I told my bishop that I want to leave the church just a few hours ago. I was crying when I did it. Not because I was leaving but because I was treated so poorly by other church members. What hypocryts and liers they all are. I looked around church today and I saw a few people I grew up with. One a young woman and she has like 4 kids now! I am still a single man that belived so much in temple marriage. I so badly wanted a wife and a family! But there wasn't not one single woman in the church that gave a crap about me. I was always just the "friend". I hate these people so much. My missionary lied to me. They told me about having a wife and kids and how wonderful it will be. The women of the church don't care about me. The ones that are already married will talk to me because they are married. But the single ones avoid me like I am cancer. I hate them. I hate them so much. I used to attend the singles ward and I left the singles ward before I even turned 31 because I was treated so badly there. Every stupid sunday I would be asked to pass the sacrement. "Would you like to pass the sacrement?" " I did it last week" "Oh! Well, would you like to do it again?" They always asked me to do something for them and never did they do anything for me. I would have home teachers come to my house and they would ask, " Is there anything that we can do for you brother?" and it got to the point that I would tell them "Yes, help me find a girlfriend so I can get married. I want to get married." And no joke they would laugh at me... They didn't help me. They didn't care about me. They are just a bunch of selfish bastards. Nobody there cared about me. After I left nobody knocked on my door asking me to come back. And certinly no women came looking for me wondering where I was because they didn't give a crap about me. I was just their sacrement whore. After I left I got a phone call and they asked me to accept a calling. The calling was sacrement coordinator. When I left I told the bishop I dispised the sacrement!! I hated it! I hated that they would ask me to pass every stupid sunday!! And I hated the sacrement because of it!! And they have the nerve to call me on the phone and ask me to accept a calling of sacrement cooridinator?! What a bunch of hypocrites. What a bunch of selfish liers. Today I actually did go to church. The missionaries have been knocking on my door for weeks to get me to go. So I went. I asked to talk to the bishop and I told him how much I hate them. I told him how poorly treated I was. I told him how I was ignored by the women and treated so badly by the men. I told him everything. I think I broke the poor mans heart. Reply to me if you wish. I would love to get your opinions.

So they are going to say you were offended. Leaving because some women there are not paying attention to you is not a good reason. That is why Mormonism is so bad. They think only Mormons can date Mormons. Ridiculous. So don't worry about the females there. YOU will find someone in the real world.

And don't talk to them anymore for any reason. They can not provide what you want. And did you believe any of their doctrine anyway. RESEARCH and you will see that leaving is the best thing for you.

I'm sorry you were treated that way. Hopefully you can now find a new social group that will be more accepting and welcoming.

No one came to talk to me either, when I left. Not one single person asked me why I quit going to church - not even the bishop or his counselors. They lied and told everyone I was offended and keeping the kids home because someone hurt my feelings. Not all Mormons are bad but so many of the ones in my ward were cold, unfeeling and lied. I don't want to be anything like them and if by some miracle the church was true, I wouldn't hang out with 80 percent of the members of my ward because of the way they act. I don't even think they like each other much.

Here's my advice - I don't blame you for being mad nor would I tell you to just let it go, because I wouldn't discount the rotten way they treated you. But understand you accidentally got involved with a bad crowd. You don't have to be involved with them any more, thankfully. They are the problem, not you. Imagine if you had married a woman who treated you like that. You can do better. Find a new group of friends who are involved with something that you really like such as hiking, cooking, a charity you believe in or even another religion. There are a lot of women out there - just be the person you want to marry and you'll find her. As my husband says "it only takes one."

You don't have a chance in hell finding someone to marry because you are projecting hatred.

You absolutely should get out of there, not because you can't find a woman, but because this sh*t is killing you. You aren't happy and haven't liked being used by them FOR YEARS.

Do this for yourself. Focus your time, talents and money on YOU, baby, just on YOU. They've been milking you and you are sick of it. Use that anger and start a new life where you can develop yourself.

Focus your attention on what you enjoy. Don't have any interests? Then get the book, "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. It's a workbook and it works miracles on reviving your dormant creative side. Many celebrities have used this book when they have writer's block or their art is blocked. I used it to find the personality that Mormonism crushed.

You have fire in the belly and now is your chance to pull these suckers off you and find out who you would have become if Mormonism had not been taking the oxygen out of your air.

I promise you, my friend, that if you will kick them to the curb and go forth to discover the surprises that are inside you, that hatred will vanish. You will be having a blast doing stuff that you actually enjoy instead of passing the Sacrament because you have a dick. You will look forward to Sundays instead of dreading them. You will be actually happy even though alone.

This happened to me and it can happen to you.

Along the way, you will look into the eyes of a lady stelactite photographer or sailing enthusiast and bingo! love will bloom. It will happen naturally as a result of you being you -- not the Mormon Ken doll created by 600+ rules.

Best,

Anagrammy

Great advice Ana.

There's an unhealth pecking order and no way to climb up the ladder or escape.

It's daunting but you can leave and eventually find a better class of friends.

If you haven't studied all sides of church doctrine, now is the time to start. The whole thing is a twisted patchwork of bogas assumptions, but you need to look into it and reach your own conclusions. Staying away from meetings can help diminish their programming, but if you're a believer you also need to learn the facts and come to terms with their lies before you can be free.

Good luck.

How long have you been hanging in the Mormon "clubhouses"?

No matter how long it's been, a few months, years, or more, just brush off this whole Mormon thing as just a club you tried out.

You tried it out, you didn't like it, now you can move on and try something else out. No big deal.

Of course it doesn't feel that easy. Since you got kind of deep into the culture you've become trained to want to play the games of the club (dating a Mormon, temple marriage, church callings). You're going to have to let those expectation go. It's just a club with games that you win by playing the rules.

Sounds like you were relying on Mormonism for a place to belong. I was too, no big deal just go find groups to belong to that fit your bill better. They're not going to change no matter how much you hate them and certainly no woman, Mormon or not, is going to be interested in you because you feel entitled to her.

If the shoe isn't fitting, take it off and try another one on.

We have nearly all felt similar moments of hate, anger, and betrayal during our stint with Mormonism. Hopefully, you'll pick up some wisdom on how to make the transition to a new social network more gentle. There are a lot of people here who will only try to be supportive and helpful with anything your bring up on the board.

No questions are too stupid or inappropriate here. Ask away! But don't be surprised if you get some brutally honest opinions.



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 07/09/2012 01:23PM by Brian M.

So how long have you had this porn addiction?

The church is bullshit, but not because women don't treat men right. It's the other way around and Mormon women have every right to be wary of the wife-hunting behavior you admit to. If you act like that in a bar you'll get a drink in your face. No woman owes it to you to act interested or even polite. Newsflash- there's a word for a man who ogles women with impropriety- creep.

I talk about getting married and you judge me? There are people here saying that they want to be polygamists.

They will hopefully recover with hard work and time.

Your main goal needs to be to take care of your flagging spirits. You've suffered enough.

I say the polygamists are perverted especially if they're willingly exposing children to that abusive lifestyle.

First of all, I'm sorry you were so badly treated. I was an "olders single"--my memories of the singles wards for those of us in our early 30s is not good! Between guys who thought they owned me from the moment they had a revelation I was the one to dealing with women who were bitter and competitive over men--you get the picture.

I sense that there may be something more to the situation than you have communicated. I'm not sure how to put this gently or politely without sounding heartless or bitchy especially when I don't know anything about you--but have you considered that you may have some sort of problem interacting with women that has little or nothing to do with the church?

The church promised you happiness, and you didn't find happiness there. Far from it. You found people who judged you and found you wanting. Perhaps it was in part because you were not BIC, or perhaps not an RM, or you weren't part of inside crowd there and never would be. It matters not. Shake them all off like you would a bunch of oily salesmen. Your happiness lies elsewhere.

In order to find happiness with someone else, it is best to first find happiness by yourself. You have to find self-respect. You have been getting a lot of "not okay" messages for a long time now, so this will not happen overnight. Anger is a good, healthy place to start. They mistreated you. You deserve better than that. You deserve happiness.

Things that will help you to feel good about yourself are work that is satisfying and renumerative, making reasonable, healthy improvements to your diet, sleep and appearance, and activities that please you and absorb your attention. In pursuit of the above, consider taking some college classes, joining a gym, buying a sharp new outfit or two, planning a trip, and pursuing some hobbies or interests.

If you don't have someone to go with you, then go by yourself. Go see the latest movie, go sit in a cafe with a coffee and a book, or travel to a place that you've always wanted to see. That way when you do run into someone interesting, you'll have something to talk about.

People are attracted to people who are fun to be around. Enjoy your life! Get out there and learn how to do the things that you want to do. How about learning how to play golf, sail, scuba dive, kayak, take outstanding photos, or whatever else attracts you? Go out and have some fun and you will find people who share your interests (no matter how obscure) and who are also looking for a fun time.

If it fits your lifestyle, consider getting a friendly, outgoing dog. Walk your dog daily and take him to the park to play fetch. A single friend of mine said that he met tons of women while walking his dog.

Keep us posted on how things are going. We're here for you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/09/2012 11:28AM by summer.

"A single friend of mine said that he met tons of women while walking his dog." - Very good advice. 100 % on spot.

I want to caution on the dog. Make sure you are ready for one first. IMO it doesn't sound like you are ready for one yet. Figure out yourself and what is making you see so angry. Once you are at peace with yourself, go ahead and get a dog. Then let love come to you, don't try so hard to find it.

I did the singles ward thing in the past. However, even if all of the LDS women swooned over you and all you had to do was snap your fingers to have a harem of women surrounding you, it doesn't change the fact that the LDS Church is built upon fraud and deceit. THAT, and that alone, should be the only reason necessary to flee. Any other reasons are just superficial.

I agree that your problem with meeting women has nothing to do with the church.

Forget about meeting women and forget about the church. Spend some time thinking about what your interests involve and go for it. Make yourself happy and you will make yourself interesting. Interesting people are attractive. Along the way, you may just find somebody special without even trying.

Siting around brooding about how single LDS women should have gone out of their way for you will get you nothing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/09/2012 12:43PM by excatholic.

I have to agree that you're coming across as very desperate, which is NOT attractive at all. You're putting your happiness in your future wife's hands and you don't even know if or when she'll show up.

Find your own happiness. If along the way you find a woman to share it with, great, but don't put your life on hold waiting.

Jeez, I thought you were 10 years old....stop whingeing, grow up and be responsible for your actions.

Don't expect someone else to lead you by the hand and do things for you!

It can be very difficult to find happiness as an older single. Try being single for 10, 20, 30, or 40 years. No spouse, no kids, no grandkids. Perhaps no invitations for holidays. Then report back. How easy was it?

As your friends pair off, they have families and no longer have time for you. When they socialize, it tends to be with other couples. Persistent singledom *can* breed desperation ("I need to meet someone! I need to get married!") It can take a while to figure out that you need to find your own happiness first. A partner should add to your life, not be the sole source of happiness in your life. That happiness has to come from within a strong self.

How easy would it be to not only be an older single, but to be an older Mormon single? Not very. Be very glad if you have a loving partner. You are one of the lucky ones.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/09/2012 02:25PM by summer.

Hmm, let's see... I'm 43 in about a week and a half. I've been single for almost 43 years. As an exmo, it's not all that difficult. I joined clubs, took classes, and made friends. All of my best relationships came from good friendships. I did not go around expecting every man I met to propose to me by the third date. I did not expect, just because some church dudes told me I was all special, that other people would necessarily think I'm special. I did not expect that meeting The Perfect Mr. Right™ would guarantee my instant and permanent happiness.

Instead, I learned how to move forward as a solo and enjoy it. There are invitations to holidays and social events and here's the really big surprise: More people AREN'T married than are. If you think being single for long extended periods of your adulthood is difficult, then maybe you should be lobbying for gay marriage, because the GLBTQ community does not have the same rights and privileges that it sounds like people here think is one's basic expectation/right from god.

As a lifelong single person, believe me, it looks much MUCH tougher to be married from 20-something until death, juggling career, kids, house, retirement, spouse... all that. From where I stand it looks a LOT harder than "Should I go to Mom's Christmas party stag or should I try to find a date?" Birds of a feather flock together. There are tons of ways to meet people and make friends -- who will have time for you. Meetup groups, online dating sites, join a club, take a class, go to friends and ask them to throw parties and invite as many single people as they can.

Now, I can't speak for being a single mormon, but I'm pretty galled at the thought that there are mormon men out there who apparently believe that FedEx should just deliver a freshly minted wife on order, just whenever a guy decides he wants to be married. I can't imagine just randomly wanting to be married to someone, just anyone. I can only imagine wanting to marry someone whom I dearly love and adore and can't live without. So it sounds to me as if what the OP really wants is sex. Frequent, regular, good, old-fashioned sex. It's the only thing within the mormon church that you can only get if you're married.

dogzilla Wrote:
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> Instead, I learned how to move forward as a solo and enjoy it.

Same here, and I've been doing it for longer than you have. I'm advocating understanding for someone who hasn't made his peace with it yet. It's much harder on some people than others to not have a partner for an extended period of time.

In addition, the OP experienced persistent rejection with (apparently) little understanding of the reasons why that might happen in Mormon culture.

Just resign.
It makes no sense to keep subjecting yourself to lousy treatment each weekend.

Mormonism is not "the true church" anyway, so why keep going back to where they don't treat you well.

Find a nicer group of people that does not demand your money and your free work.
You deserve better.

I think you somehow confused the message of celestial marriage.
Just because the church teaches it, does not mean the women are going to fall all over you. Oh contraire!

You have competition. Males who are lifetime members, been on missions, and have family status in the church are the ones who are on the top of the marriage list. I didn't see you list any of those.

Women who are lifetime members, and have family status are most likely going to try and marry UP and build on that status. It takes money, connections, and sometimes looks to keep your place in the hierarchy.

An angry convert who thinks the women should be falling at his feet will not get very far. Also, if you think you are going to be put in a power position by your competition, you are wrong. If the bishop has a daughter, he's not going to be trying to hook you up with her. The wealthy stake presidents son would be who he's going to promote. That's the way the system works. Newcomers, and the less valiant are on the bottom of the heap. Even there, the women would be looking to marry up on the status scale. Marrying within mormonism isn't as simple as you're thinking. You don't join up, and then just pick one.

If you joined the church to get a woman, you made a mistake. It's time to move on.

Dude, adjust your meds.

I am not trying to insult you, I am completely serious. From your post I think you would benefit a great deal from counseling. You need more help than what can be provided by anonymous strangers on an Internet bulletin board.

He did not say it was the morg's responsibility to find him a wife.

But it was their responsibility to treat him decently once he joined.
Especially if they latched onto someone who was already needy in some ways.

Dipping and dropping someone is reprehensible.
We have all seen it happen.

If they weren't really interested in him as a person, they should have left him alone instead of trying to convert him to their demanding cult.

I agree with Saviorself. You seem to think that it was the church's responsibility to get you a wife? I blame the church for a lot things , but I'm guessing you have deeper issues that are making women not want to date you and you can't blame the church.

This is seriously one of the weirdest things I have read on this site. I hope you will get some help ASAP!

They sucked you into their cult by offering you help, friendship, happiness, and eventual love/marriage.

It's an all too familar pattern in Mormonism.
Usually it is known as the old bait-and-switch routine.

I do not blame you for being angry - Mormonism cannot deliver what it promises.
They wanted you for whatever you can contribute to them, NOT in order to help you.

Of all the lousy things this "church" does, manipulating people's emotions is the lousiest.

Talk to a therapist if you can afford it and DO NOT GO BACK TO THE MORMON CHURH!

I'm so sorry about the pain The Church has caused you. I hope, really hope, you never go back there. Just mail your resignation and ignore any further contact.

When you've been out for a few weeks, things will look much different. I've been there. I couldn't believe I was sucked into such a cult. You are right, they do not care about ANYONE. It is all about each person's PROGRESSION to the CK and they will step all over their best friend to get CK points.

Find a Bible believing church and a nice girl and settle down and have a beautiful life together MORG FREE!

Take care, my friend.

FreeRose



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/09/2012 04:35PM by FreeRose.

i know how you feel. there were often times that i felt very ignored by most of the youth in my ward. i also told my bishop a few weeks ago that i hate going to church and that i plan on leaving.