I'm sixteen, and it is hard for me to think of a time when I really believed in the Mormon church. Even as a young girl, I had problems with it. SO many things just didn't add up. There were sooo many times I wanted to stand up in the middle of sunday school and just scream "NO! That isn't true, I'm not OKAY with that." and just run out and never look back again. A few months ago, I couldn't hold it in anymore. (There were only so many times I could sit in seminary biting my tongue at everything that I was being told. Because, guess what? Mormons aren't allowed to have opinions) Anyway, I finally got up the courage to talk to my sister about it. And guess what? Low an behold, she didn't believe it either. Eventually though, my parents found out. It wasn't pretty. My mom cried a lot, thinking I had ruined her life. But it some ways, it was such a relief. Just knowing that someone, anyone, knew what I felt. I didn't have to be fake all of the time. Of course, my parents still make us attend church and seminary. (Today, we learned about "forgiveness" Apparantley if we don't forgive the person that raped our friend, we have commited a worse sin then them.) My beliefs never melded well with the church. I strongly believe in gay rights, I think polygamy is horrible, and I KNOW Brigham Young and Joseph Smith participated in it. Are people completely blind to the idiocy of the church and its teachings? From such a young age we are expected to "know" of the truth of the church. If we don't, I guess we are just horrible people. I mean have you ever heard anyone go up to bear their testimony is sacrament meeting starting with "I'm not sure if this is true?" Anyway, I really felt like I needed to vent to someone. I have been coming on this forum for years but never posted anything.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2010 08:27PM by purplesparkle.

Welcome! I could have written this post a few years ago. I suffered through church for several years before I moved out of my parents' house. It was excruciating at times when something the YW leaders would say would set off alarm bells in my head. I can only imagine what the horror on my face looked like. You are so lucky to have a sister to relate to at this time, do not take that for granted. :) There are a lot of kind and funny people here.

Not only have I heard of someone getting up to bear their testimony without "knowing" its true, but I've heard a famous phrase in the church, "your testimony will be found in the bearing of it."

It means: Lie til you believe what you are saying.

I was guilty, as a teenager of lying my testimony. I think I wanted it worse than the other kids, and so I tried harder for it.

Looking back, I wasted many weeks, months and years.

I'm 41 now, and have never been more content with my life.

Welcome and good luck to you!

and savyier (sp) and gutsier that I EVER was at your age. Hold on to that! And, keep tight with your sister. She'll help keep you sane over the next few years that you'll be staying with your parents. Feel free to come here, read, post, study. Do remember though, we're not always PG.

it may be hard to fathom this.

You can speak out in seminar and Sunday school. It'll freak people out, of course. You may find even more people who don't believe.

You are so lucky to see it all so clearly while so young.

You are in a tough spot. You are still dependent on your parents, but you have managed to figure out the church. All I can say is how jealous of you I am. Seriously. I wish I could have done the same when I was a teenager, instead of when I was 28. I threw away my 20's making life decisions based on false assumptions. Consider yourself lucky! Once you hit 18, your life is yours.

duuude,
I'm amazed by you for let alone telling your 'rents. (:

I'm 16 too, and the only thing my 'rents know is that I don't like seminary, YW and all the other bs.
All I can say is that your sis can really help alot,
and you just gotta let it not get to you

Exactly how do they "make you attend?"

What if, on Sunday morning, at an early hour you leave the house and go somewhere else? When I was age 16 and didn't want to go to church, I did something else all day. If I had school work, then I went somewhere to study. If I didn't have school work then I went hiking or bicycling or fishing all day.

My parents didn't like it when I didn't go to Church, but there was no way they could force me to go.

If you don't want to attend Church and if your father gets physical and tries to use physical force to get you there, you can call the City/County Division of Family Services and have him arrested for child abuse. He cannot force you to attend Church.

Tell your parents to read the 11th Article of Faith. There is no exception specified for children.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/21/2010 12:34AM by saviorself.

saviorself Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Exactly how do they "make you attend?"
>
> What if, on Sunday morning, at an early hour you
> leave the house and go somewhere else? When I was
> age 16 and didn't want to go to church, I did
> something else all day. If I had school work,
> then I went somewhere to study. If I didn't have
> school work then I went hiking or bicycling or
> fishing all day.
>
> My parents didn't like it when I didn't go to
> Church, but there was no way they could force me
> to go.
>
> If you don't want to attend Church and if your
> father gets physical and tries to use physical
> force to get you there, you can call the
> City/County Division of Family Services and have
> him arrested for child abuse. He cannot force you
> to attend Church.

I think he is within his rights to make a minor child attend church. His house, his rules. I don't think that is very good advice although I sympathize with the OP.It is just going to harm their relationship if she starts sneaking around, ditching church, lying and calling the cops.There has to be a better way of handling things.

...but make sure to ask lots and lots of questions. Ask about Joseph Smith's thirty-some wives, about the Book of Abraham being a total fairytale and the Church has the documents in it's vault that show what a scam it is.
With some due diligence they'll be really pleased when you announce that you don't want to attend anymore.

I am an ex Child Protection worker. If someone called CPS over there parents forcing them to go to church it probably wouldnt even get a phone call.

CPS only deals with real child abuse

Good for you Sparky, there are more sympathetic people here than you can imagine.

Don't be a stranger.

As far as being made to go to church, I agree that you should probably just go. However, I would just use it as an opportunity to broaden your mind about philosophy and personal development. Buy some interesting books (bet the folks here would give you tons of suggestions on another thread) and read them during the meetings. Be friendly and upbeat, but do your own thing and guard your boundaries. Mormons are defenseless against smiling sweetness ("No thanks Bishop and Teacher[while smiling sweetly] I really prefer to read in the foyer rather than attend class today, maybe next week!") In any case as long as you are going to go, YOU choose how you will make the time worth it for yourself.

My other comment is that you are young and your parents will continue to try to re-convert you to the church. I will say that MANY young people here were responsible for the eventual disillusionment of many of their family members -- including parents. Many would have never imagined in their wildest dreams that their parents would have left the church (my kids would say this fo sho about their RM, BYU, MTC teacher, presidency, bishopric dad!). YOU HAVE MORE INFLUENCE THAN YOU KNOW! Therefore, you may wish to educate yourself and be in a position to show people the facts about the church when the family re-conversion efforts commence. You will undoubtedly have the opportunity to introduce these facts numerous times in the years to come and as we all appreciate here -- once you know, you can't go back!

Let us know how you are doing!

I am sorry to hear of your situation. We all deal with pain when we make our escape. Listen to what others have to say here and bide your time. It might be easier to wait until you are out from under their roof to make your move.

And feel free to vent. It's what we are here for... We have all been through it and you are not alone.

Thank you everyone for all the support! I'm thankful that there are other people out there I can talk to. (:

County. She says there are lots of kids who don't believe in it either but go to Church because they are forced to. She goes to AF and seems to have found a good group of non-believers, or if they do believe then they aren't pushy about it at all. Hang in there. Freedom and friends are just around the corner.

I know how you feel because I was there too. I found several ways to cope. I brought a lot of books to church and read alot. I volunteered to help big families, I would walk around the church with the toddlers during sacrament meeting. Sometimes I would tell my parents I would walk home from church and then I would leave the minute I could. Get a diary looking like thing and write in it during church-write whatever you want it is just something to distract you. Good luck and best wishes. Many of us have been there before and we have successfully made it out. You can do it too. Just dont' go on a mission or to BYU.

As long as you are in Seminary, you can approach it 2 different ways. 1. just hang out in the back and try not to snore too loud, or 2. Look ahead in the manual to find out what is coming up, and be prepared to answer the TRUTH to the questions that will be asked. As long as you are being made uncomfortable by being there, why not pass the discomfort around a little? Do the same thing in sunday school, and YW. Just because you are forced to attend doesn't mean you have to act like you believe. I'm not saying to be disrespectful, or jerky, just answer with the truth as you know it. They will start to feel relief when you don't come. They won't ask you to give talks or devotionals.

Welcome to the site!

I was much like you at your age. I suggest you bide your time as much as possible. Go through the motions and don't draw attention. That would cause much more trouble than it's worth. I made that mistake and was sorry for it. Once you're an adult you can run your life the way you see fit.

Good luck and take care.

Tough spot to be in as a minor but you just need to bide your time.

You sound more self-assured than I was at the same age— that's good. I had serious doubts from 16-19 but allowed myself to be 'talked into' serving a mission. Actually I decided to serve as a way to test the Church's claims. Not a great move for me as you might guess.

LDS indoctrination is strong and relentless— don't let this happen to you. If yer not careful you'll end up 35 and married to a believer w/ kids— at that point your options are far more limited.

Come by the site any time you want to talk or vent— and remember you have your whole life ahead of you and soon it will be much better.

Good luck.

I'm glad to hear that, at your age, you see things as you do. Hold on to your sister, you will be a great support to each other.

There is a lot of great advice here, and if you are forced to attend all church activities, then I would really listen to rodolfo and use the time to better yourself. Writing in a diary-type-thing is also great, I used to do that. It also helps with studying. When you hear something that screams "WRONG!" then write it down and study it and find out why it is wrong. This way, when asked what you are doing, you are studying the topics of discussion that were made during (insert class/activity here) and you are not lying. But it also helps you to be able to fully articulate your points when people ask questions or you want to express your feelings.

darkprincess also had some great ideas if you just can't sit through the lessons/talks anymore. Get out, but do it with helping others around you. It might also give you time to digest things around you.

Don't be afraid to express your opinion, just do it politely but clearly. Show that it is more then just teenage rebellion, it is founded in study and logic. Be smart. Do this with your sister.

When you turn 18, your life will be your own to run as you see fit.

That's my opinion. If you are forced to go, make the most it to better yourself until you can change the situation.

BTW, I'm new here too, and it's been 4 years since I have officially left the lies (inactive for about 5 years before that). I went on my mission, got married the temple, the whole bit before I realized what I felt when I was growing up. If it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit, don't force it. But as you are still under 18, play nice until you have the power to change the situation. By doing this, it will help down the road with your relationship with your entire family. Not saying it's going to be easy, but it does help.

Good luck and good for you!

PurpleSparkle,

I am really right in your shoes... I "quit" a bit before you (14 is when I finally said 'enough'), but still put up with all the BS of my parents and such until I was 16.

All I have to say is welcome to the club. It's tough at first, unless you have good friends, and even then it's not easy. Your life will be better for it though.

My sister, when she was 'done' started writing short stories, or making pictures/sketches during seminary/sacrament. I told my parents I was going to a friend's ward and read books/studied all day.

There's lots you can do to evade it, just don't burn bridges. Be a bigger and better person for it, and just learn.
It's not just the battles you win that matter, but also the ones you lose.

religion as a God Myth. Study the Power of Myth and the power of archetypes and their power through very ancient traditions and ritual to uplift and inspire people. The archetypes are ancient.
Google is the Only True God! :-)

One does not have to be a believer in the literal claims to find power in the universal teachings of unconditional for instance such as: "Love One Another."

My view is that it's just fine to be a participant as an observer. That may sound confusing. By that I mean: be there but not "there," if you get my drift. Make it about others, not about you. Take the position that it's not personal. Observe as an outsider.

Religion's societal, and familial influence through traditional rituals is part of the life of most humans, in some form or another.

Another point: as a young person, becoming an adult, find ways to not participate if at all possible. I know I could not force my teenage children to go to church if they didn't want to. And they didn't, much of the time! :-)
You've voice your position/opinion/feelings.
Now you may need to bide your time, do all within your power to back off, find other things to do that take the place of the familial traditions in the church.

Best wishes to you.

I can completely emphasize with you. I am 17 almost 18 and I go to church just out of respect, but I am an open agnostic lol. Imagine how that goes over in church haha. It actually makes it more amusing going to church and saying you are agnostic. Anyways if you ever want to talk or anything don't be shy and send me an email! I have talked to a few other people my age from this board and it is great to meet new people with similar beliefs.
Justwoodward@gmail.com

If it is impossible to get out of church for whatever reason, then I concur with Susie Q's suggestion of attending with an anthropological viewpoint. Don't go to "grow closer to God" or to "renew your baptismal covenants", go to study the effects cults and religions have on people.

You've probably already noticed that every single lesson and talk in church is extremely basic and that you've heard it all before. Ask yourself why people feel the need to listen to the same thing week after week. Notice how probably 80% of the congregation is completely zoned out, and consider why they attend if they are not even going to pay attention. Think about the social expectations everyone here is going through. If you ask questions that contest Mormon doctrine or refer to certain unsavory quotes from the prophets of old, notice how people react. They will manuever around the question because they don't know. Mormons probably don't realize it, but there are a lot of opportunities for learning at church.

If you're forced to attend and take mental notes of how this religion is affecting people you will come out of the meetings having learned much more than everyone else there.


Of course you can always just bring a pen and paper, that's what I would always do. I'd sit there and draw mazes. And after 45 minutes of drawing a maze, no one can beat it!

Welcome and don't be afraid to vent here. It is a safe and comfortable place. I am proud of you for recognizing at such a young age what a farce the LDS religion is. When people try to have such tight control over your actions and your speech and your associations, your money, etc. you know it is a cult.You have a bit of time yet, to be free of your parents control but then make your own decisions, be friends with all kinds of people unlike how the Mormons wish for you to live. YOU will see the world in a whole new light. All the best and hopefully you will have a couple friends to vent with as well as your sister.

Once again, thanks for everyone's support!! Also, I have some good news. (: So, last night I had a discussion with my mom on how much I disagree with section 132 in D&C. And I found out my mom is not well versed in the scriptures at all. (Which was actually really shocking to me, considering how TBM she is) She didn't know how to answer any of my questions and after a while of her getting really defensive and annoyed, I kind of just lost it. I cried for a little while and then I just told her everything. I told her how I hate going to seminary and not being able to say what I feel, I told her how I disagree with a lot of things in the scriptures, I told her how much I despised Boyd K. Packer's talk on gays, and well, pretty much everything. She agreed with me on a lot of stuff but she kept saying "I don't know all the answers, I just know what I feel" So anyway, it's not perfect... but I am making a lot of progress. :D

Good for you. You'll notice all TBMs confuse intellectual knowledge with their "feelings."

If she's not familiar with D&C 132 she probably isn't familiar with the church's early polygamy. I wonder how she'd "feel" about learning that?

(Today, we learned about
"forgiveness" Apparantley if we don't forgive the
person that raped our friend, we have commited a
worse sin then them.)

After my BEST FRIEND had been raped, we had this theme in SM. And my dad says I "have" to forgive. BS!!! That ticked me off! How did I get brainwashed back into this AFTER my disbelief? Yea, I brushed it off as "rebellious" phase and so did my parents. And since it wasn't pretty I'm stuck being an active unbeliever, now if I could only get released from my YW calling.

That Bible verse about forgiveness is SO misquoted. It says to forgive WHEN your transgressor asks for forgiveness and shows they are genuinely sorry. Nothing about before then.

I used to be in the same boat as you and now I'm free. It's brilliant.

People would try to tell me that D&C 132 is not about polygamy, that there never was much polygamy going on in the church and that I was the only one who was bothered by it because I didn't have the right spirit! What rubbish.

I could never understand why a God would treat his daughters so badly if he loved them. Then of course I realised that it was all made up by someone who just wanted adulterous activity with as many women as possible. Disgusting. His moral compass was not pointing north was it! And yet I was deemed to be the unworthy one!

Yippy!

Another intelligent and insightful person on the planet!

:-)