I'm two months pregnant with my first child, and my family knows that I don't go to church any more.
I was talking to my TBM dad a few days ago, who does not visit his non-mormon kids, but his mormon kids he favors. He will never stop by my house, or my sister, even though I live less than 2 hours away. He even visits the town I live in and never calls to stop by even once.
Meanwhile, he goes to visit his TBM daughter, who lives three states away, frequently.

Now I am moving four states away.

Him not wanting to visit me doesn't bother me much any more, but what did tick me off is he said he will visit us "when I bless the baby."
Not for the BIRTH of my first child, but the blessing in his religion.. Which for some reason he still assumes is going to happen even though I told him I don't go to church any more.

What the hell is so important about a blessing? Just what exactly? Even more important than the birth of your grandchild? How manipulative is it to say you won't visit unless I bless the baby in your religion?

Another case for putting religion over family... Arg. I'm so tempting to say "Oh, yeah we are blessing the baby!" Then have an at home blessing, where both my husband AND me will bless the baby. Scandalous.

Funny thing. I was reading about church policy on baby blessings.

In the church handbook of instructions it says that when you have your baby blessed the child's name goes on record, and that the parents will be contacted when the child turns 8 so they can then be baptized.

So basically what you're doing (in their mind) is giving them permission to track your child for life.

Our nomo friends had their baby blessed by a good friend, oh about 8 years ago. (His mom is a kinda-mo)

I kind of warned them, but not strongly enough obviously. I tried hard to put on my surprised face when they told us a year or so ago how weird it was that some lady they'd never met showed up and told them she was his primary teacher...

WOW....another reason not to have a baby blessed.

I like your last suggestion. In fact, leave your husband out and just bless the baby yourself. Your father never gave any conditions on the exact nature of the blessing that he expected, did he?

Why not have the child baptised in a church where they baptise infants? That should be the equivalent of a baby blessing! Or just have the child blessed in another church - and both parents can participate. I've seen both and neither commits the child to missions and a temple marriage, etc.

I had the opportunity of giving blessings to three of our grandchildren and in no case did I insert blessings of going on a mission or temple marriage, etc. I did give other special expectations for them and gave testimonies of the blessings and no-one even blinked. In one case, not in our local ward, a member spoke to me afterwards thinking I must be a state president. Indeed, many often told me the blessings were great. While I did not believe in TSCC, no-one knew.

Your awesome!

Ask your dad what good is a belief that families are of ultimate importance, can be eternal, and can last forever if he is going to write some of his children off just because they no longer believe in his religion. If family is important like the COJCOLDS teaches, anyone who really believes in its teachings should demonstrate that family is more important than the mindset of some beliefs.

Let him know that if he is writing a portion of his family off just because they no longer believe then he should enjoy the company of those that still believe while he is still in this life because in the next life he will not be in a kingdom where he will be able to have a relationship with them.

When I blessed my oldest I was a complete TBM. I gave my son a very heartfelt and sincere blessing. I focused on things that might bring him happiness and joy throughout his life. Some how I totally screwed up according to my MIL.

I heard later that she was very upset because I left out the specifics of getting the priesthood at 12, serving a mission at 19 and getting married in the temple ten minutes after getting home from that mission. I guess in her view the only valid blessing is one that encourages obedience and following the program. No wonder I'm no longer a Mormon.


As for the conditional visits. I can relate to that as well. I have several sisters. One lives in California and her husband is very generous and is always inviting family down to visit and stay. He isn't endowed so obviously he and my sister aren't "sealed". My jaw hit the floor one day when I heard him extend an invitation to another sister and her family. She replied that they would be more than happy to schedule that visit as long as in coincided with their temple sealing. WTF? Even as a TBM that smacked of extortion and arrogance.

I guess your father is cut from the same cloth as my sister. Church first and then family, but only if the family doesn't get it the way of the church.

it is time for claim propriety ownership over your future child.

oh, and baby blessing are total bs.

but seriously, your father can blow me.

Yes, do a little blessing at home or a baby dedication of some sort. Say your own words and promises. Your dad is a jerk. He wants nothing of you...just a hope that the baby being blessed Mormon has a chance to be in his little "club". I would ignore him totally. Don't even let him know when your precious child is born.

NOT AT ALL!! Both of my children have never been inside an LDS meeting house except for the funerals of their grandparents (my folks). They were not blessed by me or anybody else. They were just loved and raised to be good people... much more important...

Sure you can bless your baby :D You just don't have to do it in compliance with a cult. Check out blessing way ceremonies, http://www.blessingwaybook.com/ I have seen some beautiful blessing way ceremonies (my friends are all crunchy hippy types) and they can be a great way to celebrate your new motherhood and your babies life on the outside.

You could always tell him you were doing that instead!

Also, I'm slightly sick reading this thread. I allowed my first born to be "blessed" in some crappy ward somewhere by my in laws. Now I'm worried that I've set him up to be stalked for the rest of his life! If some woman shows up in 5 years telling me that they're his primary teacher I will probably traumatize her.

THey are VERY important to the church. They add more numbers to that 14 mil member count :-p

Do they actually count the babies that are blessed? Not just when they're baptised?

My friends might be very upset to find out their son is counted, especially after prop 8...

I do not believe they are counted until baptism.

The statistic reports lists them specifically. They are "Children of Record". In other words, on the list but not yet dunked.

Move the four states away, have your baby, throw the baby a Naming Party after you bring him/her home for close(r) family and friends, don't invite Rude Father. When Rude Father gets around to asking when he's supposed to show up and Exercise his Penishood, say: "Gosh dad, you're too late. Did you always have this sort of dysfunction with mom?" Click.

But seriously, Mia is right: that whole ritual is merely an excuse to begin tracking your child for life, and nothing else. If you don't want continual manipulation from TBM friends and family over this sort of thing for the rest of YOUR life, lay the law down fast and firmly.

Best wishes.

I had a couple of thoughts on this one.

1. The baby blessings are part of the cult behavior. Your dad is showing conditional love to contol your behavior. Basically he is saying he will visit you if you would just go to church. He probably thinks he is doing what is best for you, because it is your eternal salvation we are talking about. That trumps all. God will ask him when he get to the pearly gates, " where is your daughter?" He can say "I tried all the cult tactics you taught me and she was too far gone under satans power. Probably an alcoholic, drug addict or looked a porn once."

2. It is a chance to brag about how many worthy priesthood holders you have in you clan. "look at us, we have 10 worthy priesthood men in our family giving the blessing. How many do you have?" The lower class mormons have to have the bishop, grandpa, brother or HT do it.

3. The blessing is a chance for the whole ward to celebrate the beginning of the mind control and indoctrination of the innocent child.

4. Non-essential ordinance to god. But very essential to the church and members in their cult clouded minds.

5. I wish my mormon relatives would stop visiting me.

They are very important generally, to the believers. It's a tradition with a long history. Blessing babies is a ritual that is accepted as part of the whole immersion into the religion.
I find it to be a very nice tradition no matter what religion does it. It's a family tradition that brings people together to celebrate the birth of the child. I like that!

This has to be the ultimate irony: a man who supposedly believes in the importance of family, that family is eternal, ignoring his family in this life, on this planet. And why? Because the family doesn't share his beliefs, including presumably that family is eternal.
Have you ever asked your dad outright why he holds this double standard toward your TBM sister versus you?

Make a list of the twenty-five people you admire most in life for their accomplishments, important accomplishments. Now count how many had a priesthood blessing as a baby.

You don't really need to make the list to figure this one out.

The blessing is a placebo for the brainwashed.

An image of a congregation shooting up with syringes filled with cult juice fills just came into my mind. Thanks for the laugh.

I was already out mentally but my last one needed to be blessed per my TM wife (soon to be ex-TBM).

I always had issues with him as a baby when he was bounced or mis handled he would cry or throw up so we figured he had some inner ear thing. Low and Behold the day of the blessing I asked everyone in the circle to NOT bounce the little guy. What happened they bounced him till he was pissed off.

Since I was not a believer but kept up appearances I blessed him with good health and a zest to find out the turth in all things and make decisions based on his findings.

My wife caugth me after and said that was the best blessing I had ever given to our kids. She didn't catch the lies thing. Later when she left the church I told her my intentions and she busted out that it really was the all time best blessing.

LOL

Blessing your baby will put he or she on the church's radar for the rest of their lives. You'll be giving them a paper trail to follow later on.

Congratulations on your first child :)

If Mormonism were true, then he has all of eternity to spend with his TBM children and has only now to spend with you. Yet, he chooses to ignore you. How screwed up is that?

Mormons claims to teach that families are forever but that isn't true. What they teach is that families will be separated forever unless each member toes the mormon line.

I know this hurts, sorry. But congrats on the new baby!

(the penisholders hold only the power to urinate and masturbate)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/15/2012 11:28AM by scooter.

To many TBMs, the relationship with extended family is determined by church occasions and compliance. It kind of sounds like the latter.

Perhaps your father just can't deal with you leaving the church. Or maybe, he IS just trying to punish/manipulate you into having the baby blessed.

If you really want to see him, maybe you could set up a family get-together with your local sister and invite him. Maybe you just need to build your relationship. But if this is really about your inactivity or control issues, then he's not going to change.