DW is slowly understanding where I'm coming from ... another long conversation last night ...

Here's one bit of logic that will help anyone who is afraid their spouse will leave them:

DW said having to understand the new Major Bidamon and to love him even though it was not part of the original deal is like me loving her even though she has put on a few pounds.

We change physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. That's ok. So you faithless heathens out there, just be yourselves and love the TBMs in your lives (however frustrating that may be).

Insecure people like things to be constant, predictable, so change of any kind can be unwelcome. When an insecure person sees his/her spouse as a partner in the battle against the scariness of life, it can totally freak them out when the spouse suddenly changes course. Ack! Scary ! Scary!

When an insecure person's spouse changes directions, it can be perceived as invalidation of the insecure spouse's desires and goals -- of even of the person.

In this, the dysfunctional insecure personality mirrors mormonism itself, that can't stand any possibility of any questions or inquiry.

What kind of person could not stand even a question about a few pounds, new haircut, a change of clothes, or an inquiry about their childhood?

What kind of organization cannot stand even a question about its history or changes over time?

Insecurity, as anyone should be able to see, is entirely incompatible with truth and any claim of authority from god.

well said!

After being with someone for 20 years, you should be excited that they are willing to try out some new better cut of underwear!

You should be thrilled they want to try some new things, like food, clothing, life experiences. It should refresh your marriage, not kill it.