I started a thread on here, almost a year ago now: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,138485,138485

Basically it was me in a panic state wondering how on Earth I can avoid serving a mission, even though I was quite far along the process, already having filled in my mission papers.

To put it briefly, a year on, I still haven't been made to go on a mission. :) Infact, I've essentially ran away from home. Nobody in my ward (even my parents) have found out where I live yet (it's been a while already). No doubt when they do they'll start sending members to my house and missionaries to talk to me and they'll send all my details to the new ward I'm supposed to be in, which is something I'll probably come back on here and complain about if it ever happens.

Most of you told me to "just say no". Unfortunately, I still haven't had the courage to do that. I don't want to ruin my life, but I'm now living away from my abusive parents and I am a lot happier now, and not on a mission like I thought I'd be, and I'd just like to thank all of you that gave me advice last year. :) I really do appreciate everything you all said, because I had absolutely nobody to talk to in real life about the situation. I feel so much happier with my life now, and that's what it's all about ultimately in my opinion.

They can't make you go can they? You don't have to let anyone from the church in your house either. What if you don't follow the rules to qualify for a mission?

You could join a different church.

How about a tattoo. Warning, they're expensive and painful, especially on the breast and any bony part of the body.

Or you could say no.

It's sad that you have to be a fugitive from your own family, but that's what Mormonism does. At least you're not living your life according to someone else's delusions. Be strong!

PS I came back to edit this because I wanted to add one more thought.

You said "Most of you told me to "just say no". Unfortunately, I still haven't had the courage to do that"

I think you need to find the courage. Maybe there's someone you know who could help you with that. I know it's easier said than done, but until you have the courage to stand up for yourself and say "NO" to people, then you won't ever truly be free. Make the decision that you won't be intimidated by anyone in this world. You CAN do it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2012 10:07AM by canadianfriend.

Sounds like you've had to make some tough decisions. Congratulations on being strong enough to stand up for yourself. That's great that you got away from a bad situation and that you're happy with your life. It just worries me a little that you say you essentially ran away from home, just because it sounds like you have to worry about hiding from your parents. Living out on your own is hard enough without that extra worry! Are you doing OK as far as getting a job or planning on going to college? It's just sad that instead of having your family to support you, they seem to be making it much more difficult for you to get a decent start in life. You're an adult now and they should respect that. If they do start sending ward members and missionaries over, you can politely tell them you're not interested and shut the door, or if it gets too bad, spray them with a garden hose like Cheryl did :)
Hoping things go well for you.

That's a big step! Congratulations on your independence. Everyone leaves at their own pace and needs to make it work for them when families are involved. I hope the members don't find you!

run away. You escaped. And that takes great courage.

"running away" inferes to me you are a pouty kid who didn't get his way and is trying to make his parents sorry....

You didn't do that. You came up with a plan to get away from a difficult situation, implimented said plan, and have made it work for you. They haven't found you because you haven't needed them. Don't short change yourself. You did a brave thing.

Life dealt you a double whammy with abusive parents and an abusive cult.
That's a lot to handle at such a young age.

Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is leave.

Since neither the cult nor your parents are on your side, stay away from both. They won't help you, so there is no point in having contact with either.

I'm glad life is better for you now.

I"ve said this before--but if I"m every wealthy, I want to set up a foundation or scholarship fund for kids whose Mormon parents disowned them and won't help them with college or who kicked them out of the house with nothing.

I'd take you all in.

HOnestly, what kind of parents would turn out their kids just because they believed differently?

I'm so glad I wasn't raised in a Mormon family.

-->Most of you told me to "just say no".

Ultimately, that is an essential life-skill - but most of us don't master it until later in life.

There is no reason why you have to confront that challenge immediately: stay "lost", develop your interests, find friends, be happy, and don't make your problems the predominant theme in your life.

I agree. You said "no" basically by leaving. Nourish yourself mentally an physically, and get strong. You will one day stand on our own and there will be those to love and admire that quality. Taking a stand isn't easy, but one of the most admired traits a person can have.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2012 11:40AM by suckafoo.

Someone mentioned learning to say "no". The Power of a Positive No by William Ury was great for me. Mormons are bred to say yes all the time, every time.

One of the profound things in the book (that seem so obvious now) was that every single time we say 'yes" we are also saying 'no" to something else. If you agree to a mission, it is saying no to schooling or working or hanging out with friends. If i say yes to the YM calling, every minute performing that will be saying no to time I could spend with my family or working or doing something else.