My family has a family dinner every month where we all hang out, let cousins play, etc. We usually have a pretty good time.

Lately, however, things have been a bit more strained. Some reasons:
1) I left the church (formally resigned)
2) My sister and her husband both have stated that they no longer believe and will not be attending any more. (This leaves 2/5 kids as active mormon.)
3) My sister (same one) has decided not to have her baby (due end of August) blessed.
4) My brother (disbelieving for quite some time now) decided not to grace us with his presense (4th month running)
5) I'm getting divorced due to being gay. My wife is wonderful and is still attending family get-togethers and stuff (as am I with her family). We're still great friends and are both committed to being coparents regardless of what happens. My parents, however, have spent a lot of effort judging me but very little trying to understand.

Due to all of these factors, my TBM mom spent the majority of our "family-together-time" crying by herself in the other room. She has no desire to research the church and is making herself miserable due to its influence.

I hate hate hate the stupid mormon church.

Mine did the same thing - crying in the other room - for months afte I came out to her.

I finally told her to shut off the waterworks and cap the fountain or she would never see me again. Sheesh! I can't stand that martyred-mother drama.

Its possible that the TSCC has your mother feeling like she failed, just when she should be the most proud of her children. That is just wrong.

I really hope that she will follow her children's lead, but I think the older you are the harder it is to let go of the brainwashing.

I know the tears always flowed from my parents when I wasn't there, but even though nothing really changed, they did get used to it and things got 'almost' back to normal when I was in the picture.

I know that the stupid church has made her feel like a failure as a mother, which just isn't true at all.

The really sad thing is, my brother was inconsiderate of others as a TBM---he's just a selfish person. My sister is the happiest she's ever been, excited to be a new mother, and getting along better with her husband than ever before.

As for me, I'm finally looking forward to living my life instead of merely "enduring" it.

But none of that matters since we can't all be together in the temple. :(

"living my life instead of merely "enduring" it"

I like this, Xyandro. Thanks!

This is so sad.

Here she has her family around her, and all she can do is mourn that she won't have them in the afterlife.

is trying to separate 'gay' from what the lds church teaches. The depression I went through over the teachings about gays was devastating. I was suicidal for a straight 18 months day in and day out. Your mother is probably close to my age or maybe even younger. How do you separate out what you've been taught.

It is such a simple answer. Gay JUST IS. Nothing wrong with it. What a horrible load to carry--that it is your responsibility to save your children. Now she just has a bigger load to carry.

I've had a lot of time to think about what was the most horrible part of my experience--and it was the fact that the lds church stole hope from me. I had to leave it to gain hope back. Imagine being on your honeymoon and hoping you get in an accident because right at this moment your husband is in good standing. It was 28 years ago next month and I still remember the exact moment.

At least she'll get to be with the likes of Joe the Profit, BY, Gordo, SWK, et al. in the hereafter, right?

The church is awful for making her feel that way, but SHE needs to come to the realization (and right quick) that you're her children and the only people she should be caring about. If she thinks Tommy, Boyd & co. give a rat's a$$ about her, she's SORELY mistaken.

You're blaming the victim, flyboy. She's been brainwashed, just like I had. I'm really hoping she'll get through what's going on right now and realize the church doesn't make her happy.

Really, it's the cycle of abuse. Those who have been abused often try to draw nearer to the abuser in the hopes that THIS TIME will be different.

Mormons believe in a god of justice and mercy. Where is the justice or mercy in making a parent suffer due to their children's actions?

Xyandro Wrote:

> Mormons believe in a god of justice and mercy.
> Where is the justice or mercy in making a parent
> suffer due to their children's actions?

i didn't get that memo.

I thought the 'god' that mormons worship was focused on Outward Appearances (tats, flip-flop shoes, beards & white shirts) and in accumulating Wealth.

I call B.S.

Touche.

Wasn't coming on the attack here, just trying to show you some solidarity. From the outside, I find it unpalatable when a parent becomes a victim because a child simply makes a different (healthy) life choice from the plan the adult had chosen for them. I agree it is a cycle of abuse, but remember my friend--at some point, the abused becomes the abuser. In that instance, she becomes TSCC's vehicle for continuing to dole out abuse to you. You know to what degree and I don't, but just don't let her treat you like you're less.

I DO know TBMs who love their kids through anything and would still actively engage with them through this, so it's not a uniform thing.

Perhaps you didn't want that type of response, so I'm sorry. I was really only trying to make you feel a bit better. Nit you just wanted an "I'm sorry," I can dig that. You got it. I'm sorry bro.

And guynoir is on the ball about the Mormon God. He's pretty petty and superficial. The gossip culture of LDS, Inc. goes unchecked regularly but not the horror of having more an one earring.

I guess it's more of a rant than anything. I feel bad that she feels bad, but I know the mormon church if the cause, not me. I'm not planning on changing anything I'm doing, I'm just sad my parents are thus far unwilling to try to understand because they're too busy judging.

My husband is the oldest of six and we officially left the church when we were in our early twenties, married, with babies.

For a long time we felt the shun hard from his family.

But in recent years, all my husband's brothers have dismissed the church as garbage and have nothing to do with it anymore. Both sisters are over-the-top devout, both to the church and to their parents, but they live in other states.

Which leaves all these heathen brothers here in this state with Mom and Dad.

I've seen their attitude sort of wilt. They are certainly not close to any of us, and spend scads more time with out-of-state relatives than to all of us here combined (including grandchildren), but they don't seem to be so sure of themselves anymore. Their perch of righteousness has sort of fallen over.

Also, their youngest child has a very serious drug problem and is in rehab for the second time this year. I can't help but think they must really for the first time understand what a damaging lifestyle really looks like, and that a healthy non-Mormon life is just not as reckless and dangerous in comparison.

I'm sorry Xyandro. I have no profound advice, all I can say is I'm sorry..

I understand a little bit of what you are going through. My TBM mom is all alone now in the church and I was the last of her children to leave. I just told her a few weeks ago that I was having doubts and I was afraid she was going to kill herself. Then when I really told her that the doubts weren't going to go away she had a bit of a meltdown. Now she pretty much just pretends that I didn't say anything about it to her nad I don't bring it up and the last week or so has been... better.

In other words, your mom will be okay.

You have enough going on in your life right now that you need to not worry about mom, you need to focus on you and your children and their mother.

That is so sad. Hopefully she will at least get over the mourning and be able to enjoy time with her family again. I wouldn't hold out much hope of her leaving. I don't with my mom. She is to old and has been in it to long. I think there are more and more families where this is happening. There is a family in my stake where all 3 kids are gay or lesbian and have left the church. The parents are absolutely torn up about it. Now my mom has both of her kids who have left the church as well. She doesn't cry all the time and we still have fun together but I can tell sometimes it is wearing on her and she is disappointed. It really makes me sad but at the same time I am not just going to pretend to believe something to make her happy. I think my generation just isn't going to put up with being manipulated by religion like that anymore. We are going to do what makes sense to us and aren't going to let anyone control who we have sex with, what we can eat or drink, etc. That is why the "nones" have grown to 25 percent of the population. We can find whatever spirituality we need outside of religion without all the guilt and manipulation.

Yeah, I hope she'll leave like she hopes we'll come back: with little expectation if it ever happening.

My new motto: don't live your life to make others happy. It doesn't make them very happy and it makes you miserable.

that is really sad. I guess her church makes her feel like a failure. it is too bad she just can't accept her family and have fun, now she is missing out in life

Don't cha want to sing a rousing sing-in of "THere Is Beauty All Around When There's Love At Home?" Don't cha?