shower. It's supposed to be a celebration among friends, right? The idea of just inviting people for a quick hello and gift drop just seems bizarre to me. If a friend would be inconvenienced by a regular shower, maybe they aren't close enough that they should be invited in the first place.

I have rarely been invited to a shower for a friend I didn't want to celebrate. In those few cases where I didn't feel like I should have been invited, I just RSVP that I won't be able to make it, and wish them well. I don't feel obligated to go just because I'm invited.

This is a very common thing in Utah.

I suspect people do this so they can get away with inviting tons more people so they can get more presents. My sister in law had her open house baby shower in a church gym and she invited like 300+ people. I was surprised when I looked at her enormous registry the night before and only two things had been purchased. I showed up and put my gift on the table and she said, "Oh do you want me to open it now?" Umm okay. She opened it without even looking at the card and went on to her next present. So awkward. And the only things people gave them were blankets and diapers. She complained about it later facebook, lol.

In-and-out sounds like a gift grab to me and tacky. Everyone's too busy to hang out for a couple of hours, so let's maximize the gifts by saying no one has to stay!! Then there will be no excuses!

I have not experienced any of these types of showers and I've been to plenty of Mormon showers, also in the East Valley.

One thing though, hardly anyone serves food. Cake or cookies and punch, but no snacks or sandwiches, which is just not something I ever experienced at other showers - you feed your guests and it doesn't have to be lavish or expensive. I figured that was a Mormon thing along with Jell-O at dinner.

Not RSVPing seems to be a bigger problem with Mormons as well, cuz I guess they're used to just being invited and showing up to everything? I've seen a few hostesses freak out since they didn't plan food for the extra people.

I was as stunned as nadamo at my first Mormon wedding reception...cake, punch, stand in line, greet the bride and groom, chat with other guests, in and out in 30 minutes. I was expecting a regular type reception with dancing and food and music. What a drab reception.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2012 11:41PM by omreven.

All of my mormon friends have done this. My TBM mother told me it's so they don't take the emphasis away from the "Sacredness of the temple marriage". Thank God I didn't get married in the temple and I had a normal wedding even though my mother was disappointed in me. I could have had a fabulous temple wedding and then had the "reception" in the gym at the church with dollar store streamers hung off the basketball hoops. GAG. Seriously there are receptions like that. It's SO sad!

I have to disagree. Drop in showers are popular where I live among LDS and non-LDS alike. Most women I know hate the stupid games and the show off nature of opening the presents in front of everyone to see who got the best present for the bride. I will agree that a simple Costco cake alone for refreshments is tacky but all the open house showers I've been to have had lovely food. I think it's nice to have an opportunity for people who ordinarily wouldn't be able to attend a long shower to be able to drop by for half an hour to wish the bride or the new mom the best. I really don't think it has anything to do with wanting more presents either. Most women I know who have taken this option have invited more or less the same number of people - just made it easier for them to attend, which I find considerate.

If you want tacky, you should have been at my "traditonal" shower that my inlaws threw for their side of the family when I got married. There must have been 50 women there, most of whom I didn't know. The games were the same old boring ones played at every wedding shower and when it came time to open the presents, everyone just ignored me to talk amongst themselves. I tried to think of nice comments to make about each present but soon gave up when I realized nobody really cared if I was there or not.

At the end of the day, I think if the bride wants an open house shower, she should have one and everyone should go and not dis her for her preference. She's probably trying to be considerate of the time and obligations of those attending and really, a shower isn't about bonding because they aren't fun. Most women find them a chore but they attend anyway because it's not about them. It's about giving people a chance to congratulate the bride and help her on her journey into married life.

I have been to several open house showers. My daughters have had them. Ours have been very nice, most people who come stay for quite a while, visit and mingle. We open gifts while guests are there. We have buffet refreshments that are brunch like. I haven't had a bad experience with an open house. People come and go if they have a busy schedule that day which I have had guests say they appreciate so they could come. I personally don't care to play the shower games so no loss there for me. Just another viewpoint.

Single people making their way in the world have to pay for everything themselves practically. Most don't even get housewarming gifts if they buy a house. I'm sick of showers. Yes, this is a rant because I'm looked down on for being single. :/

Singles really do get the short end of the stick. I would have had very few nice things if I hadn't eventually inherited my parents' china, silver, crystal, etc. My family did eventually start to give me dishware and other kitchen things for birthday and Christmas gifts.

My sister-in-law feels that any single person who leaves home should get a shower.

I had an open house baby shower. We had sandwiches and other side dishes out so people could grab a bite when they came by. They didn't have to leave right away. A lot of people just hung around and visited. Honestly, I didn't want it any other way. I don't like being the center of attention. I hate baby shower games too. It drives me nuts!

If you do it right, it sounds like a good idea. Most showers are boring and the games are really lame. So long as you don't invite everyone you know and provided you have nice refreshments and make people wlcome, it sounds okay to me.I'd prefer it to a long shower with silly games and forced conversation with people I really don't know.

Totally agree with you. Could be really nice if it is planned right and the whole town isn't invited. I'd love to have back all the time I've spent over the years playing stupid games. I'd have loved to just drop over, have some pleasant conversation, enjoy a bite to eat and then felt free to leave when I was ready instead of having to stick around and play dumb games.

Not being raised TBM I wasn't familiar with the "open" shower until I got married then pregnant. At first it sounded a little tacky to me and I wasn't sure how it would go over but I am now a fan. The friends that came down who had also never attended one were actually impressed with how much nicer the whole thing was than a traditional shower. The food was wonderful, place was decorated lovely, lots of socializing, and no stupid games that just make everyone gag or feel stupid-especially the pregnant woman who really doesn't want to reveal in front everyone exactly how big her figure has gotten with not-so exciting games guessing her girth. I have been to a few that really were tacky to the extreme but it was because of the people who planned the party. I think that holds true for any event really.

I have been in the wedding business for years, both in Utah and since I moved.
Utah Morg. weddings are drab and boring affairs. Of course, the only services vendors are needed for is the reception since us vendors can't get in the temple. So, since they (bride and groom/parents) don't have to pay for a fancy ceremony, you'd think more money would go into the reception right? WRONG! Normally they serve these little sacrament cups filled with puffy stale mints and nuts. Then you get a glass of green punch (green Kool-Aid) with lime sherbet in it or perhaps 7-up with sherbet in it. These are sitting on a table with a tacky paper table cloth like they use at ward dinners......and you help yourself, no real servers unless someone from the ward volunteers and/or has a calling to do it.
At any rate, it sucks and they stand around talking about TSCC............more Morg gossips than you can imagine.
Of course, the non-Mo weddings in Utah are like the ones here...appetizers served by the caterers, fine wine, some dinner (not necessarily real expensive food) but tasty and sometimes a full bar. And always a fabulous cake for EVERYBODY!
I am not surprised that the showers are drab, boring and drive through. The weddings are not great either. Imagine the let down ofter the magnificent time in the temple, NOT!
Perhaps a good game for a shower of that sort would be to try to find masonic symbols on pictures of the temple. The one that finds the most wins and all expense paid trip to Utah county...........UGH!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2012 02:40AM by enoughenoch19.

Well I do suppose it could be done up right, and it might be ok. I guess its just not my style. I also despise disgusting shower games (candy bar in a diaper, baby food tasting?.....bleh), but I've seen some fun ones, that don't embarrass the bride/mama to be. I suppose it boils down to the person throwing the shower, and I shouldn't have been surprised that my step mom would do that. For birthday parties we got a pizza and ice cream and that was that. Nothing special, ever.

Anyway, I too am in the wedding industry, and I swear I've seen it all. After living in Utah almost my whole childhood and for some if my young adult life, I truly believed that lds weddings were typical throughout the nation. Poor, naive girl.... Lol. Anyway, I've been a reformed utahn for nearly 15 years, and thank goodness I've seen the NORMAL side of weddings. Funny though, when I got married to my ex, I pushed for a "line" and he as all, "what the Hell is a line?!". When I explained it to him he vetoed based on boring everyone to tears. He presented the idea of a money dance, and my Mormon self couldn't bring myself to "dance with other men right after I've just been married". Oh dear. Well, we didn't do either one, but I do still have fond memories of our reception because we had dinner and dancing (which my lds family had NEVER SEEN at a reception before.....lol).

So yeah, I'm off on a tangent. I'm still not a big fan of the drive by shower, but I can see this is likely a Utah thing. I've never heard of it where I live.

And ftr, as a wedding vendor, give me a non mo wedding any day.

LOVE IT! I'm going to have to steal that one. Very funny and accurate.

Thanks CA Girl. :) it takes some time away to see how bizarro things are there.

And cl2, you reminded me of how my mother agonized over my brothers wedding recently. She works in the medical field, and invited many of her doctor co workers to the reception. There were many who were perplexed, and contacted her privately to ask why there was no rsvp card (uh, Duh....no dinner, people, dessert bar).

She's tbm, and so is the family my brother married into, and this was a non Utah wedding. But my mom had the hardest time trying to explain this oddity. These drs were coming from several hours away (on what turned out to be in the midst of a raging rain storm), probably bringing a lovely gift, for what? Some cheesecake and fruit and a line. : / its very difficult to explain to "outsiders" what to expect from a morg wedding.

Sidenote: I just typed in "morg" on my smartphone and I swear on my kids' lives that auto correct tried to change it to "Mitt". Bwahahahahaha.

I thought it was a great change when they started doing these--and most of the ones I've been to, the people do stick around for a bit and eat, chat, and the new mother/bride open the gift. I hate games--hate hate hate games.

As for tacky weddings in Utah--yep, they are, but there are nice ones, too. I didn't spend much on my wedding--I had it out doors in a garden-type setting. Very little money went into decorations. I had a buffet to eat from. I had it in the afternoon. No line--just the groom and I. I had a lot of compliments, especially from the nonmos I invited who I worked with.

People are short on time and money, and frankly our entire society is moving away from lengthy social gatherings. I have noticed that my non-Mormon friends here in Utah are throwing fewer Christmas and New Year's parties, and inviting fewer people. Hosting is expensive and often thankless.

I'm a manners girl, admittedly. I always rsvp, hate it when people don't, enjoy hosting parties, as well as attending. I always appreciate when a host goes out of their way to thank me for taking time to attend, and that's not always verbal, its whether they took time to prepare a nice event (doesn't have to be expensive, I have cheap standards.....but I suppose I like opportunities to visit with people I haven't seen in a while, and get to know new people.). I do take a lot of heat among my mo peers. My ex thought having a family luncheon after our daughters baptism, in the cultural hall, complete with catered Carne and pollo tacos and fixings, actual cloth tablecloths, and music, was over the top. Imade a beautiful cake, and damn it if we didn't have a fabulous time and my daughter knew it was her day. That's me, not doing it the mo mo way. Oh, and of course people we didn't invite showed up, and brought their kids.

Party snob? Sigh. I suppose I am. : / part of it to me is just enjoying this life with family and friends, making memories over food and talk.

How simple is it to have a shower with no games? Very!

A traditional shower is the way to go--the person who hosts it puts time and effort into what she does and an open house is just plain disrespectful to the hostess and the bride or mother to be (and the father to be is now often a part of the festivities!). Just eliminate the silly games. My bridal shower didn't have any 30+ years ago, nor did my one and only baby shower (no matter how many kids, it's bad manners to have more than one).

And when my only married daughter had her wedding shower, it was traditional, too. But, no games.

And we all had a great time--good food, great wines, lovely gifts and best friends. What more do you need?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2012 06:34PM by nwmcare.

But I also think its disprespectful towards the subsequent children born (or adopted) afterwards. That's another reason why I hate showers.

Tristan-Powerslave Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> But I also think its disprespectful towards the
> subsequent children born (or adopted) afterwards.
> That's another reason why I hate showers.


NOthing wrong with giving baby gifts! Just no shower.

In all my years of being a TSCC member, I have NEVER heard of this!!!! O_o

Some Utahns...especially mormon Utahns are notoriously cheap

I am choosing to do my sisters second shower as an open house shower this time simply because we have such a large family on both sides, and because her MIL has approached me and asked if we could do the shower together. To be honest, I am slightly annoyed by the hijacking of the shower by her in laws, but what am I supposed to do? Tell them no, go do your own shower and leave mine alone! Can't do that, and I'm not going to create drama for my sister.

Sometimes a second shower is warranted. This is her second baby, but there is going to be 10+ years between her oldest and this one. Sorry, if you think we're being rude by throwing her a second shower, then I guess we are rude. This baby was a surprise and she literally has NOTHING.

Now, the biggest obstacle I'm facing is because there are so many guests going to be invited...We have 48 on our side alone (3/4 of the guest list is just family members), her in laws will have their own guests to invite too. Can you imagine trying to have a traditional shower with games with 75 people participating? Gives me an anxiety attack just thinking about it. Anyway, the in laws want to do a diaper raffle which I think is a great idea, but how are we supposed to facilitate this when it's an open house shower? I read somewhere that it's a good idea to have each guest fill out an envelope with their address on it at the shower, so that you had their correct address for thank you cards. Great idea! I suppose we could send the prize for the diaper raffle if the person who wins was not present at the time. Plus, a lot of the people coming to the shower will be driving 40+ miles to get to the shower. The in laws idea of a prize for the raffle is a massage, but what if someone who lives 50 miles away wins the prize and has to travel 50 miles to get the massage? I just don't think it's the best idea, but have no idea how to get this across.

I plan on this shower being very nice, and very comfortable for everyone attending. There will be a table full of cotton onesies in assorted sizes with craft markers so that people can decorate them for her. Also going to have a beautiful Tree on canvas, with paint in the colors of the nursery for people to dip their thumbrint in the paint and add as leaves to the tree as a sort of guest book. (found the idea on Pinterest!)

I attended a shower for a friend who was expecting her late-in-life OOPS! baby. Her youngest at the time was ten and she had long ago given away all the baby stuff certain that they were done. She didn't even have a crib.

The twist was that it was a hand-me-down shower. Those of us who had used baby stuff were welcome to give that instead of buying a new gift. Those of us who no longer had baby stuff left pooled our resources for a gift certicate she could use to fill in the holes.

It was great. She got tons of still usable baby stuff and we were able to help her without going into a lot of expense.

I hit send too fast, but my SIL did have 2 baby showers, and one of those was done by my brother's workplace as a surprise party as he's well liked there. Both showers were traditional showers in that people stayed for food and cake, but the work shower didn't have any games. To my knowledge, nobody at either shower was TBM, as this was outside of Utah.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2012 08:43PM by adoylelb.

For my bridal shower, I actually wanted a "no games, no frills" kind of thing. I wanted to be able to just sit around and chat with everyone rather than be worried about playing silly games and such.

My baby shower was thrown by the absolutey wonderful older ladies in my ward (older as in the youngest were old enough to be my mom and the others were old enough to be their moms). It was great, especially the "name which babyfood is in each label-removed jar" when most of them had never used commercial baby food for their babies.