Both of my parents converted to Mormonism in the 1960s. My mother was Catholic and my father Protestant. Both came from large families that my sisters and I have never met. They weren’t disowned; they chose TSCC over their own families and never looked back. My father has a daughter from a previous LDS marriage. I met her only twice as a child and the last time I saw her was in the mid 1980s. He somehow got the permission from TSCC to divorce his first wife because my parents were wed in the Salt Lake City Temple in 1974. My sister Heather is their honeymoon baby. Holly came a year later, I a year after that, and Carrie 2-years after me.

My father was in the Air Force (now retired) and we were raised in military wards. I knew as a young child that there was something different about us. Most of my friends knew their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We didn’t. I remember being taught about Forever Families and hoping that someday I would meet mine. My parents are fanatical and hardly ever mentioned their relatives to us. When they did come up it was how they didn’t have the True and Everlasting Gospel and were sinners.

My little sister and I were abused physically and emotionally by both of our parents. I left home at 17, finished high school while working full time at a fast food restaurant. I have have had little communication with my parents since. Carrie ran off a year later and became a transient in San Francisco. I followed in my father’s footsteps and enlisted in the Air Force after graduating. Carrie got pregnant by a man in his 50s when she was 17. She called home and asked to see if she could come and stay with my parents. They declined to take her back. I called them to see if I could help persuade them to change their minds. My father told me I was to blame because I led her from the church due to my bad example. She had her baby at 18 and was homeless and hooked on drugs. I was stationed in Hawaii when I next heard from Carrie. She told me that my niece had died from SIDS. Instead of having compassion for her loss my parents acted as if nothing happened. They didn’t even attempt to find Carrie to help her or offer condolences. I took Emergency Leave and flew to San Francisco to find Carrie. While attempting to make funeral arrangements for her daughter she disappeared. I didn’t hear from her for over 8-years.

While stationed in the Azores (Portuguese Islands) I heard from a childhood friend that Carrie was incarcerated in Chowchilla, California at the Women’s Prison. I reached out to her. She replied and told me that she was in contact with our parents and that they didn’t understand why I wouldn’t contact them. I told her that my hatred for them extends beyond the years of abuse we endured. I blame them for what happened to her. She told me that she was scheduled to be released from prison the following year. I desperately wanted to see her since she was the only member of my family I had made contact with since leaving home. I was married with a daughter of my own when I found Carrie. We wrote each other about our lives and planned on reuniting upon her release. I put in for orders to California, and surprisingly I received them. Carrie was released from prison a few weeks before our scheduled reunion.

On April 21, 2008 I was notified by the American Red Cross Liaison that my sister was involved in a serious vehicle crash. I called my mother and told her that I was taking Emergency Leave and heading up to San Francisco. That was the first and only words we’ve had in over 12-years. When I arrived at the hospital I was told that my sister had a Global Brain Injury and was on life support. She had a 0% chance of survival. I held her hand, told her I loved her, and within a few hours she died. My parents didn’t bother showing until after she passed. I drove more than 6 hours to be with her (100+ mph). They were only a few hours away. I left the hospital after she passed and out of respect for her I didn’t engage my parents. I’m an Atheist now, but if there is a God, I’d rather burn in Hell for eternity than be linked to those two monsters. The idea of the Mormon “Forever Families” is sickening. Mormons will forsake their own children in order to present a false image of wholesomeness. I have had my name removed from TSCC. I distrust Mormons and I never again will have anything to do with my parents or their cult!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/28/2010 08:52PM by angryaaron.

wow... what a sad story. You mentioned that you are an atheist now, so there is no point in me saying anything like, you will see each other again. But I do believe that during the one life you both had, that you did the best that you could for your sister, and that you were a source of comfort to her. My only words would be to make of your family what you never had from your poisonous parents.
Wishing you the best life you can possibly have from now on.

I seem the same "charity" in my ex-husband as you do in your "ex-parents." We leave them for a reason. Hugs to you for being brother I'd like to have.

...I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. But what a wonderful and loving thing you did to contact her over the years, and to be with her when she died.

Your parents are the losers in all of this. They lost their own families; they lost at least some of their children.

It sounds like you've done a great job of putting a positive life together in spite of your family issues.

My own life has some parallels to yours. My older brother was serving in Hawaii when we had a family crisis (my dad was dying among other issues.) My brother got a commpassionate transfer to come home and help us out...he ended up taking me in with him as he began his post-military life.

Great brothers can make a difference. I'm sure that you made a difference in your sister's life, as my brother made a huge and positive difference in my life.

Good fortune to you from here on out!

Thank you for posting your story. Please know that it is blessing to others to read and learn they are not alone. I hope your path continues to be one of growing freedom and peace.

I am truly sorry to hear of your loss and the trouble with your family.

I'm not putting atheism down, because everyone has the right to believe what they want. But I have noticed that many people jump straight to atheism when they leave the church, simply because they are angry at the church, angry at god, or at their family-- and its like a rebellion or punishment they can throw back. But to me, the only TRUE atheist, is someone who has chosen it for the soul reason that they just don't like the idea of existing beyond this life, or there being a creator.

Some say they are an atheist because they see scientific evidence in support of no god... But really, science wouldn't even pull them in that direction, unless they didn't like the idea of an afterlife in the first place.

All I can say is, if you became an atheist just because you were hurt and angry--- don't let some stupid, flimsily-built denomination turn you against God.

Just because that particular denominatin and its ideas that "You can't be with your family in heaven unless you are sealed in OUR temple" is crap, or just because a few bible translators thousands of years ago were lazy / stupid and said "7 days" because they couldn't comprehend the formation of the elements over billions of years-- doesn't mean god is not real. Besides, other religions don't say 7 days. You can still believe in life after death, you don't have to be a Mormon.



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 11/28/2010 10:09PM by melissa3839.

melissa3839 Wrote: [in part]
-------------------------------------------------------
> ...
>
But to me, the only TRUE
> atheist, is someone who has chosen it for the soul
> reason that they just don't like the idea of
> existing beyond this life, or there being a
> creator.
>
> Some say they are an atheist because they see
> scientific evidence in support of no god... But
> really, science wouldn't even pull them in that
> direction, unless they didn't like the idea of an
> afterlife in the first place. ....
>

Wow. Just wow. People become atheists only because they hate the idea of an afterlife? That has got to be the one of the most naive statements I've ever seen on this board.

Not to mention quite a bit of rude/hurtful personal commentary.

I think it would be eye opening for you to sit down (virtually or in real life) and actually have a conversation with several atheists instead of just assuming the snip bits of information gathered represent the whole picture.

I was a born again Christian for 25 years but when I finally applied the same standard of reason to it that I did to Mormonism it collapsed the same way. Christianity is really no more plausible than any other religion, including Joseph Smith's. The available archeological evidence shows that the Bible is almost as full of falsehoods as the Book of Mormon. And the God depicted in the Bible is cruel, arbitrary and if He were a human parent He would have been arrested for child abuse and locked away forever.

Funny thing how we're supposed to just looooooove our families no matter how lousy they treat us. I am only realizing in the last few years what a load of crap that is. The past has been biting me in the butt a LOT lately. So I understand some of the feelings if not all the experiences.

You were a blessing to Carrie, probably the only person she could rely on.

I hope you'll hang here for awhile; there are good people here and you will find understanding souls.

P.S.- My husband was in A.F.R.T.S. and was stationed at Lajes too, but it was undoubtedly way before your time!

Thank you Doxie. I was at stationd at Lajes from September 2005 to September 2007. I was fortunate to get an accompanied remote tour. It was my wife's first time traveling/living overseas.

Thank you to those of you who have posted your support. It is comforting to hear your kind words of support for me and my family. To the last poster your comment regarding my choice to be atheist is unwelcomed and idiotic. I wouldn't presume to tell you what to believe. What qualifies you to? I spent 15-years in the military and have deployed to both Afghanistan and Iraq. I've seen first hand the horrors of war and what people do in the cause of religion. I am a Medic and I've treated the casualties. Don’t presume to know me from one post. I'm atheist because for me there is no God. I cannot believe in a God that would allow for what I have personally experienced and seen with my own eyes. If you believe in God then good for you. I still believe in reason and that is good enough for me. Please don't ever reply to another posting of mine.

I think that is a bit harsh - what you said to melissa. She is only trying to see "Why" you perhaps chose Atheism. melissa is a kind person on this board and I would hope you'd reconsider your statement.

But this one was hurtful, mean, and chalk full of rude assumptions. Honestly, I don't really feel that the OP was overly harsh in their response.

to all who come here seeking understanding, someone to laugh with or cry with, humor (dark and light). Melissa reached out to you offering to share her truth, what has helped her.

You are free to accept it or reject it. It was a friendly hand that offered it and there's no need to take it out on her.

You have every right to be angry and anger is a great source of energy. The people who make a difference in this world use that energy to help rid the world of the (cult, drunk drivers, unsafe cars) that hurt them.

As horrifying as your story is, it is familiar to us. You are among friends. My exhusband (active LDS) dropped one of my sons off at a dumpster in Portland in the winter. He was robbed, beaten, starved, and frozen almost to death (he was 22). He stumbled onto a construction site and cut the insides of his elbows until he almost bled to death. The police took him to the mental hospital where they declared him to have suffered a psychotic break due to the abuse and the homelessness. When he got out of the hospital, he went to my ex's house to get his bag, which had letters from his girlfriend, and the pathetic few clothes. My ex wouldn't give it to him and called the police because my son was yelling. They put him in jail for resisting arrest. My ex testified against him saying "I've only known him since he was six, your Honor, he's not my real son." He demanded that I pay him "restitution" ($272)for the damage my son did to his house.

Brian's entire life now is dealing with schizophrenia. He will never have a wife or family or a career (he was a musician). He lives sometimes with me, sometimes nearby.

My exhusband's name is Paul Meyers and he lives in Orem. No one knows he has five daughters and one adopted son "from a previous relationship." He is an absolute Prick. I'm naming names.

I'm telling you all this because I want you to know that this anger you feel can be expressed in good ways. You can be the counterpoint of Mormonism in your own family. You did everything you could for your sister. I tried to find my son on the streets of Portland--I didn't know why he didn't call me. (His stepdad told him I was sick of him).

I have previously posted my feelings about God - which is basically that as an anthropomorphic person he sucks -- and for me, I choose to see my positive loving energy going out into the world while I'm alive and then, if anything survives, it will be that loving energy. To me, I see my personality in my children and I know that in them, I live on and on. Setting all that aside,

The really important thing is the quality of your internal life today and finding joy in living despite the terrible injustice and cruelty you've seen. Your experience is an amazing triumph of a good person against terrible odds. Scientists say that who we are has a lot to do with genetic inheritance and I'd say yours skipped a generation and aren't you lucky you didn't end up with the sociopathic cold asshole genes your parents have.

Warmly,

Anagrammy

You were very kind to your sister who had trouble in her life and no parental support. You should be proud. I can relate to the fact you said your parents turned their backs on their own parents. My Mormon son in law did not know his grandparents and often lived in the same city.

His mom had converted and then she shunned them. They both became ill this time last yr.I said to my daughter "Don't you think your husband should go see them." She stated that she wasn't sure they would know him. Ya think? but he could introduce himself as the son of their neglectful daughter. Well, soon SIL's MOM began to show up to assist a little. Not much though. Both died within three days of each other. It was heatbreaking for me and I didn't even know these people.

I know they smoked so she must have said that she wouldn't have her kids in their house or allow them to come to hers. So sad when grandchildren don't know their grandparents. Yes, it is about them thinking the people are sinners and lack the True Gospel. Arrogance is not Christlike Mormons!!!

Anyhow, I wish you all the best. You can truly put your parents behind you now. And know you did the best you could for your sister.

Your parents truly are horrible people. I am sorry for the loss of your sister.

BTW, the church allows men to marry multiple people in the temple. Only women need to obtain a temple divorce to remarry.

It's really hard to believe all the family members your mom and dad gave up in the name of religion.

You were a good big brother and I'm sure you were an inspitation to Carrie more than once. I'm very sorry about the loss of your sister.

I'm so sorry you had so much tragedy in your life. Please accept my appreciation and admiration, though I don't know you.

1. You serve in the military! Thank you.

2. You have broken the cycle of abuse! Congratulations.

You will be a good father to your children! From your story, I can tell that you have the good character to be as loyal and loving to your wife and children as you were to your little sister.

Atheism has many lessons to teach us. One of them is that what counts most in life is THE MOMENT. We are more careful to live our lives with the most love and happiness possible, and make things as right as possible--because things are not going to be corrected in some magical hereafter. You did that!

BTW--how common is this dysfunctional Mormon behavior? My parents allowed my older brother to physically beat and torture me whenever he felt like it. They were in denial, and as long as we appeared perfectly lined up on that LDS church pew promptly every Sunday, they couldn't be bothered. I would cry and beg my parents to help me, to make my brother stop, but they did nothing. I am in therapy for PTSD.

I escaped to BYU, graduated,and married an abusive returned missionary in the temple. He beat me almost daily, and strangled me, and put me in the hospital--yet I was never granted a temple divorce, and this thug is on his third temple wife, and is a "member in good standing."

A few years after the divorce, I married another BYU Mormon, and had children. His parents, my children's grandparents were fanatic Mormons, and the Mormon leaders declared that I was still sealed to my first husband as his property, and that their blood grandchildren were also sealed to my first husband, and not to them. Because of this, my husband left the cult, and his parents blamed me. I and the children were still TBM, when my husband suddenly totally abandoned us for another woman. His parents called to tell me to not expect any help from them. They were instrumental in helping my ex-husband hide his assets and avoid alimony payments and even child support. My children found out that their grandparents had disinherited them. This hurt, because they loved their grandparents.

My ex-husband's brother (a bishop) divorced his wife, too, and their lovely daughter committed suicide at BYU. A few years later, my children's grandfather (a former stake president) shot himself in the head. Talk about a crazy dysfunctional Mormon forever family!

My own parents were very old when my husband left us, and they were supportive of me emotionally, but I couldn't bring my children back home, because my abusive older brother lived with my parents until they died. He was unemployed, and bled their money away. My father was the only "father figure" my children had, and he used to come and stay with us every once in a while, to teach my kids and me how to repair a car, fix things around the house, plant a garden, etc. Those were actually peaceful, good family times.

My children are doing great, and they are probably better off not spending time with their father or his family. We are free of the cult, close-knit and loving as a family, we help each other out, and we are kind to each other. I'd like to think our sick legacy of Mormon abuse is broken, too.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2010 02:37AM by forestpal.

That was just hair-raising. OMG what a woman you are to create a kind and gentle life for your children in the shadow of such violence. Mormons may say it's just an individual who went awry, but we here know that abuse like that is institutionalized because it is CONDONED by failure to REPORT and PROSECUTE.

Mormons care more about their bloody image than your bloody lip.

I'm so glad you are stopping it with you and going forward with your own truth to heal yourself by creating the kind of family every child deserves: safe and loving.

Thanks for sharing

Anagrammy

...I happen to believe in God and an afterlife, but I was struck by your words about what atheism has to offer people. Lately, as a thought exercise, I've been thinking to myself, okay, what if there was no afterlife? How would that change how I live my life? And you're right, that concept has the ability to help me focus more on my happiness and well-being (along with that of others) in the present moment, as opposed to thinking, I'll muddle through somehow because it will all work out sometime in some manner.

Forestpal said, "Atheism has many lessons to teach us. One of them is that what counts most in life is THE MOMENT. We are more careful to live our lives with the most love and happiness possible, and make things as right as possible--because things are not going to be corrected in some magical hereafter. You did that!"

The OP was hardly harsh. He has no reason to "reconsider" his statement. Melissa can't wrap her head around the idea of atheism, so she offers a veiled insult by stating:

I'm not putting atheism down [...] But [aha, here it is] I have noticed that many people jump straight to atheism when they leave the church, simply because they are angry at the church, angry at god, or at their family-- and its like a rebellion or punishment they can throw back. But to me, the only TRUE atheist, is someone who has chosen it for the soul reason that they just don't like the idea of existing beyond this life, or there being a creator.

How typically Mormon. Oh, I don't mean any offense but but but...

FTR, I rather like the idea of a Creator. However, this atheist sees God the same way I do a fairy tale; nice fantasy but it's not reality.

Probably a little overly simplistic to say the only true atheist is one who is "someone who has chosen it for the sole reason that they just don't like the idea of existing beyond this life, or there being a creator."

Who wouldn't like the idea of existing beyond this life?

I am an atheist (not a theist.) I am an atheist simply because I have seen no scientifically verifiable evidence that an afterlife or creator exists and plenty of evidence to suggest that neither an afterlife nor a creator is necessary for life to exist on this planet.

As an atheist I don't reject the idea of a god or afterlife, I just don't ascribe to it.

CateS, I heard your view on the radio the other day- You don't reject the idea of a God - you just don't ascribe to it. So many people think all atheists don't believe in a God. Not true.

It is one, so I'll assume I'm misreading, but all atheists have a lack of belief in a higher power. It you believe in a higher power/god you can't be an atheist.

I'm a tad confused by your statement saying otherwise.

That is not what I heard on the radio Tiff. I heard that it isn't about the certainty of having no belief in God. It allows the possibility, but then the atheist sees no proof of a God. So they call themselves atheist. Only reporting an atheist viewpoint I heard on the radio. So many people on here give various definitions of Christianity so why be surprised about varying views on atheism?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/30/2010 09:01AM by honestone.

That makes much more sense. There are different variations of atheism, but the way your previous comment read at 1:10 in the morning confused me. Thanks for the clarification.

Atheists do not reject the idea of a god/gods. They just don't accept their existence.

Both are active but but different ideas.

Does that help clarify what I'm saying?

CateS has it right I think.

If leaving the mormons has taught me anything it is the importance of DUE DILIGENCE.

Atheism isn't better-than, it isn't more desirable, it isn't a default reaction from anger, it isn't an "alternative religion, it is merely what is left when proper due diligence is pursued by many people.

I am thinking that many atheists would be delighted to examine any compelling evidence that argues for the existence of god, but as opposed to the crazy arguments of the mormon cult, the matter has to begin with solid evidence.

Once some reasonable evidentiary basis is established and becomes a reason to consider extension of the belief system, one can then consider whether to exercise "faith" concerning any non-provable, or-unknowable elements.

But don't be like mormons who want to talk about psychology or alternative agendas or anything other than the evidence.

yet another set of MORmON *parents* who should have had card board cut outs instead of kids.

yet another family destroyed in the interest of pursuing INSANE LDS superlative ideals of eternal family.

LDS INC claims to be good, to support families & ppl, while they have destroyed more lives & families than they ever helped.

Condolences on your sister. When my brother died, followed by dad 3 years later not one of those jerks from TSCC even called or came by to check on me. NOT ONE!! Did I mention that my dad and brother were NOT members of TSCC? I realized then that they were a lie, and really started to have my doubts about their so called one true church. Glad to be outta UT and finally free!

Did I also mention that my TBM boss at the time told me he wanted me to work the day my dad died? What an asshole!!! I will never forgive them /him for that. Yep, NO time to grieve, right back to work!!! I took the day off anyway! Screw them!!