Okay, as a guy, I guess I'm unusual in that I'm the one in my marriage that is very emotionally straightforward and open. I even like to TALK about my feelings, FSM forbid!

Mrs. Hela is the exact opposite. She's like the stereotype of the typical guy in her emotional openness, or lack thereof.

Normally, this doesn't present much difficulty for us, as we've learned one another's styles. BUT....

It looks like Mrs. Hela's dad isn't going to be with us too terribly much longer (he's not diagnosed terminal or anything, but he's 87 and NOT a spry 87, either). I'm wondering how I should approach that when it happens, as I know Mrs. Hela will try to bottle everything up. Any advice?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/07/2010 04:34PM by helamonster.

The only thing I can say is just be there and have the hug's ready.

Because from the first couple of paragraphs, I thought maybe you were my DH in disguise. That perfectly describes our marriage. It took DH forever to teach me about unconditional love and being "cuddly". And it would have taken longer if I hadn't had a roommie at BYU who insisted on giving me hugs because I just about jumped out of my skin when anyone was affectionate. Oh, and the mission to Spain was incredibly helpful as well - those are NOT a prim and proper people.

Anyway, my take, coming from your wife's point of view, is just to be incredibly patient because her sadness might come out more like impatience and snappishness, uncharacteristic as it might be. Or maybe sleeping a lot or being unusually sluggish. Once, when I had something similar I was dealing with, I would watch the same movie over and over and over. I think I watched Apollo 13 about twenty times in a week once. Watch for stuff like that and be extra patient. If she says she doesn't want to talk, let her think for a while and maybe do something nice for her instead...like the dishes, or stop and get her favorite ice cream or ask her if she'd like to play tennis (or whatever) instead. Those little things will remind her that you are there for her and understand her and she'll open up when she can. Good luck and sorry that life throws these things at us sometime. You are lucky you have each other.

Although, Mrs. Hela can tend toward being a bit OCD at the best of times as far as repeating certain activities.