I really want to resign but I don't want my parents finding out because they would probably never recover. Just becoming inactive will be more than they can bare. I would like to resign membership without them finding out. Is this possible?

If they don't find out initially, you'll always be wondering when it will happen....

First, there's the gossip grapevine. It may get back to them via word of mouth.

Second, some of your vital member information shows up on your parents' member records (since you are their child). If they ever look at their member records (aka Individual Ordinance Summary) they'll notice you are listed there as their child, but your membership info isn't. Members can review their record at any time, but bishops frequently use the end-of-year tithing settlement time to go over records to make sure everything is correct.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/28/2012 07:14PM by jpt.

I was in my late 30s, damn it. >:o||

When your parents receive their membership records to review in December during tithing settlement your membership status will show as non-member and your baptism & confirmation dates will be removed.

Do you think your parents would try to disown you or just be really sad

The membership records I have seen only show the "original confirmation date" of each child. No membership number or status

Their offspring are listed with church dates for certain morg rituals they've undergone, but resigned kids have only their names naked of that garbage.

Many parents will ask why and the bish will explain that it means "their names have been removed." Some bishops actually highlight the resigned kids' names or point them out and click their tongues or wipe away a fake tear or two.

For example if you are 30 years old and married and you have your name removed and your 50 yr old parents look at their record...does this still apply?

They probably wouldn't disown me but it will be hard enough just excepting the fact that I don't believe. If they knew I was upset enough to resign my mother would possibly have a mental breakdown. She isn't always very emotionally stable.

Your membership status has nothing to do with your beliefs. Your official status is not worth anything. If you are patient with your family ,they will come around, and realize you still have value without the Church. Nothing wrong with Waiting.


Just take it one step at a time....No reason to jump!

Ive noticed that whoever is "in charge" will usually announce at church from the soapbox stand, will say "Brother/Sister ______ has requested that their name be removed from the church records." I guess that is so "members" can either shun them, or try to get said person to come back. Either way, you need to prepare yourself that there will be shunning and support. Unfortunately, that is just the way it is. You will get over it in time. For now you have made your decision and you need to move on with your life. Best wishes.

I imagine its just some smartass Bishop thinking outside the box. I've never seen or heard of this anywhere else for resignations, though I have seen excommunications announced before.

I wonder who will find out about me. My parents are both long deceased and I have limited contact with my TBM relatives...but my TBM dentist lives in the ward...and I know plenty of Mormons, so it'll be interesting...and I will gauge the strength of their character or lack thereof by how they interact with me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2012 12:15AM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

I asked this question a few months ago and we made the decision to resign. My family is all in another state, with no ties to the ward/stake that we were in. It would have gone off without a hitch, except I broke my ankle earlier this month. One of my parents decided to look up our bishop and call him to ask to send help for me (they thought we were just inactive, probably out of laziness or something). When they called, bishop told them about our resignation. If it weren't for that call though, they probably still wouldn't know.

I lucked out. When my brother passed away the chruch screwed up and made me the one who was deseased. So as far as the churhc is concerned I'm dead.

Quit living your life in fear! If they find out, they find out. This is about you. Not them. Sure, they may find out then again they might not. If you want to resign for you then do it for you. Don't twiddle around holding your breath for fear of losing their approval. If they truly love you then they will deal. Good Luck with your decision.

What about privacy laws?

The LDS Church and privacy in the same conversation? That does not compute!!

Ron Burr

I wish I knew. Unfortunately, in a moment of weakness I promised my TBM mom I wouldn't go through with name removal.

I feel kind of ashamed to know that I will probably break that promise once she's shuffled off this mortal coil. It feels wrong somehow.

Years ago, I remarked to her that the Relief Society was sending me newsletters, which I found strange since I'd never been to the local ward and for over a decade had been living thousands of miles away from the last place I was ever active.

Because this was happening, I finally drafted a name removal letter which I foolishly left in an easily visible place during a time when she was staying with us for a visit. She discovered it (mild snooping? maybe) which resulted in much weeping and sadness, and ultimately my promise not to go through with it even though I made it clear I did not believe.

My mom flew home, and the RS newsletters stopped arriving shortly thereafter. I always wondered if she called the bishop of the ward I was located in, explained what had occurred on her visit, how close I had come to name removal and asked that they stop sending me the newsletters.

It was such an odd little interlude that seemed to start for no reason, then suddenly stop.

I really hate that it's come down to second guessing such basic things as adult privacy.

This is a topic that is discussed here a lot. My very TBM 80 year old mother, who has served 3 missions, did not freak out to much after I resigned. Sure there was the initial crying etc., but she eventually got used to it. I basically just kept reaffirming how much I loved her, what a great mom she is, etc., but the evidence finally came out against the chruch on the internet AND I showed her all of it. She's gotten used to it now after a final, "well I guess I won't be with you in the Celestial Kingdom." I said, "yeah, I guess not, please come visit me down in the telestial kingdom." She laughed.