I think reasoning mormonism, it is important to recognize two main factors. Doctrinal proof and social proof of mormonism. These two factors are like gravity and affects on capability to make decision, whether to leave or stay in church.
Dehlin seems to have make an effort to ease people who suffers and are unhappy about their situation, whirlpooling around these factors. It is much easier to leave, when you find understanding people and support. I think he uses the term non-correlated mormons.
I think it is matter of time when, publicly opposing free spirits, get ex-communicated by Iron rod-mormons. However, the agony will be there as far, one is not willing to solve these factors that are pulling one back.
Possible solutions dealing doctrinal issues, would be to find out the true history. Dealing social issues can be solved by finding the strength to deal with people who you care and searching meaningful ways to interact and fulfill the social needs, such as love and belonging.
These two factors are often interacting and are not seen as different issues in mormon theology, cult mind control or generally in human mindset. This is the reason why no one joins a religion only by reading religious scriptures. Cults often use excessive manipulation on converts regarding to their emotions. "Love bombing" etc.
According to mormonism, one should rely on emotions regarding to the truth and there are no legitimate reasons to leave the church.
Boyd K Packer said:
"The spiritual part of us and the emotional part of us are so closely linked that is possible to mistake an emotional impulse for something spiritual. We occasionally find people who receive what they assume to be spiritual promptings from God, when those promptings are either centered in the emotions or are from the adversary.
Avoid like a plague those who claim that some great spiritual experience authorizes them to challenge the constituted priesthood authority in the Church. Do not be unsettled if you cannot explain every insinuation of the apostate or every challenge from the enemies who attack the Lord’s church."http://www.lds.org/ensign/1983/01/the-candle-of-the-lord?lang=eng
It also is uncomfortable to meet opposition to the so called "truth" many mormons trust, and relies on. But in other hand, it is uncomfortable to be in opposition in a group, because of peer pressure. This is probably a reason why ex-mormons also seek social connection and interaction through internet and possibly live meetings and friendship, of one other. Humans are wired to be social.http://www.experiment-resources.com/asch-experiment.html
Emotional control of cults according to Steven Hassan:
1. Manipulate and narrow the range of a person’s feelings.
2. Make the person feel like if there are ever any problems it
is always their fault, never the leader’s or the group’s.
3. Feeling-stopping (with number 4, Excessive use of guilt). Like thought-stopping, this is the automatic suppression or blocking of feelings that are not acceptable by the cult identity- such as feeling \”homesick\” or feeling \”depressed\” or feeling \”resentful\”.
4. Excessive use of guilt
a. Identity guilt
1. Who you are (not living up to your potential)
2. Your family
3. Your past
4. Your affiliations
5. Your thoughts, feelings, actions
b. Social guilt
c. Historical guilt
5. Excessive use of fear
a. Fear of thinking independently
b. Fear of the “outside” world
c. Fear of enemies
d. Fear of losing one’s “salvation”
e. Fear of leaving the group or being shunned by group
f. Fear of disapproval
6. Extremes of emotional highs and lows.
7. Ritual and often public confession of “sins”.
8. Phobia indoctrination :
programming of irrational fears of ever leaving the group or even questioning the leader’s authority.
The person under mind control cannot visualize a positive, fulfilled future without being in the group.
a. No happiness or fulfillment “outside” of the group
b. Terrible consequences will take place if you leave: “hell”;
“demon possession”; “incurable diseases”;
“accidents”; “suicide”; “insanity”;
“10,000 reincarnations”; etc.
c. Shunning of leave takers. Fear of being rejected by friends,
peers, and family.
d. Never a legitimate reason to leave. From the group’s perspective,
people who leave are: “weak;” “undisciplined;”
“unspiritual;” “worldly;” “brainwashed
by family, counselors;” seduced by money, sex, rock and roll.http://www.freedomofmind.com/Info/BITE/bitemodel.php#emotional
I (IMHO) think Dehlin is sincere about his endeavor to help people struggling with these issues. I also think he wants to offer more humane religious view in contrast to a present authoritative LDS church. For sure, there are issues that possibly is clinging him to mindset of a mormon thinking. I don’t see any moral dilemma about finding legitimate reasons, not to leave the church and be happy; even though it would not have been my cup of tea.
One revealing general matter is the concept of "anti-mormons". Even former mormons seem to have emotional impetus in that word, most often negative. Some might feel embarrassment, if they read some material or was influenced by claimed anti-mormon books or fear of being labeled as such.
I think this labeling things “anti-mormon”, is invented by the church, in order to indoctrinate phobias toward any criticism. A mass-movement often needs an mutual enemy. However, this enemy seems to be fabricated by the church. I don’t think there has ever been people who would associate them self as "anti-mormon". However, during the history, church has associated completely different types of entities or persons as an enemy. Mob of disappointed followers of Joseph Smith, US government against polygamy, christendom, priests, negroes, polygamists, ex-mormons, scientists, intellectuals, feminists, human right activists, homosexuals, democrats maybe in next election?
Most issues of criticism are raised from inside the church. There cannot be a way to exclude these issues as "anti", an opposing force from outside of the church.