Be aware that your wife may show this letter to others. She might want for example to get some moral support from her friends or ask her bishop what to do about it. Would that be okay with you? Or she might want to show people what she has to put up with so as to gain sympathisers or to justify some future action. If the letter or anything in it is repeated around your workplace or by neighbors or others would that bother you? You have to be careful (in general) telling, let alone putting in writing, anything personal that would make "a good story" for retelling.

Otherwise I think the letter is very fine. Your sincerity and love for her and so on are good things to have in writing; she may well show that to a girlfriend as well; if so she will be envied for these qualities in a husband.

Good point. This letter would probably be shared with her closest friend, sibling, bishop, stake pres, parents. Who knows. I would think long and hard before putting this in writing. Once it's out it can't be taken back or revised.

yeah, i wouldn't send it, if you wish to send a letter keep out the stuff about your past, keep in the how much you love her and the points which cause you issues with church, and how you need to be equal etc.

It will prob get sent around,

That would be a huge betrayal of trust.

I sure hope she doesn't do that.

It would be a betrayal of trust but she might not see it that way at all, more as self-defense and a manner of coping with his position. From what he says about his wife she is insecure emotionally and intellectually. She does not seem comfortable for example talking about the Mormon church stuff with her husband unless his TBM father is present. She, a married woman with children, wants a protective figure in the room for this conversation. So give her a letter with challenging stuff in it, she won't want to go it alone, she will be dying to bring someone else in on it. It is natural to want to consult with others and seek reassurance from them when something is upsetting you. I personally value my privacy immensely and also that of others but she may rate privacy quite low.

Uh, he has shown the letter to as many of us as want to read it.

We have no idea who he is. We aren't as emotionally invested as a family member might be.

Here's the difference.

By sharing this with you I don't impact any of her relationships - not a single one - not one iota.

She has spent the last 9 months consistently telling people the reason I have left the church is because of pornography. Not only has she hurt her relationship with me she has hurt my relationship with my children, my parents, her family, our neighbors, etc.

Get the difference? It's pretty simple really...

It honestly sounds like your wife is not a trustworthy person. How do you know she loves you? Her behavior certainly doesn't come across as loving. I think you might need to give her an ultimatum. Accept me for who I am and stop talking about me behind my back or I will leave you. She will know you are serious about wanting a change. Make sure she isn't putting you down to your children behind your back.

I wouldn't go that far. Bc's wife sounds like any TBM that is worried that if her husband leaves the church he will become evil and leave her. I don't think you can make that assumption about her based on what bc has told us. All we know is that he loves her and he wants it to work. That tells me that shes a good person, at least in his eyes. That's enough for me.

I'm not trying to be argumentative... please don't take it that way.

NEVER put down in writing anything you want to keep private.
Such writings always find their way into the hands of an opposing attorney.

If your wife goes around telling lies about you, the marriage is in deep doodoo.
Best to be careful and to protect yourself.

All the people she has trash talked you to can be subpoenaed...

Let her cut her own throat...

She sounds nasty and immature. If my husband were behaving this way things would need to change real fast or I would be out! You seem so nice don't let her walk all over you :)

She is very strong willed. However, I hold my own probably better than it appears on here. If she had her way I'd still be a member of the church and at least going to church with her...