We live several hours away, so there is no way to be able to attend both events. I didn't expect any of my family to be here, except my parents who said they would attend...but now my sil posted on FB the date and time of nephew's baptism and my mom posted, "We wouldn't miss it for the world". I understand baptisms are a big deal in LDS culture and I'm glad they will be there to support my sweet nephew, but WTH?

They haven't called to tell us they're not coming yet. I think when/if they do, I'm going to let them know that I'm very disappointed. My kids get zero support from our extended TBM families and I'm sick of it. They are treated by both sets of grandparents as second-class grandchildren!

What's funny is my nonmo friends are horrified that none of my family is attending my son's graduation. HS graduations are a HUGE deal in the nonmormon world in the U.S. Makes Mormons look more and more weird to them.

You might consider sending a message to your SIL that the date of your nephew's baptism conflicts with your son's HS graduation, to which your parents already agreed to come. Would she consider changing the date since you can not?

At a minimum, it would send her a message that your parents are out of line.

summer Wrote:
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> You might consider sending a message to your SIL
> that the date of your nephew's baptism conflicts
> with your son's HS graduation, to which your
> parents already agreed to come. Would she consider
> changing the date since you can not?
>
> At a minimum, it would send her a message that
> your parents are out of line.


Exactly. My approach too: put the parents on the spot. "They already committed to coming to my son's graduation. It's on X day. I hope you can move the baptism of your child so that they can come."

Put your parents on the spot. Don't allow them to get off so easy on this. If you do, who knows what they'll try to pull on you in the future.

Oh, Tauna, that sucks!

I'm currently going through a somewhat similar situation (as I detail in another post): Daughter 3 (Re-Mo) is graduating HS on the 26th, but her two older sisters (one ex-Mo, one Re-Mo) are attending my TBM Ex's MBA graduation this weekend instead. Ex is also not coming to his own daughter's graduation, nor is he even sending her a gift.

But, they are all doing FB posts and photos this weekend about their necro-dunking session and family dinner last night. Yay for them. Daughter 3 is very upset.

About all we can do is let our graduating kids know how proud we are and make it the most special, memorable occasion we can -- no matter who doesn't attend.

Time to "un-friend" these folks--parents, too, if they're gonna be like that.

I sent them announcements. I'm not going to call my sil as it's not her problem...it's my parents' problem for not giving a shit about supporting my kids. My parents will drive across the country for a baby blessing, baptism, or PH ordination of their grandkids, but apparently a HS graduation is unconsequential. What bothers me is that I discussed this with them a few weeks ago and they said they WERE coming. I basically told them that if they want to be a part of my kids' lives, they need to support their non-LDS type accomplishments...because they will not be serving mission, advancing in the PH, marrying in the temple, etc.

I'm so sorry. Hopefully, they didn't realize the conflict in the dates. If they did, then it sounds like it's time for yet another unhappy chat.

You have my sympathy.

Tauna Wrote:
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> I sent them announcements.

Still might (or might not) be a good idea to let SIL know.

If nothing else, you can always say you were the one who went the 2nd mile.

Maybe you can return the favor when your parents are old and need help. Let the TBM's do all the work.

This seems like one of those places where you tweak your planning. Were your in-laws unaware of the upcoming graduate date and conflict? Can they change the baptism date as a result of their new found knowledge? That's the date that has some flexibility and they should change the baptism date accordingly, IMHO. Mormons seem to be completely devoid of ability to work around scheduling conflicts and make necessary changes to accommodate. I can't tell you the number of plans I have scrapped to accommodate these people who clearly hold very little regard for anything outside of their personal little bubbles. A graduation date can't be re-done or re-scheduled...I hope your in-laws step up and change the baptism date so the family can attend both important events.

That is sad....the baby's baptism could be changed. Mormons are so unkind at times.

I guess you really meant Blessing, right?

No, mormons baptize their children at age 8, shortly after their birthday.

Oh, man. Kinda like how my mom drove 14 hours straight in a blizzard one Christmas, to go spend a week with my sister ( the "baby" of the family) and her kids--but for the 5 years we've lived overseas, she hasn't stepped foot on the European continent to see us, once. Despite our offering to pay for her passport, and all her travel costs.

I think you should definitely say something, and I think you should try and stay calm and rational when you do.

I did, and while I dislike the answer I got from my mom (that being, that as I am an atheist, Christmas means far more to her when spent with the Catholic or religious "side" of the family), I am very glad that we had the talk, actually.

I later put her on the spot and said, Well now. My birthday is in 6 months. Are birthdays okay for atheists to celebrate, and would you commit to coming to see us then? And still, I got a no from her. Probably because I pulled that in front of a lot of family and friends, who did not know that she had done the other to me, first. She was forced to explain herself to them, right in front of me, and THEY were appalled. Even my little sister was. She had no idea!

My mom still talks to me, we do still love each other, but she knows I know what's up with her and how she does things now. And she is actually really trying hard with me, to keep lines of communication open in ways she never did before. She'll skype with me now, and not just my kid. She will call "for no reason", etc.

She has stopped sending me religious books trying to reconvert me back to Moravianism, or Catholicism, etc. My cards from her no longer have crosses on them, etc--but she IS still sending me cards.

Do what you need to do, say what you need to say. Try your best to do it in a way that is more about defining and fixing the problem than about hurting them. I did my thing all wrong (I should have had that conversation with her privately), so it took longer to deal with, in the end.

But don't just let it go, or help them continue on as they were, by saying nothing at all. It is all about you being heard, at the same time as them being made to hear it. You cannot make them do anything differently after you speak your piece, but if you do this right, at least you will know that you did all you could.

This sort of stuff can work out, not perfectly but at least it can work, if you are willing to be brave a little, but be flexible a little, too.

Good luck.