Mine were WTF??? Over and over for the whole thing.

WTF...What the hell...what does this have to do with God...what is going on...this doesn't feel right...this is the sacred thing built up to be my most spiritual experience?

Those were my main thoughts during my first session

Sidenotes were "everyone is waiting for me to put this clothing on right...must hurry...why is my fiancé sitting over there...how will I remember all of this shit...why do I keep cursing in my head...wtf is with return and report, doesn't god know everything...how much longer?"

What were your thoughts in your first session?

I went through for the very first time right before they started with the new Films that they have now so it had all the death pacts and what not. My first inclination was to make a b-line for the exit because I was thinking WTF??? Same as everyone does I suppose for the first time. Wish I had the stones to follow through and get out then.

I fell asleep. I thought it was very boring and felt horrible that I thought it was boring.

The 2nd time through was my WTF moment. I thought, "This is exactly the same as last time. What new thing am I supposed to learn every time?"

I was shocked with all the rituals, weird clothing, etc. I didn't know what to think. I guess it caused me some confusion and some disappointment.

My first thoughts were "this is what my family and friends have been doing in this building." Somehow glancing over at my 85 yr old grandma gleaming with pride at me helped me get through it. I was so nervous trying to not look stupid with many of my family always looking at me. The worse part was the prayer circle it was so weird the chanting. I never felt peace or comfortable at all even in the celestial room. Wait......after at the olive garden I did feel happy and peace. I lied to my family and said it was very spiritual.

I went through a live session my first time, and it was very long, confusing, and crowded. When it got to the prayer circle at the end it felt very wrong, weird. If I hadn't been planning on getting married within a day of that, I'm not sure if I would have gone back. But, I got passed that and then went so many times that it didn't seem weird any more... Maybe that is why they plan to have a person get married or go on a mission right after going through the temple for the first time?

It was a long time ago.
I remember thinking that having to sit clear across the room from my soon husband to be, on my wedding day was crazy. I was not happy about that.

It was the first time I actually thought that the HG was communicating something to me. "Get up, and leave." I actually heard that very clear. Not my imagination. I couldn't do it. I was barely 18. It was my wedding day. I was 500 miles from home, with no car. I had a reception with 300 people in just a few hours. I was so young, and I didn't have the courage to get up and leave.

I remember being mad that God waited until the last minute to fill me in on what I should do. I don't remember much else that day. I remember thinking none of these promises apply because nobody told me beforehand what was going to happen. It was 1973. They were still pantomiming slitting their throats and disemboweling themselves. I was pissed at my RM husband for not giving me a heads up.

THE H*LL is all this crazy sh*t?! And I was a true believing TBM and was blown away with all the bizarre costumes, the self-inflicted, suicidal penalties, the near-naked groping, Satan prancing around and leading the congregation in an old time protestant hymn.

WHAT THE HELL is this?

Then the ultimate anti-climax - being ushered into the celestial room, which is supposed to be the very resemblance of heaven, and seeing just a bunch of carnival mirrors, old-time rococco furniture and a funky chandelier. This is what people spend their lives and money to come to?

I got kneeed in the groin with a 5/6 'point' of fellowship to get here?

WHAT THE HELL?

I'd like to be able to afford one of those funky chandeliers.

I thought this is what goes on in the temple? The baker's hat struck me as odd. And yes, the second time you go back, you realize it is the same damn thing. And your trusted friends that brought you into the church are doing it too, so you trust them and do not run away. I can honestly say, that every time I went, I felt like I was worshipping something I should not. It just never felt right.

Wondering if this was a test from God as to how much weirdness I was willing to endure. Being afraid that I not reveal anything outside the temple - it made the term "I spilled my guts" take on a new meaning.

Trying to figure out Adamic...pay lay ale? Really God? It sounds like a beer.

When I heard the second token of the Melchizedek PH at the veil for the first time I about snorted out loud. Really God? Health in the navel, marrow in the bones, etc... That is the NAME of the second token. This is ridiculous. I can't remember that gibberish.

I also remember being mad at my mom that day, then I had to stand in the prayer circle with her.."only the best of feelings should be present..." Aargh! I was really ticked at my mom, it was time for some fast repenting.

Overall, very confused, not very uplifted at all... but still willing to play the game with everyone like it was something extra special. I also wondered what i had missed out on. What was this great spiritual insight I had missed that was supposed to be there.

I could not believe that my parents, who are kind people, allowed themselves to be so manipulated by this organization that they witheld this nutty pantomime from their own children. Hey Dad, how about a little warning next time before I go in and take a vow involving gestures of slitting my throat? Thanks.

If I hadn't been there with my parents, I would have gotten up and walked out. When my Dad handed me the shield and told me to take all my clothes off and put the shield on, I thought what the hell is going on here? I even asked him again, if that was what I was really supposed to do. That request didn't see right and it went downhill from there. I thought, this is just plain wrong, and I hated the naked touching under the shield. The temple was physically beautiful place, but I couldn't shake the feeling of an overwhelming evil presence. The blood oaths during the endowment were hauntingly gruesome and I kept thinking why didn't anyone tell me about this. In my mind I just wanted to leave, but I didn't have the guts then to just get up and leave. When the prayer circle began I thought this seems and feels like a witch's coven. Everything was just wrong, wrong, wrong. After this first time, I rarely went again and I would always do most anything to avoid going.

CM

I thought that the cafeteria staff was changing shifts. I'm dead serious, I thought all of the people with the weird hats in the changing room were bakers.

I needed that laugh. That's not funny. But it's so funny.

husband how strange and freaky it was, even though we aren't supposed to talk about it. I was traumatized to say the least, but over time the brainwashing worked and it became ever so spiritual. Barf!

One of my friends threw up after her first time to the freak show. I remember thinking I will never let any Mormon ever be alone with my children if this is what they do here in the temple.

I honestly wanted to run away and thought to myself - 'WHAT THE HELL HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?????"

But then, I just couldn't disappoint my family - so I drank the koolaid.

UGH!

It was the closest in my entire Mormon life that I ever felt the spirit or heard a still small voice. It was telling me, "You ARE in a cult!!" I think I sensed it when I was Pay-Lay-Ale-ing.

My son went through for the first time last Saturday. He said it was weird. I told him he missed out on all the good stuff like the naked touching, throat slitting, and chanting. He said that when he ended up in the Celestial Room, his mother (my TBM bitch ex) said "Come here, I want to show you the room where (her and new hubby) were sealed." He said he turned to her and said, "I don't want to see any more rooms. I just want to get out of here." Haaaa haaaa haaaa!!!!

for not being SPIRITUAL enough.

I kept wondering when I would "get" it.

I eventually realized I was a lost cause.

I remember looking to the other side of the room and seeing my mother just a-slittin' that throat and guttin' herself.

O M G

I very VERY distinctly remember thinking "well if she is doing this, it must be ok". WRONG DICKHEAD!

During temple prep class, the instructors told us we'd learn the highest spiritual stuff in the temple, that going through the temple would be the pinnacle of our spiritual growth. Yeah right.

After the trauma of the naked touching during the initiatory, I remember many WTF moments during the endowment part. "Let us go down"???? "Return and report"???? Tokens and names and pantomimes and "That will do"???? WTF, indeed!

I went back just 3 times, once to be sealed to DH, once for a relative's pre-mission endowment and once for another relative's wedding. That was enough for me. When that recommend expired six years ago, I was GLAD.

Honestly, I really did feel the presence of Satan. I continued to feel that evil feeling, no matter how many times I went.

I liked the Bible as a child, and recognized everything in the temple ceremony. "What? I was supposed to learn something NEW, and this is just the same old Bible stuff?"

The naked touching--I went years ago, when all that awful stuff was done--made my intestines queasy. I had to run to the bathroom about 4-5 times, which made the matrons scowl at me. I think my entire physical being was trying to tell me something.

During the death oaths, in my mind, I kept repeating, "I don't mean it, God," and I actually had my fingers crossed.

The whole thing was horrifying--as was the marriage. No, it wasn't me. It has been gratifying to hear that other people have felt the same way. After I escaped the wife-beater, I had a happy marriage, and have had a happy life (aside from the cult.)

The most frieghtning experience....Belittling, embarrassing. Yes, the temple was supposed to different, but not violent, bloody, brain blowing experience which I went thru in fear making promises I didnt want made, wearing goofy clothes thinking the church shouldnt be about death threats and women being unequal.

My first experience was mixed.

Some of my relatives are born again Christians, so I had received a fair amount of anti-Mormon exposure prior to attending the temple for the first time. For example, I once heard a formerly Mormon, born again Christian woman testify that she was forced to get naked in the LDS temple on her wedding day. Along those same lines, a Christian man once told me that Mormons made a pact with the devil in the temple.

When I first attended the temple, I felt somewhat smug that I would finally disprove all the anti-Mormon propoganda. However, when I arrived at the washing and annointing, I was utterly shocked when the temple worker handed me a white polyester poncho and said, "Please remove all your clothing, including your underwear, and then put on this shield."

With my mouth gaping in disbelief, I said, "What?"

He looked somewhat irritated as he repeated his instruction: "Please remove all your clothes, including your underwear." Then he walked away.

When I went to my assigned locker, I sat for a long time and wondered if the temple worker had presented me with some kind of bizarre test of faith. Did he really want me to remove all my clothing? Was it possible that the woman from the anti-Mormon crusade had actually told the truth about her wedding day? I must have agonized over these questions a little too long because the temple worker returned and instructed me to hurry. I ventured one last attempt at modesty, "Are you sure I can't just leave my underwear on?"

"No," he said with a tone of finality, "You must remove all your clothing and then put on your shield."

Finally, I complied, but felt embarrassed and mortified.

When I opened the locker door, I stepped into the dressing room wearing only the white polyester shield. In those days, the sides were open, so the back flap tended to lift as I walked, exposing my nakedness for anyone to see. I was horrified! I gathered the loose ends of the shield into my hands and wrapped them around my body.

And then the actual washing and annointing began. I could not believe that the church allowed - required - these old men to touch my naked arms, breast, legs, and "loins" as they annointed me to become a priest and king in the afterlife. In fairness, they didn't actually touch my "loins," but they did touch my naked hips as they pronounced the blessing upon my loins to be "fruitful and replenish the earth." It seemed just too bizarre!

I was relieved to escape the washing and annointing.

When the endowment started, I realized that some of what I heard from my born again family members was actually true. I began to worry that the whole thing was true - that I really had been deceived by the Mormons. And then when Lucifer appeared in the temple ceremony, my heart sank. The whole time Lucifer was depicted on the screen, I literally trembled in fear that the church was about to force me to make a pact with the devil, just as my family's preacher had once warned.

In the temple ceremony, Peter eventually commands Lucifer to depart. There is no oath to Satan as my born again relatives had predicted. I cannot tell you how relieved I felt when Lucifer was cast out! I went into the Celestial Room with a feeling of exhaustion and relief.

And here's a somewhat nuanced point that sometimes gets overlooked. As my experience shows, Evangelicals sometimes exaggerate their claims against the church, and because they stretch the truth, I believe I stayed in the church MANY more years than necessary. Even though part of their claims turned out to be true, the fact that someone lied about the oath to Satan allowed me to dismiss born again Christians as dishonest and misleading. It laid the groundwork for me to believe the LDS Church when they later said, "See? They lied about our temple ceremonies, so that proves that they are being influenced by Satan to persecute us."

In hindsight, I think if my relatives had been more up-front and factual with me, my temple experience would have confirmed their words and I would have left the church much sooner.

Also, I think I would have left the church sooner if I had experienced the penalties.

OK that explains A Lot! My borderline pd tbm mother goes to the temple EVERY week! I'll bet it's so she can be washed and anointed with borderlines being promiscuous and all that.

And this doesn't make EVERYONE leave the church?

I have never been so glad I was never temple worthy enough to experience this.

Also, I'm in a singles ward and I hear people all the time being excited to go and feel the spirit at the temple. People I know have there endowments. I was wondering why some people who had them asked if they could do baptisms instead...

It's kinda stupid but this other stuff sounds plan scary...

I think I was in shock! The stupid clothing, the new name, lose clothing and touching with oil! Then I saw my husband with his stupid hat. Peer pressure was the only thing that kept me from laughing and bolting out door. Ironically last time I was in Celestial room some spanish woman was crying hysterically and running out of room with some old bitty chasing her saying in English sister, sister. the woman was speaking in spanish wish I knew what she was saying. I'm sure it was these people are crazy! Last time I ever went. I sorta doubled down during my last days with all my questions. Weird little cult.

I couldn't get over how hot blonde Eve was. True story. DC temple, 1975.

Ron

I was looking forward to the new knowledge and spiritual insight that I was told you gained in the temple. Nothing. Instead I got all these weird handshakes and passwords and throat slitting things. I wondered what happened if you got to the veil in the next life and couldn't remember everything. LOL It was 1977 and my first time was live in SLC. Then went to a movie version in Provo and later in Seattle. No insights there either. No new knowledge. I knew Joseph drew from Masonry for it before I went, so the handshakes didn't surprise me, just expected more.

'This...is...not...what...I...was...expecting...'
'The lessons didn't tell me anything about this...'
'You want to touch me where...?'
'The hat doesn't fit properly...'
'I'm bowing my head and saying yes...but really I'm thinking no...'

I went with my sisters boyfriend and his brother.

In the W&A my first thought was, is this guy going to grab my junk, followed by, if this is what they do in this room what the hell is coming next?

In the endowment, I thought the outfits were cool. Yeah, I was a dork. Then I wondered why satan was the only guy with an apron like the one I am wearing, and why is he the only one that answered when Adam prayed, answering, I am the god of this earth.

Finally, in the prayer circle, it was holy shit, these people are not laughing, and are serious about this. It is the first time I had looked into the other people's eyes during the endowment.

Man, when I think of all the agony and prayers I went through to make myself believe in that tripe.

I was maybe the least prepared person to go to the temple.

No temple prep class in 1979. My EQ pres went with me but didn't tell me what to expect.

I didn't have my first set of garmies, no white clothes.

The temple pres. grilled me about Sec. 84 oath & covenant of the PH. I had no answers for him. The temple pres gave EQ pres and I both a return and report homework assignment as punishment for trying to get into his temple without knowing sec. 84 verbatim.

After that trauma, the endowment was a numb blur. If I wasn't getting married the next day, I'd a been outta there for keeps.

PS: I never did the sec 84 return and report.

I just wanted to get it over with because it made no sense and I needed to get something to eat for breakfast!

Couldn't figure out why lockers had locks on them in the temple.

Freaked out by the washings and anointings. I swear he came perilously close to my junk.

I had dreaded garments for years so i was fixated on how much I hated them.

While fixating on how much I hated garments and waiting for my first session another session let out and I saw the full temple clothing in all its wierdo glory. My escort saw my reaction and started chuckling.

Had my first serious crisis of faith when in the endowment session I was told I could no longer be light minded. I mean, hell, I love to laugh. Did this mean no more Monty Python?

I was super excited to finally see the veil. I literally thought I was going to see some interdimensional portal to another realm. When the movie screen lifted and the walls slid to reveal a big white sheets with slits in it I had never been so let down.

The prayer circle chanting seemed so wrong.

I wondered how many members of the church had been disembowled and had their throats slit because they spilled on the temple.

When it was over all I could think was "This is the same church I grew up in?" It seemed totally incompatible with what I thought I had been taught from Sunbeams through Seminary.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/11/2012 04:03PM by kookoo4kokaubeam.

The initiatories freaked me out. I just sat stiff and hoped she didn't actually touch anything. Weird!!

I think i was still reeling from that - why wasnt' i warned????

And then came the guilt: was i there unworthily? Should i stand up? (Karin, stay seated. you are NOT going to embarass yourself).

And then there was the concentration to make sure i did all the stuff correctly and NOT be the last one to do the changing.

The film of the creation was ok; i believe that was when i saw gordon jump in the movie, which was kind of cool, or at least familiar. And then i wondered if eve was actually naked or not.

As for the oaths, i was too absorbed in trying to do all the actions with the words that i don't think i understood exactly what i was saying. And later, when i did, i figured it was symbolic. Kind of like: 'cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye' is also gross but you don't ever expect to actually DO it. This was just more adult - telling you how serious to take the secrecy.

My wedding day was NOT the happiest day of my life. I would probably be accurate if i said it was the weirdest day of my life.

And everyone else in my group could go and eat but i had to wait till the next event, so i didn't get any lunch.

I probably was wondering if my deoderant was working ( this was a concern every other time, as my hand coordination isnt that great, so i presume it was also a concern the first time.)

I went back to Washington a few times that first year so i could memorize the words, and thus not be so nervous.

And that's what i gave up having all my relative see my wedding- including my younger sibs- for.

My dad now says that his friend, who was there ( i don't remember that) thot i 'glowed'. Personally i think it was the stunned look of complete surprise .