I remember hearing as a teenager that the church practiced polygamy back in the day and being really upset and surprised by that. It was going to the temple for the first time however that made me really question. I did not feel a spirit of peace as I had assumed I would. I felt that it was incredibly cultish. I remember looking at my parents dressed in their funny outfits and thinking "is this for real?" I thought "this isn't the same church that I grew up in." Everything slowly unraveled from then on. I was also struck by the BYU drones. Fake smiles and hi's in the hallways. They were different than the California Mormons that I had grown up with and being right there in the heart of mormonland was bizarre. I felt as though I was in a factory.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/27/2012 02:49AM by Regan.

For me (BIC), it was horses. In Jr High School I found out in Geography class there were no indigenous horses in the new world until the Spaniards brought them.
{this is me scratching my head at age 13, saying "now wait a minute..."}
Many things started to deconstruct themselves from that point.

I knew when Isaiah was written (I learned that in Religious Education at school) and wondered how that account, verbatim et literatum, could be sent telepathically across the vast ocean to Nephi in the US.

Dates, dates and those damned dates. They ruined my faith!

Then I googled for answers and the rest is history. Particular hot spots in my disbelief process were BofA (already a difficult subject as a TBM), Mountain Meadows but the Journal of Discourses got the gold.

I was done.

Briggy



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/27/2012 04:30AM by brigantia.

the first time I said "huh?" was when I asked my mom why did they used to have polygamy, she told me because there were more women than men. I was about 7 or 8.

The first time I said "WTF?" was when I heard about the MMM. Shortly followed by "Book of Abraham WHAT?"

I didn't find out till well into adulthood.

First I found out that there was more than one version of the first vision.

Then I learned about Bruce R. McConkie and how he bullied his way past the First Presidency to get Mormon Doctrine published. That made me really think, wow that's not the way I thought things work in SLC with the big guys who get things straight from Jesus.

Then I read Fawn Brodie’s book.

Definitely the Book of Abraham. I had a more than passing interest in Egyptology, and some of the 'translation' gave me fits - like the totally globe-headed dude who looked so out of place amongst all the usual animal-headed figures; and the "Enish-Go-On-Dosh" nonsense. When I questioned my 'priesthood authorities,' I was told to "put it on the shelf" until I gained a 'proper testimony' of it all. Never did ... it was a constant thorn in my side.

Then, after fifteen months, I went to the temple. It was all downhill from there!

When I was a young teenager, it was the 'first vision' - the official one. I found it highly unlikely that a 14-year-old would go to the woods, pray, and see two heavenly beings appear before him, and then - the first thing out of his mouth is 'which church is true'? I knew that - in a similar situation - the first thing out of my mouth (or anyone's mouth, for that matter) would have been: "WTH? Who are you? What's going on here? Where did you come from?" etc. Even though the purpose of the initial prayer was to find out which church was 'true,' the sudden appearance of god and Jesus would have put that question way on the back burner, and the person would immediately be overwhelmed with other questions and concerns.

The second thing (which came soon after), was their greed - their desire and need for money at every turn from the 'members' no matter what, especially the many different categories on the donation slips that they wanted money for (besides a full 10% on the GROSS earnings).

Learning the priesthood had no real power of discernment. No real powers of any kind.

book of abraham - could not believe I had been so stupid as to not realise its origins. Felt a fool

When I was a teenager I didn't believe. I went to church and seminary because I would get grounded if I didn't. I could never believe the whole JS story.

When I was 20 I was in a very bad relationship. I knew that I needed to change something in my life. So I left the relationship and decided to go back to church. I was reading the BOM and doing everything I was supposed to.

Then I met my DH and we dated and got married. The temple was a crazy experience and I hated going to it. I have only been a handful of times and most of them were for sealings. I have only done endowments a total of three times, one when I took my own out, one when my BIL was taking his out, and one time I went with my SILs. I didn't enjoy any of the times. These three times were over an 8 year period.

Then it had been 11 years since I returned to church and someone mentioned multiple first vision accounts. I put it to the back of my head, but noticed a lot of people I knew were starting to leave the church. I finally decided to do some research and within a few hours I Knew the church wasn't what it claimed to be.

I was glad to finally allow myself to follow what I had known my whole life. The church is a bunch of crap! I love my DH but should have stood my ground on my own beliefs.

Your story is so similar to mine. I realized the other day that, though I knew that I didn't believe it, the biggest reason I stuck with it is that I believed them when they said a testimony could be gained.

Then you expose yourself to all the back-data and realize, "Ooh. Well there you go. That's why I never believed in it. And won't ever."

What about your husband? Is he still in?

Quite simply, nothing stacked up. And that feeling got worse and worse and worse. I could not take it any longer.

Besides the demonstrably false nature of the Mormon church, I can't stand the way Mormons interact with each other. I hate it, I hate it. They are so superficially dishonest, and you can feel and practically see the insecurity they have regarding their own religion.

Finding out the PPPratt wasn't a martyr, but was killed by a jealous husband after Pratt "married" an already married woman.

"OMG!" I thought. "What did the Holy Joseph Smith think about that?"

Well, hell...that's where Pratt learned the polyadry practice.

After, I learned all the other untruths that unraveled my tapestry. Not that there hadn't already been chinks in my armor, but that was when I started seeing things more objectively and admitting it was a lie.

It was simply the realization that there are billions of people living in the world, and only a tiny fraction are LDS. Why would this be the case if the spirit leads people to the one, true church? Why would only a few be given the way to "true happiness?"

I think for me it was the convenience of miracles.

If it goes the way you want it is a miracle from god.

If it doesn't, it wasn't god's will.

Yeah, right.

+1

I grew up in the field, among the gentiles. About 95% of the kids I knew weren't Mormons. My two best friends were a Presbyterian and a Jew. They were good kids, nice kids, with close, happy families. Meanwhile, I lived with pious robots, and I thought I must have been unworthy of True Happiness®, because I was miserable — except when I was with my supposedly inferior non-Mormon friends.

My first inkling was after I was molested by my Grandmother and then she went to a temple session. Of course I was too young at the time to know any better but still.....

It was also awesome to see the church and her family circle the wagons and deny everything and call me a liar.

It started for me at 16 when I realized D&C was just JS manipulating people to do what he wanted. At 19 I read the Godmakers. At 39 I said enough is enough, I quit. The mental gymnastics I did between 19 and 39 are gold medal worthy.

I was a new convert and already believed in Father-Son-Holy Ghost. But I had no testimony of JS being a prophet or the mormon church being the "one true church". I had been called to be EQ teacher and was preparing a lesson on "Temples of the Lord".

I realized I knew nothing about the mormon temples, so I researched them for several hours on the 'net. I kept running into references to JS and the masons. I realized I knew nothing about the masons, so I researched them for several hours on the 'net.

In short order, I came across the Legend of Enoch and the Hiram Abiff myth-stories. Undoubtedly JS was exposed to them when he hung out with the masons. How interesting then that I ran into numerous familiar concepts and storylines. It didn't take long for me to realize that JS was not a prophet, but a plagiarist.

Oh sure, those things were "revealed" to him all right, but not the way he claimed.

I gained a true and clear testimony that JS stole his best material from the masons and I left TSCC the following week. When the bishop inquired, I told him I had concluded mormonism was simply modified masonry. He didn't attempt to persuade me otherwise. That was 12 years ago.

The Mark of Cain doctrine- It never made any sense that white people weren't held accountable for Adam's sin, but black people were help responsible for Cain's?!?

Learning about the Danites and other violent followers of BY- How they could kill and rape, but it was ok since they were following god's orders.

Mandatory polygamy in the CK.

Ooh, that's a really good question. I can identify what disgusted me (like their efforts to fight same-sex marriage, or working for the Church and discovering that it was a good old boys club), but doubt? That's another question. Let me think about this for a moment. I think my first doubt came right at the beginning of my journey.

Really, I doubted the moment the missionaries taught me the First Vision story. I remember raising an eyebrow and going, "Oh, yeah?" I looked at my friend like, "And you believe this stuff?" I looked at the missionaries and they seemed to be serious.

Maybe I never really got over that moment, but just got involved with great kids and went forward, stuffing that nagging feeling down. It did take me a year and a half to get baptized.

I guess maybe the answer is that somewhere deep inside, I always doubted and I really spent 30 years trying to convince myself that it was true. There were times when I almost had myself convinced more than at other times, but I guess the nagging doubts were always there.

I wanted it to be true, but I don't think I ever had a real testimony, to be honest. I think what I had was not faith, but hope. I never did say, "I know the Church is true," when I bore my testimony. It was always more of a, "I love and thank Heavenly Father for helping me through this or that," whatever was going on at the time. It was more like a brief mini moral lesson, rather than a testimony.

What's ironic is that as I was exiting, it was discovering that there was more than one version of the First Vision which made me go, "What?!" That made me so angry.

Then I went on to learn the truth about the Book of Abraham and that's when it was over. That was followed by studying the DNA issue and realizing that in archaeology, you don't just lose a people. At least not a nation the size of the one supposedly in existence during BoM times. That's impossible.

Hmmm. Thank you for asking that question. It really made me think and now I realize that doubt really was always there. I just spent 30 years trying to kept it tamped down and succeeded better at some times more than at other times.

Same exact boat, Greyfort. Except I only spent 7 years trying to convince myself.

Who knows how long I would have gone on that way. What allowed me to see clearly was my BIC husband having doubts of his own. I encouraged him to find the answers, and...here we are.

I got into the Church to find clean-living people to spend my time with. I remember telling my older (very active) brother, right from the start, that I didn't feel honest going to Church for the social aspect of it while I didn't believe in the rest. He assured me that a lot of people only have a "social testimony" and that a "real testimony" would come with time.

The only thing that really came with time was more dissonance and a higher cost to leaving. Thankfully, my husband and I are on the same page.

It started when I saw a special on tv about the Masons. I was stunned. I called my TBM sister and asked her if she'd seen that. She said, yeah I watched part of it, interesting huh? I was shocked she had such a low key reaction to it.

After i saw that, I knew the church was probably a made up fairy tale. I didn't do anything about it for a while. I was really losing it though. I've always hated the mormon culture. The petty way they pick and choose who gets to be "in" and whose going to be "out". I had a stake pres. that started to give me some unnecessary grief over a simple problem with a simple solution. It pushed me to the internet. I typed in how do I stay Mormon. Low and behold up pops John Dehlin. I didn't know anything about him, but listened to his podcast. That was 5 months ago. Since then I've studied every topic I can. I've read a stacks of books and mountains of other peoples stories. Oh, and I resigned last November. My sister won't look at anything i've learned. It doesn't seem to bother her that I left the church.

Kolob.....WTF is Kolob?.....suspected it was all BA from about age 15....the Kolob thing sealed the deal 2 years later....I had not and still haven't read the BofM...so had no basis for a "testimony" (whatever that is) anyway...

For me it was going to BYUI after my mission that got me really doubting. I got really turned of by just how impersonal the student wards were. You are just a number there and I would feel nothing when I went. It made me question why I even bother to go. It, and all the other things you are supposed to do turned into just hoops to jump through. That and all the other BS that goes there made me doubt more and more until I was tired of jumping through hoops and just had enough.

having "free will" is what started the doubts for me. I remember being even as young as 11/12 thinking "well if I have free will then why do I have to do what the church says or go to hell?" It just didn't make sense to me at all.

Polygamy made me think JS was a nasty, deceitful man. However;
One Sunday I looked around and for some reason my eyes just finally opened. I knew something was wrong deep inside something felt off. They talked of the temple a lot but I couldn't go there. I would see garment wearers but I couldn't be one. People had callings but none were given to me. I had doubts and no would would directly answer any of my questions. My light came on and I am so glad! Because I felt like crap all the time and didn't know why. They were saying I wasn't okay. I wasn't worthy of what the others were worthy of. My husband was not a priesthood holder. He was a jack Mo who never went. Therefore I was unworthy. And none of it had anything to do with Jesus or what he taught.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 03/27/2012 12:17PM by suckafoo.

reevaluate WHAT was the first thing. I can't really pinpoint it. It has to do with dating and mormon guys and mormon girls. All the girls who put out got married. All the girls who didn't were in the singles ward. All the mormon guys seemed to want to date the ones who put out or the biggest flirts. Then I met a nonmormon (I'm with him now, but we were apart for 28 years)--I dated him and he treated me like a queen. And I didn't put out for him either. I was blown away. Even SOME of the mormon men we worked with thought I should marry him, but I didn't. For the years after and many more--it bothered me a lot. There are 4 men I could have been in love with enough to marry--one was an ex-drug addict who had become reactivated (but still very open minded), 2 nonmormons, and my gay mormon husband.

Mormon men didn't like me much and it was very painful. I see my daughter going through it now. You can't be an independent, free-thinking mormon woman and get dates. I had to beat the nonmos off.

BUT gay was the biggest issue. I struggled for years how "God" could put something like gay on the earth and have no answers for "change" if that is what he expected. When I let go of what mormons teach about gays--it became so simple--something I had struggled over for a few decades or more--just one day the burden was lifted.

My first doubt was when I was around 16-17... I was driving down state street in Orem and there was a huge billboard of Joseph Smith. My thought was "when did we start worshipping this man." That's when I realized I never believed the whole story about the first vision and always doubted everything I had learned about Joe Smith. What made this man so special to commune with God and Jesus? Why haven't they appeared since? Why was Joe Smith told to marry all these women and dishonor his wife? The questions kept coming but it took nearly 20 years later for me to really dig deep and find out the truth.

I think it started after I was baptized. People at work would say I looked sad and ask what was wrong. The problem was I didn't feel sad and didn't know I looked sad. I think my body knew something was wrong, it just took my mine awhile to catch up. After I few years, I just became worn out from mormonism. The negativity caught up with me and I wasn't feeling well physically or mentally. I became inactive, found this website, learned more about mormonism. I resigned in 2000. Funny thing, after I left the church, people stopped saying I looked sad.

Dinosaurs vs. Creationism

Got tired of giving"the dog ate my homework answers". Starting off with, where are the gold plates now? Why did they have more than one wife? Why did Emma stay and not go west? Etc...etc...etc...after studying and studying, I guess I studyied myself right out of the church, I'm very proud of that. Now I am ready to jump on any lds with my knowledge of church history and hear their "dog ate my homework answers". ha ha ha ha