It's the same reason people stay in bad jobs and bad marriages. It's less effort to stay with the other caged monkeys than it is to escape the cage. Escaping the cage means bringing attention to yourself, getting punished, overcoming fear, being willing to change, and starting a new life.

Doing something about it basically requires too much effort so they don't bother with it and stick to what they know.

In fact, I think so many of these people are so scared of change they don't really know what they really believe. They are too scared to think about it because they might actually find they don't believe in it at all. So they tow the status quo line just to fit in.

Looking back, I realize that I stayed in the church so long for primarily social reasons, although I didn't see it that way at the time. Its so easy to move into a new neighborhood as a mormon. You have a bunch of ready made friends the minute you walk into the door. As a single college-aged adult, it was a comfortable place to meet other people.

just like almost any other religion. Their belief by faith in a deity, savior, etc. is absolute. steadfast, and unwavering, and they believe they are doing the correct things to be saved in an after life. Period. It's how religion in general works -- been like that throughout the history of humanity. Their belief in their deity is not questioned.

Nothing new about that. Dozens of religious beliefs have similar beliefs and people go to their graves convinced they are doing what god wants them to do.

As a convert, I don't see much difference in the various religious beliefs. They are a matter of spiritual witness and people are not likely (at least the ones I know) to change those beliefs.

The believers think there is something fundamentally off/wrong/sick/mental about someone who does not believe in their deity and often voice their opinions very clearly!

I have seen parents convince their teenagers they are mentally ill (diagnosed with all kinds of mental illnesses), only because they don't want to believe in their religion and want to believe differently. A fundamentalist Christian with a child that wants to be Wicca for instance, is a good example. Can't have anything wrong with God, it has to be a defective child! Seen this way to often in religious circles.

Insightful comment but I feel the need to point out that it's not always true. Some of us (deeply) religious folks do feel that there are many paths to God, and that a lot of the language we have for theological concepts is metaphorical and not literal, and thus can be applied to other times and cultures.

it is one of our very precious rights to participate in religious beliefs (or not.) I respect that right, Mormon or any other religious choice (and there are probably thousands.)

I don't think it's my job, nor do I think it's productive, or respectful to tell someone their religion is "wrong", or they are brainwashed idiots, or stupid cultists for using their precious rights to their religious beliefs.
It's a matter of our rights.

We can change our mind also.

"I don't think it's my job, nor do I think it's productive, or respectful to tell someone their religion is "wrong", or they are brainwashed idiots, or stupid cultists for using their precious rights to their religious beliefs.
It's a matter of our rights."

Do you believe this even when the other's closely held beliefs are hurtful or even dangerous to other people? I agree that most beliefs are indeed benign and it doesn't matter if someone holds them or not. However, there are some beliefs which are demonstrably false yet persistent and have the power to do harm when acted upon. The false beliefs about homosexuality come to mind. In this case I think it is indeed productive to inform them that their beliefs are 'wrong'.

Have to disagree SusieQ. Mormons would never consider trying out a different "Christian" church. But Protestants do it all the time. Yes, most want to stay in their faith but not necessarily their first denomination. They go where they feel comfortable. Mormons stay whether they are comfortable or not.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/04/2010 08:12PM by honestone.

generational "tribe." People don't leave their "tribe" --- at least not easily. Telling the family about leaving is probably the biggest problem members have.

It's home, it's family, it's generations of faith and belief.
Incidentally, that's not unlike dozens of other religions.

Why would anyone leave their tribe?

140 + years of teaching "white supremecy" as the "Will of God"

180 + years of treating women like mindless baby factories.

Declaring feminists, homosexuals and intellectuals "enemies" of the cult/tribe.

Mountain Meadows Massacre.

Polygamy.

Prop H8

Blatant disregard for the Constitution (see Nauvoo Expositer)

And that's just off the top of my head. I'm wondering who wouldn't want to leave the tribe!

Timothy

There are many reasons. The church works for some and some truly believe and love the lifestyle. Others stay out of habit, family pressure, social reasons, fear, habit, because of social reasons or a combination of any of the above It depends on the person.

"People stay with the church because it meets some emotional need." I can hardly think of an example in which this is not the case. Those emotional needs are very diverse across the spectrum of people, but there it is.

Mormonism was filling an emotional need for me and as soon as I realized it couldn't fill it any more, I was ready to hear the truth. Funny thing was, I wandered into the truth on the internet almost immediately after I was over the emotional need thing. Like the universe was just waiting for me to take the mote out of my eye so it could show me just what I was blind to.

That being said, I have a LDS friend who's husband is lazy, selfish and disrespectful and I asked her once why she didn't leave him. She said she was just too lazy to uproot her life and try to raise their 5 kids by herself. It was easier to just put up with the guy's crap. Her words. So it makes sense some people would feel that way about Mormonism too - especially those who've known no other type of life.

There is also the issue that wards are different and people are different. We haven't all had the same experiences in the church. Some bishops are nice and some are jerks, some wards are liberal and some are very by-the-book, some wards have friendly, caring people and some have judgmental jerks. Add to that that people are different and are not all looking for the same thing and it isn't surprising that some people stay and others don't.I agree with SusieQ. If the church is working for some poeple, it is not my place to try to get them out. To each his own.

Excellent insight and philosophy, Rubicon.

It certainly rings bells with me, not because of the church, but because of a dead end job I was 'stuck' in for 7 years; making doors and windows, stood at a machine all day long.

Now I'm at university (mature student) having been given a second chance at life. And I'll make sure no church takes the credit for my successes.

I get irritated when members try to lump those of us who LEAVE into neat little categories: 1) wanted to sin 2) got offended 3) got ahold of anti-mormon lies . . . and I know there are more, but I forgot them. . . .


So keeping in mind how much ****I**** like to be categorized by believers, here are MY divisions of those who STAY:

1) True believers . . . they stay because they thinks it the one way true church. Who would leave if they believe it?

2) Doubters . . . they have their doubts, but they aren't sure either way and decide to stick with the church.

Maybe. . . .

It's easier to stay
They are used to it and don't want change
It keeps the peace
They don't trust themselves enough to figure it out for themselves
They are too lazy to do their own homework
They don't really CARE that much
or they think it's a great way to raise their kids
or they don't want to lose friends/clients
They are afraid of being wrong and getting smacked down by God in the next life
They think that something bad will happen if they leave
They think that they will become horrible people if they leave
They think people will gossip about them if they leave. . . . .
you get the idea.

3) Closet unbelievers . . . . they stay in because they don't think they have the option to leave. They have too much to lose socially/professionally, or they'll lose their family.

Fear.

Yep, you are 100% right on this one, when I was in the morg I only stayed cause I felt I was trapped. Then I started to do research and found this site. It really helped me to figure out it was all a lie. A friend said it was a cult, and when I didnt believe her at the time, I tried to prove her wrong, but she in fact was able to show me that the LDS was all a lie. I am so grateful to her for showing me the error of my ways. I am finally free and living in Babylon now...wow the real world is great!!