Was the worst experience of my life. My mother said the ward members spoke of me as though I had died. I came home early because of health issues and was judged harshly for doing so. I remember sitting on the ledge of the upstairs attic window and wanting to jump. I felt incredibly alone and misunderstood. I would have nightmares of being called on a second mission and would awaken terrified. When I came home I wouldn't talk about my experiences with anyone. For my last two years at BYU I acted as though I had never even gone. I even stopped wearing garments. I was so tired of people asking why I had come home. It was as though they expected a worthy excuse for leaving. An old friend from the MTC spotted me in the hallway and I told them they had the wrong person and pretended to not know who they were. I was happy to remain in a state of denial. I remember thinking that I had sacrificed 6 months in hell and my only welcoming was of disgust. People are so conditioned to expect missions to be the best 2 years they just can't comprehend why someone would willingly leave early.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/17/2012 04:32AM by turnonthelights.

I am out of the church asshole! Why do you think people post here? We are all trying to work through the baggage.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/17/2012 04:43AM by turnonthelights.

I have a very vague idea of what that must be like. It must be like my returning home after getting divorced, only 10 times worse. One of my cousins had to come home early from his mission, to have part of his intestines removed, and he felt like his life was ruined, for several years. The Mormon girls would not date him, he was given the junk callings, he was treated with no respect. My sons never went on missions in the first place, and they were treated the same way. My sons and my cousins decided that they didn't like Mormon girls, anyway, and they all married non-Mormons. My cousin's father was a stake president, then a mission president, and my cousin had to move away from home, before he could get on with a normal life. He actually attempted suicide. Even then, his idiot Mormon parents didn't get him therapy. He got a job, and paid for his own therapy, later. There is hope.

Fear and ignorance is what drove those people who mistreated you. It isn't about you at all--it is all about them and their sick cult. I'm so sorry you were put through that ordeal. I'm glad you are free, now.

I am glad you are free now too. The pain lingers for a long time. I still feel it and it never really gets all the way better, I think- especially with the blind cult seemingly carrying on as if nothing is ever wrong. They are like see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil. Gossiping and being super judgmental are their free for all... and they all compete with each other. It's a dumb club and I want to almost stop talking to all members... even my family(but won't happen.. love them too much... just need to keep my distance). If I was a guy and had to serve a mission- would have pushed me right over the edge. Your pain is very legit and you speak for many people.

Time heals all wounds. You are going to be angry for awhile and the best way to deal with it is to move on. Get on with your life. The people at church are a bunch of idiots who can't think for themselves and they aren't your friends. Go out and make new friends and as far as family goes, sometimes you have to move on from them as well.

My advice is take a break from it all. Go on a camping trip and just spend some quality time in the good old outdoors and do some soul searching on where you want to go from here. Just look at the mission as a learning experience. If anything you know more about yourself and the church and you know it's time to move on from it.

I'm so sorry to hear the experience still lingers - I went loopy on my mission, and they put me to office work for months so I would leave with honour. When I got home, everyone knew I struggled, and avoided me. It got to feel like every member in the south of England was talking about me, didn't help with my mental recovery that's for sure. I got on with university, went to counselling, and slowly became inactive, although my parents would pass on my student addresses for years in the hope if I didn't find my way back, the Church would find me instead.


I don't look on my mission fondly, but it was the beginning of my way out - and I hope perhaps you feel that as well. I tell people now I took a sabbatical to do charity work for a religious organisation I no longer believe in. They accept it.

but it sounds like it is really good--and others have read it. You might do a search and see what others have said about his book or look for the book and reviews on Amazon.

On my mission I remember there was a local member who came home from his mission early and was excommunicated. I recall the bishop saying to me, "I would have preferred him to come home in a coffin, than dishonorably".

Please know that you have a major support group here. There's no twisting it, coming home early from the mission is very difficult for anyone because of the expectations put on you. It's due to the group cult mentality. Time will heal your wounds, and support groups will help to speed up the process. Know that while some may shun you or look down on you, others, like us, are 100% on your side, and support you, and only wish that I had the smarts, courage and know how to bail early on my mission as that work does more harm than good.

Good for you!

Did you ever see the movie "The Help"?

I can't remember exactly how the line went, but the Black nanny, who essentially raised the little white girl, would tell the little girl she cared for, when she was down on herself, "You is good, you is kind, you is special...".

I'll bet you are all of those things. Lots of people have come home early for medical or other reasons. If people ask tell them you had medical issues and when they were resolved you just wanted to get on with life. It was a part of YOUR life, love it, hate it, but accept it.

Good luck. You're going to be fine.

I remember trying to think of ways of acquiring a medical condition so I could come home early, honorably. After reading your post I see now that it wouldn't have mattered if I came home for a medical condition or if I had robbed a bank. I would have been treated the same. I hated every second of my mission. I wish I would have just had the courage to say "this isn't me" and left. I still have the recurring dream that I'm back on a mission and I'm trapped there...30 plus years after returning home! PTSD at it's finest.
In your case, Damned if you do, damned if you don't, seems appropriate. Actually, that pretty much sums up the motto of the church. No matter how hard you try, it's just not good enough.

Even due to health problems, you're still treated like shit.

Time helps in several ways. You have a chance to distance yourself from it - and when everyone else gets a little older they stop asking you about it because the emphasis is much more on getting married and having children.

Which is another reason to avoid Mormons.

I'm not sure if you are still very close to missionary age or just working through it now - but there are lots of us on the board who have been through what you have.

It sucks, but it will get better as you work through it.

The second half of my mish I spend my time singning to myself the words from a Phil Collin's song "Take, take me home..."
in order to be able to complete the mission. So I did finished the mission and in all apearance I seemed all right. But when I returned home, except for my family (mos and ex-mos) and 2 best friends (mo and no-mo), all the people of the ward told be "Oh, you are already back?!"
And when my bro came back from his mish, 4 months after me, he was received almost like a conquering heroe.
It was a non-win situation in my case. If I would've return 'before my time', I would not have been well received, and returning 'with honor' was not that important (of course since I was not only a woman but also a 'good girl').



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/17/2012 12:09PM by quebec.

Well it's because they all know that if you were TRULY valiant and righteous, you would have endured to the end and God would have healed you and you wouldn't have to leave.

I had a TBM friend who once told me that if a parent has a child with cancer that if the parent has enough faith the child will be cured. She actually passed this judgement on a family in church who was struggling with their child's losing battle with cancer. This friend now has a severely autistic son.. I wonder why God hasn't cured him of autism? Karma's a b1tch!

I was very sick, I prayed to be cured, I wasn't cured, & I ended up in ICU. This was right before I turned 9. I guess I didn't have enough faith.

I hope your health issues have since been resolved. When someone's sick is not the time to start treating one unfairly. But at least you got out while still young.

My brother needed surgery on his wrist after a biking accident that happened on his mission. He fought tooth and nail to stay because he didn't want the stigma of having come home early. It was a huge deal and he still has a lot of issues with his hand/arm because he did not get the proper treatment for so long after the initial injury.

Fuck this church and fuck these psychopaths that make kids like you and him feel inferior for seeking medical attention.

I came home dishonorably it was really hard and lots of people judged but in the end who cares about people like that. It's moments like these that you find out who your real friends are what family members really love you. If they don't love you for you fuck em.

...turned their backs on him when news spread he was coming home early. I was bombarded with questions and the waves of disappointment as his sister, and even though a doctor down in the he served said he HAD to go home...no one seemed to believe it besides his family. We saw first hand what the stress had done to him, and still affects him nearly three years later. Nobody contacts him anymore.

I hope you both find something positive and solid to cling to. There is a whole new world out from under the controlling hands of TSCC!

I came home after serving about 15 months due to a health problem too, I tried to get well in the mission but it was not working, my family doctor told me to get myself on a plane and get home. My family was supportive, my bishop was supportive, but my state president made me feel like the lowest of the low. I was lucky that my girlfriend still supported me. The best thing I did was when I got feeling well enough I went back to college and got on with my life. I would get out of the Mormon culture if I were you where you are not going to be reminded about coming home early and the stigma. Time heals all things and eventually it seemed like a very small event in my life. The Church and especially the missionary experience is such a controlling, cult like experience. There are good people in the church who will accept you for what you are and there are others who won't. Just let it go and let yourself move on. I've heard there is a group called Open Mormon where you might find some friends to discuss things that will understand but I don't know how to get in contact with them.

Only Mormons care about coming home early from a mission.

How awful too that too many mormon parents are more concerned about what will the ward say that their son/daughter came home early instead of genuine empathy regard the missionary's health and wishes for his/her getting well.

... you have those like my DW's cousin who came home early after about one month to marry his girlfriend and never got out of the MTC. He never technically lies, but he talks about his "mission" in a way that makes it easy for folks to assume he went the whole two years, because he was called and he did go ... just not where or for how long you might assume.

I'm sure there was some stigma from those in his home ward who knew better, but he got away from home ASAP and to anyone and everyone who asks about serving a mission he just says "Yes, I was called to the xxxx, xxxx mission, and went in 199x." Unless you knew better or really pushed him for details you'd think he served the full two years.

I always thought that serious health issues that require going home meant automatic honorable release and little to no judgement. Did too many missionaries fake a "health issue" and ruin it for the ones that really had a problem?

To add to this topic, I served a trial mission for two transfer cycles in the Utah Provo Mission. My companions in my second area suggested I go home early due to my super trunkiness and the fact that the 2 year mission I thought I would go on had been ruled out.(which surprised me at first, but I was way happy about it) Anyway, I was scared to the point of tears that if I came back early, people would wonder "who the girl was." After all a law of chastity break is the only reason a missionary comes home right?(sarcasm of course, but it really freaked me out) I did come home about a week early but luckily for me, my MP told me that most trials end early after the decision on the 2 year has been made. I got an honorable release and no judgement.

What is 'trunky' 'trunkiness'?

I define super trunkiness as not only wanting to come home from your mission, but also being able to see a huge symbol of home. Since I was sent out from Orem and my second area was Midway, that symbol for me was Mount Timpanogos.

It's because Mormons assume that if you were truly righteous or had faith, you wouldn't have gotten sick and have been sent home.

Dunno what was posted above that got deleted, but you shouldn't have had to fight anyone on this one. You're right to post it. That is some BS. You can't control health issues. On the plus side, it furthered your journey to the real truth that these people are a bunch of idiots and they have zero moral compass. They follow a prophet who was a pedophile sex addict and can't make sense of anything. You are awesome the way you are. No one here wants you to change at all. THEY are the ones who better change--and quick--or they'll have wasted life for a lie.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/18/2012 01:34AM by flyboy21.

I'm so sorry that you were treated so badly.

I came home early and promptly moved several miles away from my "home" ward, so I never really had an immediate post-mission reaction from the people in the neighborhood. But I was one of three or four missionaries from my ward to come home early within a two or three year period -- at least two of us were due to health problems -- mine was depression, and the other one I recall might have been depression as well (since I'd been in group therapy with him for same during high school, it doesn't seem out of the realm of possibility).

They taught us in high school seminary that the biggest reason elders came home early from missions was for homosexual behavior that started as masturbation.

Might just have been the psycho instructor, who is now a high school counselor(WTF) who fortunately should be very close to retirement.

I do have to wonder though, with his teaching that, since a couple of my classmates later came out of the closet, how that must have screwed with adolescent minds.

That is just beyond belief. So off the charts. I can't even comment.

The Mormons are actors in The Truman Show and you saw your way out. Do yourself a favor and don't associate with Mormons. I stopped doing so a decade ago and what a great relief. No one outside of the morg even cares. I think it is great that you came home early. I wish you never had to serve in the first place. Sending you big hugs from this MexMom.

Gee doesn't the Bible say something about those who judge. Guess the Mormons missed that. Your experience is exactly whay being a Mormon is so horrible. All they care about is that you put a check mark in each box -that you completed all THEY want you to do. It is a cult. Be glad you are out and away from toxic people like that.