Posted by:
justleft
(
)
Date: December 08, 2010 11:53PM
Hubby and I just finished round one of IVF. Unsuccessfully. I took a break from the board until I got the bad news, because I needed to be in a good mental space for the IVF process. Leaving the Morg a month before we started the process was just piss poor timing. Thanks, Universe!!
The thing is, when you are dealing with fertility issues in the Morg, the shear volume of 19-yr-olds pregnant with their second baby or 24-year-olds pregnant with their fifth, is a massive slap in the face to those of us who have suffered through years of disappointing efforts to conceive, paired with the overwhelming grief of miscarriage(s). You can’t get away from all the pregnancy and babies.
Further adding insult to injury, is all the very judgmental pressure put on adults “not to put off having a family” for “worldly things, lest ye be unrighteous in the sight of God”. Not to mention the number of weekly comments by women in RS placing themselves on a pedestal for having done what they KNOW is right by giving up everything in their young adult lives to produce as many babies as they could, while simultaneously criticizing the women “of the world” who put off children to finish school and have careers (BTW, I’ve worked on two degrees and two careers so far and they’ve both been very rewarding).
Infertility is really, really hard for everyone who faces it, but our culture just amplifies the difficulty so unnecessarily. Any affiliation with people you know through church, past and present, creates such an unhealthy environment of having it thrown in your face (with judgment) constantly, especially now that Morg culture has morphed in some really hideous ways via social media. Facebook has largely become my enemy. Kids I babysat as an adult are having their first babies, as well as my former Sunday School students of two years ago, and they’re posting baby timers and ultrasound pics all over their blogs and Facebook pages. Please, torture me some more, kids!
I realize there are a thousand different ways for people to put their feet in their mouths when they don’t relate to your difficult situation, whether it be a death in the family or a job loss, but it’s especially patronizing when someone tells you that a miscarriage was just a way for God to give a special, uber righteous spirit a body without all the worldly temptations or that things happen in the Lord’s time. Or that someone who is accidentally pregnant for the 7th time wishes they could give their pregnancy to you, whilst complaining about how much they hate being pregnant. Boohoo for you. And women, literally crying over not being able to conceive in a four month time period, oh but in the fifth month they were blessed for their patience and righteousness. Ooh, or the torture of the horrible Mother’s Day gifts being passed out to everyone female over the age of 18 at the end of sacrament meeting. It’s insulting. I could go on.
So, today I am really, really sad about my situation. Sure we’re getting back on the IVF horse right away, and yes I know all the statistics about success rates, etc. But this really, really sucks. I saw my healthy embryo live on the monitor, found out he was a boy, and took a picture home with me. He just didn’t survive and the Morg culture is absolutely pouring salt on this wound.
So, board friends, if you want to offer support, I’ll gladly take it, but if you feel the need to say something patronizing or insensitive, please don’t. I am in no place to take bad comments, and I am a pretty feisty red head, so it is likely I will want to box your ears.
Bah!