Can someone enlighten me? I seemed to have missed something.

I don't know how anyone can give this talk without laughing. I wonder how he came up with the idea.

I think he was playing truth or dare with the other 15 and someone challenged him to say the word pickle as many times possible in a talk.

Other than that, reading the talk makes me glad I don't have to think about listening to conference anymore. I am so tired of all the different life stories they try to share and apply to the teachings. Just so very tired of it.

"Just as a cucumber is transformed into a pickle as it is immersed in and saturated with salt brine, so you and I are born again as we are absorbed by and in the gospel of Jesus Christ."

"...as we are absorbed by... the gospel."

After this talk I told my NOM wife: "it's official, the Brethren have run out of metaphors."

Shouldn't we absorb the gospel and be changed by it, not the other way around? Shouldn't we be the pickles? Being absorbed by the gospel (Mormons read: church) sounds a little creepy..
But wait, I thought we were the salt of the earth, to preserve the earth from becoming too sinful. The earth's the pickle?
Out of metaphors indeed. My head's spinning.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/24/2013 01:41AM by msp.

I didn't hear about it till I started lurking on this site. It is the most ridiculous and asinine speech. Talk about dumbing it down for the sheeple. And I LOVE pickles.

hahahahahahahahah oh my heck that is incredible, I would not have believe it was real until I read it myself ROTFLMFAO!

I googled the pickle talk and saw someone say

"As Cucumbers now are pickles once were; As pickles now are, cucumbers may become." -No Mo

Just too awesome.

"Bednar wants me for a pickle to brine for him each day."

Hahahahaha! I love you guys!

The dumbing down of Moism. That was the stupidist talk ever and I just happened to catch it as an exmo. Can you imagine Brigham Young making such a inane analogy? Bednar should have his throat slashed and be disemboweled.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/19/2012 03:53PM by No Mo.

I've heard so many zany analogies from TBM speakers, this one has to be one of the stupidest.

his derp factor just went through the roof in my opinion. WOW!

I had a different reaction to the pickle talk.

I was just grateful it was at least a little more interesting than the usual general conference talk.

Lettuce pray... :)

bc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I had a different reaction to the pickle talk.
>
> I was just grateful it was at least a little more
> interesting than the usual general conference
> talk.

His interpretation was pickle your people.

It would be funny to throw pickles at general conference.... just dont think directly at people. Fill a hot tub with brine and tow it around general conference offering to perform pickle baptisms. Or same idea in a dunking booth....

To be honest, when I first heard about a pickle talk I thought it was going to be a talk about my little factory.

Which has a lot to do with why this talk is made fun of so much - pickle is such an easy sexual reference which Bednar cluelessly sets up.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/19/2012 05:31PM by bc.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne2aDX4oO04

About half-way through you will discover that they are playing the role of Lancashire's Pickle magnates.

Fantastic stuff from a wonderful late comedienne, Hilda Baker.

Bednar (aka Pledges Perfect Pickles) -

Okay... you need to be an ageing Lancastrian to truly understand but hey folks - I've put it out there for you anyway.

Briggy

I love how he refers to his talk as "The Parable of the Pickle"

"I pray this parable of the pickle may help us to evaluate our lives and to better understand the eternal importance of spiritual rebirth" - Elder Bednar (teller of the pickle parable)

I am Laughing so hard at this clown.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/19/2012 05:12PM by upsidedown.

"You eat your pickles and then your butter. Or milk before honey. I can't remember....something.....I'm so hungry!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ulRnhZnkeM

1:40 - 1:52

Hahahaha...."three hours without a smoke break!" Hilarious. :)

...but the message of the talk was loud and clear to me as a still-TBM at the time.

It was that you need to be all-in. You need to be completely steeped in the church and gospel. You can't hold anything back. You can't have reservations. You certainly can't have doubts. You need to dive into the deep end.

It's all or nothing baby.

The talk represents the black-and-white all-or-nothing sect-if-not-cult mentality.

It's just more intolerance and prejudice. It's VERY hard to be a mormon when you find out it's not true. They expect you to really believe it. There's no tolerance for social or cultural mormons like there is Jews for example, who can be both atheist and Jew OPENLY and STILL be a rabbi on cultural/heritage grounds.

Bednar is a soft-spoken quiet-seeming apostle, but don't be fooled, he's corporate through-and-through. He's a hard-ass at heart, rigid, strict, orthodox, conservative. He's controlling enough to give talks on the evils of extra earrings, and wearing sandals to church, and he allegedly revoked his "apostle's blessing" to a congregation because they weren't reverent enough.
I personally think he has borderline personality disorder, maybe even narcissistic personality disorder.
Guys like that naturally rise up the mormon leadership ladder.

TSCC turns your cucumber into a pickle.

Oh, this talk is just FILTHY if you think "penis" instead of pickle. HAAHAHAHA

The cleaning and preparing....

The hillarious thing about this whole talk is that Elder Bednar actually doesn't like pickles. He came to my Stake Conference about 3 years ago and told us that after almost every stake conference he attends, there's some elderly lady giving him a bag with a pickle in it. He jokingly said that his next parable will be the parable of the pie.

We had an entire RS meeting on this talk and it somehow morphed into a bunch of old ladies bickering over which of their pickling methods was better. I pretended my baby had a wet diaper and high tailed it out to the hall...

The Parable of the Pie? Really? American Pie? This guy has such a fetish it's comming out an spilling out into his everyday vocabulary.

Let me explain to all of the audience how to wash and prepare a pickle....such a penis analogy.

Now he wants to tell us all about how to prepare our pie? Let me guess....cherry pie?

The Parable of the Pickle is considered scripture.

Don't forget this critical point.

All reading material especially General Conference is considered scripture. Once it's printed in the Ensign it's scripture.


Hail Holy Pickle -- Hail Holy Cucumber -- Pass the Mayo Please.

This reminds me of the story of the mother in Utah whose son was suffering from heat exhaustion and she gave him a jar of pickle juice to drink. He did and got much better (lots of salt).

Soon thereafter the drinking of pickle juice by football players became very popular in the morridor (about 10 years ago this was).

Let me explain folks. During the 60s and into the 70s we had a sitcom based around a fictitious pickle factory in Lancashire. It was called Pledges Perfect Pickles and the star was the wonderful Hilda Baker. The show was full of innuendo and malapropisms around gherkins and pickled onions. Characters such as Vinegar Vera and Eli Pledge doing unmentionable things in the pickling shed with gherkins and other pickling paraphernalia had us rolling with laughter, especially when Nellie Pledge happened upon the illegal pickling activities - if you get my drift.

I posted a little episode earlier in this thread so you can maybe get a flavour of this wonderful show. Those of my generation who may have watched this will enjoy the reminiscences of a time gone by. They don't make them like that any more, except at General Conference.

Briggy

Well it was an amusing talk, at least for those in the RfM state of mind! But after Bednar was done..cue cumbersome topics ad nauseum.
Oh I'm bad at puns and should really just go to sleep ;P

This is your pickle.

(◠‿◠)

This is your pickle immersed in and saturated with Mormonism.

(✖╭╮✖)

Any questions?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/24/2013 02:34AM by DonQuijote.

Perhaps if Bednar is ever named Profit, his Pickle Sermon will achieve the same infamy as the King Follett Discourse. Oh my, how the mighty have fallen.

Joseph Smith: ""God himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens!"

David Bednar: "Just as a cucumber must be prepared and cleaned before it can be changed into a pickle, so you and I can be prepared with 'the words of faith and of good doctrine.'"

Joseph Smith:"Here, then, is eternal life—to know the only wise and true God; and you have got to learn how to be gods yourselves . . . until you attain to the resurrection of the dead, and are able to dwell in everlasting burnings"

David Bednar: "Cured cucumbers are packed into sterilized jars and heat processed in order to remove impurities and to seal the containers from external contaminants."

Joseph Smith: "Hear it, all ye ends of the earth —all ye priests, all ye sinners, and all men. Repent! Repent! Obey the gospel. Turn to God; for your religion won’t save you, and you will be damned."

David Bednar: "My beloved brothers and sisters, I pray this parable of the pickle may help us to evaluate our lives and to better understand the eternal importance of spiritual rebirth. "

It's just not the same church anymore, is it?