Are you happier?
Are you more financially sound?
Have you been able to keep your family together?

Do you have a Happiness List?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kirsten-dirksen/how-to-be-happy-my-happin_b_522788.html

I have yet to be happier, even though I know the Church is not what it claims to be. I still feel that God is punishing me for no longer going to Church. Even though my reason tells me thr it's probably not the case, I can't help but thinking it often. I have always been successful professionally. I am now going through a divorce and looking for a full-time job. I still haven't found a job that I like.
I know that I am going to be better off in the long-term. Hopefully.

angelina5 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have yet to be happier, even though I know the
> Church is not what it claims to be. I still feel
> that God is punishing me for no longer going to
> Church. Even though my reason tells me thr it's
> probably not the case, I can't help but thinking
> it often. I have always been successful
> professionally. I am now going through a divorce
> and looking for a full-time job. I still haven't
> found a job that I like.
> I know that I am going to be better off in the
> long-term. Hopefully.

My oldest daughter and I both left nearly a year and a half ago. My daughter still suffers at times, much as you do. I think it's natural. We all progress at different rates. Go easy on yourself. It will get better in time.

angelina5 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have yet to be happier, even though I know the
> Church is not what it claims to be. I still feel
> that God is punishing me for no longer going to
> Church. Even though my reason tells me thr it's
> probably not the case, I can't help but thinking
> it often. I have always been successful
> professionally. I am now going through a divorce
> and looking for a full-time job. I still haven't
> found a job that I like.
> I know that I am going to be better off in the
> long-term. Hopefully.

Hang in there. There's light at the end of the tunnel! :-) I know it's tough right now.

Angelina5, aren't you the person that discovered the church was false several months ago? U said your spouse wasn't listening but you have been trying to explain how its false?

Is he divorcing because of your discovery of the church?

I am much happier and more content with life since I quit living for the church.

I am more at peace with who I am. I don't feel the weight of shame for not being something defined by an organization.

I would like to progress to be happy with who I am and recognize that I have made my own choices about morality, kindness, compassion, and right and wrong values.

I do feel much more confidence and self worth than when I believed all the shaming of the church and the culture it creates for members to invade each others private life and shame each other.

I am also dissapointed with myself for ever participating in the whole culture and doing it to others. Very happy to be away from it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/31/2012 10:29PM by upsidedown.

I am very proud of myself for having the ability to pull myself out of the cult. I am happier now because I have the freedom to think for myself and to question everything. It is also nice being able to relate to other people (nevmos) without wondering in the back of my mind how I should convert them.

I feel that I have much more meaningful relationships with other people now that I don't have this agenda from the morg to build upon the lies.

I now live in reality.

i got 52 days vacation days and a 10% pay raise!!!

LOL that's funny!!

Ya, but now you don't have fire insurance.

Only imaginary fires need imaginary fire insurance. It's all good.

Ha, it's true. I guess the faithful Mormon members have to...er, excuse me, they GET to pay for their "fire insurance"...paying for a service you don't really need...I think that's the definition of organized crime. Good ol' Mormon Church stealing in the name of righteousness.

For one, I now find in 1 hour at another church a more meaningful praise and sermon than I used to find in 10 hours of conference weekend!

It only gets worse and worse. The only thing I have is freedom from ritual of religion.

I've felt the burden of pressure from others (members) lift.
That has been great!

My husband is home a lot more. He needed that down time so badly. He's not nearly as stressed, which makes my life better.

My spirituality is no longer contrived moments set up by church events. Gag i hated that. Testimony meetings, that sort of thing. I never could get the hang of that.

I'm more focused on family and home. Even the dog gets more attention. A general sense of more peace at home and in my relationships.

My reading material has changed, way for the better. I feel more fed, intellectually and spiritually. I make the reading list, not some old man in SLC.

I no longer worry about dead people I never knew. Really! They're dead. I'm sure they didn't spend 10 seconds of their life worrying about me. The whole genealogy thing I don't care about, never did. It's not my thing. Besides that, I'm sure they're in a way better place than I am.

Things w/ my nevermo hubby are so much better. I'm actually losing weight because before I found out the truth a couple months ago, I would emotionally eat b/c I was depressed that I had failed my parents by falling in love w/ a nevermo. There is the stress of eventually telling my parents but for now, life is soooo much better!

Much happier! :-)
Huge weight immediately lifted!
I no longer live with guilt for doing things that make me happy.
I no longer live with fear with what 'might happen' if I do things TSCC says I shouldn't.
I have been allowed to be myself! (Without the guilt and fear.)
I love who I am.
I fell empowered by taking charge and educating myself.
I love that I no longer feel guilty for not going to church or saying a bad word, etc.
Im just way happier and I feel FREE!
I feel smarter :-)
I guess the big one is the freedom from fear, guilt, and the unknown.
Oh and now life and everything about it makes sense!!

mothermayeye Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Much happier! :-)
> Huge weight immediately lifted!
> I no longer live with guilt for doing things that
> make me happy.
> I no longer live with fear with what 'might
> happen' if I do things TSCC says I shouldn't.
> I have been allowed to be myself! (Without the
> guilt and fear.)
> I love who I am.
> I fell empowered by taking charge and educating
> myself.
> I love that I no longer feel guilty for not going
> to church or saying a bad word, etc.
> Im just way happier and I feel FREE!
> I feel smarter :-)
> I guess the big one is the freedom from fear,
> guilt, and the unknown.
> Oh and now life and everything about it makes
> sense!!

That's a great happiness list!

I am much, much happier without the three mind numbing hours of church every week, the simple minded members intruding into our lives, the endless callings, the meals to be delivered, the quilts to be tied, the classes to be taught, the silly scriptures to memorize, the holier than thou attitudes to deal with, the fake friends, second class citizenship in the church, the visiting teaching, ...etc, etc.

Yes, we are financially sound and even more so since leaving the church over 10 years ago.

Yes, our family is intact and so much better off for leaving. The oldest son found out the fraud first, then I came around after finally doing research.( Dammit I was so conditioned to avoid anything "anti mormon"). Then the flood gates opened and I was out and then the rest of the children and my never mo husband, all of us saw the house of belief fall. Our lives are dramatically better in so many ways. A Big Thank You to RFM.

Happiness list:
Enjoy wine tasting in beautiful California wine country
Enjoy Sunday sleeping in and never giving a thought to church
Family Dinners once a week with our children and their partners
Reading real science, not made up scriptures
Long walks with friends or hubby
Discovering new hiking paths
Discussing books with book club members
Taking pictures of nature
Relishing my work and appreciating being employed
Connecting with other people
Learning something new every day
Gardening
Cooking with friends
Chatting with my neighbors
Celebrating the birth of a new extended family member today
Spa days with my daughter
Dining out to new ethnic restaurants with friends
Hitting 10 miles on my pedometer once in awhile
Running into old friends at Starbucks
Writing and receiving letters from friends
Watching comedy and laughing till I hurt
vacations
Week end getaways
Never tiring of exploring San Francisco
Drinking my favorite tea with vanilla soy milk
Staying up late
Enjoying some great music
Cracking up with much loud laughter over great RFM posts

MexMom Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am much, much happier without the three mind
> numbing hours of church every week, the simple
> minded members intruding into our lives, the
> endless callings, the meals to be delivered, the
> quilts to be tied, the classes to be taught, the
> silly scriptures to memorize, the holier than thou
> attitudes to deal with, the fake friends, second
> class citizenship in the church, the visiting
> teaching, ...etc, etc.
>
> Yes, we are financially sound and even more so
> since leaving the church over 10 years ago.
>
> Yes, our family is intact and so much better off
> for leaving. The oldest son found out the fraud
> first, then I came around after finally doing
> research.( Dammit I was so conditioned to avoid
> anything "anti mormon"). Then the flood gates
> opened and I was out and then the rest of the
> children and my never mo husband, all of us saw
> the house of belief fall. Our lives are
> dramatically better in so many ways. A Big Thank
> You to RFM.
>
> Happiness list:
> Enjoy wine tasting in beautiful California wine
> country
> Enjoy Sunday sleeping in and never giving a
> thought to church
> Family Dinners once a week with our children and
> their partners
> Reading real science, not made up scriptures
> Long walks with friends or hubby
> Discovering new hiking paths
> Discussing books with book club members
> Taking pictures of nature
> Relishing my work and appreciating being employed
> Connecting with other people
> Learning something new every day
> Gardening
> Cooking with friends
> Chatting with my neighbors
> Celebrating the birth of a new extended family
> member today
> Spa days with my daughter
> Dining out to new ethnic restaurants with friends
> Hitting 10 miles on my pedometer once in awhile
> Running into old friends at Starbucks
> Writing and receiving letters from friends
> Watching comedy and laughing till I hurt
> vacations
> Week end getaways
> Never tiring of exploring San Francisco
> Drinking my favorite tea with vanilla soy milk
> Staying up late
> Enjoying some great music
> Cracking up with much loud laughter over great RFM
> posts


I can relate to many on your happiness list! Great list!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2012 11:25AM by SusieQ#1.

Cheesy, but true: it's like breathing again.

I never really had a testimony, but believed everyone when they said it could be attained. So I kept trucking. It took my BIC, TBM husband to start doubting for me to open up to the possibility that it wasn't true.

And when I finally stopped swallowing the "Satan is deceiving us," the world opened up.

I realized that I'd never really embraced doing the things I loved. I DID what I liked doing, but never EMBRACED it - because there was always that whole "good, better, best" thing in the back of my mind. So even after accomplishing something awesome or finishing a good, uplifting, inspiring book, there'd still be that nagging: "Yeah, but I didn't read my scriptures. And I still need to make a visiting teaching appointment. And read the lesson for Sunday." Now, I just let the things that make me happy...make me happy.

I took up sweet tea, frappucinos, and best of all, chai tea again. On the surface level, this seems like such a stupid thing (woopty-do, you can drink something different now.) But there's a lot of joy that comes with taking ownership of what you do or don't do with your body (and your time.)

I always struggled with being judgmental before and during my activity in the Church. Some unrelated experiences + doing such a 180 with my beliefs has significantly diminished how much of a b*tch I am.

Guilt has diminished about enjoying music I like. Funny thing is, (most of) the music I like isn't even inappropriate in any way. But if there was a lyric that wasn't in line with the teachings of the Church, or language, or any of that, I was prone to, again, the "good, better, best" crap.

One of the best things is the RELIEF. So many things never added up to me, and I could never get past the feeling I had that JS was manipulative...so to finally realize that there were valid reasons for me to feel that way, and that I no longer have to make anything FIT - is so, so nice.

Finally being honest with myself is a huge factor in my increased happiness. I think that giving some credit to my own thoughts and feelings has boosted my self-esteem. The more I lean on doing what feels right to ME, the more confident I am. That helps me deal with our families that are hurt and disappointed by where we're at. Meaning: it's just not up for discussion.

I'm actually pretty grateful for my 7-year stint of activity. For one, I'm glad I gave it a fair shot, because with all my siblings and my parents being active members, I would have always felt like "Well, maybe they're right. Never know until I try it," (and they would have felt the same way.) It did help me soften my attitudes, helped me look outside myself a bit, and, most importantly, landed me the best husband I could have asked for, and tricked me into motherhood - a path I wouldn't have chosen so early in life, but I love, love, love my little family. Being a mother and wife has bettered me exponentially. I do look forward to doing other things with my life later on, but for now, I'm very happy with where I'm at.

Especially now that I've taken all the good things from Mormonism, I'm free to add anything "virtuous, lovely, or of good report or (that is) praiseworthy," and subtract the bullshit.

And for the record, I'm actually on board with the "good, better, best" idea. I just don't believe it needs to be in the context of what a bunch of old guys, past polygamists, adulterers, racists, and liars think is "best." One size does not fit all, dudes.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/01/2012 01:45AM by sdee.

@ MexMom- how did your son approach you with the info in a way that didn't make yOu put up your defendes?
What and how did he present it?
What did he say that specifically made you want to research things or take a closer look?
Please share :-)

For me, the most important thing has been to feel peace and contentment.

I am no longer afraid of dying or afraid of God. Sundays are more relaxing. I get to watch movies/tv shows that I love without guilt. I can believe in a god that isn't sexist, homophobic and loves everyone equally. And no general conference!

I can't say I am HAPPIER, but I can say I have a level of peace and comfort not felt while in the LD$ church. My wife and I are simply enjoying our life as we did when mormons, with more freedom. We are financially sound with more in the bank but have always been good with money. My marriage is great. Our kids are somewhat messed up, but don't know if that would have happened if we remained mormons. Leaving when they were 12-18 was tough on them. My parents seem okay however, my wifes parents have not responded so well. Our extended families (siblings) are all over the board. We both (DW & I) have about half our siblings out or really inactive.

NO REGRETS!! Cheers...

Besides getting a ten percent pay raise, I am also making more base money now then I ever did as a tithe paying member.

I have several more hours to spend with my son each week, then I would if I had to go to church and have a calling.

I no longer feel guilty about watching porn.

I no longer feel guilty about thinking unkind thoughts about unkind people.

I no longer feel guilty about touching my special places while thinking about what that one woman was wearing to church, and what it would be like to take it off of her.

I get to drink beer now, which after a long day of stressful work, provides more of a release and a feeling of peace then any number of hours of prayer and scripture reading.

I love that I gained a Me day in the process. Even if I just did my thing on a Sunday, there was always this feeling that it was the Sabbath Day and that I should be doing something different with it.

It has taken time, but even though I'm still aware that it's the supposedly Sacred Day, it is gradually beginning to feel like just another day of the week. The fact that it's a weekend day is even better. It's another day for me. The Sabbath Day is a completely man-made concept to me now.

The biggest thing is the self-esteem I began to gain, literally from the moment I left. It was like I'd lifted a huge weight of guilt-trips and worthlessness off my shoulders and I recognized that I'd immediately begun to heal.

For the first time in my life, I'm beginning to feel like a grown-up. I'd always felt that I was stuck in a time warp and had never made it past 12. Now I'm learning responsibility for my own choices in life.

I no longer have the sense that this life is simply to be endured, waiting for the next life, which will be so much better. Realizing that this life may be all I have has made every moment precious, even the crappy ones.

My finances are definitely much more easy to manage now. I don't have to ask, "And which bill do you suggest I not pay in order to make that tithing payment?"

I just feel so much more genuine now. It's probably a funny statement, but I recognize myself now. I'm not struggling to be something that other people told me I should be. This Me feels familiar. It's the Me I was before I'd ever even heard of the Mormon Church.

It's so much nicer being comfortable in your own skin. Because of that, I feel so much more relaxed now, and that's a much nicer state to be in.

With a change in world view, as we dropped our superstitions, came honesty in other areas.

For example we can no longer stand by and figure god will clean up this world and all problems will soon disappear in some eminent 2nd coming...We take more responsibility for our world now.

Remember how you could not talk about the most important issues with the ones who were closest to you because you had to be on the same page both religiously and politically? We have had the most amazing discussions with our children around the dinner table that TBM families don't get to touch.

Sundays are so much better playing with the toys tithing bought.

I'm much happier.

I no longer have to lie to myself about who and what I am.

I make more than three times what I did when I was in the LDS church.

I have found a spiritual practice that is actually meaningful and fulfilling to me.

I have been shunned by the most ignorant members of my family. That's an improvement right there.

wow... what a list of great results.

Some that repeat over and over:

Freedom, no guilt, free use of time, money, peace, harmony, more genuine, comfortable, weight lifted, no more fear of dying, etc.and on and on.

If Mormonism doesn't work for you, look at what the results can be if you leave it.

I think that's a Good Thing!:-)

If you're thinking of leaving, look at the possibilities for a new life and ignore the nay-sayers!

My head doesn't hurt anymore with congitive dissonance. That's the best thing. And now I'm more open to freindships with more kinds of people--like I used to be before I joined the LDS church. I can now live out what I have left of my life in peace and freedom (I'm in my early 50s.)

The best part about this: both my teenage children no longer believe. My daughter won't be locked into the little box of LDS womanhood and my son won't waste two years of his life.

This is what I am most grateful for--that my kids--unless something drastic happens--will be free of this insidious cult for life, and so will their children.