This is a story that takes place over many years. I have been around to see its beginning and its end, having been one of the friends to this family. It's about time I tell it. Be warned, this is not a short thread.
_______________________________________________________________

This girl was an often feisty spirit, rebellious if not hard to handle. Her temper and jealousy of her many sisters was not hard to place. My last unsoiled memory of her was of her throwing a huge fit about not getting her way. While that was her forward attitude to the world at large, she had her sweet, little girl moments. Just days after that fit, it seemed, she fell into a sickness that baffled everyone. For her benefit, I will not give exact details.

But she was a very sick girl. She lost a tremendous amount of weight, had huge flaking sores that covered her body and even her head. She could not move without being in tremendous pain, often crying out just putting her feet to the floor. She even began to loose her hair (not cancer related at all). If you touched her, it would leave a bruise. She was miserable, made sure everyone knew it, and lashed out with her bitterness. Then she fell inward, feeling alone in her struggle.

Why? Because her family believed that if she would only pray and let God heal her, she would, in fact, be healed. Blessing after blessing, nothing happened. Who did they blame? Her.

"You don't have enough faith."

One of the sisters even thought that their sick one just didn't want to be, that she liked this 'extra special' attention. They had to bathe her, dress her, help her to and from the bathroom, cook and clean for her. She didn't have to do a chore or raise a finger for herself anymore. All I could think was how no one could understand her pain. I saw a girl who was suffering so badly around people who just couldn't sympathize, or wouldn't.

Though this family was very much Mormon, they were seen as oddities in the strict, small-town Mormon community. It wasn't hard to pick up on rumors, the pity as they saw the very sick girl who rarely attended church anymore because it was an unbearable feat to get there. Here, in this community, if you were sick or injured, you were very much expected to get up and miraculously be well after a well placed blessing or two. If you didn't, well...it was obvious. You became a target for rumors and speculation. Labeled as Unfaithful, Unworthy. Imagine what this did to the soul of this young girl. She withdrew into herself even more, and her sickness got worse.


During a visit to a doctor (not even doctors could figure out all these mixed symptoms), the doctor (Mormon) saw the girl's bruises she had on her arms. Now, she got most of them from just setting them on the arms of a chair. Others were from family members having to help her around by touching her arms. She was all but a skeleton, patches of hair beginning to fall out. She could barely move her fingers due to swelling at her joints. And she obviously wasn't happy. What this doctor saw was a physically abused child.

I'm going to bring to mind that most of her family started coming around and realized it was going to take more than a blessing to help. That she needed compassion. The girl had even started to cheer up a bit, now that there was some positiveness to feed off of.

Behind their backs, the doctor and his assistants called an ambulance for the child. Then he proceeded to go on with the appointment without a hint about what was about to happen. Police officers showed up, blocking what family members had come with the her that day as she was strapped down on a bed and taken to a hospital. While things got sorted out (it was a very chaotic time, but I'm leaving out further details on purpose), when they arrived home a few days later, the change to the family was both physical and mentally visible.

Their own trusty Mormons had stabbed them in the back. They hadn't even given the mother a chance to explain why her daughter was that way, so bruised and looking so undernourished. They family continued to go to church, but I noticed a large gap. Not with the religion itself, but with the people. The rumors were crazy now. Each one was targeted. I remember catching a priesthood holder saying something snide about the whole situation. I was a shy little creature of the fold back then, but it made me so angry that I glared the smugness right off his pointed face.

I was targeted, too. After all, I was a friend to these people who 'abused' their daughter. They constantly tried to get information out of me. Right now, I flip the bird. Back then, I never told them any details. I would smile, and say, "Oh, they're doing just fine" or "They are here today, you know. Why don't you go ask -them-?" Even the bishop called me into a 'casual' meeting. The second he closed that door to his office, though, I tensed (back then I was terrified of men, especially being closed in with them). He was friendly, asked how my family was doing, my friends. I knew exactly what he was doing. I was stiff, but managed to say the same things I'd been saying to someone else. The bishop was polite, but I could see he was disappointed that I didn't 'open up to him'.

During all this, the family avoided major doctors. They went to small practices instead, got the girl going on some kind of special diet. For a while, it seemed to work. But the people of our small town was still ripping the spirit right out of them. Why were they doing natural remedies when a blessing would do so much more? When the girl relapsed, the family got fed up with the town, and moved.

Over the next few years, I was still in contact. After high school, I ended up moving not too far from them. The family had settled into yet another small community, but it seemed to be suiting them fine. The girl had one Christmas where she was able to walk on her own again, to smile and sing, to help give back the love her family had been showing her. It was labeled as a miracle, for you see, that Christmas the family gave money to another family instead of using it for the girl or themselves. They thought God had blessed them for such a wonderful offering.

Once again, the girl was subject to the test of faith. It wasn't long before she went into another relapse. She got worse than ever before. At one point, I was reunited with the family and got to see the girl again with my very own eyes. Gone was her natural hair...there sat a skeleton. But she was trying so hard to try and smile at me, to say she was okay. She couldn't finish her sentence. And I didn't make her.

This was a special gathering, and one of the beginnings of my flailing testimony. The worthy males of her family gave her special blessings of healing. Then her father knelt before the girl (she's been in a wheel chair for years) and said things along the line of how, if she had enough faith, she would be able to walk after this blessing. She would be healed, her health would return. My heart clenched painfully as the girl began to cry. It wasn't in hopeful happiness--it was in stress. Her family cooed at her, saying she could do it, just believe. I was silent, my throat too constricted for speech.

With the girl still sobbing, her father gave her an ultra-special-blessing of healing. It was long, filled with many 'He knows your love for Him, he knows you will believe in Him'. The room was silent except for his voice and the quiet sobbing of his young daughter. When he was done, the expectation was so thick I could have chewed on it. The girl sat there, silently.

Then she brought her stiff hands up to her sunken face and cried harder. She wailed that she was sorry, she couldn't walk, she couldn't do it. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...!"

That day sticks out to me. I dream about it once in a while, too. It still makes my eyes sting and my throat constrict. We went our separate ways again. By the next time I was able to get a hold of them by phone, I got the news that the girl had gotten so sick she had been rushed to the nearest major hospital. She was taken into the hands of the State and out from her parents. And there she stayed, with doctors nearly killing her in the process of trying to find out just what, exactly, was wrong with her. It took a long time, too long. Her family was ridiculed, temple recommends taken, jobs lost.

Only just recently have things began to mend. The girl is healthier, and out of the hospital. I'm too far away as of now to see her in person any time soon, but the family sent me pictures. She's doing wonderfully. Her hair is growing back, the patches of icky skin are gone, the inflammation of her joints just a memory. She is in the care of her sisters now--she is not allowed to be with her parents until she is old enough to be considered an adult to make that decision for herself. Again, I must leave out most details about that.

I thought she would go inactive in the church, of all people, but it wasn't to be. She was grateful to God for giving her life back. By now I'm obviously an ex-Mormon, but it never surprised me she stayed in the faith. Perhaps she will be 'allowed' to stray once she is an adult. I don't know. I doubt it. For a long time, I was mad at the girl's father for putting her under so much stress that day. It seriously began to make me question things, though. After a while, I let the anger go. Most of it, anyway. These people are so washed into their religion, something I can understand since I, too, was at one point.

But it makes me want to bear my un-testimony...

The church is -seriously- messed up with the faith crap. But you all know that, whether by experience or hearing about stories such as this one.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/04/2012 11:26AM by BahBahBlacki.

By any chance, were you told what the medical condition was?

Even though she was treated for various things they -thought- was wrong with her, it was hit or miss. They never discovered exactly what it was. They got lucky with the various treatments.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/04/2012 11:47AM by BahBahBlacki.

Perhaps Lupus or something similar?

I can relate to this story.

The one big difference is my family doesn't blame me for not having enough faith. The Mormon congregation I was in sure did though.

My bishop gave me several blessings, commanding me to be healed. He told me I would gradually get better. He was wrong.

I sat through a GD lesson where the teacher looked straight at me the whole time. The lesson said if you are sick it's because you don't have enough faith.

The Rsp called me a lazy drug addict.

There was no compassion. Zero. It got to the point where my husband and I referred to Sundays as emotional abuse day.

I think a big part of why the sp wouldn't let husband and I be sealed to each other is because he thinks I'm making up my illness. He's an insurance salesman, so he would know all about it.

I've had chronic fatigue and fibro for almost 20 years. I wish to hell I was making it up. I wish it wan't real. I wish a little faith would make it go away. It doesn't. I get that there are loads of people who think my illness isn't real. I wish they were right. Unfortunately for for me what other people think, doesn't seem to have any effect on my illness.

I got to see how Mormons treat people with a chronic illness. It's not pretty. They make up stories about children who are born with illnesses. They say they are lords elect. I'm sure you've all heard those crazy stories. But if you have the misfortune to have a chronic illness later in life, your just lacking in faith. It's all your fault.

The MLM mormons came out of the woodwork. I felt like I was being preyed upon. They tried to sell me everything from drops in my bath, water purifiers, vitamins, and a rainbow of juices. It got so bad I stood up in testimony meeting and told them to stop it. I wasn't buying any of their junk. They were out of line harassing me.
They would actually tell me that if I didn't try their product it was because I didn't want to be well. Obviously I would try anything if I were serious about it. Nothing pissed me off more than that line.

I've been to the best specialists in the world. I've educated myself to the point I know more than most dr.'s do about my illness. The bottom line is they don't know what causes it, they have no cure for it. They have medications that can make life a little more bearable. That's about it. All the faith and MLM products in the world won't cure me.

I am so very sorry, Mia, to hear about this. It's a sad thing that this happens to so many people. That total bull about how if you do not have faith, then you are to blame. It's an abusive situation.

I have some experience in this area. I have chronic pain that will be with me for the rest of my life, crippling me. When it first surfaced, they tried to bless it out off me, too. Total bull****.

Mormonism may be presented as the ultimate religion, but once you start to burrow your way in, even just a little, it rears it's ugly head.

Our family was a very active and somewhat popular family in our ward for many years. I gave so much time and money....had 100% vt, went the extra mile on callings, was always bringing meals, etc.
Then I had a bad delivery with my 3rd baby (3 kids in 4 years, wtf was I thinking!). I developed post partum psychosis from the pain I was in and lack of sleep. Then my health took a nosedive. I developed a cascade of autoimmune diseases. My body attacked my thyroid, my joints, and most recently my eye. I developed fibro which sucked the remaining energy out of me.
The rumors and abandonment of all the people I had called friends and served happened over night. When the blesssings I got failed the attitude was basically that I didn't deserve help till I got more faith and 'snapped out of it'.
I went from a physically active former Marine and wilderness survival instructor to a disabled, sedentary, and overweight shell. The person I had been had died and the people who were supposed to be there for me as I grieved and tried to move forward kicked me to the curb.
I also got bombarded with the MLM bs; from noni juice to kegan water; and every time I said 'no thank you' I was told shit like,"well, when your ready to get better...!" or accused behind my back of just not wanting to give up my pain killers...
Getting out of the church, purging all of my mormon family (they were some of the worst 'rememdy' pusher) and investing in and developing a new skill/hobby (making & selling metal jewelry) has helped tremendously. Combined with good drs, therapy, and a good med regimen, I have built a pretty good life (my dh has been thru it all w/ me and stuck by me. He left tscc w/ me and gave his family the finger when they tried to get him to leave me).
The mormon church and the doctrine they espouse is the worst possible place to be if you are not a healthy, contributing member. The second your needs go over the allotted time in everyone's head for what they think is wrong with you, then you are fucked. It's almost like they want to drive you out, cull the weak from the herd, so to speak. If their ph powers don't work on you, if you are not a faith promoting excample then you are an embarrassment

That was longer than I meant it to be, I guess I am still pretty pissed about it all. Good thing I'm allowed to be now! :-)

My sister also has the same illness. If you could hear the two of us talk! You would feel so validated.

Every word you said about how you get treated as an unwell mormon is so true.

If you are sick more than 30 days, OFF with your head! It sounds like you've been through many of the same things. It's validating to me. When I know others have been there, I know it's not just me. I'm not imagining this crap up. I was in 3 different wards after I got sick. It was the same story no matter where I lived. Same thing in my sisters ward. It's the mormon way. They bless you, try to sell you, try to abuse and guilt your illness out of you, then abandon you. Oh yeah, they also tried to get my husband to ditch me. He was useful, bishop material. I was impeding his progress.

They called him to be EQP. They asked me if I would support him in his calling. I told them after he did all of the things that needed to be done at home, if he still had time and energy ok. But I would not be able to pick up the slack like some other wives do. I told them if The windows needed washed, he wouldn't be going anywhere to help someone move. They didn't like that one bit. They called him anyway. My husband never ran off to do his calling when he was needed at home. That's when they realized I meant what I said.

Thanx Mia.(((hugs))) I agree with you about feeling validated, so thank you for sharing.:-)
When I quit the morg I used the 10% pay raise to hire help with the house/kids. I never feel guilty or obligated to my employees. They get what they need, I get what I need and I don't have to feel bad if I spend the week in my pj's on the couch.
I'm sorry you had to go thru that. I truly know how that feels. Losing your health is such a trauma in and of itself, esp when it is something people can't 'see'. But then to be spiritually and emotionally assaulted by those who are supposed to lift u up....
I hope the subject of the OP and all those going thru this now find a way to shed the shackles of mocorp. It won't heal you, but it will certainly make the life you have left much easier and more enjoyable to live.

The idea being blamed for your illness is the sickest most cruel thing one human can do to another.

I'm so glad you hired help. That was something I also did for myself. Well, for my ocd hubby too.lol
I'm really quite happy these days. I feel guilty about nothing. Is that bad? I don't know.

I do what I love. I do things that bring me joy. When I do that, it has a way of flooding into other peoples lives. They get paintings, and gigantic bouquets of flowers. Simply because I can only have so much before I have to start giving it away. I hope they don't mind.

Oh yes, I spend most of my life in pajamas. I have more pajamas than I have clothes. Since that what I wear, I buy beautiful ones. My husband calls me the pajama queen. I love beautiful pajamas and robes. I wear mine out to the mail box, and i walk my dog in them. The neighbors probably think i'm a little off. They would be right. lol



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/05/2012 03:23AM by Mia.

If you are chronically ill, you are not useful to the Church. You can't go out and tract, you can't clean the chapel, you can't do Visiting Teaching, etc.

The whole point of a CULT is that the Members subordinate their own needs and desires for those of the group. When you are unable to be USEFUL to the group, then you are not part of the program.

Mormonism LOVES vigorous, wealthy workers. They are the ones made Bishop and SP. People who aren't physically useful to the cult are just ballast.

Agreed, very much so.

Everyone said I was so good and heartfelt at prayer, that they kept nagging at me to do it more often and was trying to prim and trim me for better things. When my pain started, and the blessings didn't 'work', that attention was worked away from me. I'm grateful for it now, but back then, it was a major blow, for it left me feeling worthless and abandoned.

With the girl I told the story about in the first post, from the way she talks to me on FB, I get the feeling she is struggling with the church. Well...let's hope. GODSPEED! =D

If I did see anyone from church it was because I was an assignment. There were times I could feel the resentment.
I've never asked anyone from church to do anything for me. Ever. I don't want to be indebted to any of them.

Some days, I'd stagger up, feed the cat and go back to bed and sleeeep.....

I hope you're doing better now? I wouldn't wish that shit on anyone. I have a little dog that deserves a better playmate than me. She stays with me anyway. I adore her.

I can barely read this thread--it reminds me of story I heard from a farmer who had had enough of a bunch of crows; he shot one and wounded it, and was shocked to see that not the other crows were not scared off, rather they attacked the wounded crow,

I wrote earlier about these types of things in the "hook, line and sinker" post. After carrying an anencephalic baby to term he died. I knew the whole time I was pregnant that he wouldn't live but I did it anyway. Didn't want to appear to not be a faithful daughter of zion. When our child had an accident a priesthood prick said if he (non family ph) had more faith his sight would have been restored. I too have had a chronic illness since I was a teen. The illness leaves me disabled in some ways but never as hopeless and dis-abled as I was in tscc. Many faithful women helped during the worst of my illness, but as soon as my faith waned, I never heard from them. I still very much appreciate the time they spent helping me and my family, but wish I could free them from their misery now. Assigned compassionate service never did seem appropriate and guilt trips and humiliation definitely don't help people with chronic illness.

My TBM cousin (who is more like my sister) is dying of cancer after at least 100 "blessings." It makes me sick.

If I had what it took to heal all of you. I would.
If I didn't, I would never pretend that I did, and the turn around and blame you for my failing.

I really don't know how people can do that.

I am so sorry for the pain felt by so many as the result of this corporation masquerading as a church.

Our precious 19 yr. old son died a horrible, lingering death from cancer & chemo/radiation treatments, & after innumerable health blessings, name put on the temple rolls, & even a blessing by a regional rep. The local bishop refused to fast for our son during a regular fast sunday because if they did it for him, they would have to do it for everyone. WTF????

And to add insult to injury when he died, they told us he died because we lacked faith. Yeah, sure.