DH, who any more is at best a room mate,is headed to church. No mention of Mother's Day. DD pointed out flowers on the table yesterday when I came home from work and when I said thank you to everyone for the flowers DH said gruffly, "It wasn't me! It was the kids!"

So . . . while DH spends from 9-4 in or headed to/from church, I am going to pack up the kids go miniature golfing and go to a nice mid-afternoon dinner. I am simply not going to let his continual disregard of holidays and celebrations--or his self-righteousness--ruin my Mother's Day as it has in the past.

He ignores all other holidays, too, including Christmas. I am beginning to think he is a closet JW.

is he TRYING to be hurtful?

In either case, I think you are doing the right thing not to let him ruin your day.

Well, the Mormon church barely acknowledges Easter or Christmas, why should their members be any different?

And now that you mention the JW view on holidays, is it a cult thing to downplay them? I could see how that would come in handy with mind control, because holidays are important family days, and if you either minimize the holiday, or go to the other extreme, and monopolize the entire day for the church, then you cut the cult member from yet another connection with the real world.

I think that you have the right attitude. When someone else drops the ball, you pick it up and run with it.

I hope that you have an enjoyable day with your kids. It sounds like you've planned some nice activities!

Welcome to Mother's Day - Mormon Style. I can relate to your feelings, nolongerin! I work full time plus I've been helping my husband start his own business this week. I advised him to promote a "Mother's Day Special" yesterday - which he did and made some good sales with it. This morning...nothing from him. He said he felt bad that he hadn't gotten me an orchid corsage like he always does. Last year, the corsage was a pitiful speckled brown color and looked necrotic. I had to tell him the truth. After years of wearing ugly and uncomfortable corsages to church on Mother's Day to please him, I finally told him that I didn't like wearing corsages and not to get them for me any more. Today, he's still feeling bad about not getting me one. I think it was just to show off to the people at church what a caring husband he is. Heaven forbid he would consider going to the store early this Sunday morning to pick up a Mother's Day card and write a personal message in it or even write a note - no card required. My 22 yr old son got up and said "Are we doing anything special today?" I replied, "Are YOU doing anything special today?" and left it at that. Guess not....Like father, like son.

I am so sorry to hear that your husband and son were so uncaring.

I called my mom around 3PM my time (about noon on the west coast). She had told me years ago that I shouldn't send a card, that a phone call would make her happy. This year's phone call was about 30 minutes long. We talked about a lot of things (we speak at least twice a week). She asked about my going to the live broadcast of my favorite radio show ("A Prairie Home Companion" was broadcast from the Fox Theatre here in Atlanta last night) and other things. We talked about a bunch of stuff. All went well. I'll talk to her probably Wednesday evening again (if not Tuesday).

Smart lady. You can't do anything about other people's mental state, but you sure can do something about your own.

I plan ahead for Mother's Day and other holidays, to do something for myself. I plan a me-date--this is an idea from Julia Cameron's book "The Artist's Way." You take yourself out for an entire day of things you love to do. One of them is something new that you haven't done before. This is to stimulate you and get you to spend some money on yourself, your own enrichment, sending a message to yourself that you are worth it.

Our children have to live inside their own heads with whatever their kindness and compassion level is. We mothers did what we could to help them be thoughtful and once they grow up, it's up to them.

Kind of a funny aside in response to your 22 year old son asking you if you were (in effect) honoring yourself for Mother's Day-- after I was divorced, my ex-husband called me on his birthday to ask me who was supposed to make his birthday special now. I am not making this up. That's how dependent Mormon men are on women creating the special occasions. They don't even get the irony!!!!

Anagrammy

michael, thanks for your words of comfort.

I'm glad to hear that you made your mother's day special today and keep it up every week throughout the year. You're a gem!

thank you (blushing majorly right now).

Well he can get a big fat zilch on Father's Day, that's for sure.

You go girl! Ignore rotten behavior and find ways to have fun and enjoy life even if others are grumps!
Ya , he probably has the JW gene!! LOL

My husband does not do holidays or birthdays it really does hurt.MY 8 year old son gets it though, today he told me that he will do nice things for the person he marries. Both boys made me pictures,airplanes and they tried not to fight or complain all day. DH is not a bad guy, He just can be a pain about things. I have learned to buy my own gifts and I give the boys money so they can pick things out for me at Christmas and what not.

One thing is I wish, I could just once grow a pair and not do anything fro him on the holidays or his birthday(Its just hard for me to do becuase I know what it feels like)

indifferent to the holidays. I used to not buy my mom a card for mothers day ...although i do buy the bacon and eggs(2 lbs and 2 dozen) for the brunch that i cook for all the siblings and my mom...i now see that she really loves the cards...she actually keeps them ALL in a shoe box...so when i found that out...i started to buy her cards...usually a funny card...and i write MOMMY on the envelope...she is 84...so while i didnt consider myself a jerk when i wasnt buying the cards...i now think i was not empathetic enough...for most guys...we really dont care about getting cards(well not from what i have seen anyway)...so we transfer that as well...I was in Punta Gorda Sunday AM and so i woke up early and left before 7 am so i would be home to cook my Mom and family breakfast...I really am the best egg chef in trhe world!! :) :) :)...i use a wok and stir and stir and stir...and the bacon takes me an hour to cook!! slow and low for the bacon to be perfect!!
So the guys really need to wake up and realize that the women really do love cards and the extra attention they should get on Mothers day! it aint that hard to go get a card...wake up guys!! :)

it depends on the woman. My mom is turning 82 this year, and she's asked for no more cards. She prefers telephone calls. She gets them.

Wow, even without any $ I'm not that dense...I had the girls all make cards for my DW and they all wished her a happy mothers day. The kids at our church (Center for Spiritual Living) made flowers for the moms and passed them to them. It made me cry to see my 4.5 year old give the flower to my DW, her mother. And then we spent the day as a family, and the kids that usually terrorize each other got along! I hope this goes down as one of the better mothers day for my wife. I know it sure as hell beats the last one that she had with her first TBM husband, who walked out on her on mothers day or the day before...

You will teach those girls, what women deserve to have in life keep up the good work.

I'll bet he wants a big production on Father's day right?

My Mom's 84 too and what the card says seems to be quite important to her.

My brother at least did call, although I don't think he sent a card. The rest of us celebrated with Mom and she got a lovely dinner at my sister's house.

It gets even better...dear TBM hubby did nothing for Mother's Day but I had to go to church for the program. What would people think if I wasn't there? It might look like we don't have Love at Home. On the way home from church, he said, "I'd like to take you out for dinner today, if the cantaloupe is overripe." WTF???? Sounds like the babblings of someone losing their mind. Oh...he was going to have cantaloupe for dinner. Well, it was overripe, but breaking the Sabbath would be such a grevious sin.....so we stayed home and ate whatever leftovers he could scrape together. It's best to just let your wife down rather than to buy something on Sunday.

WTH? style over substance seems to be the issue for most Mormons... sorry you have such a tool for a hubby...I thought that Mormons put their women up on a pedastal. WTH happened to that way of thinking? Can you only use the Horse and Buggy on the Sabbath? If he is "observing the Sabbath" he should have taken you out on Saturday!! Or bought nice grocerys for a home cooked meal by him for Sunday!! not a loving attitude it seems from here! I love your name...your hubby's name aint Elmer is it?? :) :) :)

bignevermo - glad you like my name. No, hubby's name isn't Elmer. Most times, I think he's a lot like Mr. Magoo - clueless!!! Oh...the stories I could tell you! Like the Mother's Day way back when I was a young mother with 2 toddlers, before the consolidated meeting schedule. We lived in the "mission field" and our branch met at a local Ruritan club. Hubby had already gone to church for Priesthood. My neighbor, a young newlywed, and I drove to Sunday School together on a beautiful Mother's Day morning. I noticed a couple of guys in a sports car started following us. They had no idea that the hot babes they were following were going to church and had 2 babies in the back seat. When we pulled into the parking lot at the Ruritan club, the guys in the sports car parked next to us and waited to make their approach. Then I got out and started hauling out kids and diaper bags out of the back seat. Oh, the look on those guys' faces was hilarious! They stepped on the gas and sent gravel flying!! All this time, DH was shaking hands at the door. He wasn't watching for me to help me with the kids. He didn't even notice that some strangers were trying to pick up his wife in the parking lot. My friend told him and he still couldn't believe it. I used to tell him that he needed a cardboard cutout family - one for looks that wouldn't get in the way of his home-teaching and church assignments.

Mormonism and marriage... It's all about the romance.


I'm proud to say that each one of the various kids called for mother's day, including the three ex-Mo ones. In fact, one of the ex-Mormon ones, the artist, sent a huge flower arrangement that must have cost a bundle.

I have to say that I personally have been feeling rather Scrooge-y about holidays lately, and have never cared about my birthday or anniversary, but I do try to make an effort for those I know care very much. And that is mostly my Mother and her Mother and my MIL.

I am sorry that your DH can't see past himself to show you he is appreciative of what you do.

I don't get this. Why suffer in silent resentment?

I'd throw a steak BBq for Father's Day/birthdays,invite some of his friends and make a fuss over him, complete with a bottle of champagne on ice and oral sex later for him.
Ditto for all other occasions.

Some men just lack imgination and have to be taught. They also tend to see wives as the social director.

I you want celebrations, tell him (don't ask) next time where you want to go and what you want to do.
Make the reservations yourself if necessary.
Then, buy or order yourself the gift you want and thank him for it.

After a few years, he'll get the idea. And if he doesn't, you will still have created the fun events you want.

When he gets re-assigned to others, the women whose lawns he mows weekly, pays for their son's mission, and does all their home repairs demand that he is re-assigned back to them.

I do buy all my own Christmas and birthday presents. His taste in gifts run towards granny flannel nighties and vacuum cleaners.

"When he gets re-assigned to others, the women whose lawns he mows weekly, pays for their son's mission, and does all their home repairs demand that he is re-assigned back to them.

I do buy all my own Christmas and birthday presents. His taste in gifts run towards granny flannel nighties and vacuum cleaners."

OH MY!! and no time for you and yours...Classic Mormon Syndrome!! sorry about your luck young lady!! he needs a wakeup...or one day he may wakeup without you!! Oh Boy this guy needs a palm to the forehead!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/14/2012 05:45PM by bignevermo.

My TBM Dad always honored my Mom on Mother's Day and after I got married, sis the same with my dear wife. He treated us all to dinner at the best restaurant in Lethbridge every Mother's Day. He was a better man than alot of the self righteous uber TBM a$$holes I read about on this site.