Bishop just left a message saying he wants to talk with DH and I to see if there is anything he can do to help us work out these issues so we can remain active in the church. My first thought was to tell him that we will meet with him if he reads Mormon Think, particularly book of Abraham and book of Mormon sections, because he won't know how to "help" unless he knows what the problem is. Then to call us back when he is done looking at the information.
What are your thoughts? I'm guessing that once again this will be a waste of time. My second thought was to just not return his call.

Delete his message. There is nothing he can do or say to reverse what you know. I was there 10 years ago and after a few weeks if messages they stopped.

I think its a great response. To me its a great deal. If he won't read it then, you won't talk to him. If he does, he'll know he has nothing to help you with, and you most likely will plant some seeds ;)

I agree, that seems like a good compromise especially since you are exactly right, he won't know what "the problem is", aka the truth you have learned unless he reads it.

I agree...it is a reasonable to ask him to read something that concerns you. If he won't then he can't help you...but he can't anyway.

I can't get any TBM to look at that site because they all consider it "anti" and "of the devil" even those its fact filled only and backed by evidence. The information is all true and verified even if it disagrees with their views and/or beliefs.

Anyone with an argument that that should and could read it?

Go with option #2.

Meeting with the bishop won't accomplish anything. He cannot adequately address your concerns, and you won't deconvert him. It will turn into either
a) a testimony bearing, or
b) a worthiness interview.

Invitations to bash.

"Work out these issues" is a patronizing euphamism for "you've been mislead and we want to set you straight".

They use bogus apologetic drivel from FARMS or the like. They do exactly what they accuse you of doing...they look up favorable one-sided arguments online that leave things out.

Don't play games.

The civil thing to do is respect their beliefs and walk away, resign.

I met with the bishop - not because he requested to meet with me but because, when he heard we had questions about the church, he decided to butt into our family and try to "save" our son by sending him all sorts of notes (with no returned address) saying things like "Heavenly Father is disappointed you weren't in church last Sunday." The kid missed that Sunday because he was at his cousin's priesthood ordination in another city, BTW. Bishop Jackwagon never asked us what was going on or tried to resolve our concerns, he just went after my kids.

So I requested to meet with the bishop and he totally screamed at ME for questioning him and yelled again when HE was ignorant and couldn't answer my questions. Then, afterward, I'm not sure WHAT he said to the ward members (and in fairness, it was probably his first minion based on the fact I've caught him lying and gossiping before) but we were DROPPED by the ward members. I had people talking down to me, making comments that made it clear they thought I was a bad mom for being offended and keeping my kids home and one acquaintance who was at least more honest than my friends, who admitted she'd been told I'd been offended and was keeping my kids home. Not one single person asked me what was going on.

I guess my point was, if you are ready to put up with an amazing amount of crap from your bishop and ward members, by all means go ahead and talk to him. You may not get the crap but I thought the bishop was a basically good guy I could talk to in spite of his dumb letters to my kid. I was SO WRONG about how nice he was or how much he cared about my eternal salvation. He only cared about taking me out so others wouldn't be "contaminated" by my knowledge. On the other hand, he did me a huge favor because he got me out completely when I was willing to settle for New Order Mormon status, got my husband and kids squarely on my side, got my kids out during their prime brainwashing years (teenage) and cleared a lot of worthless crap folks from my friend list. I don't have a lot of friends now but at least I don't have white trash friends any more, thanks to Bishop Jackwagon. If I had it to do over, I don't know what I'd do because even though it was traumatic, I'm far better off than I would have been if I'd played nice and ignored him and stayed a participating Mormon. In the end of the day, Bishop Jackwagon's nastiness saved me far, far more than it hurt me.

Let us know what you decide.

Amen CA girl. I wanted to go in peace at first too- just slip out of sight...not deal with it.... then your name gets stepped on and if they mess with your child... I can't imagine, cause I am not a mom yet but yes- I do not blame you one bit. They wonder why we can't leave the church in silence- when it has to do with our whole lives being interwoven.

I wouldn't meet up with him either. I would write him in an email asking him if he would like to know the key points why you left- Bishop so and so, that's all I can offer- other than that you need to do extensive research and not from Mormon sources.

If I liked the guy and knew him well I would... possibly. I have told a hand full of active life long members and have felt a lot of negative energy from people and thoughts. It's not a good feeling but hopefully It will subside and I can be stronger for standing up. I feel sort of bad because it's like a tumor with a bunch of nerves all wrapped and me telling them is like cutting out the tumor with out even considering the nerves. It is pretty heartless...maybe... if my analogy works here...Mormons depend on their religion-- so I do carry a lot of guilt.

There isn't a totally right answer. I wish there was a handbook for leaving the magnetic Mormon church. guilt trip galore.

Personally, I never pass up an opportunity to tell ANY church member what I believe, and why I believe it. I've had branch presidents, senior missionaries, regional(?) missionaries, branch members, all in my livingroom listening to why I left. One never knows the disposition of others, and it may be just what someone needs to hear to begin their OWN journey out of mormonism.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2012 04:10AM by Cheryl.

+1

Hi Bishop, my husband wants to know why you are sending me messages and not him. He thinks you're hitting on me trying to gain me as one of your polygamous wives in the next life, is that true?

Unless the bishop is ready to hear something, he simply won't hear it. He'll dismiss MormonThink as an anti site or go running for shelter to an apologist site.

I would politely decline or just ignore his calls altogether.

'Hi Bishop, my wife informs me that you've been hitting on her. I would be delighted to meet with you, please come round tonight with the Stake President and I will be waiting for you...Kind regards Mr Notanymore'

He has nothing to offer you, except a chance to serve him longer.

''Hi Bishop, are you a member of the Strengthening Church Members Committee that Purdy and Holland lied about on TV? If not, how do I know you're not and that you aren't spying on me right now? Also, who is on that Committee?

I need to know these things before I can consider sharing with you the proof that the Church isn't true. I wouldn't want to bring that kind of attention onto you and your family unless you are 100% ready to accept the lie that you have been living.

Please destroy this letter once you have read it because you never know who's watching...''

Delete the message. No discussion, no words, no meeting will help or change anything.

The idea of requiring that he read MormonThink--indeed, that he do ANYthing prior to meeting with you--is a good touch. Otherwise, save yourself from the stress of dealing with him.

Oh, and another thing: If you do meet with him, orchestrate it yourself. Do not allow him to do it for you. Take control meet him either on your ground (like your house) or neutral ground (Starbucks, or someplace public).

I went through this a week and a half ago and it went great I was worried he was goin to try and convert me back but it was actually opposite. Once I spent about an hour and a half explaining my findings, he had no response other than "you are an adult and can choose your own path." he also said he went through it or years, but never researched a I had and therefore he said he didn't have an answer for me. I say give it a try, it can't hurt. He doesn't have any authority over you and if he threatens you with excommunication, just say that you can send the resignation letter over the Internet faster than he can put it in the mail. Modern technology rocks that way. Who knows, you may put some seeds of doubt in his heart for later when he doesn't have to kiss the SP's @$$ anymore. Mormonthink.com was a website I told my bishop to look at prior to our discussion and it was good because I told him to do that. He realized my doubts were verifiable and therefore I had common ground with him. Goodluck on what you choose to do. Also, make sure he comes to your location of choice, so he doesn't have the upper hand. My bishop showed up in jeans and a polo shirt.

Thanks for all the responses. You all help so much. We decided to not return his phone call. We are just tired of talking with people from church about our personal business. If he calls again we will probably tell him to read Mormon think before we would have a conversation about church issues, but I doubt that he would ever objectively look at the information. So, I think that I will save myself some frustration and anxiety by avoiding every Mormon I know.

Go with your original offer. There's a 98% chance he'll never call you back. Mission accomplished...