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Posted by: inmoland ( )
Date: April 25, 2012 11:21PM

Is it common for single Mormon men to treat non-Mormon women with less respect than women who are members?

As in, do some assume non-member women will be quick to go to bed with them (even if that isn't true) or do they try to use them for sex, like a dirty little secret on the side, but not actually take them seriously or think of them as someone they would date in the same way they would a woman they met through the church?

I'm a nevermo living in a heavily Mormon area, and have had a couple of unbelievably disrespectful experiences with Mormon men (right out of the gate), unlike any I've had with nevermos. Just wonderng if there's some kind of Madonna/Whore delusion at work among some of the guys.

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Posted by: snb ( )
Date: April 25, 2012 11:28PM

It would seem more likely that Mormon men would use Mormon women as a dirty little secret. Mormon women are much less likely to speak out about something like getting used for sex. They are also less experienced, which makes it a lot easier to manipulate them into sex.

I'm sure though that a lot of Mormon men might go trolling for non-Mormon women with the assumption that they are going to get laid faster. I doubt it is very widespread though.

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: April 25, 2012 11:56PM

Mormon men demanding sex is why I ( a mormon) stopped dating Mormon men. It got to be a predictable drag.

In my experience, non mormon men had way better manners, and weren't nearly as demanding.

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Posted by: archaeologymatters ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 12:10AM

Yeah that is not surprising. As a former mormon who talked with devout mormon men, there was definitely talk of "we can date these girls, but we will marry these other girls."

This will sound really terrible, but I used to treat girls with more than one piercing differently. I felt those girls were less likely to follow the mormon's strict code on sex since they didn't follow it on other things.

I hate typing that because it shows what a douchebag I was as a mormon, but this site is for truth.

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Posted by: WinksWinks ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 12:35AM

Oh I think it's very likely! Anywhere mormons have been living long enough to reinforce some of their misogynistic ideas through a ward, you will probably find this.
After all, if a nonmo woman tries to draw attention to the mormon user, he can claim she's got something against mormons and is trying to besmirch his name unjustly.
Many of the boys in my ward growing up "scored" as many nonmo girls in high school as they could. All the while intending to settle down with a barbie doll Molly after their mission.
No better definition of madonna/whore complex.
And I do not live in the morridor.
Of course these losers grow up and continue the pattern.

Sure, I'll grant that not all the boys in the ward were like this, but it was 7 users to 2 possible good guys. But maybe the two just didn't tell tales. Maybe the seven were liars.
I doubt it.

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Posted by: toto ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 12:44AM

Mormon men, in my experience, have wanted sex AND a commitment AND for me to return to the fold. Nada.

I prefer non-mormon and exmo men because I feel respected after sex because no one's trying to change me.

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Posted by: Feijoada ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 01:11AM

Last year a never-mo acquaintence told that she was astonished at how horny mormon dates were. I dismissed the idea, thinking that Mormon boys were not unlike myself fifty years ago; that she exaggerated; that most Mormon boys would not sexually abuse girls, Mormon or not. Perhaps I was wrong. Seems that hypocrisy and religiosity go hand in hand. I am so happy to be free Mormonism and all religion.

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Posted by: inmoland ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 01:12AM

My experience with these guys, whom I barely knew, has been that one minute we could be talking about, literally, the weather, and the next minute they were all over me. When I told them to back off, there was, of course, somthing wrong with ME. The next thing I hear, they're dating someone from the church.

I just wondered if this was their pattern with all women, or just non-Mormons, thinking they could get a little action from nevermos that the girls at church wouldn't put out, and then being angry to find that their expectation that a non-Mormon would be an easy lay didn't pan out .

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Posted by: ymountain ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 02:46AM

"Flirt to convert." It's totally insane

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Posted by: BadGirl ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 03:17PM

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Posted by: toto ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 06:37PM

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Posted by: A nonny mommy this time ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 07:21AM

One of my daughters was/is in a mormon-weird relationship and I think it is pretty typical of the shit that non-mormon or "non-active" mormon girls put up with.

Boyfriend was a partier and had sexual relationships with previous girlfriends prior to dating my daughter. He was in a "going to the temple after we repent" relationship with a mormon girl, then she broke it off, he was crushed & didn't care about the church anymore......
He falls in love with my NOM-mormon daughter who decided long ago she wasn't going to have sex before marriage.
Now he wants her to "mormonize" because somewhere along the way his testimony has re-appeared. He brings her a book of mormon, (as if we don't have one).
Now, in only a "mormon-think" kind of way he believes she isn't righteous enough for him because she doesn't have a testimony, notwithstanding his previous habits of party & drink.

The hypocrisy in this stupid church is unbelievable.

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Posted by: Suckafoo ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 07:42AM

Sounds like my husband. I know ... I'm just lucky I guess.

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Posted by: Blue Eyes France ( )
Date: February 09, 2013 04:45AM

Reading all the posts here has been a great help.

I once really loved a mormon guy who invited me on a trip, though he was married. I had no idea what this guy wanted... At first i thought it was friendship for all good time sake ...... he never talked about his previous life... and it would seem that he probably had been married a few times before and may have had affairs too ...

I thought the mormon men were really good men .... from my experience and from reading your posts and knowing now the polygamous past of the mormon church, i know now that they are everything but better than the rest of most men we meet in what they call Babylon... in fact, they may be worse than Babylon since they use their religion to justify what they do or are the greatest hypocrite there is

And i bet that once they have satisfied their lust, they accuse the women they have dated to be sluts and not worthy ...

It is crap and disgusing

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Posted by: helamonster ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 10:53AM

Had a string of affairs with nevermo women. He was exed and rebaptized a number of times for this (his family were fairly prominent local mo-royalty). When I finally asked him what the hell his deal was, he replied, "Well, they're Gentiles. It's not like they'd be going to the Celestial Kingdom anyway. But I can be forgiven."

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Posted by: Blue eyes France ( )
Date: February 09, 2013 04:39AM

This is the most horrible thing to do or say to anyone .... and especially from a church which claims to the only true church and so righteous .. it is disgusting ..

On the other hand, knowing old Joe's character and cheating with so many wives ... no surprise they would act and behave the way they do ...

It is horrific

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Posted by: ambivalent exmo ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 11:00AM

I distinctly remember my dad telling all of us kids during my parents divorce...
"If a man can't get what he needs from his wife, he is forced to go outside the marriage or the church".

Interesting choice of words......

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Posted by: rander70 ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 12:55PM

ambivalentmo... what your dad said was horrible. "Forced" huh? sounds like an excuse.

Now that I think about it, the mormons I dated were incredibly horney. I believe the reason is they have no sexual "out" such as masterbation like never-mos do. I remember the mormon boys climbing on top of me on the 2nd date! good grief. I had to constantly tell them no.

One of the reasons I dated my never-mo fiance in the beginning is when I asked him if he would respect my decision to have sex after marriage, he said yes. We dated for 7 months before getting engaged, and he NEVER pressured me to have sex with him. Shortly after our engagement, I turned away from church's restrictions, decided my fiace was truly commited to me, and waited in his bedroom wearing lingere for when he came home for valentines day. ;)

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Posted by: ambivalent exmo ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 03:19PM

Nice! Well done you!

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Posted by: BadGirl ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 03:15PM

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 03:47PM

I knew I didn't want to marry a Mormon woman, even when I still considered myself a Mormon. So I dated non-Mormons in order to keep from falling for a Mormon.

Before that, I sort of used Mormon women by dating ones I wasn't really interested in as cover for the fact I didn't want to marry in the church (or anywhere else).

Of course, LDS women NEVER use LDS men for their own purposes. (snark)

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Posted by: Stunted ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 04:06PM

I don't know if I can really blame my poor behavior on the church or not. When I was a younger scamp I did a lot of things I'm not particularly proud of. I'm guilty of using women -members mostly because that's what I was surrounded by.

There are so many situations I'd like to go back in time and do-over. It isn't that I wouldn't make out with the same girls, it isn't that I wouldn't try for 2nd then 3rd base with them, it isn't that I regret losing my virginity at a young age, I just want to do it all again as a non-Pig. When I was teen-aged girls weren't human beings. They were a pair of boobs and whatever that wonderful mystery was between their thighs. I was blinded by hormones and raging desires.

It didn't help that the church was constantly harping about sexual purity and their own version of morality. Once I turned 12 I was supposed to pretend like I never had a sexual thought or desire. To even acknowlege humans are sexual creatures was taboo.

I vividly remember walking down the big cement steps to the Seminary building at Bonneville Jr. High as a 9th grader. I was contemplating the expectations of the church and mesuring them against my reality. As I stood next to the large Blue Spruce, that offered some shade, I decided I wasn't going to try and wait for marriage. I couldn't. I was going to try and get some. It was naughty. It was forbidden. It created in me the idea that women were not only the goal, but they were also the goal keeper and therefore, the enemy. Anything is fair in love and war right?

How much sweeter would that first kiss have been if I had known that girl was my equal if not my better?

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 04:27PM

Pigs that play the Mormon game in the Mormon sty.

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Posted by: Blue Eyes France ( )
Date: February 09, 2013 04:50AM

This is so good and so up to the point.

I dont believe in love in this world ... and mormonism has ceased to be for me a place where men are better than the rest...

But i like your comment ... it is so great...

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Posted by: bc ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 04:36PM

I once heard this saying from an inactive Mormon friend in Utah Valley:

"If she smokes she pokes."

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 06:42PM

...that LDS girls might not smoke or drink but they do love to screw.

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Posted by: Blue Eyes France ( )
Date: February 09, 2013 04:51AM

This is so horrific to say of someone ..

No wonder i think most men are B ... or P....

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Posted by: liminal state ( )
Date: February 09, 2013 12:50PM

Oh lord, I think we know the same person. One of my exroommates in Utah County was fond of saying that . . . and he meant it, too.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: April 26, 2012 05:00PM

I blame LDS leaders on this; Leaders teach that if the 'fail' to live ALL the commandments, down to earrings, etc. you might as well toss it all overboard.

They guilt-trip you into 'confessing' simple matters of dress, grooming; If you come in to chat (about anything), they'll load U up with More Guilt than U realised Y ever had/deserved.

That's what being in a CULT is like, one little mistake that you can't reverse IMMEDIATELY, and you're under the bus.

Stupid Church
Stupid Cult
Stupid Corporation faking being a religion.

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Posted by: mondaymorning ( )
Date: February 09, 2013 07:53AM

I used a non-Mormon woman... I fell so in love with her I began to question the reality of God. He loves all his children but if I marry this one instead of a Mormon one, I'm not going to the CK? Sounds pretty preferential to me.

We're getting married in June. There's an open bar. All are welcome :)

A non-Mormon saved my life.

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Posted by: nancy rigdon ( )
Date: February 09, 2013 10:42AM

This thread reminds me of a required religion class I had to take at a non-mo college. The professor brought up the subject of morality as it relates to sex outside of marriage. One pig in the class started to make some rationalization for why it was ok for men to have sex before marriage, but that women should be virgins. He used the term "used goods" to describe women who weren't virgins. *snicker from other guys*

When he was done, I just had to speak. I said, "Let me get this straight. You don't want to marry used goods, but you don't mind BEING used goods." *crickets*

You just have to put some a**holes in their place.

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Posted by: karriew ( )
Date: February 09, 2013 11:48AM

I have probably told this one before, my second TBM husband was a ready made family. I really did not 'love' him as much as I 'liked' him and really loved his two children.

I was not some type of 'porn' queen, but I knew what to do when it came to sexual matters. I did not lay there on the bottom. I will leave it to your imagination for the rest of the gory details.

I found out my TBM hubby was cheating. I did not confront him at first, I talked to the woman who I 'tricked' into meeting me (she thought it was him), at a quiet, secluded spot. I had previously arranged for a 'special' booth. She told me 'hubby' did not tell her he was married or had any children....they were just getting together for sex with no strings attached. She was appalled (she claimed) broke down in tears as she did not mind having sex with someone (she had about three different lovers at the same time) but did not want to appear to be a home wrecker. I was curious, I asked her about what she did to turn him on, she related to me some things. I basically told her if she wanted to live, her last phone call was to be that night. I went immediately to a doctor to get tested for EVERYTHING.

She called at the appointed hour (7 PM), I sent the children upstairs. He did not speak much as I could hear her yelling. Once the conversation was over, he called me a bEECH and hit me across the face with the phone and stood over me,yelling about how I was 'interfering with his fun." He kicked me twice (cracked two ribs). I think I was 'out' for a while as I remember waking up and he was not in the room. I crawled out of the house, managed to get to my feet and walked to a phone booth to call and old friend to rescue me. He got the call at 1:30 AM, so I don't really remember what happened after I got kicked or how much time elapsed from leaving the house to the phone call.

This was 1989 so the laws were a little different (there was no O.J.Simpson to point to and call a monster), The police were interested, at first, because the death of his first wife (a fall down the stairs) was "questionable' The detective handling called in hubby and was told to bring an attorney. He claimed I slipped and fell in the kitchen, denied the affair (I had all the paperwork that tipped me off). Then, out of the clear blue that detective was transfered to 'fraud.' A few years later, I found out that a command level member of the Sac P.D. was a TBM and the stake president put some pressure to get the case pushed under the rug.

It did my heart good when I found out that 10 years later he did some time in state prison for 'spousal abuse.'

I am glad I got out of that one alive; I felt sorry for his children as they were very nice. I wanted to take the kids with me, but I knew I did not have the $$$$ to fight TSCC, as I knew they would pressure a TBM attorney to represent him.

I showed up at my father's office (he was a bishop), the following Sunday, ribs taped up and make up to hide the bruises across my face (and a temp cap to cover up the broken front tooth), his suggestion "Pray and seek the spirit." The only spirit I was seeking was a bottle of scotch.

I wanted to move in permanently with (at that time my ex b/f) and current b/f. I stayed with him a couple of weeks in his guest room. He was no longer a TBM, but he treated me like I was fine bone china. I knew him from his TBM days, I even introduced him to his wife. We became an item long after his divorce and before my two failed marriages. He told me that in a time like this, I needed the support of my family and adding him (an ex-communicant) would only be bad. Boy was I wrong.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2013 11:55AM by karriew.

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Posted by: liminal state ( )
Date: February 09, 2013 12:48PM

Pffftt, yeah, they do.

Source: former RM roommates.

I even had one do the Vegas weekend marriage/divorce thing just to have sex with a nonMormon girl.

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