I don't mean in a pervert way, necessarily. I just mean not getting to explore your sexuality prior to marriage, then marrying the first RM or blonde BYU babe you could lay your hands on, whether you knew them well or not. Do you think this left you with a fetish or two you might not have now if you'd been allowed to develop more normally?

Example: Me. Total Molly Mo, kept all the commandments, did nothing more randy than kiss before marriage, got my RM to propose after a very short period dating and have only ever slept with him. Now I'm working with this guy who is very TBM - follow the rules kind of guy. He knows our family is apostate and is constantly making cracks at work about people who are offended, how we need to come back, totally arrogant crap. I can't stand him and probably ought to report him to my boss except ... I'm also dying to sleep with him. I've never felt like this about a non-husband before, although I had a bit of a crush on one of my husband's friends once. I really want to have a naughty night with him and that's all. Just pin him to the bed because he pisses me off so badly. I'm sure it won't happen - love my DH and this guy is way too uptight. But it's kind of making me crazy and I wonder what is wrong with me that I'm so attracted to someone I absolutely loathe. Wondering if it's a result of my previously uptight sexual morals. What to you guys think?

I thought it was a guy thing only. I have fantasized about people I hate too. I don't know why it is. Let's google it.

I think the suppression of feelings was hugely damaging to me. Maybe less for others.

I was never pressured into an early marriage. In fact my TBM mom encouraged me to finish college first. However, I certainly was taught a very conservative view of sex and I think the idea that premarital sex is next to murder is just plain demented.

If that doesn't prove you're messed up about sex, I don't know what does!

Seriously, though, I can relate--not to the part where you want to sleep with the TBM guy, but in general.

I have a huge problem with what Mormon thinking and ways of relating did to my love life. You probably don't want to get me started.

:-)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2010 08:57AM by munchybotaz.

Unresolved personal conflict, power, control, dominance or HORMONES! Hey, sometimes ya just want sex.

That's a perfectly normal and natural fetish. lol

I was talking with a friend once about this, and apparently it's not that uncommon. I'm sure there's some psychological reason, who knows. I think it's funny! Don't do it though, of course, because you're married and he's a prick and you'll hate yourself and be repulsed by the memory. :)

but only standard, plain sex. Nothing exciting or different. And there was always an element of shame around it. I couldn't admit to it, couldn't discuss it, even with the people I was sleeping with.

I thought I was doing something terrible and had to find a way to segregate it from my normal day to day life. I've been with the same woman for almost ten years now and we're still working through that. She assures me that it's normal and everyone does it, sex I mean. I believe her and accept that it's a function of my childhood but I still struggle with finding the balance. I know I shouldn't talk about it explicitly with other people but I get REALLY uncomfortable when the subject comes up naturally. I'm 31 and still can't have a normal conversation about sex.

For sure I had messed up attitudes about sex in my youth. When I was a TBM RM, I used to feel guilty about just making out w/ my nevermo GF. My guilt used to drive her crazy, because in her mind we weren't doing anything wrong.

Its perfectly normal to meet someone that you are attracted to after getting married, even if they drive you nuts. What you choose to do about it is an entirely different matter. You can go home and make love to your husband instead of this guy, or you can do something else and regret it for the rest of your life. Either way, you'll get over him sooner or later.

Damn, this software doesn't have an edit feature after you post. Wanted to say one more thing: It might be that part of the appeal of this guy is the fact that you can't have him. That's the way lust works. Its impossible to desire something that you already have.

I started dating my first boyfriend right about the time we graduated high school, and we were both Mormon (although we were both having doubts). That summer we spent a lot of time together, and the first time we started removing clothing I freaked out a little. We agreed that we wanted to wait until marriage for sex, and that we would back off a bit. Flash forward about six months, and neither of us were attending church anymore (and neither of us would ever go back). We were still sticking to the "no sex" rule, but were doing pretty much everything else. I called myself a virgin, but it was pretty much a technicality. This went on for more than two years, no "sex" but lots of other things. He pressured me a lot to go further, but I just couldn't get over the hangup that sex outside marriage was wrong. I didn't have that problem anymore after we broke up, although I only ever had sex with the man I wound up marrying. :)

I thought I made it clear that I understand all that now, but apparently I didn't word things correctly for you. This was the way I thought about sex when I was younger and still had lots of hangups on the subject.

women and their attraction to assholes? Is it an alpha male thing? I know after I decided I would take no more shit from women, my success with them went way up. So strange. As Alan Harper says, "Nice guys finish in the shower."

I think it's somewhat phycological. In this TBM you see how you used to view sex and you just want to fuck that out of him!(and in doing so, getting it out of you...so you want to fuck the uptight sexually messed up YOU.) I think it's natural to want to have sex with something you hate too. It's about passion. You didn't say you wanted to touch him gently and love him. No! You wanted to just hold him down and fuck the Mormon smugness out of him!

I suggest you don't actually do it but that you either a) think about it while with your husband (let him know though, so he can play along). Or (IMO the better option) b) think about it and masturbate. I like b better because with Option a your DH being there may not let you fully feel that hate sex you're craving.

I think we are all screwed up. Growing up, my best friend was even more screwed up than me. I remember he told me once that he accidentally "dry humped" (both fully clothed) his GF while they were making out. He felt like he had just committed fornication and went to his bishop in tears. Aaah the Mormon guilt. Later, he married a real horn dog wife who ended up having an affair with one of the soccer dads. I wasn't surprised at all when I learned about it. The church really did a number on us growing up.
Yeah, I have issues too. I'm a raging horn dog and DW took years to get interested in sex. She tells me that she carries a lot of baggage from her days in mutual and the naive way the church approached sexuality. That, coupled with the fact that her dad was her bishop made for some real mind games about sex.
BTW I would love to have sex with someone I hate. Sounds awesome.
:-)

yes, its taken yrs to rid myself of the shame crap taught by church leaders.

Absolutely... I was engaged to a gay man for a very long time and thought it was perfectly normal that he didn't ever "try anything" I thought he was just super "spiritchual"... AAAAK..

Once leaving the Morg I developed a pretty typical outlook on sex though and I don't have any lasting effects.

At least the men think that someday they might have sex with more than one woman, but as a girl I thought lustful thoughts about anyone other than "The One" were sinful.

Church teachings on sex completely mess with your mind and spirit, and not in a good way.

What do you mean, Sweetz, I married one! I've talked to many ex-wives of gays and they all say they just thought their boyfriends respected them SO MUCH and that is why they didn't touch them. I say, if they don't touch you, RUNNNNNNNN! I also know guys who didn't touch their wives (and still haven't) and aren't gay--they just learned how to suppress their sexual feelings really well.

I THOUGHT having ANY LUSTFUL thoughts even about "the one" was sinful.

I, of all people, should be one who has lasting effects as I was so molly and so suppressed. I don't. It seemed when I stepped away from mormonism long enough--without really giving it any thought for years because I just didn't have the energy--that it all fell away.

Basic relationships are messed up so how do you think the big S fairs?

Dh and I have been out for a couple years. It's only since we have been out that I feel like I enjoy sex now. It's such a waste. In my 20's I was focused on having babies and not enjoying the act itself. Now that we are done having kids, i have slimmed down, feel super attractive. I want to screw every hot guy I see. I should have gotten that out of my system before marriage. :(

The Morg has such a skewed view on sex or anything to do with sexuality for that matter. I still have a very good morg friend and when we hang out together she is constantly talking about sex. I don't mind because I think she really needs a sounding board. However I really think she just wants to feel normal. Because talking about sex is a normal thing. Some of the other women I am friends with seem to want to talk about it but try very hard to avoid it, like it is something to be ashamed of.

We start asking questions when we are young wanting to know what the big deal is all about.

The morg is pretty good about squashing that out of the youth. But I tell you, when the hormones kick in and the sex switch is flipped on, there is no stopping it.

Ever since I have stepped away from the church, ironically, I don't think about it as much. But things have improved because I am not worried if I am committing "lewd acts" with someone I care for.

WHAT?

Women want to feel DESIRED--not sexually degraded.

Thats just strange maybe its just some of the women you've been with.

As soon as you know anything about it your not supposed to talk about it. Your told as a woman that every action you need to be carful of and your clothes could set off men thinking about you so you basicly get told you tempted them into thinking things they shoudnt be. Yet your not aloud a nice cover all like Muslims get you have to show your face and let your light so shine and all that stuff. So much is made of the evils of sex its always on every mormons mind but its more constant fighting temptation than enjoying something. Your constantly meant to be carful about your apparence and how you look to people yet none of it is about just simpely not haveing to worry you have to worry a hell of alot.

Currently any mormon leader taht talks like that now I wont trust or any leader anywhere. If I can stop them talking about what they are talking about by pulling up my top and flashing them then they dont deserve to be leaders of people in genral. If it takes something so simple to destract a man that much then wars can be won and lost with a boobie jiggle.

OK I should note I havent actualy done this. I would like to know from anyone who has though i'm not that brave.

I think grits has given us the perfect example of how TSCC screws up people's heads about sex. Have you ever thought that maybe they only want you for one thing and nothing else?
Some women do enjoy the degradation, but definitely not all.

As far as my experience, I'm pretty sure I was on the path to sexual addiction because I was denied a healthy view on sexuality.
It took me a couple of years to realize that I viewed most people as potential sex partners and sex objects. I think the constant guilt and borage of "licked cupcakes" stories promotes unhealthy obssession with sex.
Kinda like if I tell you "Don't think about blue! It's bad! It's wrong!" That's all you'll think about, especially if I keep bringing up how you better avoid blue, cobalt, navy, and especially cerulean.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2010 04:27PM by itzpapalotl.

I've never had hate sex but i can understand the attraction... what I don't get is any desire to have sex with a TBM

Reg poster anon for this Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I don't mean in a pervert way, necessarily. I
> just mean not getting to explore your sexuality
> prior to marriage, then marrying the first RM or
> blonde BYU babe you could lay your hands on,
> whether you knew them well or not. Do you think
> this left you with a fetish or two you might not
> have now if you'd been allowed to develop more
> normally?
>
> Example: Me. Total Molly Mo, kept all the
> commandments, did nothing more randy than kiss
> before marriage, got my RM to propose after a very
> short period dating and have only ever slept with
> him. Now I'm working with this guy who is very
> TBM - follow the rules kind of guy. He knows our
> family is apostate and is constantly making cracks
> at work about people who are offended, how we need
> to come back, totally arrogant crap. I can't
> stand him and probably ought to report him to my
> boss except ... I'm also dying to sleep with him.
> I've never felt like this about a non-husband
> before, although I had a bit of a crush on one of
> my husband's friends once. I really want to have
> a naughty night with him and that's all. Just pin
> him to the bed because he pisses me off so badly.
> I'm sure it won't happen - love my DH and this guy
> is way too uptight. But it's kind of making me
> crazy and I wonder what is wrong with me that I'm
> so attracted to someone I absolutely loathe.
> Wondering if it's a result of my previously
> uptight sexual morals. What to you guys think?

No. It's not your upbringing! This is what I think it is:-

There are some people who are incredibly sexy. Yet that does not mean that they are nice people.

Cheese. You might LOVE eating cheese, but it might give you a migraine. Which would be nasty.

By the way, pin him to the bed? DOOOOO be careful!!! ;oD
http://www.mahalo.com/joyce-mckinney

The head of the penis is shaped to scoop out semen already there. This "sperm competion" leads to larger penises and more semen. The promiscuous chimpanzee has a proportionally larger penis than the harem-mating gorilla. Harem-maters tend to be big bullies with proportionally smaller penises, because the selcection factor is beating up competitors before they ever mate. The chimp, however, tolerates promiscuity. It's not even necessarily a female-choice selection, because the females have multiple partners as opposed to true female-choice selection like peacocks where the female is picky and holds out for the best male. In chimps the female simply has multiple partners and basically the male with best sperm delivery is selected automatically, although there must be a major female-choice factor too.

Or so I've read.

As for TBM sexuality. Yes, lots of differences. DW and I always had good sex but never talked about it. Then I started talking about it post-TBM, she still TBM, and she got ALLOT hornier. I would say she's benefiting from it, except that, to my chagrin, I can't keep up! She can screw for an hour straight! She makes noise and wakes up the kids! I have to do most of the work by hand because I just can't last an hour. It wears me out! I'm embarrassed because I was more talk than walk. I'm still horny a few times a week as ever, but I have to think before I make a move "do I really want to commit to an hour of hard work?" I admit I wish she didn't have so work so hard at it. Also, we overcompensated, and now we're SO casual about sex that there's no naughtiness or privacy left. I actually want some of it back.

Leads to my next point. I don't have a crush on anyone at church because no one hates me that I know of, but if they did I'd probably grow a crush on them for it.
But what I notice more than I used to is the avoidance between men and women. I used to consider it "just proper", but now I realize that intersex avoidance is MOSTLY between peers that might otherwise make good friends. I long for just basic friends just to talk to.

That's not sexual degradation, that's getting one's rocks off. Trust me, I have a lot of field experience.