"Come, come ye Saints, no toilet paper here."

The time is now yours. :)



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2010 07:06PM by steve benson.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2010 07:05PM by steve benson.

so I could sing "Go Tell Aunt Rhody."

Glady, the cross-eyed bear.

"We all have work,
let no one's shirt
put your shoulder to the wheel."

This is a little off topic, but I absolutely HATE singing "The Lord is my Light" because 99% of the people sing/play it incorrectly. Pretty much the only time I hear it sung correctly is by MoTab.

At the end of the chorus the lyrics are "...by day and by night, he leads, he leads me along." Everytime people sing it though, they sing "he leads me, he leads me along" and alter the written music so their extra (unwritten) word fits. It bugs me a ton! Probably more than it should, but rant over!

Our mother was a soloist, and she would drown out whatever we sang so we got away with murder. For example, How Firm A Foundation before the 1985 hymnal included the line "You who unto Jesus for refuge have fled." My sister and I really played up the Yoo Hoo. Yoohoo unto Jesus! I think you had to sing it three times, and one time I went a little further and said "Yodle ay hee hoo!" My sister completely lost it, and my father smacked me in the back of the head.

When I was at BYU, I had a roommate who used to sing sometimes in a very powerful falsetto voice with an exaggerated vibrato. It was just awful, and it really carried. He could do it without cracking up and while appearing to be singing normally, although the rest of us would be turning red. You could hear him all the way down on the stand. I remember the people in front of us sitting in stunned silence and righteous indignation, clearly grieved by the loss of the spirit in their midst.

Now that's funny!

Mine was the ways Mormon choirs would sing "Oh Come All Ye Faithful". One word just really ticked me off. Instead of the "...sing in exultation..." they would always say "...sing in exaltation...".

I know it's petty, but that one just really ticked me off, because they kept using the wrong word. (Yes, I was an English major...)

Not a song misquote, exactly, but I always get pissed off when people say helpmate. Total misquote and conceptual misunderstanding. It's help "mete for you," as in "appropriate for you." Not that I think any sky daddy said any such thing. I just find uneducated bastardization of the English language offensive.

I commented to my roommates how I hated singing

"and heaven and angels sing" to the chorus of Joy to the World.

It is "and heaven and nature sing".

(Why waste your breath moaning at the crowd, nothing can be done to stop the singing, if every tongue was still the noise would still continue, the rocks and trees themselves would start to sing. . . . a paraphrase of Jesus telling the naysayers of the triumphal ride into Jerusalem on the back of an ass while the people praised him and laid palm fronds and their coats down for him to pass over, he said the rocks would sing if they were quiet. So it should be "and heaven and nature sing")

So their answer??? Well, 'they' got it wrong and Josephsmyth corrected the words to the chorus of Joy to the world.
It always felt retarded to sing it with heaven and angels..... ):<(

Book of Mormon stories that my teachers read to me.
All about how Injuns can be just as white as me.
Runnin' 'round with loin cloths, in the forest there's a breeze.
When it blows, I can see, li'l factories!

Just sayin'...

Ron

ExMormonRon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Book of Mormon stories that my teachers read to
> me.
> All about how Injuns can be just as white as me.
> Runnin' 'round with loin cloths, in the forest
> there's a breeze.
> When it blows, I can see, li'l factories!
>
> Just sayin'...
>
> Ron

I had forgot all about that one Ron! The only thing that could have made that more politicaly incorrect is if we sang a loud HIYAYAYA, HIYAYAYA, with a tomahawk chop at the end(love your version).

As far as songs I messed the words up when young, 2nd verse of "I am a Child of God" ....and so my knees are gray...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/02/2010 12:21PM by jon1.

I heard a slightly different version:

Anti-mormon stories that Google tells to me,
are about Joe Smith and his polygamy,
Some were married women, known as polyandry,
one husband, was on a mission, overseas.

Then there were the young girls, even an adoptee,
Some of them had not even reached puberty,
This he said would cover them for all eternity,
if they spent the, night with him, sexually.

He promised, them salvation, for all their family,
with such a, great promise ,most of them agreed,
he married, lots of girls, at least 33,
This he did, all of this, secretly.

He peeped at his stone, in a hat, claiming he could see,
the golden plates, were not there, but hidden in a tree.
This is how he "translated" what mormons believe,
is a book, which contains literal, history.

Joe opened a bank, he claimed, was God's decree,
he didn't have, the capital, so did it fraudulently,
it was doomed, to failure, but Joe did not forsee,
people would be mad, when they lost, their money.

Joe said, in the Kingdom, he was the monarchy,
the world, would be governed, by Council of Fifty,
this some, saw as treasonous, leading to tyranny,
they didn't want, in this land, theocracy.

Some people saw, that Joe, was acting unholy,
they opened, a newspaper, with the reality,
Joe destroyed, the paper, when he disagreed,
which led him, to Carthage, as detainee.

He sent for his army to come and break him free,
He hoped he could run away as an escapee,
a mob came to kill him he gunned down about 3,
he used the distress sign of freemasonry.

From “Come, Come, Ye Saints” - “All is swell. All is swell.”

And O/T:

From “The Star Spangled Banner” – “Jose, can you see?”

ziller

Were you my roommate at BYU? California moped guy? All is swell, all is swell...Loved that.

We would take the hymnal and just go page by page reading the titles with "On the Toilet" added afterwords.

I received many smacks to the back of the head by my Dad due to the chuckling and ensued irreverence. Good times.

He umps when he jumps, when he jumps he falls down,
Where he ain't got no tail almost hardly.

I know how ugly I are,
My face it ain't a star,
But I do not mind it for I am behind it,
You folks out it front get the jar, har, har.

-Sung to the tune of "How Gentle God's Commands" - the limerick song, we called it. You can sing any limerick to it. Come to think of it, the mormon version is just as nonsensical as any other limerick.

How gentle God's command,
How kind His precepts are,
Come, cast your burdens on the Lord,
And trust His constant care.

Complete nonsense, all of it.

TG

Not specifically Mormon but "God bless America/Land that I love/Stand beside her and guide her/Through the night with a light from a bulb

In primary, my friends would always alter the first line of "Little purple pansies touched with yellow gold" to "Little purple panties touched with pee and shit".

Still cracks me up just thinking about it. Yes, we made the teachers cry.

She sang; "For He is exhausted".

Gotta admit -- it he existed he probably WOULD be exhausted. lol

Oh, but that's not a Mormon song -- just plain old non-denominational Christian fundy music. :)

After the verse about Jonah and the whale the chorus goes:

Swallow the prophet
Swallow the prophet
Swallow the prophet don't go astray
etc.

When upon life's pillows you are tempest tossed....

In my family "cherish virtue" = "cherries hurt you". Still makes me crack up when I hear that one. As in, eat too many cherries, get a bad stomach ache!

"If we could hike to Kobob in a twinkling of a pie and then continue onward as we eat our pie on high..."

"Have I killed anyone in the world today?
Have I helped anyone to bleed?"

When those peaceful happy mormons roll