I'd like to thank JustMe7, and thank those who responded to yesterday's thread: "I'm so depressed, been out 7 years." If you missed that thread, go back and read it!

Those posts were a huge help for me! Annagrammy's post made me cry! But—like many of you on RFM—her courage and resiliance came shining through. I appreciate you people so much!

I have saved that thread in my archives, to re-read on a cold night when I'm home alone, and all the Mormon neighbor families are at one of their Christmas parties.

I'm going to take some of the good advice, and concentrate on my family, and mail them packages, call them, Skype them, e-mail them, exchange photos, etc. I will think about what I now have, instead of what I have lost. Instead of wishing things were different, I will make things better. I will be of good cheer to other people.

A poster wrote: "Be your own Santa!"

Our office is doing the "Angel Tree" thing for as many children as we can afford. I already volunteer in the community, and spread my donations out to a variety of good charities. I've started new holiday traditions. I'm writing individual personal letters with each Christmas card, instead of the mass-mailed formatted brag-letter (which I never did, BTW).

On a behavioral level—I'm decorating my house, bringing goodies to work, reading a pile of books (that were recommended here on RFM), having a "bah-humbug" party for my single friends, hosting our "game night," cross country skiing 3-4 times a week, downhill skiing as much as I can afford, skating and snow-shoeing. Thank goodness I love winter sports! These things keep depression away.

Christmas lights, candle light, a fire, scented candles and perfumes stimulate the senses and create a comforting atmosphere.

Here are some less-religious Christmas movies for those nights alone:

Christmas Vacation
Better off Dead (a John Cusak winter classic)
The Grinch—both the cartoon and Jim Carey versions
Scrooge the musical
The Holiday (Jude Law, Kate Winslett)
Scrooged (Bill Murray) also Groundhog Day
It's a Wonderful Life
I have a marathon of Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got mail, and When Harry Met Sally

There's an Anne of Green Gables marathon on PBS this weekend.

I recommend any and all football games! Bet money on them, if you can.

When I do my Christmas baking, I listen to Beethoven's Ninth, but only if I'm alone. (Classical music can annoy people.)

I will NOT listen to those Motab choir funeral durges. That sound brings on serious flashbacks! Here's some of my favorite non-Mormon Christmas music:

Manheim Steamroller
Trans Siberian Band
My chldren's university combined chorus CD
A Charlie Brown Christmas (Vince Guaraldi)
Elvis Christmas (got it at a white elephant gift exchange)
George Winston
Old fashioned madrigals, gregorian chants, drum-and-fife carols
The Messiah
Mozart Requiem

In the movie "The Proposal" (I might rent that, too, during the holidays) the lonely Margaret confesses: "Every Christmas, I read Jane Eyre; it's my favorite book."

Even in the middle of all the Christmas dashing around with my children, school activities, shopping, parties, and "The Church," our one lone family tradition has been to read "A Christmas Carol" , in our jammies, by the tree. I also like to read "A Child's Christmas in Wales." I think I'll read "The Night Before Christmas" to my cats, just to say that I became a bona fide "cat lady" for a few minutes. There is not just one right way to be, you know.

There are a lot of days ahead, and more days until New Year's and Valentine's Day. Help?

There's ALL he versions of Scrooge, to watch! The 1938 version, the 1951 version, (my favourite!) the George C. Scott version (You know, George is a sadly under-rated actor, he did a damn good Scrooge) and the Patrick Stewart version, not quite as good as the previous two, but still pretty good, and closer to the book, in many ways.

There's a new Christmas tune out
http://www.thatschristmas.co.uk/index.htm

It's the second video on the front page, but before you go there, take a look at the top video with the lights and the Trans Siberia Orchestra tune!

We could always promise to have a drink on the RFM board! Every hour, on the hour we could raise a toast to our RFM mates and buddies! :oD

And because it is a round the world board, that would mean that for every hour, someone would be toasting us, someone would be caring about us...



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2010 06:26PM by matt.

matt Wrote:
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> There's ALL he versions of Scrooge, to watch!

Geeze, don't forget my favorite, "A Muppet Christmas Carol." It will cheer you up in a second!

"Mixed Nuts" with Steve Martin, Madeline Kahn, Adam Sandler and some brat pack people. It's not Christmas until I've watched that and Christmas Vacation.

One other thing I didn't mention is I created my own memory book about my son. Every time a memory came back, I wrote it down. I forced myself to make a memory book as full of details as I possibly could and with story titles and an index. (Don't use the computer for this, your handwriting is much more personal and it's amazing how the sight of the leather journal there by his picture makes me feel like he will never be forgotten.) I have been adding memories all these years.

Then, when that memory caused pain again, I would light the votive candle by his picture and read the story of that day at least three times. By now, I can tell about his life without breaking down.

You psychologists will recognize me using the principle of flooding. There is no real joy if you are holding back tears, so don't hold them back, dive right into those memories and write/read as many times as necessary until they are a delight again.

Here's an example: When Greg was three, I gave him some sliced apple in his hand. An appleseed popped out. He handed it back and said to me, "Mommy, apple go poo-poo!" I copied stuff from my old personal journals for this memory book, which is just about him and his life.

And then I remind myself that all my three year olds are gone forever--the living and the dead, so I better write the stuff down. I have started compiling journals for all my living children now and I expect this project to last for the rest of my life!

Needless to say, without the loss of my son, I would have never thought of writing up each child's childhood. I was under the delusion that they would all just love to read my journals. I can hardly stomach all my religious "I feel the Spirit so strongly today...." Blech. Seriously, I'm taking excerpts and burning them when I'm done.

Anagrammy

I'm glad someone started another thread, so I could thank you for that!

Your story explains why you are such a great writer. You probably were a good writer in the first place, writing journals, etc., but your experiences and your love for your children have made you a GREAT writer. I know everything is intensely personal, but I would love to read your stories, given a chance! Thank you for the story of the apple! Ha-ha!

Mothers everywhere can relate to what you wrote about the "three-year-old still sitting in a highchair somewhere." That haunted me all night, and again this morning....

I know what I am going to do, now! Whenever I'm down, whenever I feel all alone, whenever I feel my life is over, I will write about my children and grandchildren, so those sweet memories will have life!

Also, I will have more joy in re-living it all!

I can't write as well as some people can, but I can at least get it down on paper. Someday, I or someone else, can edit.

You are my inspiration! >^..^<

Your comments mean a lot to me. When you hit the last third of your life, you have a choice to see yourself buried under the avalanche of your mistakes, or... standing on top of a mountain of experience which can be shared to help and encourage others.

The choice is completely up to us.

There is terrible pain in my past-- and I believe that's true of everyone on this board. And suffering is part of the human condition the world over. My new friend Joan has this quote painted on her "art" car:

"Be kind for everyone you meet is engaged in a great struggle" --a quote from Pliny of Alexandria

You always have such great comments - your point of view is unique and your descendants can turn to your writings for inspiration and hope--but only if you write them!

Warmly,

Anagrammy

Charley?

The first is 'Black Christmas' with Olivia Hussey, Margot Kidder, & Andrea Martin. It's a gorgeous slasher with phenomenal acting & direction. Incidently the director is the late Bob Clark, who most of you know directed the family favorite 'A Christmas Story'. The other is 'Silent Night, Bloody Night', with Mary Woronov.