We haven't set foot in our home ward in 13 years. Very few there would know us, as we bailed shortly after moving here.

Now kids are gone, and I sometimes miss the social and cultural parts - I still practice the self-reliance thing, garden, etc.

The thought just crossed my mind that I could meet with the bishop and tell him I would come back, but:

I would only pay a small membership fee, say $30 per month.
I would only attend the meetings I enjoyed.
I would not accept a calling - I would volunteer to do what I enjoyed - maybe have the youth out to my farm and teach them stuff, like how to split wood and shovel manure.
I would not participate in home teaching, temple work, or missionary work.
I would not bash the church's teachings, but would only teach what made sense to me.
I would be willing to teach the concept of freedom, and how we should all be able to choose our own path. I could teach the Constitution, though their man Romney doesn't think much of it.

So, what do you think? Any chance of that working?

Seriously, I understand that despite your 13 year absence that the LDS Church is all you are familiar with, but even the social aspects of the Church downright suck! Need I remind you of all the self-righteous, judgmental, meddling members? You either have to be all-in or all-out. Being a fence-sitter doesn't work because people will quickly start to notice this and pity you, gossip about you and/or ostracize you!

Start thinking outside the box for other churches if you crave a social connection. A church of actual grown-ups - they're out there and are thankfully nothing like the LDS Church.

You could try it. Let us know how it goes.

I would think you have a right to go back to church on your terms, whether they will be honored is another matter. A few years after I joined, the church came out with the statement, "we are not a social club".

Yeah, they are way worse than a social club, in spite of sharing many attributes of a social club. They are more like a closed authoritarian society that practices thought control and coerces and manipulates people's choices of conscience.

When did the "we are not a social club" statement come out?

As long as you didn't teach any thing that they viewed as "false doctrine" they wouldn't fuss much. They would expect you o increase activity over time and would encourage it. You wouldn't be doing anything that millions aren't doing already.

Whiskey_Tango Wrote:
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> You wouldn't be doing anything that millions aren't doing already.

Exactly. The "$30 membership fee" is not even necessary. Just show up when and where you want. What are they going to do, tell you to go home?

...in all the ways that most active TBMs do, or is otherwise considered a "problem member" of the ward, would most likely not even get any sort of teaching calling to begin with.

Sure, the OP would boost their attendance numbers, but wards do not like "dead weight" members which is what the OP is basically implying he'd be. Prepared to be lectured to, scorned at, gossiped about, shunned.

I've heard of people going just for their spouse. These reluctant attendees don't do diddly other than go to sacrament meeting and then hang out reading books with rude titles like No Man Knows My History or Sacred Loneliness in the lobby. When asked to meet with the bishop or to do anything, they'll just answer "No, thank you." If pressed, they might say: "I'm here for my family."

Then in their heads they say, "Now please ef off."

I told my wife recently that I would attend with her so she did not feel so bad sitting alone in sacrament meeting.

But every Sunday comes around and my wife asks if I want to go with her and I can't get myself to go.

Maybe if I had a copy of 'In Sacred Loneliness' it would make it worth it.

Anyone have a copy they want to loan me? I live in SLC area.

Yes, its called Salt Lake County Library.

Not so likely to work well in a mormon ward where the mindset is "you can never do or give enough."

I stuck around for a while just for the social aspect, after I found out it was all fake. I didn't attend on Sundays but did go to a few activities that sounded like fun. I wouldn't talk to the bishop about it or pay any fees - just show up if you feel like it. If they ever give you a hard time, just walk out. You're in control.

the WORST game of the NBA/NFL is far better than the BEST LDS meeting I have ever been to.

& 30 $ is way too much to give those evil vipers, let alone of monthly basis for the punishment of being subjected to the BS meetings

I highly doubt that will work tbh. The church doesn't like people deciding to obey only half the rules, etc. They think you should do all or nothing.

But that does sound resonable. If they let you do that, go for it I say. I'm sure a lot of us wouldn't even have left the church in the first place under those circumstances.

Why not find another church in your area and donate that money to your favorite charity? Or volunteer and get to know others socially? There are ways to get social interaction without going to the LDS church, if that is what feels comfortable to you, it may be time to step outside the box.

Contact the local Homeschool group, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, 4H Club, Boys&Girls Club and ask them if they'd like to have you teach the kids. You could also offer the same thing to a few elderly homes.

Try a different church. United Methodists have wonderful youth groups in general. And coffee in the lobby for after service!!!

Please-Please-Please think about this carefully before you fork over anything to the LDS church.

Better to give a $30 grocery card to a struggling family or food bank than pay the LDS church to maintain the mall......

You would be a "punch and cookie member" and would be looked down on by many of the members. Also, you would be in an environment which is toxic for your mental health.

You would be better finding a club to join that has values you want to uphold rather than doctrines that turn your stomach. Be yourself - it's the best way to find like-minded people and live a free and authentic life.

In addition to what others have already said, i'd imagine you wpuld also have to put up with the constant push by ward members to fully reactivate you. They "know" that you know deep down that it's true.

I can't imagine anyone going back EVER after realizing what a fraud it all is, under ANY circumstances. There are many other ways to gain a social life. There is no way to live authentically and joyfully - the church crushes spirits, removes freedoms, uses threats, and milks members for all they can get. There's no way I will ever be part of an organization, for any reason, that is so deceitful and manipulative - being a member would show that I condone those activities and that I, at least in part, believe the doctrine being taught. No way, EVER. Your choice, but it sure seems like other options would make a whole lot more sense.

Go back on YOUR terms? Why would they want an apostate in their midst, endangering the faithfulness of the obedient TBM saints?

Oh well, it was a nice daydream!

I go on my own terms and actually enjoy some of it. I am a den leader and have a lot of fun teaching the boys. I enjoy most of the activities. Luckily my ward is not too judgemental. We had a judgemental bishop but he moved away a couple of years ago and the new bishop is quite down to earth. My TBM wife and I get asked to decorate for most of the activities and I usually spend $50 - $100 out of pocket but since I don't pay tithing, I don't mind and the other members without realizing we are doing it with our own money, really appreciate how nice the atmostphere at the activities is. I avoid the few people that are judgemental. I actually was asked to speak on Easter Sunday last year and gave a good talk about Grace/Atonement and following the example set by Jesus.

Perhaps you should try other churches or secular social groups in the area first. There are plenty of people with common interests with you around who won't expect Mormony things of you.

I mean, if you go back, even with the conditions you stipulated, there's a possibility they'll label you a less-active and send missionaries after you, you know? They're tough to get rid of especially if you are friendly. :oP

Perhaps therapy will cure you of your concerns. It will cost you a little more than a $30/month membership, but won't last as long as the empty space in your life caused by the damaging cult.

You can certainly go back on your own terms if you want to and if you know how to draw boundaries.

The personality of your bishop will directly impact how well this goes. Most likely he will be a nice guy who respects your boundaries. On the other hand he may not.

You don't necessarily need to sit down with the bishop and explain your conditions. You are welcome to attend and be involved as much or as little as you want. You would be surprised how many Mormons take this kind of approach. The only things they have to control you are guilt and a temple recommend. If you choose to not let these things impact you they won't. If it makes you more comfortable to sit down with the bishop it won't hurt - it would also give you a good sense of whether he would contribute to a good or bad experience. Very likely he will anticipate that once you are back for a while you may change your mind, so you will likely need to re-assert your boundaries occassionally even if you state them clearly up front.

You will find all kinds in your ward - some judgemental and some very down to earth. It's a pot shot as to what the leadership of the ward will be. They may greatly enhance or greatly hurt your experience.

I wonder if you have forgotten how boring and mind-numbing attending church is?

There would be no need to pay the membership fee of $30 a month. If you do so, at least make it fast offerings so that it is going to help local people around you instead of going to make the multi-billion Mormon church a little richer. The bishop really doesn't care if you pay $30 a month or not - it's not like other churches where that money goes directly to his bottom line.

In the end I think it comes down to your personality. If you are comfortable with establishing boundaries and with politely but firmly rebuffing people who push against those boundaries you will probably do fine.