Hi All,

I have been a long time lurker, but this is my first original post. I just wanted to share some of my observations on how leaving the church has made me a better parent. I am 34 years old with 2 kids, 9 and 11, living at home with my wife and I. Although my wife and kids have not officially resigned yet (It's happening this week!), we left the church together 1 year ago. Here are some of the ways that leaving the church has made me a better Husband and Father:

- I Have Waaayyy More Time For My Family. For years I was resentful of the fact that although claiming to be, TSCC is not a family oriented church. As church duties and callings encroached on more and more on my limited time (Both Weekdays and Weekends), this issue became my main, driving reason for looking for the truth. Instead of dreading Sundays and the stress they brought, I now cherish them. I get to spend them with the people I love doing positive family-oriented activities.

- No Topics Are Taboo or Off-Limits. My kids are free to ask questions on any topic and I am free to answer them. Honesty, Integrity and Truth. I have the privilege of driving my kids to school on my way to work in the morning and I have better, more stimulating conversation with them than the adults I work with. I am free to raise truth-seekers!

-I Am Better Equipped to Handle Normal Kid Problems. I am free from judgmental propaganda and unrealistic, perfection-based expectations. I no longer project unhealthy requirements onto my kids. This is not to say that I don't set healthy expectations and follow through with consequences when needed. I just do it in a more loving, less crazy way. :)

-I Can Be Myself. My kids and I have developed deep, personal relationships over the last year. I no longer feel the need to be a strict, judgmental, authority figure. We can now laugh together, play together, work together and enjoy every second of it. My kids know the real me, and they think I'm pretty cool. Our new religion is family.

-We Have Extra Money. I hate tithing! Hate it with a passion. We had always paid even when paying meant going into debt. That greedy, uninspired policy has created tremendous hardship for my family. We are still paying off debt that was accumulated in no small part due to tithing. Now that we do not have to give away 10% of our income, we are slowly working our way out of debt and have the resources to go on family trips, buy the kids clothes when they need them, etc.

Life is great out of the Church! Thank you everyone who contributes here and thank you to those who maintain this site. Your contributions and help are significant to a great number of people!

Peace!

Topping.
Very cool.
Congrats!!!

Thanks DWB!

Great Stuff!

and Congratulations that you freed yourself

I agree wholeheartedly. I never exposed my children to the lunacy that is the MORG. Never judged them for their religious beliefs or lack thereof. Never expected them to waste 2 years of their precious lives preaching BS far from home. I just love them and trust that as adults, they can make rational life choices, and raise their own children with the love and respect they were afforded. Can't do much more.

Fantastic! So happy for you all! Thanks for sharing your wisdom and newfound insights. Believe me, we're all behind you and we know you've discovered the REAL truth. :)

Thanks for the support and well wishes everyone. This is why I love these forums. :)

I love hearing that.
Your children won't have to be on RFM or in therapy when they're older. They have a father who is present. I don't know what that's like, but it has to be for the good.

Even though my kids are adults, I think I've been a better parent since i left the church. I'm much less judgmental. Our conversations are better. We have more fun when we're together.

My marriage wasn't bad before, but even it has gotten better. We are way more relaxed. It's nice to have a glass of wine together at the end of the day.

Thanks Mia. It's nice to hear that other people are having the same experience. Apostasy does NOT lead to unhappiness. I totally agree about being able to relax have a glass of wine with your spouse. My wife and I love to sit on our porch swing in the evening and sip on a glass of wine or a beer. :D

It's nice to hear a success story every once in a while.

Great post. I couldn't agree more. I'll be an infinitely better dad than I would have been putting a cult above my family. I already am.

Mormonism gave me some false ideas about my kids.

I thought they existed prior to birth independently of me. That meant they could have been assigned to any parents, and that I was just sort of in line for them. Ultimately I wasn't their real dad, just their physical dad. God was their real dad and my job was basically to get them back to their real dad. It was my obligation to indoctrinate them with the gospel and censor unorthodox behavior. Being a parent was a church calling...something to be done by the book.

Now I know my kids are my kids naturally. It's a whole new world of discovery to enjoy MY kids. The removal of a load of false obligations has freed up our relationship in a hundred ways. We're more affectionate, I'm more tolerant, we're closer, the kids aren't always wary of offending some dogmatic sensibities in me they don't understand. We're friends. They can relax with me, they can make mistakes around me, they can ask anything. I'm not keeping secrets from them like the temple. I'm not plotting their future for them. We're living much more in the moment, not worrying about growing up too fast.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2012 02:30AM by amos2.

Isn't it amazing how the Mormon theology twists these relationships and then convinces us that it is the only true way? It is so nice to be able to see past the lies and determine what is best and healthiest for our individual families. I know my family did NOT fit into the Mormon mold.