I divorced my husband more than a decade ago because he was abusive. We were sealed in the temple, married 8 years and had four kids all born in the covenant and baptized at 8. I raised the kids and he saw them maybe once a year tops. He married a nonMormon girl but was not sealed to her, and they have 2 kids now.

I left the church about 6 years ago, remarried a non-Mormon, and have a child with my new husband. I wrote a letter to the bishop, stake pres, and SLC stating that I am no longer a member and want my name removed from the records. I got a letter back from SLC stating that it had been done.

So now, years later, I get a call from my ex's bishop. He says the ex wants to be sealed to his new wife and kids in the temple but wants to stay sealed to me and my kids as well. I told him I am not a member but he says there was never a cancellation of sealing, and the ex wants to stay sealed to the kids so he just wants a clearance to be sealed to us both! Bishop asked me to write a letter stating my feelings on the matter.

I am annoyed and am trying to decide between two choices.

choice A) I could write and say, I am not a member, I do not believe in this mumbo jumbo so I don't care what you do, go ahead.

choice B) I could write and say I do not want to be in a polygamous marriage and demand a cancellation of sealing before he is sealed to her.

I don't believe in it, I think it is ridiculous, but am wondering about the effects on my kids (who are teens now and don't believe). If he does get a cancellation of sealing, is he still sealed to our kids? Because I don't like the idea of MY children being sealed to him and his new wife!

What would you do?

Tell him to drop dead. You want the sealing cancelled for you and your kids!

All it is is words on paper. It is not real. The Mormons have now power over you. You do not have to even answer. This is just something to think about. You will decide what is right for you.

There will never be a cancellation of sealing unless you, the woman, are going to be sealed to a different man in the temple. A man can remain sealed to his first wife and go ahead and get sealed to his second wife - he's then an eternal polygamist. But a woman can only be sealed to one man. No polygamy unless you have a penis.

My older sister's ex-husband is still sealed to her even though he's married and sealed to wife #2. My sister has had 2 more marriages since her divorce with husband #1, but she didn't go to the temple with husbands #2 and #3, so no sealing cancellation was needed. Stupid, I know.

My ex-husband is still sealed to me (although I know it's just a bunch of BS), and was sealed 2 years ago to wife #2. His bishop sent me the letter about a sealing clearance for him. Below is my response:

Dear Eric,

I received a letter from you regarding my ex-husband (name). In the letter I was asked to express my feelings about him being sealed to another woman in the temple as well as if he is current with child support or other financial obligations.

I consider it a violation of (name's) and my boundaries as well as an invasion of our privacy to ask about our personal business. For an ex-wife to be sent a letter from a total stranger asking for personal information regarding her ex-husband is unacceptable to me, and I will abstain from providing any information of a personal nature in order to protect (name's) boundaries as well as his privacy.

(name) is a 53 year old man and it’s no one’s business but his whom he marries, when he marries, how he marries and where he marries. He can make these decisions on his own without any interference from me or anyone else. The same goes for the woman he is marrying.

As for payment of child support and other financial obligations, that is a legal matter between (name), me and the courts.
Thank you for understanding my desire to protect the boundaries and privacy of (name) and myself.

Sincerely,

Tahoe Elizabeth Girl

nice letter. that should be a kick in the balls to eric. how dare he ask you such personal info. eric proberly should learn a lesson in manners, and that his penishood dosen't work in the real world. again a great response to him!!!!!

They're going to do what they/he damn well pleases. He will get his clearing. You won't get your cancellation.

The only thing you're going to get out of this if you do ANYTHING is anxiety and anger bc they ain't listening to you.

If you are upset about this I think I'd be asking myself how much of this crap I still believed if it's upsetting me at all--which, by your own admission it is.

+1 on that letter.

Tell the ex's bishop that if your ex gets sealed to another woman while still sealed to you, the media might catch wind of a real-life example of current-day LDS polygamy! And wouldn't it be a shame if that so-called myth was proven to be true after all?

+1!!!!!!

This please! I'd love to see the church finally take some real heat for this! Keep us posted!

When I resigned, my bishop Mr. Mustard said all my ordinances would be cancelled. He called to make sure I understood that. Seems like one of the letters from Salt Lake also mentioned cancellation of ordinances. I didn't have any other than my baptism, but Mr. Mustard specifically mentioned sealings as well as baptism.

Either way, you have a third option: Do nothing until the next person calls, and tell them to go fly a kite. Why should you have to continue to deal with these idiots and their imaginary crap?

:)

I agree with munchybotaz. If you don't believe in Mormon BS, why should you indulge those who do? Tell the bishop to go screw himself and butt out of your personal business.

Definition:"sealing clearance"-to clear the sealed nostril or sinus by blowing your nose.

I can not imagine what it is in that crazy religion that would make them want such a thing. But by all means...

Blow your nose on the letter and send it back to him!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahah!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/29/2012 07:43AM by rowan.

ok, rowan, you just made me have a little accident, if you know what I mean...hahahahahahahaha

I agree with what people have already said.

I would write to the Bishop, with a copy going each to the department of Membership Records; the Stake President; Your Lawyer. (a list of who has been copied in should be on the top of the letter so everyone knows who it has been sent to).

IMHO this letter should state:
A. That you demand that as part of your resignation from the Church your sealing should have been cancelled. If it is not confirmed to have been cancelled within 28 days you will be seeking legal and journalistic advice on the matter.
B. That your ex husband is precisely that and that whatever he does in the future is of no matter nor interest to you and you would be grateful if they would stop contacting you about him.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/29/2012 07:40AM by Stumbling.

You "left the church about 6 years ago". That's it! You are free and they should not contact you regarding their strange internal games. Any communication from the "bishop" should be treated as a prank call. You don't need to tell them anything.

You have nothing to do with them. You have no obligations to them. They can do what they like but it has naught to do with you.

Congratulations on leaving. You owe them nothing.

I would NOT give him a clearance. And I'd tell the bishop "I thought that the church did away with polygamy in 1890, are you suggesting that I approve a second wife for my ex-husband? No, I do not approve and please cancel my sealing to him because I am married to another man. I also thought polyandry was only for past church leaders like BY and JS, ut it doesn't matter because I am not interested."

The church's thinking is really messed up.

Thank you all for the advice. I really like the last suggestion about polygamy. I may use that.

So, is it 100% sure that I cannot/will not get a cancellation if I ask? I could dig out my letter; I thought it said the ordinances had been cancelled too.

The ONLY reason I am doing anything about this is for my kids. I want you to imagine their father telling them,

"Hey guess what, Crissy here is your new ETERNAL MOTHER now! You kids are sealed to me and to her, and not to your "birth" mother. You guys are all sealed to my new kids too! We are all going to be together forever!"

THAT is what I want to avoid. I myself do not believe any of it, but two of my kids are on the fence and I do not want him convincing them that this new wife is their "real" mother and hurting them with this spiritual abuse.

According to the Church Handbook of Instructions, "Living children who are born in the covenant or have been sealed to parents cannot be sealed to any other parents." If your ex-husband is sealed to his new wife, your children will not be part of that ceremony. They won't let you cancel your sealing to your ex, which is ridiculous, but at least you don't have to worry about your kids belonging to his new wife.

and that was an active, TBM who wanted to marry in a temple again. Cancellation was granted (ex had committed adultery, while she had remained faithful until her left her) and she was allowed to marry for time/eternity to husband #2. Meanwhile, the wife of her ex left him, and he is now sealed to no one.

When a bishop writes to you about a sealing clearance for your ex, he is going through the motions to assure that he has lived up to his legal obligations in terms of alimony, child support, etc. In theory, per the CHI, a clearance is granted only when the ex is fulfilling all legal and financial obligations stemming from the divorce. In reality, if the ex husband is active and the wife is inactive, the bishop is more likely to discount any derogatory information provided by the ex wife. If the ex wife is active, there is a greater chance that the bishop will take seriously any derogatory information she may provide.

…and exposer of posthumous baptisms of famous Nevermos, divorced Mormons frequently are sealed back together posthumously, EVEN when the man was an abusive husband when the wife was alive!!! Shocking… but what else is new, when it comes to the cult?

So as you consider how you are going to respond to the request (and other posters have brought up many good points to consider,) keep in mind that you cannot stop the Mormon church from performing whatever little rituals they want to perform in your “behalf.”



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/31/2012 06:05PM by WiserWomanNow.

Tell them you just got your car waxed and buffed, no sealing required.

But thanks for asking

PS Since none of us are mormon and not planning to go to mormon heaven Don't wait up for us if and when you get there.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/31/2012 08:08PM by Bal.

Write the bishop a long, rambling letter that discusses the weather, light-hearted banter on politics, popular culture, the high price of peanut butter etc.

Make it 4 or 5 pages. Mention NOTHING at all in it about the sealing clearance, your ex, or even Mormonism.

I agree completely with mormonimposter. Contact the Associated Press, the New York Times, Reuters, CNN--all the major news outlets and tell them you have (in writing) proof that the LDS church still practices polygamy despite having vowed to have ended the practice in 1890. This is a huge deal, and the outside world needs to be informed of it.

According to D&C 132, a man must get permission from wife #1 to be sealed to wife #2.

If you are wife #1, tell the bishop that you refuse permission, according to your rights in D&C 132.