Posted by:
paintinginthewin
(
)
Date: May 10, 2012 01:42PM
My PTSD triggers and cues which I intelligently learned to react to with hyper vigilance and an approproprite emotional reactional stance given that cue in that past setting. When I encounter that similar cue that specific cue triggers a response I no longer want in my life. So I avoid those triggers.
Some people embed or learn a way of interacting which, in my original family, placed me in a position within the family in which I encountered some things which weren't very good for me. Although I have tried reaching them or re teaching them how to treat me, I find that some members of my original family now in their mid or elderly adulthood are still frozen where life wounded or taught them- and they cannot change their method of interaction and reaction which is very very damanging for me to this day- so I sadly and I do mean very sadly, avoid those human figures in my original family which are triggers. Because not only in past times, but present times, they maintain and frequently do or say things attempting to denigrate, victimize, castigate, manipulate, agitate- some way to vent their own emotions using another person in front of me or sadly even me. So because they cannot change, or even become aware at this time, I have to choose to arrange my life and my time away from these persons or minimize time and groups or exchanges when they are present. So I choose to disengage.
I notice and attempt to avoid re enactments of past traumas and stressors which I have experienced, and not to bring them into the present although they may own my past. I attempt to use mindful awareness and a myriad of strategies to be here, and not there (the past, my childhood, and times when my life has not felt physically very good. I attempt to minimize time given to thinking or seeking data or expressing or experiencing life's legitimate pains- for instance i will not be attending a play about a child with cancer, since both my children had tumors. I do not pick up my tumor replacement/RX I have it delivered. I hate it and will not give it any more of my life- this is my life which I have left, I try to claim it by being in the present.)
For instance I was blindsided at a funeral, and at least I had an advocate present I knew was on my side. I took the statement about past abuse to a psychologist to get assistance dealing with it. Since then I've learned to put it boundaries so someone else can no longer use me as their priest confessor apologizing getting a load off their conscience in one sentence sentencing me to hours days weeks of imposition, triggering nights of unknown time, changing the meaning of every touch and position, interfering with my present. Boundaries are something I had to learn to set with human triggers from my original family or simply avoid them entirely sadly.
leaving a punishing belief system thats full of catch 22s while good for you is really hard to do. finding new life routine and coping skills (the verbs, in what you do and how you do your day and your night) is really a relief to be separate from the punishing and crazy making catch 22s in the mormon mess you're escaping. But when the coping skills of the primary routine or mission routine get up pray do this do that say this walk there are - away- then, that's when someone some mentor some friend steps in and helps fill in-
what to do next. how to do it. coping skills in a life formerly filled with a mormon heart peppered with little routines taught in primary and bishop's interviews. those become triggers- but one needs to fill in something better.
sometimes a person, however present, and imperfect- temporarily becomes an anchor. even when they act as a trigger. stepping away from a trigger (even when it was anchoring into painful rejecting memories or encounters made present in the here and now) is real real difficult.
because that's how it feels. stepping into a non reacting, non triggering, not hypervigilent emotional and phyiscal state- by changing the triggers that surround you- can make one less reactive.
a non triggering anchor you wear, a non triggering anchor - person that can guide and mentor you really really helps.
Please find someone who hears you, separate from your family & friend stream who can help you resort triggers as painlessly and rapidly as they can. Even leaving or disengaging from a triggering situation is something which may bring one great comfort after peace is found, yet a trial walking across a bridge suspended over shakey ground where you don't know where to put your feet- thats why you're walking away from the trigger. You're on that bridge now walking over and way away from the ground filled with triggers. Insight awaits you across the sky and benches where you'll find a comfortable seat on the other side of the bridge. Just keep walking. Don't stop until you find a seat with someone to talk to who is aware.