Posted by:
forestpal
(
)
Date: December 04, 2010 12:02AM
Maybe there has been something else going on with the family, that you are unaware of. Maybe folks took sides on the Prop 8 issue. Isn't Saturday the Jewish Sabbath, or something? Maybe you're not the only non-Mormon not going to the party. Maybe the family is getting too big, and they want to weed people out. Are your kids friendly with these relatives?
Whenever something is confusing, that means you need more information. This would be worth investigating, though you probably won't know the facts until the party is over. You have your one cousin who can spy for you. Maybe someone is spreading lies about you.
Be kind to yourself, and stop telling yourself that you need to change! Change what? Become Mormon again? Laugh less? Become aggressive and crash the party? Become thick-skinned and go somewhere else tomorrow and have a ball (you wish)? You seem like a sweet, sensitive person, a good cook, intelligent, with good manners, and probably plenty more assets. Concentrate on the people who do appreciate you!
My grandmother used to say, "When you feel blue, do something for someone else." I like your idea of going to the nursing home. Make a special dinner for your children, if they're around. If you're alone on a Saturday night (welcome to our single empty-nesters club!), do something nice for yourself, or, like another poster suggested, plan a party of your own in the near future!
Sorry to say, but I had to "let go" of a lot of family and friends when I left Mormonism. My children left with me, but most of my family are TBM's. I had to let go of the old dreams, of having tons of children and grandchildren around the Christmas tree, and a husband playing Santa Claus, and filling up a whole paper-covered folding table at the ward Christmas party. Hell, that's a lot of work, cooking, clean-up, and stress.
You are absolutely right about things not being as much fun as you remember them to be. When I see all my Mormon neighbors going to the ward party without me, I will probably shout for joy, as I put on my fleece jammies, some music, and curl up with a good book, and nibble on food I actually like.
You get through "nights like those" by anticipating the next day, and what you want to do bright-and-early. You will be one pound thinner, not having overindulged yourself. You can beat everyone to the stores, go for a quick walk before it snows, go out for coffee. My old grandma used to also say, "When you're depressed, wash your hair." Go ahead and look adorable, even if you're not going to a party right then.
Life is an adventure, and if you go out there and volunteer, take a class, try out other churches, go to lunch someplace different, even shop at different stores, you will meet a lot of new people, and maybe even find a new friends. Your life is changing, and honestly it is for the better! Your life will be under YOUR control, this time around!
"Letting go" doesn't mean dumping people, it means not depending on others for your happiness. Go ahead and send your relatives a Christmas card. Do what you feel like doing, but don't be calculating or manipulative. Just be yourself.