For the last year, church has been getting ridiculous for me. It has been a constant struggle to go and do what is expected of me as a church member. I am currently 17 and a senior in high school, and my plan for the last year has been to go to church as a non-believer until I was about to leave for college, so that I could minimize the amount of trouble that would be caused by my leaving the church.

However, my dad wanted to talk to me last night about church. He said that it seems as if I have been becoming more and more out of tune with the spirit. He wanted to know what my standing in the church was. At moment, I decided that I couldn't stand pretending anymore. I told him my feelings about the church and my non-belief in it and god. He was astounded, as I haven't really voiced any concerns like this ever before. He brought my mom into the room. We talked for four hours, 7:30 - 12:30. They told me as many faith promoting stories as they could remember. They told me I was stiffnecked and relying too much on my head, and not my heart. They weren't mad, and they didn't yell at me, but they were severely disappointed, and they both cried most of the time that they were talking to me.

I can completely sympathize with them. They believe, without a doubt, that the church is true. My apostatizing is worse than me dying; they will loose me forever. That is what makes this situation so hard. They cannot "know" I am wrong, and I "know" that they are wrong. How do you reason with that mindset? My parents are great parents, they just happened to be brainwashed by the church. I don't blame them for that. But how do I deal with this situation?

My dad told me that I have to go to church/seminary for as long as I live in his house. I am also the Priest's Quorum 1st adviser, and most people in my ward look on me as the prime example of a worth young man. This situation is just so complicated. Does anybody have any advice for me? Has anybody been in the same situation as me? Thank you all very much.

I admire you for your honesty. Your parents seem to have taken it fairly well too. I think you're doing just fine.

Your parents are asswipes. I'm sorry. I know it's harsh and I'll probably get flamed for saying so, but only asswipes would subject their kids to Mormonism to begin with. It's so obviously bogus, there's really no excuse--not even for someone born into it and living in Utah. It's just obviously made up, obviously designed to separate people from their money, obviously nothing but a way for a bunch of doody old men to maintain power. It's fear based, anti-science, in opposition to human progress, and morally wrong.

I wouldn't give them any points for not yelling at you. What they did was just as coercive, and by the way it was five hours, not four. Plus whoever said you're using your head and not your heart knows you're right or at least has had the same thoughts but then chosen, for whatever reason, to continue pretending.

You do have to live by their rules. I'm not advocating disrespect, but you do have the right to your own mind. Next time they try to drag you into some imaginary B.S. like "not in tune with the spirit," at least make them define their terms. What is that, exactly? What does one do when one is in tune with the spirit, and how do they know you're not?

Make them think about the crap they're trying to shove down your throat. At least one of them has thought about it before.

:-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/14/2010 08:11PM by munchybotaz.

I'm not going to flame you, but I will respectfully disagree. I think calling the parents asswipes is a bit harsh because once upon a time, I would have been just as upset if one of my kids told me they were atheist. I believed mo'ism was the truth and what was best for my children, as does the OPs parents. I don't think loving your children and wanting what you percieve is best for them is being an asswipe. Having been in the parents shoes, I can understand where they are coming from as far as being hurt.

I was so conflicted about Mormonism that I waited years to have children, because I didn't know if I was going to agree to endure hours of church every week, learn the unhealthy self-image that many Mormons have, tithe to a multibillion dollar corporation, send them on missions, etc. I realize that we all found our way out, but Mormonism truly is an obvious fraud. I think I would have been an asswipe if I had brought my son up in the Mormon church without at least looking into its claims. I can only judge myself, but I do think there is a lot of truth to what munchy said.

People raised in the church and have been conditioned to believe in it are not "ass-wipes", but victims of the same memetic organism that afflicted all of us for some amount of time.

Do what you have to do, but continue to show respect and caring for your parents, but be firm in what you believe. Read up on "critical thinking" so you can remain strong enough to withstand the emotional appeals. Don't think with your heart. It's a organ that pumps blood. Use your critical faculties to continue to debunk woo, but be understanding of your parents and see things from their eyes.

I wish you the best.

I doubt that you will be able to soften your parents' attitude. About the best you can do is to remind them of the eleventh Article of Faith, which says that Mormons believe in allowing everyone to believe and worship whatever they wish.

Meanwhile, you will probably have to attend church and seminary. You might print up a little card and post it where all can see (like on the refrigerator door, or on the door to your room):

A man convinced against his will
Is of the same opinion still

Or the words to the German song "Die Gedanken Sind Frei"
See the Wikipedia article at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_Gedanken_sind_frei#

The idea is that even though one is imprisoned and chained and has lost physcial freedom, one's thoughts are still at liberty - no one can chain another's thoughts or force him to think or believe a certain way.

Well, I have four younger siblings, and I really do like my family. I just don't want to make my non-belief into something that puts a rift in my family and causes relations between us to break down.

Your parents clearly love you and only want the best for you. It's unfortunate that they are unwilling to respect your beliefs, but it seems to me that their misguided attempts to keep you in the faith are borne of good intentions. I'd suggest you respect their wishes, attend church and seminary, but also be clear with them about where you stand with your beliefs. It's only a few months.

I have made it clear to my wife that I no longer believe in Mormonism, but I still attend church with her. I want her to respect my beliefs, and I feel the best way to help her do it is to respect hers. And you know what? It's working.

Thanks for that. I agree with you completely. I'll try getting that point across to them.

Difference is I told my folks at seventeen that while they could make me go to church, they could never make me believe.

I left home soon afterward. Struggled for a while then ended up in the service (USAF). Not recommending it, just sayin' it was a great move for me. I've owned my life since then. All the triumphs and failures are mine. My education is mine. My house, cars and other possessions are mine. Not nearly as scary as most folks think. I'm now 53 and preped to retire soon. Don't know where I'd be had I stayed mormon. What I do know is that I never would have met my beloved nevermo spouse of 32 years had I taken the other path.

I let go of my parents and siblings years ago. Like most mormons, they're not interested in apostate family members (unless, of course, they need money). Some have since left the cult and we've rekindled our relationship. I wish things were different, but I don't let it bother me. I am the king in my world. Wouldn't have it any other way!

RFMers are not alone on many levels. Keep in mind that there are always options. I wish you the best of luck!

Timothy



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/15/2010 07:43AM by Timothy.

Timothy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Difference is I told my folks at seventeen that
> while they could make me go to church, they could
> never make me believe.
>
> I left home soon afterward. Struggled for a while
> then ended up in the service (USAF). Not
> recommending it, just sayin' it was a great move
> for me. I've owned my life since then. All the
> triumphs and failures are mine. My education is
> mine. My house, cars and other possessions are
> mine. Not nearly as scary as most folks think. I'm
> now 53 and preped to retire soon. Don't know where
> I'd be had I stayed mormon. What I do know is that
> I never would have met my beloved nevermo spouse
> of 32 years had I taken the other path.
>
> I let go of my parents and siblings years ago.
> Like most mormons, they're not interested in
> apostate family members (unless, of course, they
> need money). Some have since left the cult and
> we've rekindled our relationship. I wish things
> were different, but I don't let it bother me. I am
> the king in my world. Wouldn't have it any other
> way!
>
> RFMers are not alone on many levels. Keep in mind
> that there are always options. I wish you the best
> of luck!
>
> Timothy
I was out of the house by 18 and used the ARMY to do it. If I had it to do over I would go AF or Navy, as you have more time to get a degree while in the service. It looks like your family is going to be more accepting but if things fall apart it is one avenue for you, and like Timothy, everything I have is MINE (GI bill paid for College). He is right, It's a lot like repelling. It's scary looking over the edge, but once you get started down the rope, it gets exciting and fun.

As long as you do stay in the house, you will have to respect their wishes, but you can do it on your terms. How about while you are hanging out in Semenary you stay quiet and to yourself,...unless called on to answer, and then you answer it with the TRUTH, EVERY TIME! They may ask your parents not to let you come, but at least they will quit calling on you. Just because you are attending church, doesn't mean you have to be the Priest Quorum 1st Adv.(they shouldn't want an apostate blessing the sacrement) ask to be released. Do the same thing with church, no talks, don't paticpate in class unless called on, and then let loose with the TRUTH. As far as your younger sibilings are concerned, just be a good example for them. They may or may not follow you out. None of mine did, but I have some nieces and nephews that followed my lead. Stick to your guns. Things will change.

I had to get out. I'm simply not one to be caged!

I thought my family would chill. They didn't (hokay, one brother eventually did). They turned-down invitations to attend my wedding because I wasn't marrying a molly in the temple. Beloved and I didn't ask anyone to pay for anything and specifically requested that no one bring gifts. We just wanted folks to celebrate with us. Their cold refusal sent a very strong and clear message we've since forgiven but never forgot.

Twenty-eight years later, I get an email from my mom requesting the date and location of our union. Not because she cared, but because her grandson needed the info to satisfy some goofy mission requirement. It doesn't get any colder than that, so I sent her a nice warm cup of "F**k You!" in response. We still talk, but she now understands that the cult is banned from any and all conversation and that all conversation is to be about me and no one else but me.

I've said many times before that one cannot fully recover until one completely disconnects. I haven't had to worry about what TBMs think of my actions since I joined the service. That's because they don't pay my bills. Contrary to what some posters suggest, whatever involves me in even the slightest degree is about me. If you invite me to sit outside the temple while you get sealed, don't count on me being there. The state of independence I've forged in my life dictates that I don't have to sacrifice a single moment of personal happiness for the sake of others. Least of all mormons.

Good on you, jon!

Timothy



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/15/2010 11:22AM by Timothy.

I am going to have to take the opposite stance and say that your parents do not respect your non-belief.

Understanding that you live in a household where it could be problematic if you openly rebeled against your parents. It is no excuse for you to be required to still attend church and other functions. In my opionion your family is trying to save face and not let the ward see their "apostate" son.

Sadly, I have to agree with Timothy that you will be of little use to TBMs other than a project.

I'd have to disagree on that point. I know that a lot of Mormons aren't what they seem to be on the outside, I know that my parents genuinely love me. They do not want me to go to church to save face, they want me to go because they care about my future and they want me to get into the "Celestial Kingdom" so that I can have a happy life after this one. While there may be some motive for them to save face, I definitely think that that is not the prime reason for them wanting me to stay faithful. I'd rather have a hard time for the next couple months then have a hard time with my family for the rest of my life. Everybody's situation is different, and I don't think that my parents view me as a "project". Thanks though, your input is definitely appreciated.

... your TBM parents would be on your side.

I've always said that my parents would never, in a million years, defend me against the cult, yet wouldn't hesitate a second to defend the cult against me.

Hate to tell you this, bu2b, but your parent's priorities are not with you.

Timothy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/15/2010 07:33AM by Timothy.

Mormonism comes first.

Political beliefs come a close second.

Work comes third.

I don't think my brother and I come in the top ten.

My immediate reaction was a feeling of profound personal failure. Parents take these things personally even though you still think they are great parents, they blame themselves for losing you. They are praying it isn't permanent.

By addressing these feelings rather than arguing about "proofs", you can maintain your sanity and ease their pain.

Tell them that they've been good parents and that you've learned more about being honorable from them than from the church (if that's true). Tell them the values your family cherishes are still important to you and you intend to raise your own family as decent people, kind and loving, because that's what they taught you. Tell them that the church is important to them and that's why it's important to you, but that matters of faith are deeply personal--something they can't control. Be sure to affirm, if you haven't already, that they are good examples of leading a good Mormon life.

When my children, one at a time, told me they were atheists when I was still Mormon, then Christian, it was a great comfort to me that they credited me with teaching them good values. This may sound funny, but it mattered to me that they still didn't swear (in front of me) and they talked about being kind, being compassionate, etc. I realized that the TSSC taught me to expect evil from those who don't believe.

You are still you, and it's up to you to show them that they still raised a good son, even if he isn't Mormon.

You are taking a big step toward becoming your own individual and I applaud you for that. It is painful and confusing, but then so is every other big life change. At least they won't be pressuring you to go on a mission!

Sparkles to you,

Anagrammy

That was very insightful and captured my thoughts exactly. Thanks for the advice.

I think that as bu2b continues to be a kind, respectful, disciplined young man his mother and father will at least be able to come to terms with the fact that his atheism isn't the start of a life of drugs, cigarettes and women. And by treating them with love and respect, which it very much sounds like you are doing, bu, you are building a foundation for your adult life with them.

The fact is, children grow up and become adults in an ideal world. The further fact is that parents often have a hard time realizing that and letting go. Be gentle with them, bu, they're in uncharted territory right now. Are you, by any chance, the oldest? Just curious.

And I agree, you are handling matters very well. It's not going to be easy as your parents adjust but if you remain matter of fact and non-confrontational I expect things will smooth out sooner rather than later. Be prepared for a lot more "discussions", though. It sounds like Mom and Dad are really worried about your eternal future. :)

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Children are not possessions. They are charges.

Each of us come into this world with no obligations or agreements. In most cases, we are here because our parents didn't pay attention. Whatever expectations parents might have of their charges are of no account. A child's permission is never sought. Therefore, a child is in no way beholding to his or her parents.

Parents, on the other hand, have a responsibility to give their charge or charges all the tools necessary to function and survive in a most hostile environment. That few do is a clear indication that most never wanted the responsibility to begin with.

Mormonism enables and encourages such bad parenting.

Timothy



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/15/2010 10:41AM by Timothy.

You are one smart kid. How did you figure it out so quick in life? It took me years to figure out mormonism was a bunch of crap. I needed the internet to do it.

Thanks :)
It went like this over a couple years:
1) put myself in God's shoes. Why in the world would I want all this attention, worship, and tithing? Didn't seem godlike to me.
2) Stumbled across the article on "Mormonism" on Wikipedia.
3) Read Plato's "Allegory of the Cave" in English class
4) Listened to the Rush song "Brought up to Believe" (bu2b).

All of this paired with a lot of heavy thinking. It was only after I had convinced myself that the church was not true that I looked up "antimormon" stuff.

I wish I had it so figured out at 17. That was my height of TBMish ways and I "knew" the Church was true. It wasn't until I had been inactive for a time and without ever reading any Anti mormon literature I decided it was all bull. Only then did I find this site and it confirmed what I already knew. I spent months reading everything I could get my hands on. :-)


I agree with letting your parents know that they are good parents and raised you right. My daughter came to me and told me she believes in God and Heaven. I have always taught them to think for themselves and though we are an atheist household she has decided she wants the comfort of everlasting life. She is only 10 now and I hope she will change her mind but no matter what I love her for exactly who she is and can't wait to see how her and my son turn out.

You have a good head on your shoulders and so young! Well done. You are going to be just fine. :-)

Thank you very much... it means a lot.

bu2b Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thanks :)
> It went like this over a couple years:
> 1) put myself in God's shoes. Why in the world
> would I want all this attention, worship, and
> tithing? Didn't seem godlike to me.
> 2) Stumbled across the article on "Mormonism" on
> Wikipedia.
> 3) Read Plato's "Allegory of the Cave" in English
> class
> 4) Listened to the Rush song "Brought up to
> Believe" (bu2b).
>
> All of this paired with a lot of heavy thinking.
> It was only after I had convinced myself that the
> church was not true that I looked up "antimormon"
> stuff.


Smart kid. Very well done! There's also this ancient song that goes "I learned the truth at 17...", so true about you.

My father gave me a hard time, and I left home to join the Army. After that I worked in industry for years. I met my nevermo wife some twenty five years ago, and now I am in an early retirement, which was forced by my cognitive disabilities as well as the economy (corporations will no longer tolerate workers with anxiety and depression problems).

Sounds like you have a lot figured out at a young age. I think anagrammy had some really good thoughts.

If your parents are like mine were, they really are scared that you are screwing up the eternal family and your future, and it probably pains them.

I didn't like being in the same boat as you when I was a teen, and I got the same ultimatum. I moved out 2 weeks after high school. As an adult I got back to a more devout state, but told my kids that when they were old enough to know what the church was really about, then if they didn't like it, they didn't have to go. I just wanted them to go long enough to learn what it was about, so that they could make an informed decision about what they were leaving (now I wish that I had led them out, bummer... now I'm out and they are still in).

With a little more life experience, here are some things that I might have tried as a teen. Make a deal with them, you'll keep going for as long as they will read Know Man Knows My History by Fawn Brodie. Meet each other half way, you'll learn what they want, and they will read some of what you want them to learn. Probably won't work, but who knows?

And as you talk with them, reassure them. After they talk and talk, reiterate what you just heard by saying something like, "It sounds like you are worried that I won't be as good of a kid as I have been, is that right?" Then if they agree, tell them about your deeply held moral beliefs... Treat others how you would like to be treated etc. etc.

Their main fear is probably that you are now becoming a "bad" kid, acknowledge their fears back to them, then give them some evidence that you are still a good kid. It helps make them a little less scared and controlling when they know that you are understanding them.

Some on here had some really crappy parents, and they will tell you that it's not worth trying to work with them. In their experience it probably was like beating your head against a wall. But you are the one that knows your parents, so do what you think works for them.

I would be so happy if one of my kids came to me with the news you informed them of. But that's the breaks. They have the kid I want, and I have the kid they want. At least in that regard.

One more tip for you. At some point ask them this, "Can I be me, and still be loved by you?"

I'm profoundly sorry this is happening to you. I know what this means, it is an irevocable rift between you and your family. In many ways you"re lucky this has happened to you now and not ten or twenty years from now. You might have just saved yourself untold years or decades of desperate heart ache and agony, not to mention the anoyance and even rage from sitting in Sunday-school induring needless sanctimony.
Your family sounds much like mine, every aspect of life is seen throught he lense of the church. There is no reality with out the church. When you turn your back on the church, in many ways your family will turn their backs on you. Your mother will always look at you with sadness in her eyes and you will become a cautionary tale that they tell at church functions.
For a while they will try to reactivate you. No matter where you go you will magically have Home Teachers or Missionaries. Often your Christmas gifts will be "insperational" church books or DVD's. If you have the courage that I suspect you do, you will participate in discussions about church matters (your family probobly talks of little else, just like mine) and you will let your opinions be known. Eventially they will stop discussing these things with you, your opinions being subversive and dangerious and you will find that you talk to them less and less.
If your parents are even semi-functional humanbeings they will always love you but make no mistake, that love has changed. You have crossed a bridge that really can"t be "uncrossed" Be strong, stand by your intelect and remember to love them as well. Good luck

Telling them you no longer believe is a huge punch in gut for your folks, however they'll soon get their wind back and will gradually get used to your status as a non-believer. It sounds like they are good parents and really love you and not just the church. Like some of the other posters here suggested, show that you are not going to turn into some evil, drug addicted criminal just because you aren't Mormon.

Show them that you are the same person as before. Show them you are a good person with or without the church. Make sure they know you are sincere and really do want to know the truth. Mormons think you can only be ex-Mormon if you are rebellious, bitter, sinful, or don't want the truth. Make sure they understand that you truly wanted to know the truth whether that was in the church or out of it.

One thing that I never understood is when religious people think other people are not going to heaven because they no longer believe in the religion/god. How is this? If god knows that you really don't believe, how does that make you a bad person destined for hell? If god is out there I believe he will judge us on the intent of our heart and how good of a person we are, not how brainwashed we are into believing in a particular brand of religion. I might make this point to them. Just because you don't believe in Mormonism doesn't make you a bad person and doesn't mean God doesn't know the intention of your heart.

BTW, IMO just because your parents are still making you go to church/seminary doesn't mean they don't respect you. You're still a juvenile living under their roof and they are still thinking like parents. They think its whats good for you. This should hopefully change when you are 18 and moved out. If not, THEN they are not respecting you.

Sounds like your initial experience went over better than mine did. I wouldn't be surprised if their attitudes changed in the following days, weeks and months. Initially they may seem to "respect" your decision, but as soon as the shock leaves them they'll start playing with your emotions. Right now, you're required to go to church and attend seminary because you reside in their home. What's next? Reading the BoM and other church sponsored literature as a new requirement?

They'll realize, or have already realized, that you, as the oldest of four, can collapse their 'forever family.' Your siblings look up to you as the oldest, you are an example to them. It's a nightmare for your parents to 'lose' one son, let alone the rest of their children to apostacy. That's where their focus will inevitably shift, either by manipulating your emotions or turning your siblings against you.

Your parents are only trying to save their social perception--Church > Family. God forbid the ward discover that you, 1st advisor in the Priests quorum is an apostate. The whole ward will be buzzing about how your parents failed. You're a demon in their holy-land and the ward will think your parents incompetent, that's a devastating blow. Just don't get your hopes up in this situation bu2b, they'll only be scattered. You're on a hard road now and must tread carefully to maintain your sanity. You and I have one more semester until graduation, I promise to make it out if you do. :P



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 12/14/2010 11:20PM by Strykary.

Get your future in order. They may not pressure you to go on a mission now, but all bets are off in two years. If you want to get away, have a plan to go to school.
I don't know it they'll help with college for an apostate, but get good grades so you can go where YOU want and that help will not be needed.
If your dad says you'll go to church as long as you live under his house then be prepared to go alone once you are 18.
Good luck, and I wish I had gotten out earlier.

..you still need their help. I would try to appease them as much as possible while receiving their help (i.e. a place to live, food, tuition assistance, etc). It's all very expensive these days. You may need to live with them while you go to a community college. Let them know why you have doubts in a very gentle way, but yet you still love and appreciate them so much for all they've done for you. Don't go on a mission to appease them, as some do. Convince them that you can respect them by focusing on your school instead, being productive, etc. Like the other poster said, they'll get their 2nd wind, and then they will begin to compartmentalize how to deal with you. Remember, in all relationships, NEGOTIATION is the key. Learn to negotiate with them to make it a win-win situation. They still love you and they want to see you succeed in your schooling, career, and family. Let them know that you want this too. Hang in there.

and responsible for you and your religious teaching.You are still a member of their household. Some parents take that more seriously than others.

My only advice is to keep a low profile. You shared your thoughts, now it's OK to be quiet about it. Just be cooperative and loving and respectful of their right to their beliefs. They will probably have a sense of failure as you did not turn out as they expected. Give them some time to adjust.

When you are 18, and can live on your own and take care of yourself, you can be more autonomous.

You think they are brainwashed and they think you are brainwashed. It's a stand off.

My advice? Let it go. Consecrate on your education and your future.
Respect everyone else's rights to their beliefs, and make your education a priority.

It's easier for others to deal with as a general rule.
He is correct, it almost always gets better.
They may need to be reminded of the 11th article of faith.

...to disappoint his or her parents. It happens to pretty much all of us in one way or another. If it's not religion, then it's your choice of college, career, or a mate. Your parents had a certain vision or expectation of you, and now it is blown. They will need time to adjust. But they will, in all likelihood, adjust.

Meanwhile, make plans for your future. And get ready to have the time of your life. :-) Welcome to (almost) adulthood.

Dude, you won't believe this one...

I am 17 years old
Told my parents I don't believe in the church, but I still go to church and seminary out of respect
I am a senior in high school
I am also 1st counselor in the priest quorem

Are stories are identical. My parents are also TBM. I feared being cut off from them financially. All I can say is it gets easier! I told them 7 months ago and they would do everything in their power to get me to believe in the beginning. It sucked. Now my mom is starting to loosen up, I now hear her tell people that I am not going on a mission and that I am the prodicals son. It just makes both of us laugh. My mom is the best now lol. My dad is still having a very hard time about this. I just talk about my beliefs with them very often. I tell them that I can't be convinced anymore because I don't even believe in the bible. I tell them I am agnostic (witch, I think you should reconsider and tell your parents you are Agnostic instead of Atheist). Agnostic is just a little easier to take in. I believe in Evolution and the Big Bang, but who am I to say it is impossible for there to still be a god. You will be fine. Are you from Utah? I would love to chat sometime because of our extreme similar situations.

Best of Luck!

Not all TBM parents are terrible. Mine were awesome. My family and I are still very close. I told them my decision at 34. My dad took it well and understood, my mom had a hard time, but promised not to let it damage our relationship. Three of my sibs left before me, but they were young. I had done all the Temple stuff for more than a decade when I decided to bolt. I have two sibs left that are still TBM, but not in the brain washy hyper judgmental way, they both reject a lot of the toxic culture. Sometimes parents are just conned by the wolf in sheep's clothing and they do the best they can. It's not all their fault.

I have been working very hard to come to terms with my own parent's role in all this, but I do know they were coming from a good place when they picked this life for us, even if it was misguided. Your parents sound like good people. They will adjust and they'll love you anyway. You may have to re-set the boundaries a few times over your lifetime, but if they are as good as you say they are, they'll respect your wishes. Hang in there.

It is all the parent's fault.

All things should be considered before instead of after the fact.

Children are not possessions.

Timothy

Timothy, what do you think indoctrination means? It happens to parents and to children. And BTW, good anti-mormon information was not widely available until recently. Digital age, Baby.

That would be roughly 1971 when I was only fourteen. The Internet wasn't even a pipe dream back then.

I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer by any stretch. Beloved spouse of thirty-two years and I opted not have kids because we weren't willing to accept the responsibility. I don't extend excuses to anyone who doesn't think through something as difficult or critical as child-rearing before deciding whether or not to do it.

The cult is responsible for many things. Stupidity would not be one of them.

Timothy

Please remember not to get your worth from the church, the ward members or even your parents.

Your worth is that you are you, that you are here, that you value yourself.

I say this not knowing you at all but it is something I wish I'd been told at your age.

I don't see any harm respecting your parents’ wishes while still in their house. As far as your current position in the church, do whatever you want. It’s all pretend anyway so at the end of the day, what does it matter if you continue to “play along” for a few more months? I never officially resigned the church because in my mind, it’s all a fairy tale to begin with so there’s nothing to resign from. I never joined. My parents did and I was their daughter. Not my church, never was, even though I was BIC.

I too left at your age, in a different way, though. I was supposed to go to BYU Hawaii and was to leave in about two weeks time. I found out that I was pregnant and knew that was my ticket out! I didn’t go, had my child and never looked back. I did not raise him in the church and now I have three young grandchildren. They are not raised in any church at all and seem better for it! They have keen minds and have a bright future without the heavy burden of lies, guilt and manipulation that is the Mormon church.

You are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. I hope that your parents will appreciate your convictions and you seem like you are a good son. I agree that they are worried for your salvation. Mine are too. Kind of sad, though if you think about it. I know for me, I TRULY appreciate the fact that I was born with a keen mind that questions things and that I never blindly followed along like sheep.

I have no idea what will happen with your family but I do know that it gets better.

Here's some advice, Continue to behave responsibly, lovingly and morally (by your own definition of morality) for as long as you live with your parents.

Do not let them alter your understanding however they may pressure you, but let them see that not being a mindless believer has not turned you into a monster, an axe-murderer or rebellious teen.

Notice that faith promoting stories are always just that- stories.

I too never believed in God or Jesus, and Mormonism of course because the idea of being worshipped was the exact opposite of so called "Christian Values" that was taught. Who in the world would want to be worshipped by all mankind and to have such power to decide who lives, who dies and where everyone spends eternity in heaven or hell? I am a parent and I love my son with all my heart and soul and if he did something really bad I would still love him. I would not send him to hell forever but that is what the God and Jesus of religion does.

All made up.

That is a large part of their fear. They do not want members to look down on them as the parents who failed. The are scared of the peer pressure and criticism that is going to come.

Been there done that.

It will take some time but you need to remind them if the truly believe in Free Agency then you have the right to choose and being forced is Satans plan. Even God himself would not make you continue going to church or hold a calling.