The missionary happens to be my sister. She and her husband are a whole month into their mission to Texas. I'm sure they've had dozens of baptisms by now. I'm just glad they are too humble to brag about all the wild success they've had.

Anyway, she asked if I'd build a model of an arch complete with a keystone. Any of you who have been on a mission already know where this is going don't you? She'd seen an object lesson and was so super impressed she wants her own set up so she can repeat the lesson.

The idea is that if you pull the keystone out of the arch then the whole thing falls apart. What I should have asked her is what the keystone in her lesson will represent. Is is Jesus? Joseph Smith? The Book of Mormon? Polygamy? Who ever the current Profit is? Any one of those things could be used and claimed to be the cornerstone of Mormonism.

I don't really mind doing this as a favor to my sister. Any excuse to make a little saw dust is a good excuse in my book. I do, however, want to add some subtle subversions into the thing. Phalic shaped columns on the sides might be too obvious, but I could get away with making the keystone out of a different color of wood. Maybe African Blackwood? Or I could stain the whole thing a nice Wine Red...

Ideas?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/13/2012 04:09PM by Stunted.

Joseph Smith said the Book of Mormon was "the keystone of our religion."

Kind of a shaky thing to base an entire religion on.

Teacher: "The keystone is the most important part of the whole arch. Do you know why? Because if you pull out the keystone, the whole arch will fall."

Dramatic Pause...

Student: (Pointing to another part of the arch) "What if you pull out that one?"

I always wondered the same thing as that kid...

I wonder if I could get creative with the wood burner and cover the blocks in random patterns that just happen to spell out Hasa Diga Ebowai.....

Hasa Diga Eebowai would be funny. They might see and read it, but even then it would just appear to be jibberish. Nobody would be aware that they are reading blasphemy - except on the rare occasion that they teach someone who has seen the BoM Musical. Then you might get some questions from your sister.

Just make sure to cut the keystone a bit crooked, so it appears like it will work, but just doesn't quite stand up...

(See what I did there?)

Joseph Smith was the keystone, then dear Brigham. Jesus never had a chance--always in the supporting role.


If mormonism has a keystone now, it is definitely gullibility.

I would inscribe that word on the the keystone for your sister.

His sister probably would never speak to him again! Loved the link, though.

Maybe you could put the word "FEAR" on the keystone. That is what appears to hold it all in place for mormons.

Tithing is clearly the keystone of LDS Inc today.

paint the keystone to look like a stack of dollar bills.

put the names of stores at the mall on the pillars. You could even use their logos to make them more obvious.

Put it all on a foundation block of wood that looks like people who have been smashed together by a compactor. Make sure they have on modest clothing. White shirts, ties, maybe even a name tag here and there. Oh yes, a toilet brush and a vacuum cleaner also.

The keystone to the mormon religion is the book of mormon.

And when i found out the moronic book was a fake, then the rest of the religion, by their own teaching had no more value.

Bye bye moron church!!!!

So make sure they know the BOM is the keystone so they can teach it to all their investigators. snicker :)

Just because she's your sister. I don't have a funny answer to offer, but I really can't imagine that a silly visual like that would actually get anybody into the font anyway.

Nor can I imagine that some snarky twist will make anyone see "your" truth. When someone asks for help, don't give counterfeit money...

How about some masonic symbols on each piece? An all-seeing-eye on the keystone?

Actually, making sure the keystone looks like the Book of Mormon is the best idea.

All the other stones you can name Bible, Tradition, Jesus, Miracles, Sacraments, Confession, and each of the commandments can have its own stone.

You wil be sending a message that Mormonism replaces all the traditions and scriptures of Christianity. And since their "keystone" the Book of Mormon is so easily disproven, the whole thing does, indeed, fall.

Anagrammy

I would continue to build an elaborate structure on top of the arch. Mormonism is really a large castle built on top of a shaky foundation. I think this is a great metaphor to use.

Once they realize that any one flaw in the foundation would bring the whole thing down, it is easier to make the collapse of their belief happen.

This is a good time to explain to her how the BoM people who left the Middle East would have been intimately familiar with the standard arch and keystone used there. It holds a tremendous load.

In the Americas before Columbus, they only used the corbel arch, which lacks a true keystone and doesn't work as well.

Like so much of what JS put in his little book, God's chosen people seem to have lost the ability to build simple arches. They forgot how to write, use money, horses, wheels, smelt steel, grow wheat, and build arches. They knew all that during the BoM.

It defies logic.

Dude. If you feel uncomfortable contributing to something that your missionary sister will use as a tool to convert others, just tell her no. You have no right to impose on your sister to create anti-mormon material, she has no right to impose upon you to create a pro-mormon one. Say you've thought it over and feel it against your integrity to do it.

I mean, subtly sabotaging the thing may seem fun and all, but the worst mistake anyone hoping to crack a joke can make is to underestimate his audience. How do you think she'll react when she sees the joke? Laugh? Get pissed (and have a good excuse for it for the covert nature of the joke)?

If you disagree with mormon proselytizing, disagree outright rather than do it passive-agressively. It's more respectable that way. Just saying...

The keystone of the Mormon religion is that the Native Americans are Jews. Only apostates believe otherwise ;)

blackwood keystone, thats funny, how about white oak columns with a rosewood keystone, then cover the columns with occult temple/masonic symbols and gibberish that you proclaim is reformed egyptian from the "promptings" you recieved during construction

I am sure it can be done. Weight the the sides just right and you could do it. This is not very subtle and could un-kindly embarrass your sister, but think of the ruined object lesson when the arch doesn't fall.