Once again my first grader comes home upset due to teasing. Its anywhere from kids saying that they are going to kill him or me,breaking his glasses, giving him bloody noses to verbal abuse. The school does what it can however it is not enough, I am so sick of it and my heart breaks for my son. I keep telling him that he is a great kid and that all of his family loves him. I know kids can be mean I was picked on my whole life, however the kids out here seem even meaner. Its bad enough that the neighborhood kids wont play with him. He is a good kid. Does it get worse in 2nd grade when the other children are baptized, we are seriously thinking of homeschooling if it does. Sorry for the rant but I had to get it out, before I go and really give some parents a piece o my mind.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2012 12:46AM by eldorado.

I really think I saved his sanity by doing so. He was a super sensitive kid and the bullying really shredded his self esteem.

I've recently begun homeschooling my son for this same reason. Thankfully we're in the situation for me to stay home and do this right now...I don't know what we'd do otherwise. It's scary how cruel some kids can be. Who are these parents raising such hateful children??? Anyway, I've been homeschooling for a couple of weeks and on in doing so I've noticed that it's hard to find "normal" homeschool groups - what I mean by this is that we're not fanatically religious and we're not "unschoolers" or any of the extremes... Ah what gives!

The damage done by bullying is felt for a lifetime. Every time I look in the mirror, "ugly skank" rings in my ears to this day.

Your son needs your help. Whatever it takes, do it.

I wouldn't mess around with that. Can you start homeschooling him now even? I don't blame you for feeling that way. I would be devastated if that were happening to my son. He is in first grade also.

The school is responsible for maintaining a healthy environment for the children. If they don't care, pull him out immediately. It only takes 3 hours of home school to meet or exceed what takes the public school all day.

One of my daughters still talks about the day she came home from first grade and told me the kids were mean to her and threw rocks at her (because we left the church). I took her out of school and the thing she credits me with, interestingly, is "believing" her.

Later I put her in Catholic school in Utah and she did fine.

Anagrammy

The Catholic school I went to was AMAZING. They had absolutely NO tolerance for bullying. I don't know if it's a universal thing, but I'd definitely look into it!

You need to try to find out why he is being bullied and try to address the problem if you haven't already. I agree that if you can't stop it, he needs to be out of the situation.

Sorry, but you have no understanding of the problem....bullying is not going to stop if the person changes.

a person bullied for being 'fat' could stop eating and become anorexic and STILL the bullying would continue.

a person bullied for dressing in rags, could come to school in a different designer outfit everyday and STILL they would be bullied.

.... and, by making fundamental changes to the victim, you're telling them their physical selves are worth less than the bullying mob.

I Dont have easy answers........ easy answers rarely work,
but - as a start - it seems obvious the school needs to take more notice of people who are in their charge for 40 hours a week.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2012 09:00AM by apatheist.

I didn't say that, but it helps to understand the causes. I have taught in the public schools for 30 years and sometimes the kid can change his behavior in ways that will stop or lessen the bullying.Sometimes standing up to the bully will help. Other times that doesn't work, but it is worth looking into.It is also important to insist that the school protect your child. The bullying should not be tolerated



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2012 09:02AM by bona dea.

My daughter was bullied in second grade. A boy was treating her terrible on the playground; kicked her off the jungle gym, took her ball, pulled her hair, slugged her in the stomach, called her names, etc. She was miserable. She asked the playground monitor to make him stop several times to no avail. Here is how I handled it.
First I asked the principal to intervene. I got a call saying that he had talked to the boy. If anything, that made it worse. I asked again to have the principal ask the playground monitor do something. Again nothing happened and it got worse. My daughter loved school and was starting to dread going. So, I told her to talk to the playground monitor one more time. She did and it got worse again.
Finally, I told my daughter to kick the boy as hard as she could in the groin. My daughter was a dancer and could kick like a mule. So I knew that this would do it if anything would. She did it that very day. In the afternoon, I received a call from the principal. I had to go in to speak with him. When I arrived, he was there with the boy and his mother. My daughter was also there across the room. Apparently my daughter had kicked him hard enough that he threw up and was in agony. The principal immediately told me that my daughter had told him that I was the one (meaning me) who had told her to kick the brat. Of course, I told him that YES I did tall her to do that. I then told him that she would keep doing it until he stopped bullying her anywhere at any time.
My daughter and this boy were in that same school until after 6th grade. He never came near her, spoke to her or even breathed near her again. I don’t condone violence except when nothing else works.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2012 02:22AM by enoughenoch19.

Sometimes pain is the only thing a bully understands. And you taught your daughter to stand up for herself, and that she DID have the right and the power to make it stop.

And to the original poster: The lower grades in elementary school were the toughest, as far as dealing with Mormons. Our older kids were singled out, preached at, and one was even held down on the playground (2nd or 3rd grade) while her FRIENDS told her the JS story. REALLY, and it was rather traumatic for her. She didn't tell that to us until about 10th grade, or we would have done something about that.

We had to repeatedly call the school to remind the principal that kids shouldn't be allowed to hand out religious tracts at school, and that teachers need to be professional about not promoting religion, or allowing kids to be singled out in school because of it. We felt that teachers needed to take an active role in making it an emotionally healthy environment for non-LDS kids. The principal tried to deny any responsibility, but we bugged him until things improved.

My husband wrote letters to the editor as well.

By the time they got into JR high, it was cool not to be Mormon. (yes, this is Utah Valley). Same for HS. There are some people who look down on them. But how is that different from ANY high school?


But, to the original poster. INSIST that the school does something, and if they don't, do whatever it takes to keep your son happy and healthy.

enoughenoch19 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
I
> don’t condone violence except when nothing else
> works.

Good job!

She learned a very powerful lesson for life. Hopefully he learned one as well. Did you go on to bully other children or did he change his ways?

I agree with the others-you need to raise hell with the school. Go all the way to the school board and district if you need too. Your child is being harmed and there is no excuse. Until things are resolved and you can ensure a safe learning enviroment then maybe homeschooling is the way to go. I am so, so sorry this is happening to him. I hope he can heal and move on.

My sister was teased by a girl in her class for months when she was in third grade. My sister was really short and had coke bottle glasses. Phone calls to the school and trying to talk to the parent of the bully didn't do any good. My mother finally told my sister to punch the girl in the nose the next time the girl bullied her. It was a Catholic school and lets just say the nuns were not pleased when my sister gave the girl a bloody nose! My sister was not allowed to go outside for recess for a week, but she was never bothered by the girl again :) My mom told the principal she had encouraged my sister to do it....the same method worked for me in 8th grade when a boy wouldn't quit pinching my behind....that only took one kick to the groin on that occasion.

By the way, we aren't violent adults. In fact my sis is a school principal and she takes bullying seriously in her school.

meagainat40 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
lets just say the nuns were
> not pleased when my sister gave the girl a bloody
> nose!

Yep, one punch. My junior high bully never so much as talked to me. No one ever bullied me again.

And I was 2-4 inches shorter than most of the boys, very shy and in honors classes.

1. You have a right to go to school with your child and observe the dynamics all day everyday if necessary.

2. You have a right to sit down with the the teacher and/or principal and other school workers and form a plan of action to prevent these bad things.

3. You have a right to go over the head of the principal to the superintendent and/or the school board.

As a first grade teacher, I have never seen kiddies that age embarrassed by having a parent in the classroom, lunchroom, or playground. Parents were welcome in my classes. But they do need to check in with the office and let the teacher know they'll be there.

In this situation I as a teacher would be tough as nails. I'd tell the bully and his parents that he would lose all privileges if there was one more hint of an incident. That would mean the bully would not be allowed to mix with other kids in the class or the playground. I'd move his desk to a far corner and see that he had to sit alone during recess or walk along with the yard duty official instead of playing.

Bullies had to prove themselves to me and show remorse and a willingness to change before I'd let up on giving them a normal privilege one at a time over days of observing a better attitude.

Then I'd sit down with them and talk about which classmates they could get along with and which ones they couldn't and they were only allowed to play with certain kids.

I could say more but I hope you get the idea. In my opinion there is no excuse for letting a six year old bully run a school program to the detriment of innocent children who need to feel safe.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2012 06:56AM by Cheryl.

Sitting with your child in class sends a message to the bully that the parents has his or her child's back.

Document every bullying action. Send a complaint in writing to the principal every time it happens. Demand a joint meeting with the other child and his or her parents. If the principal can't solve the problem, go over his or her head.

If none of that works, call the police for any physical assaults. And consider hiring a lawyer.

summer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sitting with your child in class sends a message
> to the bully that the parents has his or her
> child's back.
>

We lived in West Valley (the same West Valley that many posters here say is more dangerous than Bagdad and crime is omnipresent) and now in West Jordan (the poor part).

And my Nevermo kids have never been bullied.

I may have stumbled upon the reason why, after reading this thread.

I'm almost 6 feet tall and I work in a warehouse. So I must look pretty imposing to a 2nd grade bully. I go to my kids' classes once every couple of months and I walk them to school sometimes.

Eldorado, could your husband (none of my business though, if you have one or not) go to class with your son?

I try to forget most of my life before high school. I brought a lot of it on myself, because I was obnoxious and hyperactive and seemed to think that any attention was good even if it was bad. I tried to be the class clown. I was, and still am, very socially stunted.

But kids can be so incredibly cruel. I remember seeing the ancient movie "Cypher in the Snow" and wishing so bad that I could do like that kid, just drop dead and not have to face everyone anymore - and I didn't really have it that bad compared to some, I suppose.

I think sometimes kids don't even realize how mean they can be. I was even a bully to a kid in 2nd grade, just screwing around. I had no idea that I was causing problems. I'll never forget we had a class project, where we all had to write about "If I Were a Giant" or something, and the teacher posted them on a bulletin board in the classroom. I remember reading this kids' paper, and in one place he wrote, "If I were big, I would squash (apatheist)". The hair stood up on the back of my neck, and I was stunned. It finally clicked in my head what was going on. I was completely oblivious to the harm I was causing, and here 20-some-odd years later I still feel ashamed of it.

Anyway, I would have loved to have my mom homeschool me. I begged her to dozens of times, but she was absolutely convinced she wasn't smart enough to teach me properly (she struggled in school, so she's spent her whole life thinking she's "stupid" when she's not).

On the other hand, I was already socially stunted and it's entirely possible I'd be even moreso if I had been homeschooled. I mean that in all seriousness - but I don't have a really good solution for you.

Are you in the Morridor? My wife raves to this day about how much she enjoyed a charter school she went to on-campus at USU. Perhaps try to find out if you have one of them nearby.

Good luck with your son.

Can you afford to have an attorney write a letter for you to the principal? Even if you would not want to go any further in terms of legal action, I bet a letter from a lawyer would miraculously (ahem) make the principal put a stop to the bullying.

I agree with this. Have seen how effective it is when an attorney threatens the school district (about my autistic nephew being bullied). Watch them pull out all the stops, immediately.

There is a huge spotlight on bullying in schools right now.

I sometimes think that bullying is a function of a low IQ mated to a Type A personality. It has no place in civilized society and must be stopped.

If you do decide to homeschool, be sure to write a letter to the school district offices explaining that due directly to their lack of action to create a safe environment, you have removed your child, to the detriment of their fiscal grants. Tell them also that you are actively encouraging other parents to do the same.

Budgetary constraints are the driving factor in many school districts, and knowing that because they refused to help you, you have become an enemy of the money system that keeps them afloat, they usually respond very quickly and thorougly to whatever problems you are having.

In all honesty, I agree that you should raise holy hell with the school system, even call in the media! :). And teach your son to defend himself. Unfortunately, there are going to be bullies everywhere. Perhaps a martial arts class? He would learn self-defense as well as gain friends through exterior socializing.

A lot of great advice here. I agree you should fight the school and teachers on this. It is their job to keep your son safe. I am a jr high teacher and thought I would give some input from what I see in young teenagers. Bullying does happen in every school but the problems I have discovered as a teacher is that many bullying cases are not reported. Those who are bullied are afraid to report it. The bystanders rarely report it either. In our school we have focused a lot on the bystanders, getting them to realize it isn't "tattling" to tell an adult about what's happening. We have set up anonymous ways in which bullying can be reported.

Another HUGE problem we have is that kids really don't know what bullying is. Few bullies think they are bullies. We have had to explicitly explain to our students all the various forms of bullying. It isn't just stealing someone's lunch money. We have tried to get these unintentional bullies to realize that although they think their comments are funny and just a joke, that it isn't a joke to others.

I believe these things have helped, but it often feels like we are fighting an uphill battle. When these kids hear their parents and other adults say racist things, talk about others behind their backs, and teach their kids only one religion is right, it is hard to combat that attitude in the schools.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2012 04:15PM by mistydiamond.

Please take your child out of this situation immediately! My thoughts are with you eldorado.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2012 04:23PM by FormerLatterClimber.

You need to teach your kid that if someone is physically assaulting him, to teach him to stop that person from doing that. I assume he has "turned the other cheek" and walked away. Since this hasn't work, your kid needs to smack the ringleading bully in the nose.

To add....Here's what my dad told me when I was in elementary school...

I don't want you starting fights, but if you get in a fight, I want you to end it...

+ 1

I was bullied and in each case eventually slugged the perp. They admitted that they deserved it and got punished. My mother told me that they bullied me because they were jealous.